Chapter 10
Kara stepped down from the Raptor with feelings so mixed that she couldn't define them. She was home. She was safe. She was fine. No one had even commented about the yellowed bruise on her face, and there was no reason for her to be nervous.
But she felt like she was coming out of her skin. She had been shaking so badly on the way back that she had even offered Lee the controls of the Raptor. Given their discussion on the way over he must have thought her insane. She couldn't find it in her to care. She just wanted to get back to her quarters, into her bed, and hide for just a little while. If that sounded whiney and petulant, she could live with it. She was tired.
"Starbuck?"
Kara closed her eyes in resignation, not even looking back to see if she was being addressed by officer or enlisted. "Yes, Sir?"
"Commander wants you in his office," Socinus told her with a grin. "He just called down. Something about a debriefing."
"Great," she muttered with all the irritation that was in her, and then looking at the young man's face she took pity. "I'll head up now," she told him. "Thanks for the message."
His grin returned and he gave a wave before taking off towards her Raptor. God, had she ever been that young? With her legs feeling like lead she moved towards the ladder leading up out of the bay. Reaching up for the rail bothered her shoulders, and she was reminded that they had run out of the analgesic the day before. She would have to find something in the infirmary. The steps were their own challenge as well. She was coming to realize that she was still not in as good of shape as she would have liked to have been. She hadn't been running in over a week; not since
She wasn't going there. Period.
She finally finished the stairway and stepped over a hatch into the main Galactican corridor. She had never noticed just how many openings there were off in either direction — how difficult it was to see what was coming at any given point — and she tried to ignore it now. Keeping her eyes locked straight ahead, she walked to the front of the ship, to the little, nondescript office that was next to CIC. She knocked twice, and waited.
"Come in," the Commander called.
She took a deep breath, then another, and reached for the hatch. It swung open easily and she stepped over the doorway. "You asked too see me, Sir."
"Yes," he agreed, but he wasn't looking at her. He was turned around looking thorough things on his desk, absently shuffling papers from side to side. "Have a seat. I'll be right there."
She did as he said, gingerly lowering herself to the foot of his bed because there were no chairs save one that was behind his desk. Before she could really get settled, he turned to face her.
"Maybe I should say, lie down'," he corrected, the smile that had been on his face fading to a look of clear concern. "Lee said you'd been in the middle of it, but he didn't mention that shiner."
She shrugged. "It wasn't that big of a deal. He wanted to show me he was the boss, so he knocked me around a bit. Lee was pretty quick at coming to my rescue." It wasn't all of the truth, and she knew that he could sense it, but it was all she was going to admit.
"I see," he told her, his voice contradicting the words. "What other injuries did my son fail to mention."
"I'm okay," she insisted. "I had some bumps and bruises, but nothing broken and nothing requiring sutures. I'm just a little colorful for the time being."
"Would Salik agree with that assessment?" he asked softly.
Damn, this man was just like his son. She knew where Lee got his tenacity. "I can't see why he wouldn't," he hedged. "I haven't been by to see him because Lee and I didn't think it was necessary. Your son's not bad with emergency first-aid, and there's no reason for Salik to check someone who's already healed."
He looked at her for a long, probing moment. She was uncomfortable under his gaze — an experience she wasn't at all familiar with — but she didn't turn away. "I'll need a full report on everything that happened during the mission," he told her. "Times, dates, names — the full deal. I want it on my desk tomorrow morning."
"Yes, Sir," she agreed. "Anything else?"
He looked at her, turning his head to the side and regarding her carefully. She felt rather like a bug beneath a microscope. "Get some sleep," he recommended. "You look like you need it."
She gave him as natural a smile as she could manage. "Yes, Sir."
"Dismissed."
She smiled more genuinely as she stood and left the room, walking towards quarters. All she really wanted was a good shower and some sleep. She'd manage the report in the morning. She hadn't had a clean uniform in a week, and she felt like she was covered in grime. It was not a good feeling.
Kara stood fully dressed in her quarters facing the mirror in her locker. Her face looked horrible. And if her face looked that bad, there was no way she could take her uniform off without someone taking notice. Frak.
Even if she changed in a restroom stall, the towel she could wear to the shower would show arms and legs that were still scratched, scabbed, and bruised. She couldn't get ready for bed, either. Wearing her uniform to sleep in would elicit almost as many questions as stripping to her underwear and exposing sore arms and legs. For some reason, mission or no, she couldn't bring herself to undress in front of her comrades. She couldn't face the questions. But it wasn't as though she could get by with not cleaning up.
