Title: pier (I'm very unimaginative when it comes to titles I'm sorry)
Author: Caffre Rating: umm.. R probably.
pairing:j/d (duh!)
Warnings: depressed Daniel, swearing, happy ending, damn I've given the plot
away!!
Disclaimer: not mine, never will be. The lovely guys belong to somebody else
who's mean and doesn't let them out much. Money? From this? You've got to be
kidding!!
Notes: there are lots of people I would like to thank- me being one of them for having enough boredom to write this. snigger okay I would like to thank nik and k for betaing this and I would just like to take a moment to say thank you to the people in the Danielites chatroom for being lovely people (even grac). Hmmm..who else do I have to thank?...nope that's it...only kidding I would also like to thank Tracey (GSQ) for helping me over the bits that just wouldn't write. Hmm that's definitely it.
Pier.
Slowly Daniel walked down the dark and deserted pier. Reaching the rail at
the end, he climbed gracefully over. Perched, with only his heels resting on
the ground, he contemplated the churning water beneath him thoughtfully and
leaned back against the railing.
//Why the hell did I tell him? //
There was little anger in Daniel's mind; just sorrow that his heartfelt love
for his teammate had not only been treated as inconsequential, but moreover
as warped and wrong.
//Damn that hurts//
Jack's words were still ringing in his ears, echoing without respite through
his mind. He had been so nervous and he recalled his blurted out declaration
followed by Jack's causal response.
// Jack I'm in love with you... //
// Sure you are Daniel. But I'm not into that kind of stuff, I thought
you'd know that. //
It wasn't so much the words that depressed him; it had been the offhand tone
and Jack's slight backing away that had twisted the knife that was now
slowly splitting his heart in two.
The man he loved had recoiled from him. He had seen it reflected the darks
eyes he had lost himself in daily – they could be so expressive, they were
the windows to his soul. They had shuttered, hiding the other man's emotions
from him. The linguist had been left feeling cold, so cold. In those eyes he
had witnessed what little of Jack's respect and affection he had for him,
splinter into cool indifference.
Daniel stared down into the dark, swirling waters beneath him and felt that
the familiar impulse to jump was increased by his now spiralling grief at
the termination of a friendship that had meant the world to him. Nobody knew
that he struggled with himself daily, fighting the urge to throw himself
under a car or off a building or...
The saddened man stopped this line of thought.
//This isn't helping//
Daniel still didn't understand it. Even before Sha're had died, when he had
everything to live and fight for, the impulse to jump into the unknown had
plagued him. It wasn't really a desire for suicide- he just wanted to know
what would happen. The rational side of his mind often provided vivid images
of what would happen, normally a coffin with his name on it and a lonely
burial with no one to mourn for him. But still the urge remained.
Daniel had finally decided that he must be searching for some security,
someone who would actually care what happened to him. He had lost this
unconditional love when his parents had died, leaving him alone. He thought
that he had regained this, in his devotion to Sha're and later, to a much
greater degree, in his mind blowing love for Jack...but now he was alone
again, so alone it hurt to go home to his empty apartment.
This rock solid certainty in Jack's friendship was now gone, leaving him
drifting without anchor or any belief that he would find his way home. He
had considered Jack to be his anchor, to hold him away from the edge.
But that hope for a deeper relationship or even a relationship at all had
been crushed by a few callous remarks and one disgusted expression and the
edge was approaching with a speed that frightened him.
Daniel tried to blink away the tears threatening to blind him. He failed and
his pain overflowed, the salty drops leaving damp trails down his face as
they fell into the uncaring sea.
//I can't work with Jack anymore, it hurts too much knowing what I've lost
and hoping for what I'll never have – Jack's heart//
Daniel leant forward; the only thing stopping him from falling was his loose
grip on the railing.
//This could be the answer//
Daniel loosened his grip further. As he gazed down at the turbulent water,
as near to death as on any of the off-world missions, he found peace of a
sort. He tightened his grip.
//No... This will never be the answer//.
Daniel smiled wearily, he couldn't even kill himself properly.
//Well at least something positive has come out of this//
The impulse to let go had receded leaving Daniel trembling with how close he
had come to finishing it all. He returned his gaze to the merciless water
beneath him, the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks deafening him
to all else.
Two strong arms snaked around his waist grasping Daniel tightly. The
unexpected touch threw Daniel off balance; he lost his precarious footing
but was held up by the vice-like grip from behind.
"What the fucking hell do you think you're doing Danny!?!" Jack whispered
savagely.
*****
Roughly he helped the still shaking man to climb over the rail.
"What do you want Jack?" Daniel's voice held a resigned note to it. He was
unprepared for Jack's wild punch. Hitting the floor hard, it took a moment
to register that jack had actually hit him.
