JENI'S FANFICTION ~ By Severus Snape the Second. (Crimson Sun) (with no
help from Lupin Junior.)
Mention again that writing in ~'s are italics.
~
The three heroes made their way briskly along the empty corridors.(Empty? Why are they empty? For effect, of course.) In the search for Hojo.
'Okay, so, where do we go now?' Lupin asked vaguely. 'It's not like he left us a trail of breadcrumbs to follow or anything.'
'Speaking of which, I'm hungry.' Severus moaned. 'Why can't we just tell Harry Potter? It'd make things a lot easier!'
'No, for once we'll do this ourselves!' Lupin rebutted. 'Where to go next, crew?'
They stared at Lupin.
'Crew?' Severus asked, raising an eyebrow. Lupin shrugged.
'I guess it'd be safer for us to stick together.' Jeni said.
'Great idea!' Said Lupin. 'Let's split up!'
'But-' Jeni protested.
'Snape, you go along this corridor down to the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw commonrooms, I'll go back up to the Gryffindor tower and then round to the Slytherin commonroom, and we'll meet back here in an hour. Got that?'
'But-' Jeni protested.
'Oh, Jeni! You just pop up everywhere, don't you?' Lupin said. 'Well, as long as you're here, you can go check the astronomy tower. And while you're at it, go down to the dungeons too, k?'
'But-' Jeni protested.
'Right! Let's go!' Lupin instructed. The boys set off, leaving Jeni in their dust. She stood for a moment, looking stoned, and then sighed and decided to investigate the dungeons.
[In the Slytherin Commonroom]
'Hey, has anyone seen Draco lately?' Pansy asked.
Lupin skipped past the black leather armchairs. He figured since no one was in a panic or stamping over each other in a rush to get out, Hojo has not been here. Or maybe just no one noticed him.
'Forget Draco,' Said Lupin. 'Has anyone seen a man with glasses and long hair and a lab coat?'
Silence.
'Wait a minute...' Pansy said slowly, getting up off her armchair and walking over to where Lupin was investigating. 'You're not a Slytherin!'
'Ah...' Said Lupin.
'You're a *Gaaaaaaasp* GRYFFINDOR!'
A collective intake of breath surrounded the room. Then, before he knew what else was going on, Lupin was shoved off his feet and into another leather armchair, where he was surrounded by the angry pug-like faces of the Slytherins.
'Eep.' Squeaked Lupin. Maybe coming to the Slytherin commonroom should've been left up to Snape. He tried quickly to escape this situation. 'I...I...ah...am...am not...A GRYFFINDOR! I am...um...I'm actually a...spy...yeah, that's it, a SPY for Slytherin that's been...um...sent to Gryffindor House to...ah...SPY on them for us!'
Silence.
'How can we be sure?' Asked Pansy, pushing her squashed face all the way down to Lupin's until their noses could've touched. Not pleasant. 'How do we know you're telling the truth? Perhaps I need a little reinforcement. Crabbe?'
Crabbe pushed past the crowd of Slytherins, his face twisted with glee. It made him dribble. Not pleasant at all. How could Snape stand to be around these idiots? No wonder he wanted to be in Gryffindor once upon a time!
'ARE YOU A GRYFFINDOR?' Crabbe screamed in Lupin's ear.
'NO!' Lupin screamed back. He was fast regaining his confidence. If his dad could conceal his werewolfish-ness for so long, surely his son could trick a couple...a lot...of Slytherins without problem...right?
'ARE YOU A GRYFFINDOR?' Crabbe yelled again. Spit flied. Not nice. (Hey, that almost rhymed! ^_^ )
'I TOLD YOU NO!' Lupin yelled back.
'Well, that's all I've got.' Crabbe said, shrugging at Pansy. She raised both eyebrows in an attempt to look mocking, but since only good-looking evil people can raise one of their eyebrows at a time, her attempt at it obviously failed.