She sat on the edge of her bed and glanced at her watch. They had spent most of the morning helping load the mining equipment onto carriers — or at least, Lee had — so it had been afternoon before reaching the Galactica. Then there was the meeting with the Commander. Lee still wasn't up from the landing bay, or if he was she didn't know where he was. The only redeeming feature for the moment was that their quarters were essentially deserted as everyone went to dinner, changed shift, or otherwise occupied themselves. She didn't feel like facing anyone. But she couldn't be sure it would stay that way, and she didn't want to risk stripping and then having to explain herself.
She was going to need to do something to get cleaned up. She was pretty limited in her options, though. Finally, deciding that telling one friend was better than showing everyone else, she tucked her toiletries and a clean uniform into a small bag and headed down the corridor to family quarters.
The Chief answered her knock with a large smile and a confused expression. "What's up?" he asked with a glance at the bag in her hand, confirming her suspicion of his confusion.
"Is Sharon here?" she asked softly, trying to keep a smile on her face with little success.
"Sure," he answered, ushering her into the room. She tried not to move too far away from him as she passed him in the doorway, but she still scraped her back on the hatch. She hoped he hadn't noticed, but the odd look on his face said that he just might have. She tried not to care.
Sharon was sitting on the edge of the bed, folding some clothes that were too small to be hers and too big to be for the baby that still wasn't really showing. "Hi," she said with a delighted smile. "You're back!"
"Yeah," Kara agreed, beginning to feel uncomfortable with her choice. Sharon was one thing; the Chief was another.
"What's up?"
Kara couldn't help but blush. "I've got a favor to ask," she admitted.
"Do I need to" the Chief began, gesturing to the door behind him.
Sharon saved Kara from the awkward question. "Go get some dinner," she said simply. "Let us have some girl talk."
Tyrol rolled his eyes, but he rolled them as he left the room so Kara had to smile.
"What's up?" Sharon asked as soon as the hatch closed behind her husband.
"I, um" she looked everywhere except towards her friend. She wasn't ready for the inquisition that was bound to come. "I need a shower," she finally said.
"That long a line?" Sharon asked with a smile that was sagging. Kara decided more of what she was feeling might be on her face than she had intended.
"Okay, the short version," Kara admitted closing her eyes. "I got the crap beat out of me by some of the miners. I really don't want a sympathy play from the guys in the squadron. Do you think I can borrow your bathroom until some of the black and blue fades?"
Sharon gave her friend a gentle smile. "You really hate asking for help, don't you?"
There was no reason to deny it. "You know it."
"The guys don't need a reason to be annoying," Sharon announced. "So we're certainly not going to bother giving them one. Help yourself and take your time. If you need extra towels, they're in there."
Kara could have hugged her. As it was, the relief was so great that she nearly choked up and wasn't able to say a thing. She gave a grateful smile, hefted her bag in front of her, and slipped through the small hatch to the right of Boomer's bed.
It hadn't been so hard, Kara decided, as she lathered her hair for the first time in over a week and scrubbed her body thoroughly. It really hadn't been so hard after all. Sharon hadn't asked questions, and she hadn't made awful jokes. Maybe she was getting this all out of proportion. After all, it wasn't like she'd never been in a fight before, or carried a bruise or two in the past. She would get through this, she decided. It was just going to take time. Well, time, and a few close friends.
Kara was well fed, very clean, and almost feeling human again in her tidy work uniform. She had decided to leave the uniform in place as she lay down on her bunk; after all, it tended to get cold overnight and she wasn't the only one who stayed dressed to sleep. Just because it wasn't her normal pattern didn't mean that it wasn't acceptable.
Lee had come in shortly after she'd made it back to the room. He had left briefly for the shower, and was now lying below her, most likely already asleep. They were both tired. Lee had offered her a spot on her bed — the one he was currently borrowing until his leg was more reliable — but she had declined. She was going to have to stand on her own two feet at some point, and better to do so before she got too attached to having him near. Yesterday she had frightened herself when she hadn't been able to let him get more than ten feet away without a panic, and she knew that she couldn't live that way. She had to straighten herself out. Her body was healing. She wasn't willing to lose her mind just as she was starting to feel better.
But lying on the bed and sleeping were two different matters. Her mind was going around in circles about the report she had no clue how to write, and every time she closed her eyes a new sound would sneak in, startling her and keeping her alert. She had gotten used to the warmth of Lee's body and the silence of the mining camp. She wasn't used to listening to thirty people breathe, sneeze, and snore. Well, she wasn't used to it anymore.
After over an hour of staring at the ceiling, Kara had had enough. She was more wound up now than she had been when she first lay down, and it was only getting worse. Finally she gave a disgusted sigh and eased herself over the side to drop softly to the floor. She felt the shock in her thighs and hips when she landed, but ignored it. She was long past due for a good solid run, and she knew it was the only thing that would calm her down.
