Some little kids...

Hansel & Gretel

Bread crumbs of some strange foreign variety.

Once beside a time (not upon), there was a little happy family living in the middle of a big forest. Father Sanosuke and Mother Megumi had two kids, Hansel-Yahiko and Gretel-Misao. Mother Megumi was actually Stepmother Megumi, and she hated Hansel-Yahiko and Gretel-Misao, because they were a huge distraction and since they lived in a one-room cabin, she never had any "free time" with Father Sanosuke unless she dragged him out into the forest, which she didn't like to do, because she was in bad physical condition and walking made her so tired she fell asleep the second they stopped.

SO, Stepmother Megumi, evil as she was, made a plan to get rid of the two kids. When Father Sanosuke traveled out of the forest to the nearest village to get supplies, she gave the kids a basket and said,

"Dear little children, go into the forest and gather berries. Don't come back until this basket is full."

The kids looked at the basket.

"But Stepmother, we could fit a horse in this basket!" Gretel-Misao complained.

"There is a place deep in the forest where huge berry bushes grow. They could fill ten baskets this size. Find that place and fill your basket. Off you go," Stepmother Megumi said, shoving the two kids into the forest.

"Did you bring something to leave so we can find our way back?" Gretel-Misao asked Hansel-Yahiko once they were out of their stepmother's sight.

"Hai!" Hansel-Yahiko chirped, pulling a loaf of bread out of his kimono thing.

"Good! Let's go, then," Gretel-Misao said.

They walked for ages, leaving a trail of broken bread crumbs all the way. Finally, after their basket was full, they turned around and started back down the trail. After a few feet they saw four bird... guys... crawling around on the ground eating the bread crumbs they'd left. The bird-guys looked up.

"YOU ATE OUR TRAIL!" Gretel-Misao screeched, throwing the basket up the air.

"YOU FLUNG OUR BERRIES!" Hansel-Yahiko screamed. Instantly, the four bird-guys swarmed over to the spilled berries and started chowing down on them. Gretel-Misao beat a particularly harmless-looking one wearing a purple kimono in the head with her basket until he fell over with swirly eyes. The other three bird-guys, one in a blue police uniform and two in long white coats (one coat with a red collar, one with a yellow collar; if you can't figure out who they are by that, you're not a big enough Kenshin fan), ran into the forest flapping their... arms...

"Now what?" Hansel-Yahiko asked. Gretel-Misao turned to him and stared.

"We walk in the general direction of 'home'," she said. And they walked in the general direction of "home."

And they walked.

And they walked.

And they walked some more.

And guess what?

They kept walking.

Finally, after ages upon ages beside ages of walking, they came to a clearing. They saw a cottage at the other side, and as they got closer, they saw it was made of candy. They walked to the door.

"Should we knock?" Gretel-Misao asked.

"Yes!"

So Hansel-Yahiko knocked on the door. After a second of waiting, the door opened. The two kids saw something that had to be a witch. She was wearing a kimono that was slightly ripped, and judging from the smoke billowing out of her house and the smell, she was making some kind fo strange potion (or dinner).

"Ahhh! It is so rare that I get visitors!"

"We're lost and it's getting late. Would you mind letting us stay the night at your cottage?" Hansel-Yahiko asked.

"Of course! Come in, little children! You must be tired!"

"What is your name, if you don't mind me asking?" Gretel-Misao asked.

"Kaoru," the witch-lady answered. "And you are?"

"Hansel-Yahiko."

"Gretel-Misao."

"Pleased to meat you! Er... meet you!"

And the two kids went into the witch's smelly smoky house. And before they realized anything, Hansel-Yahiko was sitting in a cage attempting to eat something that looked like it might have been rice at one time, and Gretel-Misao was sweeping the floor with a feather.

Hansel-Yahiko stopped eating.

Witch Kaoru noticed he never ate her cooking, and so she started feeding him her cottage walls to make him fat. And boy, that worked good.

In a few days, Hansel-Yahiko was the size of a whale and Gretel-Misao was skinny as a toothpick and still trying  to get all the dust and dirt off the floor with a feather.

"Don't you see what she's doing to you?" Gretel-Misao asked one day when Witch Kaoru let them out of her sight for a second and a half. Hansel-Yahiko was sitting in his cage stuffing his face with some strange candy.

"Feeding me."

"Well DUH, baka! But she's making you fat, and I've seen her looking through books titled 'How to Serve Your Prisoners' and 'Little Kid Cookbook' and the like! She's going to eat you, brother!"

"At least I'll die happy."

"BAKA!!!"

"Stop talking! Start working!" Witch Kaoru yelled, walking back in.

Well, a few days later, Witch Kaoru decided that Hansel-Yahiko was nice and fat, so she took him out of his cage and led him to the stove, snickering evilly. Gretel-Misao ran into the room.

"DON'T FRY MY BROTHER!" she screamed, doing some kind of leap-kick thing and sending Witch-Kaoru into the stove instead.

A few seconds later, the door of the cottage burst open and Father Sanosuke came in. Then he looked around and wondered why the door was the only part of the wall left. Then he saw his son, lying on the ground, round as a beach ball. His jaw dropped.

"What happened?!"

"Hansel-Yahiko ate the house," Gretel-Misao said dryly. "Gasp! Father!" And she ran and hugged him. Hansel-Yahiko couldn't get on his feet to hug him, so had just stayed where he was and tried desperately to see through the folds of fat around his eyes.

They went home, Gretel-Misao walking beside Father Sanosuke, Father Sanosuke rolling Hansel-Yahiko up the hill, and Hansel-Yahiko being rolled up the hill by his father. When they got home, they fed Stepmother Megumi to Hansel-Yahiko, and since his eyes were covered in folds of fat, he didn't realize he was eating his stepmother.

Sorry Megumi fans. She's no longer with us. Gasp. She might be back in the next fairy tale. If you have any suggestions, feel free to... suggest them... O_o

I think this is my longest chapter thingy yet… Woo.