OK, here we go.
Disclaimer: anything that noticeably does not belong to me is the property of someone else, not me.
I think that pretty much covers it.
A New Story Concerning Stuff That Has To Do With Inside Jokes And Really Long Story Titles Made By The Narrator To Confuse People Like the Readers
Whew.
Having said that, now I'll get on with the story.
Once upon a time, there were three little Pigs. No, they were not blind, nor did they have in possession a magic lamp or poisonous apples.
They lived in a Hutt in the country with their mommy, who was really cool but unfortunately had to take permanent Mommy Leave for some unknown reason.
The first little Pig was named Obi-Kin Pig. Don't ask. Some people have really odd last names.
The second little Pig was named Tarkin Pig, though he insisted upon being called Grand Moff Tarkin Pig for some unknown reason.
The third little Pig was named Anakin Pig.
As you might have noticed (or not), all three Pigs had the suffix –kin on their given names.
Anyway, since their mommy was on permanent Mommy Leave, the three little Pigs had to go out into the world to fend for themselves. After saying good-bye numerous times, they parted ways to find a good place to build a Hutt.
The first little Pig, Obi-Kin, decided he wanted to make a house out of straw. As a young Pig, he had always wanted to make playhouses out of straw, but his mommy didn't let him because everyone else had hayfever. So he jumped at the opportunity.
He went out looking for a straw vendor.
Amazingly, he found one. He walked up to it in disbelief. It stood out bright and shiny in the middle of the pasture.
The friendly yellow sticker read, Insert Coin Here Please.
So that's what Obi-Kin did. He fingered his coin, then put it in.
And just like magic, out of the little place at the bottom popped 152763 bales of straw.
He sneezed, then remembered that he didn't have hayfever and gathered up the bales to make a Hutt.
Little Tarkin was not faring as well. Twig vending machines were rather difficult to find these days; they had been hunted nearly to extinction.
He held out a coin and called softly, "Heeerreeee twiggy twiggy twiggy, heeeeeree twiggy twiggy."
Amazingly, he found one. He walked up to it in disbelief. It stood out bright and shiny in the middle of the pasture.
The friendly yellow sticker read, Insert Coin Here Please.
So that's what Tarkin did. He fingered the coin, then put it in.
And just like magic, out of the little place at the bottom pooped…I mean popped…152763 bales of twigs.
He sneezed, then remembered that twigs didn't induce hayfever and gathered up his twigs to make a Hutt.
Anakin was still looking for a brick vendor. They were quite common, but rather shy due to over-use. He walked softly and amazingly, he found one. He walked up to it in disbelief. It stood out bright and shiny in the middle of the pasture.
The friendly yellow sticker read, Insert Coin Here Please.
So that's what Anakin did. He fingered the coin, then put it in.
And just like magic, out of the little place at the bottom pooped…aw, come on…popped…152763 bales (bales?) of bricks.
He sneezed, then cursed at the bricks for spontaneously inducing hayfever, and gathered up the bricks to make a Hutt.
Please do not be frightened by my strangeness. It wears off quite suddenly, you know.