'All right...' She said, brushing past Crabbe until Lupin was looking at her rotten pie-like face again. 'We'll ask ya something only Slytherins would know. Then we'll find out if you're lying or not. And if you are...'
Crabbe struck a fist into his other hand. Goyle massaged his knuckles. Lupin gulped. Even if he was BRILLIANT at dueling, so many against one certainly meant coming out the worse end for him.
'Hm...' Pansy thought, stroking her non-existent chin. 'I know! Here's a question you WON'T be able to answer, 'cause you're NOT really a Slytherin!'
Lupin tried to look confidently inquisitive.
'WHAT WAS PROFESSOR SNAPE THE FIRST SCARED OF?' Asked Pansy, victory all over her face and not making it look much better.
Silence.
'Um...' Said Lupin, thinking hard. What was an evil dude like the last Snape scared of? Well, this should be easy. Whatever the old guy was scared of, he most certainly would have passed the fear to his son, who Lupin so fortunately knows. But what WAS Snape the second afraid of? Well...well...
'Time's running out.' Pansy smirked. But since only good-looking evil people can smirk and make it look charming and devilish, her attempt at it obviously...you guessed it! (Gee, you're so smart!) failed.
Lupin's ticking brain was almost audible on the outside. What was Snape scared of? Not the usual sort of thing like spiders or exams or stuff... It's got to be something like...
Then he got it. Pushing himself up on the armchair, Lupin said triumphantly:
'HE'S SCARED OF THE COLOUR PINK!'
Silence. Lupin held his breath.
'How'd...how'd...' Pansy's stuttering said all he could ever wish for. Obviously this WAS the right answer. Boy, was Snape going to be teased bad when Lupin got out of here.
'Well, since I so obviously AM a Slytherin, would you please let me out of here now?' Lupin got up, thanking the Gods that the all the Slytherins save Snape and Malfoy were indirect descendants of trolls. 'Unlike all of you, a SPY's job is never done. So, HAVE any of you seen an evil-looking dude with long black hair and glasses and a lab coat?'
'Yeah.' Pansy said, defeated. 'He went down the way to the Hufflepuff commonrooms, I think.'
'*BEEP*!' Swore Lupin. 'That's where I sent Snape! I gotta go find him before *gaaaaasp* it's too late!'
He stumbled out of the Slytherin commonroom, in search again of the evil mad scientist Hojo, wishing sincerely he wouldn't have to face either that dude or more Slytherins.
[In the Dungeons]
Jeni sulked all the way down the stairs that led to the dungeons. For once, would it KILL them to listen to her opinion for once? (Actually...no, never mind. ^_^ ) She skipped down the stairs two at a time, decided it was too happy for this particular occasion, so slowed down to a funeral-like march.
Suddenly, she heard rumbling behind her. (DUN DUN DUN!!!!) Spinning around, (and nearly tripping on the stairs while she was at it), she glimpsed a GIANT shadow coming down towards her!
'ARG!' Said Jeni.
The owner of the shadow was nearly squashing her. She looked up in the dim candlelight, ready to scream, when suddenly she grasped the image before her. Hey...isn't that...
'HAGRID?' Recognition bloomed on Jeni's face. 'AHHHH!' She said as the half- giant brushed past her. Painful, since he can't really BRUSH past anyone with that figure. Anyway.
'Hagrid, stop!' She shouted, chasing him down the stairs. The gamekeeper finally stopped, looked up, looked down, and gave a start.
'Oh, Jeni!' He said, giving her a friendly pat on the back and sending her down the stairs. 'Oh, sorry there. Um, yer better get outta here. Somethin' mighty funny's goin' on.' (Yes, that's good enough Hagrid talk...)
'What's that?' Asked Jeni, getting up off the floor and rubbing her nose where it crashed onto cold rock. 'If it's something about a madman with glasses and long hair, then you'd better tell me quick so I can report back to the others.'
'No, no.' Hagrid said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. 'There's just been monstrous rats down here, Jeni. Not very nice, chews the cauldron bottoms and eats Professor Snape's potions. Somethin' been makin' em mighty scary. And look, I found this in one of 'em.'
