Irina stepped in front of Jack. "What do you mean by that?" She frowned at
her sister and tossed the knife aside without looking.
Jack winced as he watched the knife slam into the center -- of course -- of the cherry door to his bedroom. He'd just had that replaced after Irina's last visit. Other men bought their wives flowers, chocolate, jewelry, even cars. Not him. He replaced doors, repaired holes in the plaster walls, installed new window panes.... Although she had seemed to really appreciate that bullet-proof glass he'd had installed in her little Miata a while back. But his house... Maybe they needed to start meeting at her place for a change. Especially if her sister was going to join them. He might not have a home left by the time the two of them got done with... whatever it was that was making them glare at each other. Or rather Irina was glaring. Katya looked... amused. He'd seen the same look on Irina's face when she thought she was being clever. Another family resemblance. How many others were there? Hmm.
"Yes, what do you mean by that?" Jack asked, as he loosened his tie. Might as well get comfortable. He shrugged, pulled off the tie and jacket. Reaching back, he tossed them in the general vicinity of his bed. They didn't quite make it, but somehow he thought messiness was the least of his problems right now.
"What are you doing?" Irina asked as he walked over to the couch. She stepped in front of him. Again.
"Trying to get comfortable. What are YOU doing?" Jack asked, squeezing past her to lie down on the couch. Stretching his long legs out, he pulled a pillow around to put under his head.
"My sister...." She hissed. "Is LOOKING at you."
Jack shrugged. He wasn't going to take that bait. He wasn't stupid. He had a feeling sibling rivalry between the Derevko sisters was something from which he wanted to distance himself. Kinda like the big red ball of Ebola in Taipei. And he didn't even have a screwdriver like Vaughn. Speaking of which, he sat up and eyed the bar. Maybe what he really needed tonight was a drink. Or two. Or twelve. Maybe he ought to invite Dixon over. Perhaps if he poured half a bottle of scotch down the man's throat he might find the personality he'd lost this season.
"Did you hear what I said?" Irina said, pushing him back down on the couch when he'd begun to rise up. "Do something. Don't just sit there and look at me as if... I'd just returned from the dead."
"I did more than look at our last... encounter, didn't I, Jack?" Katya reminded him.
Or rather, he thought, looking at the glance she sent her sister, Katya was reminding Irina. He stared at Katya. She had a death wish, apparently. Irina glared at him. He shrugged. The best defense here was clearly silence. If only Katya would keep her mouth shut, but somehow if she was anything like her sister, she would have an advanced degree in knife turning...
"But then again," Katya said with a small smile that seemed to make Irina grow as irritated as Sloane used to when Marshall began waxing orgasmic over his latest technogeek gadget. Ah, he missed those days at Sd-6, when he would amuse himself by counting the pulse beats in the vein that had beat at the side of Sloane's temple on those occasions. How many times had he gotten through a meeting just by hoping that this would be the time the man had an aneurysm?
"Then again...." Irina growled.
Jack tensed, sensing that she might be ready for an aneurysm herself. Which was a shame, this was the first time they had been able to plan on extended time together in a while. Quite a while. He looked at the bedroom and sighed. He'd had hopes. High hopes, as it were, when she stuck the knife into his throat. That knife was just a little friendly foreplay -- shot to hell, though. Damn it. Then he brightened, maybe he could find a way to upset her again, she could pull out the knife, they could play the little torture-one-of-them-into-removing-their-clothes-with-a-knife game. That would be good. Very good. Really, they should patent it. He had a feeling it would sell very well in the former Soviet empire. And certain parts of Asia. Singapore, for example...
He looked up eagerly and opened his mouth to make a suggestion, but then sighed as Irina's voice escalated, "Then again... WHAT?"
"I not only did more than look, I did... leave my mark, didn't I?" Katya said huskily.
"Yes, you left lipstick on his lips!" Irina protested, putting her hands on her hips.
"I suppose...." Katya said, pulling a tube of lipstick out of her pocket, as she gave Jack a long look. "If our... association is to continue, I should purchase a smudgeproof lipstick. Too bad though, this is my favorite shade."
"Your favorite... SHADE?" Irina asked incredulously. "Who cares---"
"Well, choosing the right shade to complement one's coloring is important. Don't you remember that from KGB makeup class? And that shade of puce you're wearing is not doing you any favors, if you don't mind some friendly, SISTERLY advice."
"Are you color blind as well as stupid?"
"Stupid? What are you implying?" Katya asked indignantly. Ah, Jack nodded. A hit for Irina.
"I was the one who graduated at the top of my class at the academy, not you."
