When Your Friends Write Fanfictions About You
By: PyxWPI and friend Sid
Hey everyone, I'm baaa-aack! I've been extremely busy and haven't been able to update, but I know how to cheer you up! You ready for this? I present to you, my new co-writer- Allison!
Allison: It's me!
Since I needed more help than just Sid, I had to include a third party, so you guys can get your updates faster! Innit just peachy-great?
(Lone person cheers)
Now I know how Purple feels... (looks royally pissed off)
Sid: (bursts out of a secret passage) ON WIT DA FIC!
(crowd cheers enthusiastically)
I hate you.
Disclaimer: My co-writers don't own Invader ZIM, but I do!
Random Person: LIER!
Pyx:WPI: Random Person? What are you doing here?
Random Person: I was stolen from my home by the FBI 10 years ago and ended up working for them! I get paid alot... But that's not the point! I'm here to place you under arrest for copyright infringement!
Pyx:WPI: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Random Person: That's right! And-
Pyx:WPI: I don't own Invader ZIM, I don't own Invader ZIM! I don't, I don't!
Random Person: (holds finger in his ear and mumbles an affirmitive) Okay, never mind. The charges filed against you by Jhonen have been dropped.
Pyx:WPI: YES! (punches air triumphantly)
Random Person: But there is still that matter of you tataling my car a few years ago...
Pyx:WPI: Crap.
/
Having finally caught up with Pyx and apologized for his flagrant disregard for her feelings (you can tell this is me talking right?) he suggested to everyone else that they go to his house. He really hoped that they would stay there and avoid any more public obscenities while they figured out how to get back to their own world. So, the odd little group made it back to Dib and Gaz's house for refreshments and such. It was a little later that we find them at this scene...
Dib: ZIM! Knock it off!
Zim: Just a second, human. I'm adjusting the pieces.
Dib: Why is that nessessary? It's not a big deal that my pieces aren't facing foreward.
Zim: Not a big deal?! If you had any dignity residing in your enormous head-
Dib: My head's not big!
Zim: -you will have your peices face thier doom at the hands of the mighty ZIM like true soldiers!
Dib: (looking thouroughly irritated) But they're not true soldiers, they're just plast-
Zim: AHA! So you admit to the fact that your armies are untrained and unfit to walk the battlefield?
Dib: It's just a game Zim! It's called chess! We're not really at war and we're not really fighting a battle!
Zim: FINE! Move then! And don't make me bring doom upon you!
Dib: (moves pawn foreward) Okay.
Zim: Foolish Monkey-like organism!
Pyx: (watching board intently) Ooooh! That's a new one!
Zim: (glares at Pyx) I can take your queen with this bishop now!
Dib: (points to his queen) This queen?
Zim: Yes.
Dib: This queen right here? (picks up queen)
Zim: YES!
Dib: (licks queen then sets it back on the board) Your move.
Zim: (cringes in discust and falls out of his chair)
Pyx: Now Dib, that wasn't very nice! You know Zim's germaphobic!
Gaz: This is the first time in my life that I don't regret being related to you.
Zim: (pops up from under the table) That's it Dib! You forfiet!
Dib: What do you mean, " You forfeit"?
Zim: You're not allowed to lick the queen!
Dib: She's my queen! I can do what ever I please with her! It's my stratedgy! I lick my queen so you don't touch her!
Sid: That sounded wrong on so many levels...
Zim: It's an unwritten rule! You can't lick the queen! You can't touch any of the peices now, so you forfeit!
Dib: Oh, I can't touch any of the peices? What about you Mr. I-Will- Make-Your-Peices-Face-Their-Doom-At-The-Hands-Of-Zim?
Zim: The MIGHTY Zim!
Dib: You've been sexually harrassing every peice on this board!
Zim: You dare accuse ME of such dishonorable behavior?!
Dib: You bet I do!
