Chapter 6
Kara lay on the mats in absolute silence for a long time after she was sure Lee was sleeping. It was all she could do to keep herself still when what she wanted to do was take off at top speed and not stop running.
She was a rational human being. She was a good person. She had not meant any harm by what she had done tonight. But not wanting to do harm had very little to do with the real world. It seemed to be the story of her life. She went in with the best of intentions, and invariably things did not work out the way she intended.
She had known he would be angry. Hell, she even thought he had a right to be ticked. She hadn't thought about the mission or his reputation with the miners when she'd thrown that punch, she had only been thinking that he was about to get hurt and she couldn't allow it. Why she couldn't let him fight his own battles was beyond her.
She had also been thinking that the jerk had deserved it. As much as she regretted her actions, the punch had felt damned good. It had been solid, and satisfying, and she had enjoyed the feel of decking the idiot. She couldn't tell Lee that. She had been too busy trying to get him to forgive her to let him know that she had loved breaking the rules. But if she were honest with herself, she would have loved to land a couple more punches and at least one kick before she'd left Cops lying on the rec room floor. The release then might have made her tension now a little more bearable.
Her mind raced and her body tightened until she absolutely couldn't stand it a moment longer. A full hour after she had last heard movement from Lee, she eased herself to a sitting position. He didn't move. It really didn't surprise her. He'd been awake a lot the night before — mostly looking out for her — and the hike in the mine had been hard on him. If that wasn't enough to knock him out, the fury he'd expressed when they got back to the sleeping unit had been raw emotion. He was probably completely exhausted.
She was nearly silent as she eased herself to her feet and walked towards the doorway. If she didn't get out of there, at least for a little while, she was going to fly apart. Her mind was spinning, and her nerves were shot. She had to do something to ease the pressure or she was going to lose it. She had refused to cry in front of Lee tonight. He had a right to be angry, and she wouldn't insult that by bawling like a baby. But something had to give.
If he'd been a little calmer, she would have loved to have yelled back at him. But the hell of it was that he had been right. She had deserved the yelling, and the accusations, and probably the declaration that her life had been based on luck as well. She had always been damned lucky for no particular reason, and she knew it. She'd never really done anything to deserve the chances she'd received in life. But she had at least done her best with them. Luck might have gotten her foot in the door, but it was her determination that had kept her in the room. Lee knew that too, just as he knew that luck was a sore spot with her. She'd never asked for it; it had just been there.
She slipped silently through the door of the unit. She left it unlocked, thinking he would probably be safe enough for the few minutes she would be away. She was just going to run for a few minutes to get rid of the excess energy that was pulling her apart. If she went full-out, it wouldn't take her long. This wouldn't be a casual jog, but a dead-on run. She needed it. The adrenaline that had burst through her earlier had faded to leave her shaky and nervous, and if she could just get a little more into her system she might be able to minimize the crash that she was feeling. She had to do something.
The night wasn't as dark as it could have been. The moon was large and bright above the small planet, and it reflected light quite brightly. She was able to see where she was going, and the vegetation was fairly sparse on the rocky planet. It was filled with mineral ore rather than water, so there wasn't much that could grow here. She could see her way on the path worn around the camp, even if she couldn't see much beyond it.
As she had hoped, the run was just what she needed. As she stretched out her legs and pushed her body to the limit, she felt the tension within her begin to unwind and release. With her nerves soothed, she was able to think about things more reasonably and calmly.
Lee had made a couple of good points, even if she hadn't liked the way he had made them. She should have used the blaster, most likely for a warning shot, and given him time to regain his feet and manage the situation more diplomatically. As it was, what little credibility they had gained by spending their day hiking through rock had been effectively ruined. The miners had already thought her useless, and now they might see her as dangerous. Either way, they had to have lost their respect for Lee in the process. That much she would accept responsibility for. She didn't really have any excuse for her actions, beyond what she'd told him. She hadn't thought first; she had acted.
