Disclaimer: I own nothing everything is Joss's. blah blah blah. Whatever.
* * * * * * * * * * *
His watch beeped it was 4 in the morning. He was sure that his voicemail
on his cell was filled with annoying mesages too. He had no intention of
going home yet though. 'How could I have fucked everything up so fast?
Everything is happening fast. Buffy was right. I probably am going to die
of lung cancer.' Reaching into his pocket he dug out another cigarette,
the last in the pack that he just bought 6 hours earlier.
*Flashback to earlier that night*
"Cordelia." She grabbed his head and kissed him hand reaching down to unzip his pants and as much as his mind said "no" the rest of him screamed "yes". There was a slight problem though: Spike tended to think more with his dick then his head with times like this. She giggled and pushed him onto the bed and he growling pulling her on top of him.
"MMM Buffy." He moaned kissing her neck what little beer he had drank and after the sex his mind was a little buzzed.
"WHAT?" Finally starting to sober up Cordelia understood that and became wide-awake. "What the hell Spike?" she pushed him off her and he fell to the floor with a thud. "Yeah I know it is no secret that you sleep with other girls too but hell you could at least NOT moan their names right after we have sex!"
Spike looked at the clock and it was 10:30. He quickly pulled on his pants and left a pissed off Cordelia in lying confused in Devon's bed. "Is Buffy still here?" He hoped that Oz was sober enough to at least remember whom he was talking about and be capable of giving him an answer.
"OH." He looked around the living room "I think she left right after you went into the bedroom with Cordelia. Damn man, that's low even for you."
"I know!" Spike ran his hands through his disheveled hair. He was confused for the first time he felt like an asshole for cheating on a girl that he wasn't even with. 'Why do I feel this way? mean sure she is nice, funny, smart, beautiful and I like but nothing more it's not like I -'
"What's wrong man?"
"I think I might.. Love her." Oz looked like he was just hit with a big boulder.
*Flashback over back to wandering the streets*
He had run it over in his head over and over again. Every word that they said everything that he thought trying to tell himself that it wasn't true. Hell he didn't want to love her. He didn't want to become that attached to someone he was happy his life seemed to be perfect; he could have everything and anyone that he wanted well that was still true now but it was different. Maybe it was just because she wasn't interested in him but he knew that too was a lie. "FUCK!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Oh sweetie. Are you sure he wasn't drunk?"
"Told you he was a jerk."
"Xander! Your not helping!" I had told them both pretty much everything. Well except for the locker incident. I got there about an hour ago using up most of my tears on the walk over. It started raining and when I got there they were both watching 'Deadly Styles' and Willow let me in soaking wet and looking like hell. I didn't really want to bother them with my problems but both of them already seemed to know by the way they were looking at me with sympathy.
"It's okay. I am just overreacting I guess."
"You do really, really, really like him don't you?"
"Yeah but last I checked it wasn't like I loved him. He's a mean, arrogant jerk who thinks that he is better than everyone else with his stupid gothic styles and big boots and spiky platinum hair and those oceanic eyes that seem to just look right into your soul with the way that he looks at you sometimes and it just makes you wonder what he is thinking and you hope that it is that he likes you even in the least but then you get pushed back to reality when- OH GOODNESS I DO LOVE HIM! HOW? WHEN? WHY?!" I felt nauseated like I was going to vomit and lightheaded how could this have happened?
"Xander get a bucket or something." I heard Willow say and thank god that he did because I literally did vomit. Really romantic ways to figure out that you love someone eh?
*2 weeks later*
I was lying in my bed and started crying again . I had done more crying since that night then I have in possibly 8 years. I never cry over anything so why now? Well that answer to that was obvious. I looked over at the clock it was 7 in the morning and I hadn't slept a wink. I rolled over on my side and closed my eyes again hoping that this time I would get some sleep considering that I had to go to work at my new job in 3 hours, thoughts of him plagued me, I didn't understand it. Now I know what Xander meant. Here I was on a date with the guy and he is having sex with some other girl. No, no Buffy it wasn't a date. He just drove you to some party; that was all nothing more. It still hurt though, it hurt a lot more than it should more than was rational it was almost as if I was in love with the guy which was impossible. It probably would help my situation if I would just talk to him abut I can't! Every time he comes near I want to kill him and that wouldn't be good.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I didn't know even how I got to the bookstore on time. I felt like I got hit by a truck and I looked like it too. My boss Mr. Giles even commented on it.
"Are you feeling alright?" Oh great another British guy.
"Yeah just a little sick but don't want to miss my first day right?"
"No you would not want to miss it," he smiled and showed me how to use the cash register and where the sections of books are in the store and pretty much first day on the job type stuff. Mr. Scott wasn't that bad of a guy, sure he gets points taken off for being my employer.