Rea: *Trial Time*
Zim: Wha-
Sid runs from the room and beckons for all of them to follow. They comply, Dib, Zim, and Gaz all feeling very confused. They walk into a makeshift courtroom made from Dib's work desk, a fold-up up chair beside it for the witness stand, two dining room shairs facing the desk, the one meant for Zim with a sign taped to the back saying "defendant", and several mismatched chairs behind those. Rea sits behind Dib's desk and Gaz promptly sits down in a lawn chair behind Zim.
Dib: Gaz! You're my sister! You're supposed to be on my side!
Gaz: Who says? Hopefully you'll go to prison for being an annoying little-
Sid: All rise for the honorable Judge Rea!
All- Save Dib: (stands)
Pyx: (is standing beside Dib. Kicks Dib's shins)
Dib: (yelps, jumps out of seat)
Rea: You may sit.
All: (sit, Dib rubs his knees and glares at Pyx)
Rea: Zim the Irken, you have been charged with one count of sexual assult, two counts of ressisting arrest-
Zim: Ressisting arrest?!
Rea: One count of talking out of turn!
Zim: O_O!~
Dib: (laughs)
Rea: Please be silent Mr. Dib, or I'll hold you in contempt!
Dib: (raises eyebrow) but you're not a real judge, you're just-
Rea: You question my authority?!
Dib: As a matter of fact-
Rea: Bailiff! Remove him from my courtroom!
All: (look around in anticipation-nothing happens)
Sid: Uhhhh... Your Honor? We don't have a bailiff.
Rea: Okay... Never mind. Zim, Have you hired an attorney?
Zim: Huh?!
Rea: I said, have you hired an attorney?
Zim: Huh?!
Rea: I'll take that as a "no."
Zim: HUH?!
Rea: Pyxis Cultak! You will be Zim's attorney!
Pyx: Aaaaaaallrightythen! (appears over next to Zim and is suddenly in a lawyer's suit and her hair is up in a bun) Cool.
Rea: Dib, you will be represented by...
Sid: ME!
Dib: What?! Why her?!
Rea: She was the only one left.
Zim: (laughs hysterically at Dib's misfortune)
Rea: Silence!
Zim: (keeps laughing)
Pyx: (smacks Zim upside the head)
Zim: (rubs the back of his head)
Pyx: (smiles)
Rea: Alright, if we are ready to begin... (shuffles stack of papers)
Dib: What are those? (points to thick stack of papers in Rea's hands) Evidence against Zim?
Rea: Nope. It's my daily dose of fanfiction.
Pyx: Hmmm... a fanfiction within a fanfiction! Genre?
Rea: Humor.
Pyx: Humor rocks the Earth, unlike some OTHER planets I know.
Zim: heh, heh.
GIR: (frolicks into the room with a bouque) Hi MASTER!
Zim: uhhh....
GIR: (gives bouque to Zim, frolicks out)
Zim: (looks at bouque, which wilts)
Pyx: Man, does GIR come in at odd times in this FF.
Sid: You know it.
Rea: Now, back to it! Opening statements!
Pyx: Ooh! Ooh! Me first! Me first! (jumps up and down)
Rea: Sid, you'd better let her go first, she might wet herself if she doesn't.
Sid: (nods)
Pyx: First of all, (walks over to a pen full of a dozen clucking chickens) I'd like to welcome the jury to Rea's courtroom! She's a bad judge, but I'm a good lawyer!
Sid: Objection! She's trying to sway the jury to her advantadge! Personal oppinion!
Dib: That's right!
Rea: Sustained. Pyx, please state your point.
Pyx: Presently, Your Honor. As I was saying, Hens and Cocks of the jury, before you leave to courtroom today, I mean to say when we set you free into the streets of the city and start the five year chickeny revolution-
Rea: Ahem! Point, Miss Cultak!
Pyx: Right. I will have proved my client's innocence beyond any reasonable doubt and also proved that Dib (points to Dib) is actually the guilty one!
Chickens: *cluck, cluck, buckaw!*
Dib: Hey!
Pyx: Sorry Dib! You're my bestest frind in reality.
Dib: You've got an interesting way of showing it!