It was something that had managed to both get her into and out of trouble in the past. Half of the time her actions were interpreted as brave or noble and she'd been rewarded, and the other half of the time it blew up in her face. She never really knew going in just which way it would go. She did know that she wasn't fond of what had happened tonight. Just a second or two of planning, and she might have done a better job. They might have been able to get some information that would get them off this planet a little sooner. Lee might still be speaking to her rather than screaming at her.
The track of her thoughts began to wind up her nerves again, so she decided to make another circuit of the camp. It wasn't far — perhaps half a mile or a little more around — and she was moving pretty quickly. She didn't want to leave Lee alone for much longer, and definitely didn't want to risk his waking up and finding her gone, but she had needed to do something. Anything. Lords knew what he'd do to her if he knew she'd broken one more of his rules.
She didn't even have a chance to scream as she felt the arm come around her. Her momentum meeting the well-placed arm effectively knocked the wind out of her, leaving her gasping for breath even as another hand closed over her mouth. She knew right away that she was in trouble, but her feet were off the ground, her mouth was blocked, and her head was too far down to do any damage if she slammed it back. Still, fighting was her first instinct, so it was what she went with. Clawing at the arm didn't seem to have any effect regardless of her nails, and she couldn't get her mouth open to bite. She had the passing thought that if she'd just left the blaster on, as she had her boots when she'd tried to sleep, she might have been able to reach it. But she didn't have it. It was sitting in the corner of the unit, next to Lee's. Kicking backward seemed her best defense, but even the heavy boots didn't seem to phase whoever had her. She was well and truly caught.
At first, it didn't even occur to her to be afraid. She was more angry with herself for being so tied up in her own thoughts that she hadn't seen a shadow in the darkness and stayed clear. Her second thought was that Lee was going to kill her. She had left their unit unlocked, and done exactly what he'd told her not to do by leaving without his protection. And he was in there alone, without even knowing that the door was open to whoever might want to get to him. Shit. She wasn't the only one she'd placed in danger. If he had been mad before, it would be nothing to how he would react to this.
It was when her mind got to the "this" that she started to worry. Someone she couldn't see had her from behind, and another man who was equally large had stepped forward to grab her feet so that she could no longer kick. It was too dark to see who it was, but she had a pretty good idea that if it wasn't Cops, he would be there soon enough. She twisted her body, even willing to drop the several feet onto hard rock if it meant getting away from them, but wasn't able to get free.
That was when she started to get scared.
Part of her fear was the unknown, but the rest was that she was oxygen dependent from the run and a large hand was blocking most of her air. She tried to twist her head, but the grip was painfully tight. She was going to have bruises at best. And no more air was coming in. She did her best not to panic. A warrior was useless if they lost their head. Unfortunately they weren't real useful when they couldn't breathe, either.
Gradually fear faded to the buzzing in her ears and the darkness that closed in around here. Kara never before had been glad to pass out.
"Now what do you want to do with her?"
A low, gravelly voice was edging in on Kara's consciousness. She knew that she needed to wake up, take stock, and start planning, but it was so much easier to stay out. It didn't feel like they'd hurt her while she was out.
"Show her what a lady's place is," another voice answered. She knew that one. It was Cops. Oh, frak.
She had the good sense to keep her eyes closed for the time being. There was nothing to be gained from giving away the fact that she was alert to her captors by looking over the room, or wherever they had her. First she had to know if she was in one piece.
She had a few aches and pains, but nothing she couldn't live with. Her hands were tied, and that was a problem, but at the very least they were attached in front of her rather than in back. If she got out, that would go a long way towards balance or possibly defense. She could work with that. She might even manage a little offense if she got the opportunity.