//This I didn't expect//
He had known the risk in telling the colonel how he felt, that if he was
rejected, his friendship with the older man might be over. But never had he
considered that Jack would actually resort to violence. Daniel stood up
unsteadily. Jack grabbed him and the older man slammed him against the
dilapidated pier building, pinning him there with his body. Daniel slid his
hands up the older man's chest and pushed in an effort to dislodge the other
man.
Jack forcibly stilled Daniel's movements, his anger at Daniel's actions
clearly evident in his eyes.
"God dammit Danny! What the hell did you think you were doing!?!" he managed
to force the words out, before violently plundering the younger man's mouth.
His hands roved over the younger man's tensely held body.
//No! Please no Jack ...Not like this...//
Daniel worked his hands between them and pushed Jack away. He didn't want
this, he wanted Jack yes, desperately, but not like this, not because he was
angry. He couldn't bear to think that Jack had kissed him just because he
was angry, just because he thought Daniel had been about to jump, just
because he thought that this was what Daniel needed.
"No Jack, just leave me alone. I *need* you to leave me alone."
Letting go, Jack thrust his hands into his pockets, turning away from Daniel
he looked out to darkened sea.
"Yeah, well. What I *need* is to be here, to be with you, to.."
The pain within the younger man's heart twisted on hearing these words. He
couldn't believe them
//he's still trying to protect me- he doesn't really mean what he's saying//
Daniel walked up behind him; he gently placed a hand on Jack's shoulder. He
sighed wistfully, feeling the warmth of the older mans body through his
shirt.
"It's okay Jack, I'm not going to jump, and it's quite safe for you to leave
me."
Slowly Jack turned to face him, a sad smile on his face. They're eyes met
and held, tired blue meeting disbelieving brown.
"You just don't get it do you Jackson, you are the cleverest man I know and
you just don't get it."
Daniel could feel himself getting angry. //why is Jack still trying to hurt
me? //
"Oh I get it Jack, I get the fact that you came down here, you thought that
I was going to jump, and you thought that if you kissed me, made me believe
that you wanted me, that you weren't disgusted at the way I feel about you,
everything would be Okay. Right?"
"Dammit Daniel that's not fair, I came to find you because I needed to..."
"What Jack, needed to make sure I was alright, so that you wouldn't have my
death on your conscience too!"
Stunned, hurt eyes stared unbelievingly at Daniel.
//Oh good move Daniel, well done//
"Jack I'm sorry, that way was out of line. I'm so sorry."
Acting on instinct he pulled Jack into a hug, Jack didn't pull away; in fact
he tried to mould himself into Danny's body, his arms closed around Daniel's
waist tightly and he buried his face into the warm shelter of Daniel's neck.
Being this close to Jack was driving him crazy, but if he wanted to prove to
Jack that they could carry on as friends then he had to control himself, but
it was hard, getting harder by the minute actually,
//wrong thought to have Daniel! //
Jack pulled away a little, and Daniel released him instantly. Chocolate
brown eyes looked deeply into blue ones.
"Daniel, I needed to come here, to find you, to tell you, to show you...."
"Jack it's alright I understand, really I do, you felt guilty and.." Jack's
hands clamped themselves either side if Daniels' head, holding him still.
"No, dammit Daniel no, listen to me. I was scared, you scared me, I needed
to come here to do this.."
His mouth closed hungrily over Daniel's, his tongue forced it's way past
Daniel's lips and tasted him. Daniel, already turned on by the earlier
contact between them, could not resist and fell headlong into the kiss, it
didn't matter what happened next, the memory of this kiss would have to last
him a long time and he intended to make the most of it.
"whoa Danny babe...there's no need to eat me alive unless you really want to
of course." The colonel smiled warmly at the confused younger man who moved
forward to capture jack's tempting mouth again. His attempt was easily
avoided as jack turned playful.
"Jack please..." the softly spoken plea reached Jack, turning him serious.
"let's go home Danny."
"Home?" Jack sighed at the uncertainty colouring Daniel's husky voice.
//He's so unsure of himself-this is my fault for being so casual with his
feelings// turning Daniel so that they faced each other only a breath away
from touching, the older man searched the darkened blue eyes for the key to
make everything alright. He could see a lot reflected in those eyes but not
the answers he was looking desperately for.
"yes home, with me..now, tomorrow, forever." Jack's disjointed sentence
made perfect sense to the man in his arms. The trust that had been torn
asunder earlier grew anew between them, far stronger for the strain that it
had been recently been put under. Jack waited for daniel's response hoping
that he'd understood what he was offering.
"Yes Jack I'd like that."
=finis=
feedback about anything other than the dodgy ending snigger would be
greatly appreciated. Hell who am I trying to kid. I'm begging for feedback –
don't make me get down on my knees. Caffre kneels hey is that better?