He held out his giant hand. In the middle, almost impossible to see 'cause the contrast between big and small was so big, (oh, don't tell me you didn't get that...never mind) was a needle, filled with...(DUN DUN DUN) BRIGHT BLUE LIQUID!!
'Omigod!' Screeched Jeni. 'That...that's HOJO's needle!!! Does that mean... (DUN DUN - Ah! Enough of this already!)'
'I've got to go investigate!' Jeni said, pulling out her wand. 'Maybe Hojo's down there with his needles or something.... Hagrid, wanna come with?'
'Nah, gotta go polish my boots. Sorry Jen, but it really can't wait any longer.' Hagrid replied. 'See ya round!'
Jeni meant to point out shoe-polishing was just a bit less important than the prospect of everyone dying at the hands of Hojo and the teeth of mutated rats, but since she knew by now that no one listens to her, she merely shrugged and trudged off to the dungeons by herself.
It was cold and damp down in the dungeons and Jeni had left her fur-cloak up in the commonroom. *Damn, said Jeni* She tiptoed around in the semi- darkness, *oooo, spooky, said Jeni* wondering if Hagrid was right about the mutated rats. She wondered if they had a taste for (DUN DUN - *Severus whacks the sound crew* *Sound stops*) human flesh! But she hoped they were too occupied with toad brains and whatnot to notice her.
'Hello~?' She peeked around the corner where Gryffindors usually had their potions classes, searching for any signs of life. *Like the moldy stuff growing on the ceiling? Asked Jeni* She couldn't see any rats yet, but were they smart enough to corner and ambush people, perhaps? Just to be safe, she drew out her wand.
'~Lumos~' The end of the wand ignited. *It's not on fire! Said Jeni. Unfortunately, Severus chose to ignore this comment* She saw nothing of particular interest, except dark puddles on the floor and an open supplies closet.
Wait a minute....
'DARK PUDDLES?' Jeni bent in closer to examine. 'It's *Double Gaaaaaaasp* BLOOD!!'
Jeni spun around wildly, tried to run, tripped, got up, tried to run again, finally did, and stumbled back towards the staircase. But before she could reach it, more GIANT shadows came stumbling out of a dark corner that was not there before!
*Gulp* Jeni gulped as what was unmistakably GIANT RATS scuttering towards her! She flattened herself against the nearest wall and held her breath for dear life.
The rats drew closer.
Jeni closed her eyes.
The rats drew level with her.
Jeni bit her tongue*Lip! Correct Jeni. Severus whistled and looked at the ceiling*.
The rats were going...
Jeni tugged at her hair silently
They were...going away!
'Phew' said Jeni.
'Hey, did you hear something?' The smaller rat said. *Do rats talk? asked Jeni. Severus examined his nails*
'Yeeeeah...' The bigger rat realized. 'But I didn't see anyone, did you?'
'Maybe...' The smaller said. (Not even the rats notice Jeni! ^_^)
'Hey, there's a wall that resembles a human there!' Realized the bigger rat.
'That's no human-like wall!' Screeched the smaller rat. 'That is...*Gaaaaaasp* A HUMAN!'
'EEEP!' Said Jeni.
'GET HER!'
[At the Hufflepuff Commonroom]
Severus looked curiously around, hoping for any sign of Hojo. He sincerely wished he were the one who found the scientist before anyone else.
Since no one has ever described the Hufflepuff Commonroom, let's give a brief description here! (Before I go any further, DON'T SUE) Severus entered through a closet near the third floor, under a set of stairs, and found himself momentarily blinded by an array of black and yellow stripes. He felt as though he'd just stepped into an overlarge bumblebee.
'Erg.' Said Severus, composing himself. He shook his head. There were more important matters at hand. MUCH more important matters. Such as...
'Hey, is there some food around here? I'm starving.'