Her feet were another matter. They too were tied together, which pretty much eliminated the idea of taking off before anyone noticed she was awake. There was no give in the restraints, either, as there would be with shackles or handcuffs. She was tied wrist to wrist, ankle to ankle. Her boots were gone, as well as her socks. Cold feet seemed to be a trivial thing to worry about but it annoyed her just the same. With the rocky surface, even if she got free she'd be sliced up pretty good before she could get anywhere. Not that she wouldn't cut up her feet to get out, but it was something to be aware of.
Her head hurt. It was a light buzzing throb, probably a left over from passing out. She wasn't sure. She'd never fainted before. She might have been embarrassed about it if she had the time, but there were more pressing things to deal with. She couldn't move her mouth. She wasn't gagged, but her lips were sealed motionless, probably with tape. That took out biting as well. She couldn't punch, couldn't kick, and couldn't bite.
She was having some difficulty finding anything redeemable in the situation at all, and decided that things could only get so much worse if she opened her eyes. Quietly. A little.
Okay, she finally knew where she was. That could be good. She was definitely in the mine, with its heavy equipment and stone walls. That also explained the pain on the right side of her pelvis and her arm; she was lying on lumpy stone. She made a minute shift of her weight towards her back to relieve the pressure of rock off bone, but the relief didn't last long. She was on the ground, looking up at men that were quite tall enough when she was standing and were frankly intimidating from this location. It kept getting better and better.
Keeping her eyes at a squint, she carefully turned her head to survey the area. Nothing much there to help her. The only thing really in her favor was that she — in theory — could use her arms to lever herself up to her feet. That would go well. Hop like a bunny to get out of there. She didn't figure they'd tolerate that. But hands in front could be good if she found something to conceal as a weapon. The ground around her was littered with discarded ore and miscellaneous rocks, and she'd bet there were tools nearby as well. It was a workable situation, if not an ideal one. She hoped. She prayed.
The men were engaged in a low conversation and had moved away from her. She counted four of them, which was bad. But they weren't within smelling distance, which was good. She had to stay optimistic or she'd freeze up. This wasn't the first crisis situation she'd ever been in, even if it did look like the worst. Even against Cylons she'd had weaponry on her side. Now all she really had was a desire to survive and a natural creativity that had served her well in the past. And luck. As Lee had reminded her earlier, she had very good luck.
Good thoughts. She needed something good to get her out of here, even if just for a few seconds. It was a trick she'd used to center herself when waiting for a launch or otherwise dealing with an interminable situation. She chose a good thought — any good thought — and she stayed there just until she could get her bearings and her perspective back.
Good thoughts. For years, those had been of Zak. She had thought of the rare days when they managed to get away from the academy and either run through the gardens behind the school or take off on a gentle hike into the nearby foothills. Sometimes she remembered back to family picnics that his mother insisted on when the eldest Adama was home on rare occasion. They had been a lot of fun, even for all the griping that she and the boys did about them. One time Zak had spoon-fed her an entire dessert, cramming it in every time she tried to tell him to stop. She didn't remember what had instigated it, but she remembered the laughter and trying so desperately not to choke while she laughed.
But memories of Zak had become faded and fuzzy in the nearly four years since she had lost him. Adama told her it was normal, even expected, and she shouldn't feel guilty. She didn't, exactly, but she did miss the sound of his voice and the constant laughter that he both supplied and managed to weasel out of her. She couldn't remember what his arms had felt like on the rare occasions she had cuddled with him. She couldn't remember the last words she had said to him, aside from the desperate commands she had tried to give over the wireless when she had seen that he was going to miss the landing bay.
Good thoughts. She needed something good to get her out of here, and she couldn't find it at the moment in her memories of Zak. There had been a lot of good, but it was too long past, and too far removed from her current reality. She needed something now.
Unbidden, the thought of warm arms and a solid body behind her slipped into her mind. It was ironic that she had never been one to snuggle with Zak, and yet she couldn't seem to get close enough to Lee. Especially at night. There was something comforting about having him so close that she could feel him head to toe — a certainty that she could not be hurt, and was not alone.