"Ah, yes, the diploma before which we should all genuflect. The great Irina, who managed to get an A in every class because she decided to practice what she'd learned in the seduction class on every prof---"
"I did not! I didn't have to," Irina... Was it, Jack wondered, eying her incredulously, had she just whined? "Jack....I didn't become valedictorian that way---"
"There's a reason they call it vale-DIC--torian, in your case," Katya said, waving her lipstick around.
"Jack..." Irina said, looking at him. He remained seated, knowing that made him a smaller target in case weapons were wielded. "Surely, you see that I need to kill her. I didn't do what she said, you know...."
Patting her lightly on the rump, he murmured soothingly, "I'm sure you didn't, honey. You're brilliant, you don't need to lie on your back to achieve. Although later, after she leaves if you want to refresh your textbook skills, I'd be happy to let you overachieve with me or under or--- "
Irina rolled her eyes and exclaimed, pointing a finger at her sister, "And, and I am not wearing puce! I am wearing black."
"Your clothing is black. Your face is puce. And really, darling, a most... unfortunate color combination for you. That option really only works on a winter and you're a--"
"Bitch!"
"You said it, not me."
Jack bit his lip, then decided to just bury his head in the pillow for a second, hoping it would muffle his chuckles. This was, he admitted it, better than watching Queer Eye. Not as good as the knife game, but.... he'd take it.
Irina took a deep breath. She automatically slapped at Jack for watching her chest rise and fall and snarled at her sister, "You know what is a bad color choice for you? Red. Red is not your best choice and that's the color you'll be wearing if you don't---"
"Katya - what's your blood type?" Jack asked.
"It's Type O. Why?"
"Oh, good. Type O bloodstains are fairly easy to remove. Type B is difficult, tends to make an indelible stain. The last time Irina here was playing with a knife and I distracted her, well---"
"Jack." Irina paused and rubbed her hands on her legs. "You're not distracting me, so stop it."
"I'm just concerned about my carpeting. It's brand new. Like that door was. Yesterday." Jack pointed toward the cherry door with the knife protruding from it.
"I'll buy you new carpeting! That's a small price to pay to keep her... lipstick away from you."
"Well, it could have been worse...." Katya purred in that tone of voice that had driven Irina crazy since she was about three.
"Irina...honey, don't...." Jack whispered. "DON'T take the bait..."
"How so?" Irina yelled, ignoring her husband. "What could be worse then leaving lipstick on his lips?"
"I could have left lipstick on his dick."
Irina lunged for her sister.
Jack winced as he watched the knife slam into the center -- of course -- of the cherry door to his bedroom. He'd just had that replaced after Irina's last visit. Other men bought their wives flowers, chocolate, jewelry, even cars. Not him. He replaced doors, repaired holes in the plaster walls, installed new window panes.... Although she had seemed to really appreciate that bullet-proof glass he'd had installed in her little Miata a while back. But his house... Maybe they needed to start meeting at her place for a change. Especially if her sister was going to join them. He might not have a home left by the time the two of them got done with... whatever it was that was making them glare at each other. Or rather Irina was glaring. Katya looked... amused. He'd seen the same look on Irina's face when she thought she was being clever. Another family resemblance. How many others were there? Hmm.
"Yes, what do you mean by that?" Jack asked, as he loosened his tie. Might as well get comfortable. He shrugged, pulled off the tie and jacket. Reaching back, he tossed them in the general vicinity of his bed. They didn't quite make it, but somehow he thought messiness was the least of his problems right now.
"What are you doing?" Irina asked as he walked over to the couch. She stepped in front of him. Again.
"Trying to get comfortable. What are YOU doing?" Jack asked, squeezing past her to lie down on the couch. Stretching his long legs out, he pulled a pillow around to put under his head.
"My sister...." She hissed. "Is LOOKING at you."
Jack shrugged. He wasn't going to take that bait. He wasn't stupid. He had a feeling sibling rivalry between the Derevko sisters was something from which he wanted to distance himself. Kinda like the big red ball of Ebola in Taipei. And he didn't even have a screwdriver like Vaughn. Speaking of which, he sat up and eyed the bar. Maybe what he really needed tonight was a drink. Or two. Or twelve. Maybe he ought to invite Dixon over. Perhaps if he poured half a bottle of scotch down the man's throat he might find the personality he'd lost this season.
"Did you hear what I said?" Irina said, pushing him back down on the couch when he'd begun to rise up. "Do something. Don't just sit there and look at me as if... I'd just returned from the dead."
"I did more than look at our last... encounter, didn't I, Jack?" Katya reminded him.
Or rather, he thought, looking at the glance she sent her sister, Katya was reminding Irina. He stared at Katya. She had a death wish, apparently. Irina glared at him. He shrugged. The best defense here was clearly silence. If only Katya would keep her mouth shut, but somehow if she was anything like her sister, she would have an advanced degree in knife turning...