Author: Caffre Rating: umm.. R probably.
pairing:j/d (duh!)
Warnings: depressed Daniel, swearing, happy ending, damn I've given the plot
away!!
Disclaimer: not mine, never will be. The lovely guys belong to somebody else
who's mean and doesn't let them out much. Money? From this? You've got to be
kidding!!
Notes: there are lots of people I would like to thank- me being one of them for having enough boredom to write this. snigger okay I would like to thank nik and k for betaing this and I would just like to take a moment to say thank you to the people in the Danielites chatroom for being lovely people (even grac). Hmmm..who else do I have to thank?...nope that's it...only kidding I would also like to thank Tracey (GSQ) for helping me over the bits that just wouldn't write. Hmm that's definitely it.
Pier.
Slowly Daniel walked down the dark and deserted pier. Reaching the rail at
the end, he climbed gracefully over. Perched, with only his heels resting on
the ground, he contemplated the churning water beneath him thoughtfully and
leaned back against the railing.
//Why the hell did I tell him? //
There was little anger in Daniel's mind; just sorrow that his heartfelt love
for his teammate had not only been treated as inconsequential, but moreover
as warped and wrong.
//Damn that hurts//
Jack's words were still ringing in his ears, echoing without respite through
his mind. He had been so nervous and he recalled his blurted out declaration
followed by Jack's causal response.
// Jack I'm in love with you... //
// Sure you are Daniel. But I'm not into that kind of stuff, I thought
you'd know that. //
It wasn't so much the words that depressed him; it had been the offhand tone
and Jack's slight backing away that had twisted the knife that was now
slowly splitting his heart in two.
The man he loved had recoiled from him. He had seen it reflected the darks
eyes he had lost himself in daily – they could be so expressive, they were
the windows to his soul. They had shuttered, hiding the other man's emotions
from him. The linguist had been left feeling cold, so cold. In those eyes he
had witnessed what little of Jack's respect and affection he had for him,
splinter into cool indifference.
Daniel stared down into the dark, swirling waters beneath him and felt that
the familiar impulse to jump was increased by his now spiralling grief at
the termination of a friendship that had meant the world to him. Nobody knew
that he struggled with himself daily, fighting the urge to throw himself
under a car or off a building or...
The saddened man stopped this line of thought.
//This isn't helping//
Daniel still didn't understand it. Even before Sha're had died, when he had
everything to live and fight for, the impulse to jump into the unknown had
plagued him. It wasn't really a desire for suicide- he just wanted to know
what would happen. The rational side of his mind often provided vivid images
of what would happen, normally a coffin with his name on it and a lonely
burial with no one to mourn for him. But still the urge remained.
Daniel had finally decided that he must be searching for some security,
someone who would actually care what happened to him. He had lost this
unconditional love when his parents had died, leaving him alone. He thought
that he had regained this, in his devotion to Sha're and later, to a much
greater degree, in his mind blowing love for Jack...but now he was alone
again, so alone it hurt to go home to his empty apartment.
This rock solid certainty in Jack's friendship was now gone, leaving him
drifting without anchor or any belief that he would find his way home. He
had considered Jack to be his anchor, to hold him away from the edge.
But that hope for a deeper relationship or even a relationship at all had
been crushed by a few callous remarks and one disgusted expression and the
edge was approaching with a speed that frightened him.
Daniel tried to blink away the tears threatening to blind him. He failed and
his pain overflowed, the salty drops leaving damp trails down his face as
they fell into the uncaring sea.
//I can't work with Jack anymore, it hurts too much knowing what I've lost
and hoping for what I'll never have – Jack's heart//
Daniel leant forward; the only thing stopping him from falling was his loose
grip on the railing.
//This could be the answer//
Daniel loosened his grip further. As he gazed down at the turbulent water,
as near to death as on any of the off-world missions, he found peace of a
sort. He tightened his grip.
//No... This will never be the answer//.
Daniel smiled wearily, he couldn't even kill himself properly.
//Well at least something positive has come out of this//
The impulse to let go had receded leaving Daniel trembling with how close he
had come to finishing it all. He returned his gaze to the merciless water
beneath him, the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks deafening him
to all else.
Two strong arms snaked around his waist grasping Daniel tightly. The
unexpected touch threw Daniel off balance; he lost his precarious footing
but was held up by the vice-like grip from behind.
"What the fucking hell do you think you're doing Danny!?!" Jack whispered
savagely.
*****
Roughly he helped the still shaking man to climb over the rail.
"What do you want Jack?" Daniel's voice held a resigned note to it. He was
unprepared for Jack's wild punch. Hitting the floor hard, it took a moment
to register that jack had actually hit him.