Pyx: (pouts at her dammaged friendship with Dib, if that friendship ever existed in the first place)
Sid: (pushes Pyx away) Hens and Cocks of the jury! I defy my best friend and reverse her opening statements to fit my own. I think you'll find Dib to be in the right here and I beg you to do the right thing! Put this green monster-boy behind bars! (muttering) sexually harrassing innocent chess peices...
Pyx: Objection! You say I'm trying to sway the jury?! Where is the evidence of this sexual assult?!
Rea: Sustained. Sid, please wait until the evidence has been presented. Pyx, call your first witness!
Pyx: Very well. I call ZIM to the stand!
Zim: (walks up to the chair beside Dib's desk and sits) Now what?
Rea: Should we swear him in?
Pyx: I don't see the point. Number one, we don't have a Bible, number two, Zim doesn't know what a Bible is, and number three, he's just gonna lie anyway.
Rea: Okay, begin the questioning.
Pyx: (paces in front of the "witness stand") Zim, where were you between 10:15 and 10:30 this morning?
Zim: I was playing the discusting human game chess with the discusting human Dib.
Hours pass. Examination and cross-examination is performed. Evidence is presented. All of the nessessary things are done but No one is getting anything out of it. The case is going absolutely nowhere. Finally, The honorable Judge Rea has had enough, not to mention, half of the people present are half-asleep.
Rea: ENOUGH! You're both guilty!
Zim and Dib: WHAT?!
Rea: Your sentance is being forced to watch Brittany Spears music videos for 18 hours and to... do it upside down!
Zim: Upside down?!
Dib: For 18 hours?!
Zim and Dib: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (are dragged from the room to serve their sentance)
(Fade out)
Pyx's voice: Message to this story? Never play chess with Invader Zim. Or poker for that matter. I don't know how he got so good at gambling, but I already lost a wristwatch and five bucks to that little Irken!
Zim's voice: What do you mean LITTLE?!
Pyx: (screams)
To be continued. Aren't ya excited? Oh well, I think that I'll start connecting Harry Potter to this story as soon as the next chapter comes along. Thsi has been an incredibly weird story so far and I wanna make it even more insane! Pyx: Witchy Paranormal Investigator
By: PyxWPI and friend Sid
Hey everyone, I'm baaa-aack! I've been extremely busy and haven't been able to update, but I know how to cheer you up! You ready for this? I present to you, my new co-writer- Allison!
Allison: It's me!
Since I needed more help than just Sid, I had to include a third party, so you guys can get your updates faster! Innit just peachy-great?
(Lone person cheers)
Now I know how Purple feels... (looks royally pissed off)
Sid: (bursts out of a secret passage) ON WIT DA FIC!
(crowd cheers enthusiastically)
I hate you.
Disclaimer: My co-writers don't own Invader ZIM, but I do!
Random Person: LIER!
Pyx:WPI: Random Person? What are you doing here?
Random Person: I was stolen from my home by the FBI 10 years ago and ended up working for them! I get paid alot... But that's not the point! I'm here to place you under arrest for copyright infringement!
Pyx:WPI: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Random Person: That's right! And-
Pyx:WPI: I don't own Invader ZIM, I don't own Invader ZIM! I don't, I don't!
Random Person: (holds finger in his ear and mumbles an affirmitive) Okay, never mind. The charges filed against you by Jhonen have been dropped.
Pyx:WPI: YES! (punches air triumphantly)
Random Person: But there is still that matter of you tataling my car a few years ago...
Pyx:WPI: Crap.
/
Having finally caught up with Pyx and apologized for his flagrant disregard for her feelings (you can tell this is me talking right?) he suggested to everyone else that they go to his house. He really hoped that they would stay there and avoid any more public obscenities while they figured out how to get back to their own world. So, the odd little group made it back to Dib and Gaz's house for refreshments and such. It was a little later that we find them at this scene...
Dib: ZIM! Knock it off!
Zim: Just a second, human. I'm adjusting the pieces.
Dib: Why is that nessessary? It's not a big deal that my pieces aren't facing foreward.
Zim: Not a big deal?! If you had any dignity residing in your enormous head-
Dib: My head's not big!