Since she had been a young girl, Kara had turned to running for peace and focus. She had run with the eldest Adama when he came home for leave, wanting so much to be like the hero that had saved her years before. She had carried that love of running through school, and had even rubbed it off on Lee if not on Zak. All through the academy she had studied for tests with a headset on the track field, and once she was teaching the track was the place where she planned her lessons and got down to her student's level. Running always seemed to calm her and turn her troubles around. And when she was running, she believed that nothing could touch her.
But something had. It had been during her last run that she had been attacked. She would not let one night of terror take away something that was so much a part of her. She refused. If she wanted to calm herself, then she would run. It was all a matter of mental discipline. She wanted to run, so therefore she would run. She would have preferred if Lee could have gone with her, his solid presence reminding her that she was safe and cared for, but even if his leg were at full fitness she wouldn't have awoken him. She had taken enough from him in these last few days.
Kara slipped her running shoes on and eased herself out the hatch. She did a couple of quick stretches because it had been so long since she had exercised, and then began at an easy jog. This wasn't so bad. The corridors were quiet, even if there were more of them than she really wanted to pass. The lights were dim, although not so dim as the light had been the last time she had run. She completed her first circuit of the main corridor and eased out a sigh of relief. She was going to be fine. If her heart was a little quicker than it should have been, it was only because she was a week out of practice. If the shadows in corridors seemed menacing, then it was only because she was imagining things. No one was walking the halls at two in the morning, so she wouldn't have to worry about sneak attacks or complaints about her form. She just ran, picking up speed as she did so, allowing the adrenaline rush to anesthetize the aches and pains that she had been fighting all day.
She hadn't realized how long she'd been running. At nearly three in the morning, she began to note absent movement out of the corners of her eyes, but she didn't focus on it. She concentrated on her deep breathing, keeping enough Oxygen in her body to maintain her pace. It wasn't crowded yet, regardless of the shift changing, third going off duty and fourth coming on. She didn't bother to look down at her watch because she was simply running with all her strength, trying to forget, and trying to make something in her world balance out the way it was supposed to.
At first she didn't notice that her breathing got a little irregular as she passed by a series of dark doorways towards the front of the ship. She just picked up speed once more, her own breath roaring in her ears as she did her best to exorcise the demons of her past week. She was going to be okay, damn-it. She had to be okay. She couldn't allow anything less. She was going to run, and then she was going to write that frakking report, and then she was going to get on Lee's ass to put her back in a Viper where she belonged. She was tired of being grounded for something that had happened months ago. She was tired of being babied for something that never should have happened. She was sick and tired of needing the warmth of another person to chase away the chill of fear that seemed to reside in her every minute of every day since the attack. She wasn't going to take it any longer. She was going to get control back in her life, and that was all there was to it.
Her mind was so focused on what she might do, what she needed to do, and how she would accomplish what she must do that she didn't see what was right in front of her. Passing by the side corridor that lead towards CIC, she didn't exactly see the man walking to his quarters, and instead caught only a glimpse of darkness before she dodged away from his shadow without conscious thought. Her panicked movement sent her careening into the wall, stumbling over her own feet, and knocking out what little breath she had. She tried to take in some air, fought against the fear and fury of not being able to breathe, even as the darkness shimmered at the edges of her vision. She might have even regained her feet if she hadn't seen him reaching for her. It was happening again. She could feel it happening again. But she wouldn't let them get her this time. She wouldn't let them hurt her, or touch her, or scare her. She would get help. She absolutely had to get help.
Her body hit the ground with a loud thud, but she didn't stop to think about the pain in her elbow or her shoulder. She just curled herself into a ball and prepared to spring at the threat that was approaching. As the shadow of a person rose over Kara's body, she finally sucked in enough air in to scream, and scream loudly. To ensure that they could not get a hold on her, she kicked out at him, arms flying and nails scratching. If she'd been a little more coherent, she might have thought to use fists, but as it was she was just running on survival instinct and desperation. She screamed at the top of her lungs, loud and long and shrill. She was not going through this again. They would not touch her. She would not let them. She would die before she let them put their hands on her body again. Someone would hear. Someone would have to hear. She couldn't go through this again.
The man continued to crowd closer, his hands grasping at her arms, and she put even more energy into her attemts to fight. He was saying something, but she didn't give a frak what it was. Her legs kicked out, her hands shaped themselves into fists, and with her eyes tightly closed against the horror she fought him. She would not let this happen. She hadn't been able to fight before, but this time she would manage it. This time she would keep herself safe, even if she had to die to do it. They wouldn't take her away. She wouldn't leave her life in the hands of others. She would get herself help if it was the last thing she did.
She didn't really notice when other people started gathering around her. She had no clue when the man who had been trying to reassure her finally backed away and sent someone for a doctor, and someone else for his son. It wouldn't be until later — much later — that she would realize she was doing more than just screaming and flailing and fighting her own Commander. She had been calling out desperately for Lee.