JENI'S FANFICTION ~ By Severus Snape the Second (Crimson Sun
)
& Remus J. Lupin Junior (Account accessible soon.)
Note: Writing in ~'s are italics
Writing in //'s are from Remus.
~
There was once someone named Jeni. (Note: JENI, not JENNY. How special. ^_^ I should get back to the point now)
Jeni went to Hogwarts, so obviously she was a witch. (No-DUH) And she was in her fifth year at the school. She is in Gryffindor, which SHOULD mean she's brave and loyal, etc, etc, but I can still scare the crap out of her if I want. (Who am I?? I'll tell you later) She has blue eyes and blond hair, but Lupin Junior and I managed to turn her hair blue and her eyes blond when we were playing a joke. But back to the point (again, I stray so much. NO, stop asking me who I am), Jeni is an excellent witch who always got top marks, blah blah blah. (Unlike me, but annnnyway)
//Well anyway, Jeni always got top marks EXCEPT for Lupin, who was a genius and had a brilliant mind. Like ***** said before, she was in Gryffindor, and ***** hates Gryffindor because they are so much better than his own house, Slytherin (if you don't know who ***** is yet, you should really go read the Harry Potter books again). Jeni was also a fantastic Quidditch player - she was the second-best flyer on the Gryffindor team and was seeker (Lupin, the chaser, was by far the best flyer). They said Lupin could play for England if he wanted to, but anyway...
One night Jeni wanted to practice her summoning charms (she could never work out if it was ~accio~ or ~ashio~), so she found a spare classroom and started practicing. She left a few seconds later, after Peeves had dropped a desk on her head, and staggered down to the hospital wing with pieces of wood stuck in her head. However, on the way she bumped into... LUPIN who, being the brilliant wizard that he was, was immediately able to get the bits of wood out of her head. So she went off to find a Peeves-free classroom to practice in. She walked into an empty classroom, only to find it wasn't empty. Inside was...//
Draco, who turned around, looking even more pissed off than he usually was to find a girl walking in on his...ah...private matters. (Grins evilly ^_- ) Jeni thought the polite thing to do would be to ask Draco nicely whether she could practice her summoning, but Draco, being the jerkhead that he is, told her to get lost before she even opened her mouth. (Haha No one listens to Jeni. Haha) Ok, so Jeni is really pissed off and she huffs off in a puff to find another classroom.
Behind her, Draco looks bemused. *Muhahahaha*
Later that evening, Jeni was sulking in the commonroom, as she hadn't been able to find an empty classroom, when she heard screaming outside in the corridor, followed by a rush to get into the Gryffindor commonroom by her fellow Gryffindors. 'What's going on?' she asked, as was the style to ask at the time when people are screaming and running around. But no one answered, because they were too busy running. (AND let's not forget NO ONE listens to Jeni. ;^D) Suddenly, the fat lady swung outwards, and who should burst in other than...
ME!! Hahahahaha!! Who am I? I AM SEVERUS THE SECOND! Hahahaha! (Yes, that wasn't much of a secret to begin with, but on with the...seriously mutilated fanfic...)
"What's up! Why is everyone in an awful panic?" Asked Jeni in her prissy lady-like way. Severus(I'm gonna start referring to myself as the third person to uncomplicate matters, not that matters are very complicated) raised his head dramatically, and answered, with his voice booming around the commonroom: (As the sound crew are very attracted to Me... ahem, HIM.)
"!!!!!!!!!!"
Question marks were floating above Jeni's head. Fortunately, Lupin was right behind Severus and, //being the brilliant wizard that he was//, was able to interpret: 'He means that some crazed madman had made it inside the castle somehow.'
Jeni was frightened. 'What should we do?'
'Tell Harry Potter?' Lupin suggested, and was rewarded with a most unfortunate nudge in the ribs by Severus's elbow. (Ouch) //(Severus was only jealous of Lupin's brilliance and good looks)//.
'No, I think the best thing to do is only THINK like HP, run around chasing the madman, and hope by some strange coincidence that the story turns out right without us getting killed.' As everyone agreed with m..ahem, SEVERUS, the three made their way briskly out of the Gryffindor commonroom (Hey, how'd I get in the Gryffindor commonroom in the first place?)
//(Severus got into the Gryffindor commonroom because... LUPIN took pity on the inferior Severus, and decided to let him in with the superior Gryffindors - such as LUPIN).