Zim: -you will have your peices face thier doom at the hands of the mighty ZIM like true soldiers!
Dib: (looking thouroughly irritated) But they're not true soldiers, they're just plast-
Zim: AHA! So you admit to the fact that your armies are untrained and unfit to walk the battlefield?
Dib: It's just a game Zim! It's called chess! We're not really at war and we're not really fighting a battle!
Zim: FINE! Move then! And don't make me bring doom upon you!
Dib: (moves pawn foreward) Okay.
Zim: Foolish Monkey-like organism!
Pyx: (watching board intently) Ooooh! That's a new one!
Zim: (glares at Pyx) I can take your queen with this bishop now!
Dib: (points to his queen) This queen?
Zim: Yes.
Dib: This queen right here? (picks up queen)
Zim: YES!
Dib: (licks queen then sets it back on the board) Your move.
Zim: (cringes in discust and falls out of his chair)
Pyx: Now Dib, that wasn't very nice! You know Zim's germaphobic!
Gaz: This is the first time in my life that I don't regret being related to you.
Zim: (pops up from under the table) That's it Dib! You forfiet!
Dib: What do you mean, " You forfeit"?
Zim: You're not allowed to lick the queen!
Dib: She's my queen! I can do what ever I please with her! It's my stratedgy! I lick my queen so you don't touch her!
Sid: That sounded wrong on so many levels...
Zim: It's an unwritten rule! You can't lick the queen! You can't touch any of the peices now, so you forfeit!
Dib: Oh, I can't touch any of the peices? What about you Mr. I-Will- Make-Your-Peices-Face-Their-Doom-At-The-Hands-Of-Zim?
Zim: The MIGHTY Zim!
Dib: You've been sexually harrassing every peice on this board!
Zim: You dare accuse ME of such dishonorable behavior?!
Dib: You bet I do!
Rea: *Trial Time*
Zim: Wha-
Sid runs from the room and beckons for all of them to follow. They comply, Dib, Zim, and Gaz all feeling very confused. They walk into a makeshift courtroom made from Dib's work desk, a fold-up up chair beside it for the witness stand, two dining room shairs facing the desk, the one meant for Zim with a sign taped to the back saying "defendant", and several mismatched chairs behind those. Rea sits behind Dib's desk and Gaz promptly sits down in a lawn chair behind Zim.
Dib: Gaz! You're my sister! You're supposed to be on my side!
Gaz: Who says? Hopefully you'll go to prison for being an annoying little-
Sid: All rise for the honorable Judge Rea!
All- Save Dib: (stands)
Pyx: (is standing beside Dib. Kicks Dib's shins)
Dib: (yelps, jumps out of seat)
Rea: You may sit.
All: (sit, Dib rubs his knees and glares at Pyx)
Rea: Zim the Irken, you have been charged with one count of sexual assult, two counts of ressisting arrest-
Zim: Ressisting arrest?!
Rea: One count of talking out of turn!
Zim: O_O!~
Dib: (laughs)
Rea: Please be silent Mr. Dib, or I'll hold you in contempt!
Dib: (raises eyebrow) but you're not a real judge, you're just-
Rea: You question my authority?!
Dib: As a matter of fact-
Rea: Bailiff! Remove him from my courtroom!
All: (look around in anticipation-nothing happens)
Sid: Uhhhh... Your Honor? We don't have a bailiff.
Rea: Okay... Never mind. Zim, Have you hired an attorney?
Zim: Huh?!
Rea: I said, have you hired an attorney?
Zim: Huh?!
Rea: I'll take that as a "no."
Zim: HUH?!
Rea: Pyxis Cultak! You will be Zim's attorney!
Pyx: Aaaaaaallrightythen! (appears over next to Zim and is suddenly in a lawyer's suit and her hair is up in a bun) Cool.
Rea: Dib, you will be represented by...
Sid: ME!
Dib: What?! Why her?!
Rea: She was the only one left.
Zim: (laughs hysterically at Dib's misfortune)
Rea: Silence!