//This I didn't expect//
He had known the risk in telling the colonel how he felt, that if he was
rejected, his friendship with the older man might be over. But never had he
considered that Jack would actually resort to violence. Daniel stood up
unsteadily. Jack grabbed him and the older man slammed him against the
dilapidated pier building, pinning him there with his body. Daniel slid his
hands up the older man's chest and pushed in an effort to dislodge the other
man.
Jack forcibly stilled Daniel's movements, his anger at Daniel's actions
clearly evident in his eyes.
"God dammit Danny! What the hell did you think you were doing!?!" he managed
to force the words out, before violently plundering the younger man's mouth.
His hands roved over the younger man's tensely held body.
//No! Please no Jack ...Not like this...//
Daniel worked his hands between them and pushed Jack away. He didn't want
this, he wanted Jack yes, desperately, but not like this, not because he was
angry. He couldn't bear to think that Jack had kissed him just because he
was angry, just because he thought Daniel had been about to jump, just
because he thought that this was what Daniel needed.
"No Jack, just leave me alone. I *need* you to leave me alone."
Letting go, Jack thrust his hands into his pockets, turning away from Daniel
he looked out to darkened sea.
"Yeah, well. What I *need* is to be here, to be with you, to.."
The pain within the younger man's heart twisted on hearing these words. He
couldn't believe them
//he's still trying to protect me- he doesn't really mean what he's saying//
Daniel walked up behind him; he gently placed a hand on Jack's shoulder. He
sighed wistfully, feeling the warmth of the older mans body through his
shirt.
"It's okay Jack, I'm not going to jump, and it's quite safe for you to leave
me."
Slowly Jack turned to face him, a sad smile on his face. They're eyes met
and held, tired blue meeting disbelieving brown.
"You just don't get it do you Jackson, you are the cleverest man I know and
you just don't get it."
Daniel could feel himself getting angry. //why is Jack still trying to hurt
me? //
"Oh I get it Jack, I get the fact that you came down here, you thought that
I was going to jump, and you thought that if you kissed me, made me believe
that you wanted me, that you weren't disgusted at the way I feel about you,
everything would be Okay. Right?"
"Dammit Daniel that's not fair, I came to find you because I needed to..."
"What Jack, needed to make sure I was alright, so that you wouldn't have my
death on your conscience too!"
Stunned, hurt eyes stared unbelievingly at Daniel.
//Oh good move Daniel, well done//
"Jack I'm sorry, that way was out of line. I'm so sorry."
Acting on instinct he pulled Jack into a hug, Jack didn't pull away; in fact
he tried to mould himself into Danny's body, his arms closed around Daniel's
waist tightly and he buried his face into the warm shelter of Daniel's neck.
Being this close to Jack was driving him crazy, but if he wanted to prove to
Jack that they could carry on as friends then he had to control himself, but
it was hard, getting harder by the minute actually,
//wrong thought to have Daniel! //
Jack pulled away a little, and Daniel released him instantly. Chocolate
brown eyes looked deeply into blue ones.
"Daniel, I needed to come here, to find you, to tell you, to show you...."
"Jack it's alright I understand, really I do, you felt guilty and.." Jack's
hands clamped themselves either side if Daniels' head, holding him still.
"No, dammit Daniel no, listen to me. I was scared, you scared me, I needed
to come here to do this.."
His mouth closed hungrily over Daniel's, his tongue forced it's way past
Daniel's lips and tasted him. Daniel, already turned on by the earlier
contact between them, could not resist and fell headlong into the kiss, it
didn't matter what happened next, the memory of this kiss would have to last
him a long time and he intended to make the most of it.
"whoa Danny babe...there's no need to eat me alive unless you really want to
of course." The colonel smiled warmly at the confused younger man who moved
forward to capture jack's tempting mouth again. His attempt was easily
avoided as jack turned playful.
"Jack please..." the softly spoken plea reached Jack, turning him serious.
"let's go home Danny."
"Home?" Jack sighed at the uncertainty colouring Daniel's husky voice.
//He's so unsure of himself-this is my fault for being so casual with his
feelings// turning Daniel so that they faced each other only a breath away
from touching, the older man searched the darkened blue eyes for the key to
make everything alright. He could see a lot reflected in those eyes but not
the answers he was looking desperately for.
"yes home, with me..now, tomorrow, forever." Jack's disjointed sentence
made perfect sense to the man in his arms. The trust that had been torn
asunder earlier grew anew between them, far stronger for the strain that it
had been recently been put under. Jack waited for daniel's response hoping
that he'd understood what he was offering.
"Yes Jack I'd like that."
=finis=
feedback about anything other than the dodgy ending snigger would be
greatly appreciated. Hell who am I trying to kid. I'm begging for feedback –
don't make me get down on my knees. Caffre kneels hey is that better?