'Ah, I don't think that's what you're supposed to say.' Said Cedric, the only person who had a copy of Jeni's fanfic - the script on hand. 'You're supposed to say 'Hey, has anyone seen a long haired, lab-coat donned, etc, etc, mad scientist?'
'Well, actors have to eat someday!' Severus complained. 'Besides, you're supposed to be dead, so shut up!'
'But you gotta say your line so I can say my line which is "why, yes, I-'
'Yeah, yeah.' Said Severus dismissively. 'Are those hotdogs I smell?' He hurried over to the tray of hotdogs that had magically appeared on a nearby table.
'But-I've gotta warn you against the evil-'
'Mmthmm,' Severus mumbled. In people-who-have-their-mouths-full language, this meant 'Shut up and leave me alone to my hotdogs which are SO much better than you, who is annoying the hell out of me while I'm trying to eat my hotdogs, which are SO much better than you, etc,etc.'
'But, but Hojo's-'
'Phh!' Severus spat out his mouthful of hotdog, which melted through the floor (Dumbledore's very cheap. ^_^). Shrieks sounded below. 'DID YOU SAY HOJO?'
'Nah...I haven't been just trying to tell you that for the PAST FIVE HOURS!' Screamed Cedric in frustration.
'Well, tell me where he is now so I can go after him, then!' Yelled Severus, equally loudly. 'I have to find him before anyone else, you realize, so they don't kill him...or so he doesn't kill them...which is more likely...'
'Yeah, yeah.' Said Cedric, clearing his throat and returning to his cool, pretty boy demeanor. 'We didn't notice him at first 'cause he was wearing a cloak. But then I, as the Hufflepuff captain-'
'Hufflepuff captain?' Questioned Severus, who perfectly mastered the art of raising one single eyebrow.
'A self-proclaimed title.' Smiled Cedric nervously, until he remembered his important role as information provider. 'Anyway, I realized he was not one of US! So I chased him out-'
Severus raised the other eyebrow.
'Oh, alright.' Grumbled Cedric. 'He left, and I heard him muttering about giant rats and Sephi-something. And reviving his son or something. And using the soul of an innocent to call him back or something.'
Severus found himself highly annoyed by the fact his eyebrows wouldn't go any higher than they were.
'Where was he?' Severus continued to question.
'Around by the Hufflepuff private swimming pool when I first saw him.' Answered Cedric casually.
'You guys have a PRIVATE SWIMMING POOL?'
'Yeah, it's right next to the Hufflepuff personal Quidditch field.'
'What the-?'
'Well every other house has something they're special for!' Cedric raised his voice slightly. 'Normally it's the people. We're all a bunch of dumbasses, but at least we get to live in style!'
Silence. Severus's forehead was hurting from the effort of keeping his eyebrows near his hairline. But he caught himself again and regained composure. There were much more important things - yes, even more important than his growling stomach - at hand.
'He went down to the dungeons.' Informed Cedric.
'Yeah, thanks Ced.' Sighed Severus. 'I'm off then.'
He took one last glance around the Hufflepuff commonroom, shuddered, and added: 'And Ced, please, please redecorate this place. It could give an old lady a seizure.'
Cedric scowled at Severus's retreating back. Something had been bothering him, and even the script did not stop that nagging in his mind. But only when the Slytherin had gone did he fully realize what it was he was thinking:
'Hey!' He shouted, too late. 'How'd you get inside our commonroom anyway?'
[Outside the Hufflepuff commonroom]
Severus had not gone two steps outside when he bumped into something solid. With a simultaneous 'OW!', both he and the something solid fell to the floor.
'Lupin?' Recognized Severus, rubbing his backside. 'What the hell are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be-'
'Snape!' Lupin also sat up, much quicker and much more enthusiastically. 'You're all right! I thought for sure you'd...'
The werewolf quickly explained his ordeal with the Slytherins to Severus, who by the end of the story had a hard time keeping his face straight. However, after Lupin punched him in the arm for snickering, he regained his dignity and told his, somewhat less dangerous, part of the story concerning the Hufflepuffs.