She supposed it was a need that the war had created in her. She had lost everyone she cared about, save a few individuals. While the majority of her friendships had always been casual — you couldn't get hurt if people weren't too close — they had still been important to her. After the war she hadn't had anyone to fall back on when she needed to talk, or anyone she knew really well aside from the Adamas, Sharon, and a couple of the bridge personnel. Her squadron had been taken out in the first wave of attacks. Most of her friends had been there, and if she hadn't been stuck in the brig she would have been flying with them. Come to think of it, Lee would have been gone, too if Tyrol and his gang hadn't refitted the old Viper that Lee had piloted for the ceremony. It was the only reason she still had him.
So she grabbed that one thought — the thought that Lee was still with her — and clung to the memory of falling asleep in his arms after the awards ceremony. It had been private and special, and long before any miscellaneous romantic thoughts had trickled into her mind to complicate the situation. It had been pure comfort, undemanding and gentle and perfect. It was something she could hang on to, and something to give her hope and strength. She might not know where their relationship stood at this moment, but for that brief time they had been perfectly in sync. It was what she needed.
Any panic that had eased into her mind faded behind the wall of peace she built for herself. One way or the other, this wouldn't last forever, and either way it went she would always have the memory of Lee's arms in room's soft light because neither of them would let go long enough to turn them off. She had been so warm then, and that memory served to ease the chill from her now, so that she could stop her shivering and think of some way to get out of this.
"Looks like the girl's awake," one of the men said. She had no clue who he was. At the moment, she didn't care. They all bowed to Cops, so that was where she focused her attention.
"Good," he said, calling her attention to the one man that worried her. "Then we can go ahead and show her what women is for around here."
He walked over towards her and knelt down with one hand on either of her shoulders, shoving her onto her back and pressing them painfully into rock. Oh yes, she was going to bruise. She might have spit in his face if she could have managed it.
"Had to help you with the first lesson, cause you ain't so bright. Women is silent around here. No dumb questions, and no pretendin' that you know what the hell is going on. You're just meat for the men. If we want you to carry, you carry. If we want you to go, then you go. You listening?"
Warm arms. Soft whispers. A gentle hug. He couldn't touch her where she was now. Lee was right there with her, in spirit if not in body, and she wouldn't let go. The pain in her right cheek was a shock to the world she'd created.
Cops pulled his hand back from where he'd struck her in the face. "Too good to talk now, huh woman? Got nothing to say when there isn't a man to protect you?"
That would have been absurd if he'd been paying any attention at all. What was she supposed to say with her mouth taped tight? What would she have to say to him anyway? He wasn't reasonable enough that she could talk her way out of this. She didn't think he'd care about prison or even death, so long as he got his way. She wasn't the type for an apology or begging or pleading even if she thought it would do any good. She decided that she was better off to ignore what he did and hope that he saw weakness as a reason not to press further. It wasn't much, but it was the only control she could exert over the situation. She couldn't control him, but she could keep control over herself.
If she could just get him to lower his guard, just for a moment, then maybe she could use her arms to get free, or hit him, or something. It grated on her nerves to just lay here and let him beat the crap out of her. That was what she really expected, especially judging from the size of the bruise on the side of his face. He would probably want to return the favor. She wasn't looking forward to it.
His next words told her that she wasn't that lucky.
"We keep the ladies around for two reasons," he explained as if giving a lecture. That was a humorous thought too; him giving a lecture was about as likely as his hosting a dance. "They's for work, and they's for play. You ain't big enough to work, so I guess you's for playin'."
Kara took as deep a breath as she could with her mouth sealed, and nearly gagged at the breath in her face. Not a good idea. Throwing up with tape over her mouth could get her into a world of hurt. Not that she wasn't already there, but there was no call to make things worse. Somehow she didn't think this man would care if he choked so long as he proved his point.