So Jeni and Lupin and Severus ran madly around the castle, Lupin in the lead (because of his superiority) and Severus in the back (because of his inferiority). However, they saw no sign of a madman. But they were still thinking like HP, so the brilliant (and infinitely superior)..... LUPIN said "Snape must be the madman... he is going to steal the Philosopher's stone"//
However, Lupin, being ultimately INFERIOR, despite whatever ideas he may have in his ultra inflated head about himself, was not aware that the Philosopher's Stone had already been destroyed. (Oh come on, THE FIRST BOOK, hello?)
//Severus' inferior mind couldn't grasp the concept that someone coughLupincough was actually smarter than him. So Lupin, trying to act like Harry Potter, yelled at Snape and Jeni for an hour, donned his superman clothes and flew off to the third floor corridor to tackle Fluffy and save the day. However, Fluffy wasn't in the corridor. Inside was...//
Draco again! (This is getting infinitely predictable...) However, Draco was not the only one in the room. //Suddenly, Draco was sucked into a vortex and disappeared. Somebody stepped out from behind a well-placed pillar. It was... DRACO. 'I thought you were in another dimension', said Jeni, who had mysteriously appeared in the corridor with Severus.//
'I was.' Replied Draco, sweeping his blond hair backwards like those people on the head and shoulders ads. //'Don't you normally wear gel?', asked Lupin, amazing even himself at his own brilliance.//
'Oh, is that what the gunk in my hair was.' Draco looked perplexed for about a nanosecond before realizing he had more important issues to report. 'Hey, when I came back from the horrid other dimension, someone came with me.'
Severus looked doubtful. Lupin looked doubtful even more. (I like Angela Anaconda.) Jeni merely looked stoned.
//However, Lupin, because of his... BRILLIANCE, was looking the most doubtful, so... DUMBLEDORE stepped out from behind another convenient pillar and presented Lupin with a huge trophy. They all clapped admiringly. Jeni claimed that she had been looking the most doubtful, and said that she deserved the trophy. They all ignored Jeni, because no-one ever listens to her anyway, so she went back to looking stoned.//
'But that is not the guy that followed me!' wailed Draco in despair.
'And since when was Dumbledore part of another dimension?' Asked Severus, getting right to the point with his comments unlike someone...cough.LUPIN.cough.(Hehehe)
'Oh.' Said Dumbledore, his beard drooping. 'I'll just disapparate then.' (He vanished with a bang)
'Hey...wait a moment...' Jeni said, coming out of her reservoir. (I KNOW what it is, ok?) 'You can't disapparate in the castle.'
Dumbledore reappeared. (Notice how in all the bad cartoons people always show up without warning and reason??)
'Oh.' Said Dumbledore. 'I'll just go then. Have fun following death! ...and that madman who followed Draco here.'
He shuffled off in his bunny slippers, leaving everyone at least a little stoned. (Jeni in particular.)
//However, Lupin recovered quickly (because of his... amazing... BRILLIANCE), and, using his psychic abilities, said 'I can SEE through that helpful pillar! There is someone "lurking" behind it!'.//
'Oh please!' Psychic abilities my f-' Draco didn't even finish before he collapsed in a heap at our heroes feet. //Lupin looked condescendingly down at him.// Severus looked slightly bemused. Jeni blinked.
After Draco collapsed, the three were able to see something sticking out of his back, which, we may rightfully assume, was the cause of his most ungraceful fall. They bent in closer to examine the object (Forgetting all the crime movies they saw as children with the murderer right behind them as they go in to examine something) and found it was a...(*gaaaaasp*) SYRINGE! FULL OF BLUE, SHINING LIQUID! *Muhahahahaha!*
'What the hell?" Asked Severus. //Jeni said, 'It's a SYRINGE!//' But seeing as Jeni is such a minor character, everyone ignores her.
Suddenly, the helpful pillar jumped aside to reveal none other than...
'HOJO!' (Finally!) Screamed Severus. 'Oh....*Goes lovey eyed as the evil long haired womanizing hollow cheeked lab coat clad scientist steps out.*
Jeni blinked, thinking this whole ordeal cannot get ANY weirder. Lupin dropped his trophy in surprise. It smashed into a thousand pieces. Dumbledore's very cheap. ^_^
'SEVERUS!' Lupin didn't even notice the very pointy, sharp and highly dangerous pieces on the floor at his feet in his surprise. 'YOU'RE *Gaaaaasp* GAY?'
Okay, Severus, feeling the odd stares coming from everywhere, decided to explain the situation before it got any stranger.