'So what d'you think we should do now?' Lupin asked. 'Go down to the *shudder* dungeons?'
'Yeah, I guess so.' Severus answered. 'I wonder what Hojo was on about when he talked about reviving his son and all that. And the "soul of an innocent"?'
'Hey, d'you get the feeling we're...missing something?' Lupin asked, scratching his head. 'I'm sure there's something we're supposed to be doing...'
'Yeah, I get that feeling too...' Agreed Severus. 'I wonder what it is...'
'Lunch?' Suggested Lupin.
'Nah...' Severus shook his head thoughtfully. 'Something...less important than that...'
'Well, maybe if we find Jeni, she'd know-' Lupin started, then his eyes widened in an almost comical fashion.
'JENI!' The flash from the idea light bulbs that appeared over their heads blinded three Hufflepuff girls coming out of their commonroom. The two heroes hurried along the corridor as fast as their little footsies could carry them, in search of Hojo, and more...oh, maybe less (snicker ^_^) importantly, JENI!
'And oh, Snape?' Lupin inquired breathlessly as they ran down the winding staircase to the dungeons.
'Yeah?'
'PINK!'
Severus tumbled down the rest of the steps.
~
AN: STILL READING THIS? I commend you for your patience and I scoff at your sense of humor. Anyway, I see I should probably not be insulting my readers. So instead, I will threaten you! Review, lest you turn into a mutated rat! (Not much of a threat. I'm working on it.)
Mention again that writing in ~'s are italics.
~
The three heroes made their way briskly along the empty corridors.(Empty? Why are they empty? For effect, of course.) In the search for Hojo.
'Okay, so, where do we go now?' Lupin asked vaguely. 'It's not like he left us a trail of breadcrumbs to follow or anything.'
'Speaking of which, I'm hungry.' Severus moaned. 'Why can't we just tell Harry Potter? It'd make things a lot easier!'
'No, for once we'll do this ourselves!' Lupin rebutted. 'Where to go next, crew?'
They stared at Lupin.
'Crew?' Severus asked, raising an eyebrow. Lupin shrugged.
'I guess it'd be safer for us to stick together.' Jeni said.
'Great idea!' Said Lupin. 'Let's split up!'
'But-' Jeni protested.
'Snape, you go along this corridor down to the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw commonrooms, I'll go back up to the Gryffindor tower and then round to the Slytherin commonroom, and we'll meet back here in an hour. Got that?'
'But-' Jeni protested.
'Oh, Jeni! You just pop up everywhere, don't you?' Lupin said. 'Well, as long as you're here, you can go check the astronomy tower. And while you're at it, go down to the dungeons too, k?'
'But-' Jeni protested.
'Right! Let's go!' Lupin instructed. The boys set off, leaving Jeni in their dust. She stood for a moment, looking stoned, and then sighed and decided to investigate the dungeons.
[In the Slytherin Commonroom]
'Hey, has anyone seen Draco lately?' Pansy asked.
Lupin skipped past the black leather armchairs. He figured since no one was in a panic or stamping over each other in a rush to get out, Hojo has not been here. Or maybe just no one noticed him.
'Forget Draco,' Said Lupin. 'Has anyone seen a man with glasses and long hair and a lab coat?'
Silence.
'Wait a minute...' Pansy said slowly, getting up off her armchair and walking over to where Lupin was investigating. 'You're not a Slytherin!'
'Ah...' Said Lupin.
'You're a *Gaaaaaaasp* GRYFFINDOR!'
A collective intake of breath surrounded the room. Then, before he knew what else was going on, Lupin was shoved off his feet and into another leather armchair, where he was surrounded by the angry pug-like faces of the Slytherins.