"But then again," Katya said with a small smile that seemed to make Irina grow as irritated as Sloane used to when Marshall began waxing orgasmic over his latest technogeek gadget. Ah, he missed those days at Sd-6, when he would amuse himself by counting the pulse beats in the vein that had beat at the side of Sloane's temple on those occasions. How many times had he gotten through a meeting just by hoping that this would be the time the man had an aneurysm?
"Then again...." Irina growled.
Jack tensed, sensing that she might be ready for an aneurysm herself. Which was a shame, this was the first time they had been able to plan on extended time together in a while. Quite a while. He looked at the bedroom and sighed. He'd had hopes. High hopes, as it were, when she stuck the knife into his throat. That knife was just a little friendly foreplay -- shot to hell, though. Damn it. Then he brightened, maybe he could find a way to upset her again, she could pull out the knife, they could play the little torture-one-of-them-into-removing-their-clothes-with-a-knife game. That would be good. Very good. Really, they should patent it. He had a feeling it would sell very well in the former Soviet empire. And certain parts of Asia. Singapore, for example...
He looked up eagerly and opened his mouth to make a suggestion, but then sighed as Irina's voice escalated, "Then again... WHAT?"
"I not only did more than look, I did... leave my mark, didn't I?" Katya said huskily.
"Yes, you left lipstick on his lips!" Irina protested, putting her hands on her hips.
"I suppose...." Katya said, pulling a tube of lipstick out of her pocket, as she gave Jack a long look. "If our... association is to continue, I should purchase a smudgeproof lipstick. Too bad though, this is my favorite shade."
"Your favorite... SHADE?" Irina asked incredulously. "Who cares---"
"Well, choosing the right shade to complement one's coloring is important. Don't you remember that from KGB makeup class? And that shade of puce you're wearing is not doing you any favors, if you don't mind some friendly, SISTERLY advice."
"Are you color blind as well as stupid?"
"Stupid? What are you implying?" Katya asked indignantly. Ah, Jack nodded. A hit for Irina.
"I was the one who graduated at the top of my class at the academy, not you."
"Ah, yes, the diploma before which we should all genuflect. The great Irina, who managed to get an A in every class because she decided to practice what she'd learned in the seduction class on every prof---"
"I did not! I didn't have to," Irina... Was it, Jack wondered, eying her incredulously, had she just whined? "Jack....I didn't become valedictorian that way---"
"There's a reason they call it vale-DIC--torian, in your case," Katya said, waving her lipstick around.
"Jack..." Irina said, looking at him. He remained seated, knowing that made him a smaller target in case weapons were wielded. "Surely, you see that I need to kill her. I didn't do what she said, you know...."
Patting her lightly on the rump, he murmured soothingly, "I'm sure you didn't, honey. You're brilliant, you don't need to lie on your back to achieve. Although later, after she leaves if you want to refresh your textbook skills, I'd be happy to let you overachieve with me or under or--- "
Irina rolled her eyes and exclaimed, pointing a finger at her sister, "And, and I am not wearing puce! I am wearing black."
"Your clothing is black. Your face is puce. And really, darling, a most... unfortunate color combination for you. That option really only works on a winter and you're a--"
"Bitch!"
"You said it, not me."
Jack bit his lip, then decided to just bury his head in the pillow for a second, hoping it would muffle his chuckles. This was, he admitted it, better than watching Queer Eye. Not as good as the knife game, but.... he'd take it.
Irina took a deep breath. She automatically slapped at Jack for watching her chest rise and fall and snarled at her sister, "You know what is a bad color choice for you? Red. Red is not your best choice and that's the color you'll be wearing if you don't---"
"Katya - what's your blood type?" Jack asked.
"It's Type O. Why?"
"Oh, good. Type O bloodstains are fairly easy to remove. Type B is difficult, tends to make an indelible stain. The last time Irina here was playing with a knife and I distracted her, well---"
"Jack." Irina paused and rubbed her hands on her legs. "You're not distracting me, so stop it."
"I'm just concerned about my carpeting. It's brand new. Like that door was. Yesterday." Jack pointed toward the cherry door with the knife protruding from it.
"I'll buy you new carpeting! That's a small price to pay to keep her... lipstick away from you."
"Well, it could have been worse...." Katya purred in that tone of voice that had driven Irina crazy since she was about three.
"Irina...honey, don't...." Jack whispered. "DON'T take the bait..."
"How so?" Irina yelled, ignoring her husband. "What could be worse then leaving lipstick on his lips?"
"I could have left lipstick on his dick."
Irina lunged for her sister.