'Okay, so, I knew about that vortex a few years back, and don't kill me or tell Dumbledore or anything but I went to explore 'cause I wanted a place to hide from the stupid Marauders and the toilets were all full. So anyway, I climbed into the vortex and what do you know! I ended up in another world, strange, and filled with mudbloods. (Or so I thought) Then some guards came from nowhere and snatched me up into a van. I looked out and realized I had fallen in some burning city with dead people on the floors, etc. I also realized they crammed me into a van with murderous insane drooling idiots. So I called out for help and then who should come to my rescue but *Sigh...* Hojo-Sama. But I only got one look at him and his nametag before I was mysteriously teleported back into the world of...well, this world.'
Silence.
'Um...so I hope that explains stuff...' Severus was slowly backing away from the penetrating stares and raised eyebrows.
'That doesn't explain anything!' Wailed Jeni. 'Why the hell are you in LOVE with him?'
Fortunately, this time Jeni's comment was relevant enough to attract attention. All eyes fell back onto Severus.
Hojo coughed in the corner. Draco stirred on the floor and grunted. 'Ah, ahem, I think the matter you should be addressing now is the crazed madman...aha, me.' Said the evil scientist, stepping forwards.
Lupin, who hadn't had a line in ages, exclaimed: 'KEEP BACK!'
They all chose this time to draw out their wand, though they, like Harry Potter, never use a spell unless forced to. Quite stupid, if you ask me, but anyway.
'Expelliarmus!' Shouted Lupin, thrusting his wand. Unfortunately, the disarming spell does not work on one who has NOT GOT A WAND!
//However, unknown to everyone else, Lupin was in fact using a spell that he had invented himself, which sounded remarkably like 'expelliarmus'. It was, in fact, 'expelliaremus', named after himself, so it worked perfectly and slammed Hojo into another helpful pillar. 'Noooo...' yelled Snape, rushing over to where Hojo lay. //
But before he could get there, Hojo reached into his lab coat pocket and took out a shining stone. He muttered something no one could catch and disappeared; leaving everyone looking...you guess it! Stoned!
'Great! Now what?' Lupin crossed his arms and kicked the limp figure of Draco at his feet in frustration. 'He's gone!'
'No DUH, Inspector Obvious.' Jeni said, taking up a haughty tone as an attempt to get people to notice her. No one did. ^_^
'No! Hojo, come back!' It was Severus's turn to wail. 'Or take me with you! Whatever!'
It took a few seconds for everyone to come out of their respective miseries.
'I guess we should go and chase him before he kills anyone.' Jeni pointed out.
'I guess we should go and chase him before he kills anyone!' Lupin exclaimed.
'I just said that!' Jeni exasperated. Unfortunately, this was not a relevant enough comment. So she went back to muttering angrily under her breath.
Severus said nothing. He was still too miserable. Jeni patted him sympathetically on the shoulder.
'Come on then, we should go.' Said Lupin, sighing and stepping over the sharp edges of his beloved trophy plus Draco's unconscious body. 'We've got a madman on the loose and only we can stop him!'
'Ah, and why is that? I don't wanna kill Hojo.' Severus rebutted.
''Cause we're the Harry Potter wannabes, remember?' Lupin rolled his eyes. 'It's our RESPONSIBILITY to endanger our lives for the benefit of either the enemy or everyone else!'
'Fine, fine. I guess there's no other choice.' Severus got up and fell over again. He tripped on...you guess it again! Draco.
'We can't just leave Draco Malfoy here.' Jeni said. Her eyes were strangely misty. Since everyone else was thinking the same thing, what she said went through.
'Ah, stuff the little *BEEP*.' Growled Severus, who's temper was still not in check. (for the purposes of writing this non-violent, foul-language free fanfiction, we took the liberty of beeping out Severus's unfortunate outburst. We hope for your cooperation in future in creating the safest, nicest fanfiction site for all the little eight and ten year olds out there. Thank you!) 'I thought you liked Draco?' Lupin mused.
'I am Severus the SECOND, Lupin.' Severus reminded him. 'I think he's nothing but a little *BEEP*. But...just because I don't like him doesn't mean no one does.'
Jeni blushed in the corner, thanking God that for once no one noticing her was to her advantage.
'What the *BEEP* are you talking about, Snape?' Lupin demanded. 'Of COURSE it means no one likes him if you don't! Now let's GO!'
'NO!' Someone said. The boys turned around and saw it was Jeni. Her cheeks were awfully red. ^_^
'Oh, Jeni!' Said Lupin. 'When'd you show up?'
It was Jeni's turn to ignore someone else. She plunged straight into her speech: 'Okay, we can't leave Malfoy here by himself 'cause then he'd hinder the mission 'cause then we'd have to look for him later. If we don't worry about him, then other people would and because we're Harry potter wannabes, we have to consider everybody, right?'