'Eep.' Squeaked Lupin. Maybe coming to the Slytherin commonroom should've been left up to Snape. He tried quickly to escape this situation. 'I...I...ah...am...am not...A GRYFFINDOR! I am...um...I'm actually a...spy...yeah, that's it, a SPY for Slytherin that's been...um...sent to Gryffindor House to...ah...SPY on them for us!'
Silence.
'How can we be sure?' Asked Pansy, pushing her squashed face all the way down to Lupin's until their noses could've touched. Not pleasant. 'How do we know you're telling the truth? Perhaps I need a little reinforcement. Crabbe?'
Crabbe pushed past the crowd of Slytherins, his face twisted with glee. It made him dribble. Not pleasant at all. How could Snape stand to be around these idiots? No wonder he wanted to be in Gryffindor once upon a time!
'ARE YOU A GRYFFINDOR?' Crabbe screamed in Lupin's ear.
'NO!' Lupin screamed back. He was fast regaining his confidence. If his dad could conceal his werewolfish-ness for so long, surely his son could trick a couple...a lot...of Slytherins without problem...right?
'ARE YOU A GRYFFINDOR?' Crabbe yelled again. Spit flied. Not nice. (Hey, that almost rhymed! ^_^ )
'I TOLD YOU NO!' Lupin yelled back.
'Well, that's all I've got.' Crabbe said, shrugging at Pansy. She raised both eyebrows in an attempt to look mocking, but since only good-looking evil people can raise one of their eyebrows at a time, her attempt at it obviously failed.
'All right...' She said, brushing past Crabbe until Lupin was looking at her rotten pie-like face again. 'We'll ask ya something only Slytherins would know. Then we'll find out if you're lying or not. And if you are...'
Crabbe struck a fist into his other hand. Goyle massaged his knuckles. Lupin gulped. Even if he was BRILLIANT at dueling, so many against one certainly meant coming out the worse end for him.
'Hm...' Pansy thought, stroking her non-existent chin. 'I know! Here's a question you WON'T be able to answer, 'cause you're NOT really a Slytherin!'
Lupin tried to look confidently inquisitive.
'WHAT WAS PROFESSOR SNAPE THE FIRST SCARED OF?' Asked Pansy, victory all over her face and not making it look much better.
Silence.
'Um...' Said Lupin, thinking hard. What was an evil dude like the last Snape scared of? Well, this should be easy. Whatever the old guy was scared of, he most certainly would have passed the fear to his son, who Lupin so fortunately knows. But what WAS Snape the second afraid of? Well...well...
'Time's running out.' Pansy smirked. But since only good-looking evil people can smirk and make it look charming and devilish, her attempt at it obviously...you guessed it! (Gee, you're so smart!) failed.
Lupin's ticking brain was almost audible on the outside. What was Snape scared of? Not the usual sort of thing like spiders or exams or stuff... It's got to be something like...
Then he got it. Pushing himself up on the armchair, Lupin said triumphantly:
'HE'S SCARED OF THE COLOUR PINK!'
Silence. Lupin held his breath.
'How'd...how'd...' Pansy's stuttering said all he could ever wish for. Obviously this WAS the right answer. Boy, was Snape going to be teased bad when Lupin got out of here.
'Well, since I so obviously AM a Slytherin, would you please let me out of here now?' Lupin got up, thanking the Gods that the all the Slytherins save Snape and Malfoy were indirect descendants of trolls. 'Unlike all of you, a SPY's job is never done. So, HAVE any of you seen an evil-looking dude with long black hair and glasses and a lab coat?'
'Yeah.' Pansy said, defeated. 'He went down the way to the Hufflepuff commonrooms, I think.'
'*BEEP*!' Swore Lupin. 'That's where I sent Snape! I gotta go find him before *gaaaaasp* it's too late!'
He stumbled out of the Slytherin commonroom, in search again of the evil mad scientist Hojo, wishing sincerely he wouldn't have to face either that dude or more Slytherins.
[In the Dungeons]
Jeni sulked all the way down the stairs that led to the dungeons. For once, would it KILL them to listen to her opinion for once? (Actually...no, never mind. ^_^ ) She skipped down the stairs two at a time, decided it was too happy for this particular occasion, so slowed down to a funeral-like march.
