DISCLAIMER: Stuff you.
I won't warn you this is SLASH!! because what is there to warn about? It's tiring tiptoeing around those Goddamn homophobes. So bugger off.
Chapter one: Introduction.
From behind the old desk in the library, this woman, Madame Prince, watched a large stack of books appear from behind a shelf with her beady black eyes. They were set down on the table by the window, opposite the door and Draco Malfoy became visible.
He noticed her eyes upon him and stared her out. Madame Irma Prince returned defeatedly to writing out her to-curse-list of students with books still waiting to be returned.
Draco sat down. He pushed the pile of books forward and picked one of the top. This better help me, he thought sourly at being forced to carry all those books like a common slave. He flicked his hair off his forhead haughtily.
101 Ways to Torture a Muggle...
He wondered whether it was possible to actually get inside Potter's head. I mean, he thought slowly. He hangs around with (if the terminology could be deemed correct) Pureblood Trash and filthy mudblood's, his brain has got to be pretty screwed around with.
Property of Tom Riddle...
But anyway; what better way could there be to finding the answer to why Potter was immune to his charms than in a muggle themed book?
You will need…
It all made sense to Draco. Potter was practically brought up by wolves, and the rest of the those that weren't turned on when he looked in their direction were generally mudbloods, anyway.
Stew for thirteen minutes…
But that wasn't the focus here. The focus here was Potter. It intrigued and annoyed Draco to no end to why Potter wouldn't just get over himself and realise Draco was the only one good enough for him.
Carefully slice…
For Gods sake, even the Weasel checks me out!
Fry until golden...
Draco shut the book. He realised 101 Ways to Torture a Muggle was not the way to Potters heart. He was not going to find the answer in that book.
Draco reached up and pulled the next one off the top of the pile. Unfortunately he'd misjudged the weight and it fell out of his hand and crashed onto the table. (CRASH.)
He peered around the pile of books cautiously at Madame Prince who was staring at him. He quickly returned to his book and flipped it open.
All You Need to Know About the Typical English Muggle...
He decided that he was heading in the right direction, because despite of Potter's blood he was practically muggle to the bone, anyway.
He skipped the bumbling gushing of Arthur Weasley, Ministry Official, Letter to the Author gushing about how the book had helped him immensely! (that particular word was underlined several times.)
He skipped the second letter from Peter Pettigrew, another nobody saying how much it helped him fit into muggle London just like a Real Live Muggle!
There was a disclaimer stating that all "jargon unrecognised by a Computer Spellchecker was property of JK Rowling and not everything in this corresponds to real life, so the naïve reader has been warned. The End."
Draco skipped that bit.
He leaned forward and began reading the introduction tapping his fingers as he went.
…Muggle's are simple creatures. They have a particular fondness of shiny things and are not terrible good at spelling. Usually found in damp caves or under rocks, some rarely venture out into sunlight...
Draco flicked the couple of pages dedicated to dedication's to Chapter One. Thinking his chances were better off with this book--unless he wanted to cook one of the Gryffindor's relatives, Draco rolled the sleeves of his robes up and indulged himself.
Potter was his.
What's in the book?
Yeah like I have a clue.