Silence.
'So, after you, Lupin.' Severus said, gesturing to the door.
'Don't mind if I do.' Lupin said, stepping out.
'ARG!' Exclaimed Jeni.
'Oh, FINE!' Sighed Severus, 'cause he's generally a nice guy. 'WHAT do you WANT to DO?' Jeni thought for a while. Draco moaned on the floor. Lupin rolled his eyes so much his eyebrows raised to the ceiling.
'Um...' Jeni thought for a while more. 'Ah, in all the Disney movies I've seen, when a guy (girl) is asleep or...in this case...unconscious...I think you have to...'
Silence.
'Hurry the *BEEP* up, then!' Severus shouted, still frustrated he can't go chasing after Hojo. 'What do you want to do?'
'*mumble* *mumble*' Said Jeni.
'Let's just leave her here.' Lupin suggested. 'We've gotten this far without her.' ^_^
'NO!' Jeni screamed, her face going beetroot. 'I think one of us has to *mumble* *mumble*'
'Grr!' Lupin stepped out the door. Severus grabbed the back of his robes and yanked him back.
'OUT WITH IT, GIRL!' They both screamed at her.
'KISS HIM!!!' Yelled Jeni. Three floors away, the portraits along the wall woke with a start.
Silence.
Silence.
'Well?' Jeni asked. 'Who...um...wants the honors?'
Silence
Silence.
'Jeni, we're sorry if we've been ignoring you these days, but this is NO WAY to get attention!' Lupin said, waving his arms about in frustration.
'Well, do you wanna be a wannabe or not?' Jeni yelled at him. 'Look, it may not work but Hojo didn't exactly leave INSTRUCTIONS on how to revive him!'
'But the thing is, I don't think I ever wanted to be a wannabe!' Said Severus. 'Right now all I want is to go after Hojo-Sama, ok?'
The three stared at each other for a while.
'Severus, maybe you should just kiss Malfoy and get it over with.' Lupin suggested. 'You like men, right?'
'WHA?' Questioned Severus. 'WHY DO I HAVE TO KISS THE LITTLE *BEEP*? AND I DO NOT LIKE MEN!'
'So Hojo's a woman, eh?' Lupin asked slyly.
'You-'
'It'd be good if you stopped referring to him as a little *BEEP*, Severus.' Jeni interrupted with her mumble.
The boys rounded on her.
'Since you like him so much, why don't YOU kiss him?' Lupin asked. 'After all, you came up with the stupid idea.'
'And there's the small but important matter of YOU ARE THE ONLY GIRL HERE!' Severus agreed loudly, eyeing daggers at Lupin.
'!!!' Said Jeni.
'Go on! We won't look!' Lupin pushed Jeni forward towards the unconscious Draco.
'Yeah, do whatever. There's only lives at stake outside, no need to rush.' Severus said, voice dripping with sarcasm.
'!!!' Said Jeni.
'JUST GO!' The boys encouraged.
Jeni swept the dangerous sharp trophy pieces away with her robes and got down next to Draco, (who by this time was snoring softly ^_^) and lifted his head, sweeping away a loose bang in front of his eyes. (Where's the loose bang? His hair is gelled back!) Then, turning her back on the boys behind her, she slowly got down level to his face and softly...(Ewwwwwww! Author's Note: JENI FORCED ME TO WRITE THIS! BLAME MUSHINESS ON HER!!!)...touched her lips to his.
Silence.
(Thank GODS that's over!!! _)
Everyone held their breath.
'Wha...?' Said Draco.
'!!!' Said Jeni, getting up on her feet so quickly she let go of Malfoy's head and it hit the stone floor with a sinister 'bong'. Nevertheless, the boy was up!
Draco sat up idly and pulled the syringe out of his back. He rubbed his head and looked dreamily up at our three heroes.
'Wha...?' Draco repeated.
'Right, let's get the hell out of here and on the trail of the villain!' Lupin shouted triumphantly, striking a fist into the air.
'Geez...he's not a villain, he's just misunderstood...' Muttered Severus, following the werewolf out the door.
'...' Said Jeni, eyeing Malfoy for the last time, her eyes slightly teary. Then she too followed the two boys out the door.
~
AN: This is a fanfiction 'Remus' and I started one fateful science lesson when our friend Jeni (No-duh) started bothering me to write her something. Thus is insanity. Do not sue. Check out my account if you want. I assure you this fanfic does not define any of my others or resemble them in any way.
PS: In case you are confused, Hojo is indeed from another dimension. The Final Fantasy 7 one! I love that game.most of my ffs are about it.