Zim: (keeps laughing)
Pyx: (smacks Zim upside the head)
Zim: (rubs the back of his head)
Pyx: (smiles)
Rea: Alright, if we are ready to begin... (shuffles stack of papers)
Dib: What are those? (points to thick stack of papers in Rea's hands) Evidence against Zim?
Rea: Nope. It's my daily dose of fanfiction.
Pyx: Hmmm... a fanfiction within a fanfiction! Genre?
Rea: Humor.
Pyx: Humor rocks the Earth, unlike some OTHER planets I know.
Zim: heh, heh.
GIR: (frolicks into the room with a bouque) Hi MASTER!
Zim: uhhh....
GIR: (gives bouque to Zim, frolicks out)
Zim: (looks at bouque, which wilts)
Pyx: Man, does GIR come in at odd times in this FF.
Sid: You know it.
Rea: Now, back to it! Opening statements!
Pyx: Ooh! Ooh! Me first! Me first! (jumps up and down)
Rea: Sid, you'd better let her go first, she might wet herself if she doesn't.
Sid: (nods)
Pyx: First of all, (walks over to a pen full of a dozen clucking chickens) I'd like to welcome the jury to Rea's courtroom! She's a bad judge, but I'm a good lawyer!
Sid: Objection! She's trying to sway the jury to her advantadge! Personal oppinion!
Dib: That's right!
Rea: Sustained. Pyx, please state your point.
Pyx: Presently, Your Honor. As I was saying, Hens and Cocks of the jury, before you leave to courtroom today, I mean to say when we set you free into the streets of the city and start the five year chickeny revolution-
Rea: Ahem! Point, Miss Cultak!
Pyx: Right. I will have proved my client's innocence beyond any reasonable doubt and also proved that Dib (points to Dib) is actually the guilty one!
Chickens: *cluck, cluck, buckaw!*
Dib: Hey!
Pyx: Sorry Dib! You're my bestest frind in reality.
Dib: You've got an interesting way of showing it!
Pyx: (pouts at her dammaged friendship with Dib, if that friendship ever existed in the first place)
Sid: (pushes Pyx away) Hens and Cocks of the jury! I defy my best friend and reverse her opening statements to fit my own. I think you'll find Dib to be in the right here and I beg you to do the right thing! Put this green monster-boy behind bars! (muttering) sexually harrassing innocent chess peices...
Pyx: Objection! You say I'm trying to sway the jury?! Where is the evidence of this sexual assult?!
Rea: Sustained. Sid, please wait until the evidence has been presented. Pyx, call your first witness!
Pyx: Very well. I call ZIM to the stand!
Zim: (walks up to the chair beside Dib's desk and sits) Now what?
Rea: Should we swear him in?
Pyx: I don't see the point. Number one, we don't have a Bible, number two, Zim doesn't know what a Bible is, and number three, he's just gonna lie anyway.
Rea: Okay, begin the questioning.
Pyx: (paces in front of the "witness stand") Zim, where were you between 10:15 and 10:30 this morning?
Zim: I was playing the discusting human game chess with the discusting human Dib.
Hours pass. Examination and cross-examination is performed. Evidence is presented. All of the nessessary things are done but No one is getting anything out of it. The case is going absolutely nowhere. Finally, The honorable Judge Rea has had enough, not to mention, half of the people present are half-asleep.
Rea: ENOUGH! You're both guilty!
Zim and Dib: WHAT?!
Rea: Your sentance is being forced to watch Brittany Spears music videos for 18 hours and to... do it upside down!
Zim: Upside down?!
Dib: For 18 hours?!
Zim and Dib: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (are dragged from the room to serve their sentance)
(Fade out)
Pyx's voice: Message to this story? Never play chess with Invader Zim. Or poker for that matter. I don't know how he got so good at gambling, but I already lost a wristwatch and five bucks to that little Irken!
Zim's voice: What do you mean LITTLE?!
Pyx: (screams)
To be continued. Aren't ya excited? Oh well, I think that I'll start connecting Harry Potter to this story as soon as the next chapter comes along. Thsi has been an incredibly weird story so far and I wanna make it even more insane! Pyx: Witchy Paranormal Investigator