After around 4 hours I was glad that I only had to work one more. Some annoying customer tried to start a fight with me because we were out of some witchcraft book. 'Oh my gosh hopefully no one else tries to talk to me I am not in the mood all I need now is gothic jerk and hey that will make my day!'
"Hello Kitten. Need help finding something?" Okay that is annoying. Here I thought I was going to have a good rest of the day. I stop re- organizing the books that some punk kid threw all over the floor.
"Actually no I am just doing my job."
"I didn't know you worked for me."
"I don't."
"Assistant Manager." The look I give him completely says 'how the hell did you get that job?' "My dad owns the store. Rupert Giles, William Giles."
"You never told me your last name. Hmm thought he looked familiar." I look at my watch and let out a sigh of relief that I could clock out. "But I'm done now so I don't have to stand er kneel here and listen to you. Excuse me." I get up and start walking away.
"I take it that you are mad at me then."
"You figure that out all on your own? Oh and I have every right to be."
"Never said you didn't. Just let me say I'm sorry."
"I don't want your apology William."
"Then what do you want?"
"For you to leave me alone."
"Buffy I am not going to do that I -"
"Am a jerk?"
"Yeah I am a huge jerk. Can you forgive me?"
"I don't see why you care it's not like I am your girlfriend or anything. It wasn't even really a date. You were just taking me to a party because I don't have a car so there really isn't any problem what so ever."
"But I want you to be.. My girlfriend." I laugh cruelly for some reason that was hilarious to me. I loved this guy! He hurt me and I wasn't about to let him know that I care; let him hurt for once.
"What did you figure that out? Before for after you slept with Cordelia?" I say bitterly.
"After. I mean it was a mistake I wasn't thinking."
"No you weren't." A tear slipped down my cheek and he came up to wipe it away. Oh goodness now I was crying good show me great job with the not caring.
"I'm a bad, bad man just let me take you out once. Then you can yell and scream and throw a toaster at me."
"A TOASTER?"
"Yeah luv, a toaster." I laugh again and it wasn't cruel and he smiled and kissed me quickly before I had time to react. Which would be what? Kiss him back or punch him in the face? I'm a goner.
"I'll pick you up in an hour alright? Got some bonding time to do with my dad first."
"I still hate you."
"No you don't." I growl and walk away but it was obvious that I would go with him, but just this one time. To show him that there was no chance I would go out with such a jerk. Last I checked I don't date players. Then again last time I checked was before I met him. Damn my weakness I just hope I don't forgive him too soon.
(A/N: Review?)
His watch beeped it was 4 in the morning. He was sure that his voicemail
on his cell was filled with annoying mesages too. He had no intention of
going home yet though. 'How could I have fucked everything up so fast?
Everything is happening fast. Buffy was right. I probably am going to die
of lung cancer.' Reaching into his pocket he dug out another cigarette,
the last in the pack that he just bought 6 hours earlier.
*Flashback to earlier that night*
"Cordelia." She grabbed his head and kissed him hand reaching down to unzip his pants and as much as his mind said "no" the rest of him screamed "yes". There was a slight problem though: Spike tended to think more with his dick then his head with times like this. She giggled and pushed him onto the bed and he growling pulling her on top of him.
"MMM Buffy." He moaned kissing her neck what little beer he had drank and after the sex his mind was a little buzzed.
"WHAT?" Finally starting to sober up Cordelia understood that and became wide-awake. "What the hell Spike?" she pushed him off her and he fell to the floor with a thud. "Yeah I know it is no secret that you sleep with other girls too but hell you could at least NOT moan their names right after we have sex!"
Spike looked at the clock and it was 10:30. He quickly pulled on his pants and left a pissed off Cordelia in lying confused in Devon's bed. "Is Buffy still here?" He hoped that Oz was sober enough to at least remember whom he was talking about and be capable of giving him an answer.
"OH." He looked around the living room "I think she left right after you went into the bedroom with Cordelia. Damn man, that's low even for you."
"I know!" Spike ran his hands through his disheveled hair. He was confused for the first time he felt like an asshole for cheating on a girl that he wasn't even with. 'Why do I feel this way? mean sure she is nice, funny, smart, beautiful and I like but nothing more it's not like I -'
"What's wrong man?"
"I think I might.. Love her." Oz looked like he was just hit with a big boulder.
*Flashback over back to wandering the streets*
He had run it over in his head over and over again. Every word that they said everything that he thought trying to tell himself that it wasn't true. Hell he didn't want to love her. He didn't want to become that attached to someone he was happy his life seemed to be perfect; he could have everything and anyone that he wanted well that was still true now but it was different. Maybe it was just because she wasn't interested in him but he knew that too was a lie. "FUCK!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Oh sweetie. Are you sure he wasn't drunk?"
"Told you he was a jerk."