"You think you're so much better than the rest," he mumbled as he ran a dirty, rough hand down the side of her face. "But you wouldn't last like our women. Ain't got no meat to ya," he complained. "But I guess I'll make due."
Eyes closed tight, she focused on Lee. He had the warmest chest of anyone she'd ever known — not that she'd been around a lot of chests, but it was something she had always admired. He put out a level of heat that was damn comfortable in the chill of the Galactica. He wasn't stingy with it, either. He had gotten a lot more physical since the war had started. She guessed that he had the same need for physical reassurance that she did, but part of it might just be resolution with his father over their disagreements. Zak had been tactile to the point of being grabby on occasion, and she always had felt as though she needed to pull away to protect her space. Lee just opened his arms and waited, knowing she'd be there on her own if she was given half a chance. His warmth was magnetic, both physically and mentally, and it never demanded anything of her beyond the return of basic human contact. It was easy enough to give that to him.
Most evenings she had snuggled back into his lap and let him hold her, often taking hold of his arms to be sure he stayed close. It wasn't like her at all. But other nights she'd turn over in her sleep and wind up practically on top of him. She wasn't light. Muscle was heavy, and for a woman she had a lot of it. But he never complained when she wrapped herself around him to push away the last remnants of a nightmare, or just to get a little closer to try to give him some of the comfort that she so willing took from him.
Her attention was yanked unceremoniously back to the moment as her arms were jerked up over her head by one of the men, and Cops moved to straddle her body. Focusing somewhere else was a wonderful defense mechanism, but it couldn't eliminate physical sensation. He was heavy — very heavy — and she could only ignore so much.
She didn't open her eyes, though. She wouldn't give him that. She was way beyond scared now, and she knew he would be able to see it. She couldn't control the shivering in her body, but she could try to minimize what he saw. Fear would be a weakness to a Neanderthal like him, and she wanted to at least deprive him of an additional reason to hurt her.
The top of her uniform came apart easily, buttons and material ripping apart under his strong tug. She knew that wouldn't get him much, though. She had both undershirts and bra beneath the uniform.
"Get the knife," he growled, and she swallowed heavily. His hand was already kneading her roughly through the material. The very real possibility that she would not be able to get away from this began to settle in the pit of her stomach.
Only the desperate knowledge that vomiting could be fatal kept her from puking all over herself. She had to get through this. Some way, she had to. If she didn't, Lee would go nuts, probably get himself killed, and Adama would have no one. She had to keep herself together, whatever happened. She wasn't sure how she'd accomplish it, but it wasn't as though she had a choice.
And what was happening wasn't good. She felt the point of the knife at her neck, scraping as it slipped beneath shirts and bra, and then the tug as it descended down her body. The tip caught as the texture of the material changed at mid-chest and then again as he reached her waist and the belt of her uniform.
He had moved to the side now, one of his men coming up beside him to grab one leg as he cut the rope or tape or whatever was holding her feet together. "Hold that leg," Cops muttered. "Pull it over some so I can get where I want to be. That's better." Any hope of kicking him where it might do some good was quickly eliminated as one man sat heavily on her lower leg and Cops moved to the other. She felt the knife dig in again as it cut through the waistband of her uniform and down the right leg as well. His partner shifted, and the other leg got the same treatment, including the occasional nicks from the knife as it's tip bounced on her skin as he did away with the uniform. The knife came back twice more, each time to her chest, and he sliced through the length of uniform from chest to wrist, revealing her arms as well.
Eyes closed or not, she knew that she was naked. The icy cold of the cave would have told her, even if she hadn't felt his rough hand start at her chest and begin a path down her body.
Oh God, oh God, oh God, she thought desperately. She wasn't going to be able to get away from this. Reality began to edge its way through the shock, and she realized that rape was more than a possibility; it was a certainty.
The only good thing she could see in the situation was that it was unlikely would ever make another impulsive, stupid decision.