Ok, read on.
& Remus J. Lupin Junior (Account accessible soon.)
Note: Writing in ~'s are italics
Writing in //'s are from Remus.
~
There was once someone named Jeni. (Note: JENI, not JENNY. How special. ^_^ I should get back to the point now)
Jeni went to Hogwarts, so obviously she was a witch. (No-DUH) And she was in her fifth year at the school. She is in Gryffindor, which SHOULD mean she's brave and loyal, etc, etc, but I can still scare the crap out of her if I want. (Who am I?? I'll tell you later) She has blue eyes and blond hair, but Lupin Junior and I managed to turn her hair blue and her eyes blond when we were playing a joke. But back to the point (again, I stray so much. NO, stop asking me who I am), Jeni is an excellent witch who always got top marks, blah blah blah. (Unlike me, but annnnyway)
//Well anyway, Jeni always got top marks EXCEPT for Lupin, who was a genius and had a brilliant mind. Like ***** said before, she was in Gryffindor, and ***** hates Gryffindor because they are so much better than his own house, Slytherin (if you don't know who ***** is yet, you should really go read the Harry Potter books again). Jeni was also a fantastic Quidditch player - she was the second-best flyer on the Gryffindor team and was seeker (Lupin, the chaser, was by far the best flyer). They said Lupin could play for England if he wanted to, but anyway...
One night Jeni wanted to practice her summoning charms (she could never work out if it was ~accio~ or ~ashio~), so she found a spare classroom and started practicing. She left a few seconds later, after Peeves had dropped a desk on her head, and staggered down to the hospital wing with pieces of wood stuck in her head. However, on the way she bumped into... LUPIN who, being the brilliant wizard that he was, was immediately able to get the bits of wood out of her head. So she went off to find a Peeves-free classroom to practice in. She walked into an empty classroom, only to find it wasn't empty. Inside was...//
Draco, who turned around, looking even more pissed off than he usually was to find a girl walking in on his...ah...private matters. (Grins evilly ^_- ) Jeni thought the polite thing to do would be to ask Draco nicely whether she could practice her summoning, but Draco, being the jerkhead that he is, told her to get lost before she even opened her mouth. (Haha No one listens to Jeni. Haha) Ok, so Jeni is really pissed off and she huffs off in a puff to find another classroom.
Behind her, Draco looks bemused. *Muhahahaha*
Later that evening, Jeni was sulking in the commonroom, as she hadn't been able to find an empty classroom, when she heard screaming outside in the corridor, followed by a rush to get into the Gryffindor commonroom by her fellow Gryffindors. 'What's going on?' she asked, as was the style to ask at the time when people are screaming and running around. But no one answered, because they were too busy running. (AND let's not forget NO ONE listens to Jeni. ;^D) Suddenly, the fat lady swung outwards, and who should burst in other than...
ME!! Hahahahaha!! Who am I? I AM SEVERUS THE SECOND! Hahahaha! (Yes, that wasn't much of a secret to begin with, but on with the...seriously mutilated fanfic...)
"What's up! Why is everyone in an awful panic?" Asked Jeni in her prissy lady-like way. Severus(I'm gonna start referring to myself as the third person to uncomplicate matters, not that matters are very complicated) raised his head dramatically, and answered, with his voice booming around the commonroom: (As the sound crew are very attracted to Me... ahem, HIM.)
"!!!!!!!!!!"
Question marks were floating above Jeni's head. Fortunately, Lupin was right behind Severus and, //being the brilliant wizard that he was//, was able to interpret: 'He means that some crazed madman had made it inside the castle somehow.'
Jeni was frightened. 'What should we do?'
'Tell Harry Potter?' Lupin suggested, and was rewarded with a most unfortunate nudge in the ribs by Severus's elbow. (Ouch) //(Severus was only jealous of Lupin's brilliance and good looks)//.
'No, I think the best thing to do is only THINK like HP, run around chasing the madman, and hope by some strange coincidence that the story turns out right without us getting killed.' As everyone agreed with m..ahem, SEVERUS, the three made their way briskly out of the Gryffindor commonroom (Hey, how'd I get in the Gryffindor commonroom in the first place?)
//(Severus got into the Gryffindor commonroom because... LUPIN took pity on the inferior Severus, and decided to let him in with the superior Gryffindors - such as LUPIN).