"Xander! Your not helping!" I had told them both pretty much everything. Well except for the locker incident. I got there about an hour ago using up most of my tears on the walk over. It started raining and when I got there they were both watching 'Deadly Styles' and Willow let me in soaking wet and looking like hell. I didn't really want to bother them with my problems but both of them already seemed to know by the way they were looking at me with sympathy.
"It's okay. I am just overreacting I guess."
"You do really, really, really like him don't you?"
"Yeah but last I checked it wasn't like I loved him. He's a mean, arrogant jerk who thinks that he is better than everyone else with his stupid gothic styles and big boots and spiky platinum hair and those oceanic eyes that seem to just look right into your soul with the way that he looks at you sometimes and it just makes you wonder what he is thinking and you hope that it is that he likes you even in the least but then you get pushed back to reality when- OH GOODNESS I DO LOVE HIM! HOW? WHEN? WHY?!" I felt nauseated like I was going to vomit and lightheaded how could this have happened?
"Xander get a bucket or something." I heard Willow say and thank god that he did because I literally did vomit. Really romantic ways to figure out that you love someone eh?
*2 weeks later*
I was lying in my bed and started crying again . I had done more crying since that night then I have in possibly 8 years. I never cry over anything so why now? Well that answer to that was obvious. I looked over at the clock it was 7 in the morning and I hadn't slept a wink. I rolled over on my side and closed my eyes again hoping that this time I would get some sleep considering that I had to go to work at my new job in 3 hours, thoughts of him plagued me, I didn't understand it. Now I know what Xander meant. Here I was on a date with the guy and he is having sex with some other girl. No, no Buffy it wasn't a date. He just drove you to some party; that was all nothing more. It still hurt though, it hurt a lot more than it should more than was rational it was almost as if I was in love with the guy which was impossible. It probably would help my situation if I would just talk to him abut I can't! Every time he comes near I want to kill him and that wouldn't be good.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I didn't know even how I got to the bookstore on time. I felt like I got hit by a truck and I looked like it too. My boss Mr. Giles even commented on it.
"Are you feeling alright?" Oh great another British guy.
"Yeah just a little sick but don't want to miss my first day right?"
"No you would not want to miss it," he smiled and showed me how to use the cash register and where the sections of books are in the store and pretty much first day on the job type stuff. Mr. Scott wasn't that bad of a guy, sure he gets points taken off for being my employer.
After around 4 hours I was glad that I only had to work one more. Some annoying customer tried to start a fight with me because we were out of some witchcraft book. 'Oh my gosh hopefully no one else tries to talk to me I am not in the mood all I need now is gothic jerk and hey that will make my day!'
"Hello Kitten. Need help finding something?" Okay that is annoying. Here I thought I was going to have a good rest of the day. I stop re- organizing the books that some punk kid threw all over the floor.
"Actually no I am just doing my job."
"I didn't know you worked for me."
"I don't."
"Assistant Manager." The look I give him completely says 'how the hell did you get that job?' "My dad owns the store. Rupert Giles, William Giles."
"You never told me your last name. Hmm thought he looked familiar." I look at my watch and let out a sigh of relief that I could clock out. "But I'm done now so I don't have to stand er kneel here and listen to you. Excuse me." I get up and start walking away.
"I take it that you are mad at me then."
"You figure that out all on your own? Oh and I have every right to be."
"Never said you didn't. Just let me say I'm sorry."
"I don't want your apology William."
"Then what do you want?"
"For you to leave me alone."
"Buffy I am not going to do that I -"
"Am a jerk?"
"Yeah I am a huge jerk. Can you forgive me?"
"I don't see why you care it's not like I am your girlfriend or anything. It wasn't even really a date. You were just taking me to a party because I don't have a car so there really isn't any problem what so ever."
"But I want you to be.. My girlfriend." I laugh cruelly for some reason that was hilarious to me. I loved this guy! He hurt me and I wasn't about to let him know that I care; let him hurt for once.
"What did you figure that out? Before for after you slept with Cordelia?" I say bitterly.
"After. I mean it was a mistake I wasn't thinking."
"No you weren't." A tear slipped down my cheek and he came up to wipe it away. Oh goodness now I was crying good show me great job with the not caring.
"I'm a bad, bad man just let me take you out once. Then you can yell and scream and throw a toaster at me."
"A TOASTER?"
"Yeah luv, a toaster." I laugh again and it wasn't cruel and he smiled and kissed me quickly before I had time to react. Which would be what? Kiss him back or punch him in the face? I'm a goner.
"I'll pick you up in an hour alright? Got some bonding time to do with my dad first."
"I still hate you."
"No you don't." I growl and walk away but it was obvious that I would go with him, but just this one time. To show him that there was no chance I would go out with such a jerk. Last I checked I don't date players. Then again last time I checked was before I met him. Damn my weakness I just hope I don't forgive him too soon.
(A/N: Review?)