So Jeni and Lupin and Severus ran madly around the castle, Lupin in the lead (because of his superiority) and Severus in the back (because of his inferiority). However, they saw no sign of a madman. But they were still thinking like HP, so the brilliant (and infinitely superior)..... LUPIN said "Snape must be the madman... he is going to steal the Philosopher's stone"//
However, Lupin, being ultimately INFERIOR, despite whatever ideas he may have in his ultra inflated head about himself, was not aware that the Philosopher's Stone had already been destroyed. (Oh come on, THE FIRST BOOK, hello?)
//Severus' inferior mind couldn't grasp the concept that someone coughLupincough was actually smarter than him. So Lupin, trying to act like Harry Potter, yelled at Snape and Jeni for an hour, donned his superman clothes and flew off to the third floor corridor to tackle Fluffy and save the day. However, Fluffy wasn't in the corridor. Inside was...//
Draco again! (This is getting infinitely predictable...) However, Draco was not the only one in the room. //Suddenly, Draco was sucked into a vortex and disappeared. Somebody stepped out from behind a well-placed pillar. It was... DRACO. 'I thought you were in another dimension', said Jeni, who had mysteriously appeared in the corridor with Severus.//
'I was.' Replied Draco, sweeping his blond hair backwards like those people on the head and shoulders ads. //'Don't you normally wear gel?', asked Lupin, amazing even himself at his own brilliance.//
'Oh, is that what the gunk in my hair was.' Draco looked perplexed for about a nanosecond before realizing he had more important issues to report. 'Hey, when I came back from the horrid other dimension, someone came with me.'
Severus looked doubtful. Lupin looked doubtful even more. (I like Angela Anaconda.) Jeni merely looked stoned.
//However, Lupin, because of his... BRILLIANCE, was looking the most doubtful, so... DUMBLEDORE stepped out from behind another convenient pillar and presented Lupin with a huge trophy. They all clapped admiringly. Jeni claimed that she had been looking the most doubtful, and said that she deserved the trophy. They all ignored Jeni, because no-one ever listens to her anyway, so she went back to looking stoned.//
'But that is not the guy that followed me!' wailed Draco in despair.
'And since when was Dumbledore part of another dimension?' Asked Severus, getting right to the point with his comments unlike someone...cough.LUPIN.cough.(Hehehe)
'Oh.' Said Dumbledore, his beard drooping. 'I'll just disapparate then.' (He vanished with a bang)
'Hey...wait a moment...' Jeni said, coming out of her reservoir. (I KNOW what it is, ok?) 'You can't disapparate in the castle.'
Dumbledore reappeared. (Notice how in all the bad cartoons people always show up without warning and reason??)
'Oh.' Said Dumbledore. 'I'll just go then. Have fun following death! ...and that madman who followed Draco here.'
He shuffled off in his bunny slippers, leaving everyone at least a little stoned. (Jeni in particular.)
//However, Lupin recovered quickly (because of his... amazing... BRILLIANCE), and, using his psychic abilities, said 'I can SEE through that helpful pillar! There is someone "lurking" behind it!'.//
'Oh please!' Psychic abilities my f-' Draco didn't even finish before he collapsed in a heap at our heroes feet. //Lupin looked condescendingly down at him.// Severus looked slightly bemused. Jeni blinked.
After Draco collapsed, the three were able to see something sticking out of his back, which, we may rightfully assume, was the cause of his most ungraceful fall. They bent in closer to examine the object (Forgetting all the crime movies they saw as children with the murderer right behind them as they go in to examine something) and found it was a...(*gaaaaasp*) SYRINGE! FULL OF BLUE, SHINING LIQUID! *Muhahahahaha!*
'What the hell?" Asked Severus. //Jeni said, 'It's a SYRINGE!//' But seeing as Jeni is such a minor character, everyone ignores her.
Suddenly, the helpful pillar jumped aside to reveal none other than...
'HOJO!' (Finally!) Screamed Severus. 'Oh....*Goes lovey eyed as the evil long haired womanizing hollow cheeked lab coat clad scientist steps out.*
Jeni blinked, thinking this whole ordeal cannot get ANY weirder. Lupin dropped his trophy in surprise. It smashed into a thousand pieces. Dumbledore's very cheap. ^_^
'SEVERUS!' Lupin didn't even notice the very pointy, sharp and highly dangerous pieces on the floor at his feet in his surprise. 'YOU'RE *Gaaaaasp* GAY?'
Okay, Severus, feeling the odd stares coming from everywhere, decided to explain the situation before it got any stranger.
'Okay, so, I knew about that vortex a few years back, and don't kill me or tell Dumbledore or anything but I went to explore 'cause I wanted a place to hide from the stupid Marauders and the toilets were all full. So anyway, I climbed into the vortex and what do you know! I ended up in another world, strange, and filled with mudbloods. (Or so I thought) Then some guards came from nowhere and snatched me up into a van. I looked out and realized I had fallen in some burning city with dead people on the floors, etc. I also realized they crammed me into a van with murderous insane drooling idiots. So I called out for help and then who should come to my rescue but *Sigh...* Hojo-Sama. But I only got one look at him and his nametag before I was mysteriously teleported back into the world of...well, this world.'
Silence.
'Um...so I hope that explains stuff...' Severus was slowly backing away from the penetrating stares and raised eyebrows.
'That doesn't explain anything!' Wailed Jeni. 'Why the hell are you in LOVE with him?'
Fortunately, this time Jeni's comment was relevant enough to attract attention. All eyes fell back onto Severus.
Hojo coughed in the corner. Draco stirred on the floor and grunted. 'Ah, ahem, I think the matter you should be addressing now is the crazed madman...aha, me.' Said the evil scientist, stepping forwards.
Lupin, who hadn't had a line in ages, exclaimed: 'KEEP BACK!'
They all chose this time to draw out their wand, though they, like Harry Potter, never use a spell unless forced to. Quite stupid, if you ask me, but anyway.
'Expelliarmus!' Shouted Lupin, thrusting his wand. Unfortunately, the disarming spell does not work on one who has NOT GOT A WAND!
//However, unknown to everyone else, Lupin was in fact using a spell that he had invented himself, which sounded remarkably like 'expelliarmus'. It was, in fact, 'expelliaremus', named after himself, so it worked perfectly and slammed Hojo into another helpful pillar. 'Noooo...' yelled Snape, rushing over to where Hojo lay. //
But before he could get there, Hojo reached into his lab coat pocket and took out a shining stone. He muttered something no one could catch and disappeared; leaving everyone looking...you guess it! Stoned!
'Great! Now what?' Lupin crossed his arms and kicked the limp figure of Draco at his feet in frustration. 'He's gone!'
'No DUH, Inspector Obvious.' Jeni said, taking up a haughty tone as an attempt to get people to notice her. No one did. ^_^
'No! Hojo, come back!' It was Severus's turn to wail. 'Or take me with you! Whatever!'
It took a few seconds for everyone to come out of their respective miseries.
'I guess we should go and chase him before he kills anyone.' Jeni pointed out.
'I guess we should go and chase him before he kills anyone!' Lupin exclaimed.
'I just said that!' Jeni exasperated. Unfortunately, this was not a relevant enough comment. So she went back to muttering angrily under her breath.
Severus said nothing. He was still too miserable. Jeni patted him sympathetically on the shoulder.
'Come on then, we should go.' Said Lupin, sighing and stepping over the sharp edges of his beloved trophy plus Draco's unconscious body. 'We've got a madman on the loose and only we can stop him!'
'Ah, and why is that? I don't wanna kill Hojo.' Severus rebutted.
''Cause we're the Harry Potter wannabes, remember?' Lupin rolled his eyes. 'It's our RESPONSIBILITY to endanger our lives for the benefit of either the enemy or everyone else!'
'Fine, fine. I guess there's no other choice.' Severus got up and fell over again. He tripped on...you guess it again! Draco.
'We can't just leave Draco Malfoy here.' Jeni said. Her eyes were strangely misty. Since everyone else was thinking the same thing, what she said went through.
'Ah, stuff the little *BEEP*.' Growled Severus, who's temper was still not in check. (for the purposes of writing this non-violent, foul-language free fanfiction, we took the liberty of beeping out Severus's unfortunate outburst. We hope for your cooperation in future in creating the safest, nicest fanfiction site for all the little eight and ten year olds out there. Thank you!) 'I thought you liked Draco?' Lupin mused.
'I am Severus the SECOND, Lupin.' Severus reminded him. 'I think he's nothing but a little *BEEP*. But...just because I don't like him doesn't mean no one does.'
Jeni blushed in the corner, thanking God that for once no one noticing her was to her advantage.
'What the *BEEP* are you talking about, Snape?' Lupin demanded. 'Of COURSE it means no one likes him if you don't! Now let's GO!'
'NO!' Someone said. The boys turned around and saw it was Jeni. Her cheeks were awfully red. ^_^
'Oh, Jeni!' Said Lupin. 'When'd you show up?'
It was Jeni's turn to ignore someone else. She plunged straight into her speech: 'Okay, we can't leave Malfoy here by himself 'cause then he'd hinder the mission 'cause then we'd have to look for him later. If we don't worry about him, then other people would and because we're Harry potter wannabes, we have to consider everybody, right?'
Silence.
'So, after you, Lupin.' Severus said, gesturing to the door.
'Don't mind if I do.' Lupin said, stepping out.
'ARG!' Exclaimed Jeni.
'Oh, FINE!' Sighed Severus, 'cause he's generally a nice guy. 'WHAT do you WANT to DO?' Jeni thought for a while. Draco moaned on the floor. Lupin rolled his eyes so much his eyebrows raised to the ceiling.
'Um...' Jeni thought for a while more. 'Ah, in all the Disney movies I've seen, when a guy (girl) is asleep or...in this case...unconscious...I think you have to...'
Silence.
'Hurry the *BEEP* up, then!' Severus shouted, still frustrated he can't go chasing after Hojo. 'What do you want to do?'
'*mumble* *mumble*' Said Jeni.
'Let's just leave her here.' Lupin suggested. 'We've gotten this far without her.' ^_^
'NO!' Jeni screamed, her face going beetroot. 'I think one of us has to *mumble* *mumble*'
'Grr!' Lupin stepped out the door. Severus grabbed the back of his robes and yanked him back.
'OUT WITH IT, GIRL!' They both screamed at her.
'KISS HIM!!!' Yelled Jeni. Three floors away, the portraits along the wall woke with a start.
Silence.
Silence.
'Well?' Jeni asked. 'Who...um...wants the honors?'
Silence
Silence.
'Jeni, we're sorry if we've been ignoring you these days, but this is NO WAY to get attention!' Lupin said, waving his arms about in frustration.
'Well, do you wanna be a wannabe or not?' Jeni yelled at him. 'Look, it may not work but Hojo didn't exactly leave INSTRUCTIONS on how to revive him!'
'But the thing is, I don't think I ever wanted to be a wannabe!' Said Severus. 'Right now all I want is to go after Hojo-Sama, ok?'
The three stared at each other for a while.
'Severus, maybe you should just kiss Malfoy and get it over with.' Lupin suggested. 'You like men, right?'
'WHA?' Questioned Severus. 'WHY DO I HAVE TO KISS THE LITTLE *BEEP*? AND I DO NOT LIKE MEN!'
'So Hojo's a woman, eh?' Lupin asked slyly.
'You-'
'It'd be good if you stopped referring to him as a little *BEEP*, Severus.' Jeni interrupted with her mumble.
The boys rounded on her.
'Since you like him so much, why don't YOU kiss him?' Lupin asked. 'After all, you came up with the stupid idea.'
'And there's the small but important matter of YOU ARE THE ONLY GIRL HERE!' Severus agreed loudly, eyeing daggers at Lupin.
'!!!' Said Jeni.
'Go on! We won't look!' Lupin pushed Jeni forward towards the unconscious Draco.
'Yeah, do whatever. There's only lives at stake outside, no need to rush.' Severus said, voice dripping with sarcasm.
'!!!' Said Jeni.
'JUST GO!' The boys encouraged.
Jeni swept the dangerous sharp trophy pieces away with her robes and got down next to Draco, (who by this time was snoring softly ^_^) and lifted his head, sweeping away a loose bang in front of his eyes. (Where's the loose bang? His hair is gelled back!) Then, turning her back on the boys behind her, she slowly got down level to his face and softly...(Ewwwwwww! Author's Note: JENI FORCED ME TO WRITE THIS! BLAME MUSHINESS ON HER!!!)...touched her lips to his.
Silence.
(Thank GODS that's over!!! _)
Everyone held their breath.
'Wha...?' Said Draco.
'!!!' Said Jeni, getting up on her feet so quickly she let go of Malfoy's head and it hit the stone floor with a sinister 'bong'. Nevertheless, the boy was up!
Draco sat up idly and pulled the syringe out of his back. He rubbed his head and looked dreamily up at our three heroes.
'Wha...?' Draco repeated.
'Right, let's get the hell out of here and on the trail of the villain!' Lupin shouted triumphantly, striking a fist into the air.
'Geez...he's not a villain, he's just misunderstood...' Muttered Severus, following the werewolf out the door.
'...' Said Jeni, eyeing Malfoy for the last time, her eyes slightly teary. Then she too followed the two boys out the door.
~
AN: This is a fanfiction 'Remus' and I started one fateful science lesson when our friend Jeni (No-duh) started bothering me to write her something. Thus is insanity. Do not sue. Check out my account if you want. I assure you this fanfic does not define any of my others or resemble them in any way.
PS: In case you are confused, Hojo is indeed from another dimension. The Final Fantasy 7 one! I love that game.most of my ffs are about it.
Ok, read on.