Suddenly, she heard rumbling behind her. (DUN DUN DUN!!!!) Spinning around, (and nearly tripping on the stairs while she was at it), she glimpsed a GIANT shadow coming down towards her!
'ARG!' Said Jeni.
The owner of the shadow was nearly squashing her. She looked up in the dim candlelight, ready to scream, when suddenly she grasped the image before her. Hey...isn't that...
'HAGRID?' Recognition bloomed on Jeni's face. 'AHHHH!' She said as the half- giant brushed past her. Painful, since he can't really BRUSH past anyone with that figure. Anyway.
'Hagrid, stop!' She shouted, chasing him down the stairs. The gamekeeper finally stopped, looked up, looked down, and gave a start.
'Oh, Jeni!' He said, giving her a friendly pat on the back and sending her down the stairs. 'Oh, sorry there. Um, yer better get outta here. Somethin' mighty funny's goin' on.' (Yes, that's good enough Hagrid talk...)
'What's that?' Asked Jeni, getting up off the floor and rubbing her nose where it crashed onto cold rock. 'If it's something about a madman with glasses and long hair, then you'd better tell me quick so I can report back to the others.'
'No, no.' Hagrid said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. 'There's just been monstrous rats down here, Jeni. Not very nice, chews the cauldron bottoms and eats Professor Snape's potions. Somethin' been makin' em mighty scary. And look, I found this in one of 'em.'
He held out his giant hand. In the middle, almost impossible to see 'cause the contrast between big and small was so big, (oh, don't tell me you didn't get that...never mind) was a needle, filled with...(DUN DUN DUN) BRIGHT BLUE LIQUID!!
'Omigod!' Screeched Jeni. 'That...that's HOJO's needle!!! Does that mean... (DUN DUN - Ah! Enough of this already!)'
'I've got to go investigate!' Jeni said, pulling out her wand. 'Maybe Hojo's down there with his needles or something.... Hagrid, wanna come with?'
'Nah, gotta go polish my boots. Sorry Jen, but it really can't wait any longer.' Hagrid replied. 'See ya round!'
Jeni meant to point out shoe-polishing was just a bit less important than the prospect of everyone dying at the hands of Hojo and the teeth of mutated rats, but since she knew by now that no one listens to her, she merely shrugged and trudged off to the dungeons by herself.
It was cold and damp down in the dungeons and Jeni had left her fur-cloak up in the commonroom. *Damn, said Jeni* She tiptoed around in the semi- darkness, *oooo, spooky, said Jeni* wondering if Hagrid was right about the mutated rats. She wondered if they had a taste for (DUN DUN - *Severus whacks the sound crew* *Sound stops*) human flesh! But she hoped they were too occupied with toad brains and whatnot to notice her.
'Hello~?' She peeked around the corner where Gryffindors usually had their potions classes, searching for any signs of life. *Like the moldy stuff growing on the ceiling? Asked Jeni* She couldn't see any rats yet, but were they smart enough to corner and ambush people, perhaps? Just to be safe, she drew out her wand.
'~Lumos~' The end of the wand ignited. *It's not on fire! Said Jeni. Unfortunately, Severus chose to ignore this comment* She saw nothing of particular interest, except dark puddles on the floor and an open supplies closet.
Wait a minute....
'DARK PUDDLES?' Jeni bent in closer to examine. 'It's *Double Gaaaaaaasp* BLOOD!!'
Jeni spun around wildly, tried to run, tripped, got up, tried to run again, finally did, and stumbled back towards the staircase. But before she could reach it, more GIANT shadows came stumbling out of a dark corner that was not there before!
*Gulp* Jeni gulped as what was unmistakably GIANT RATS scuttering towards her! She flattened herself against the nearest wall and held her breath for dear life.
The rats drew closer.
Jeni closed her eyes.
The rats drew level with her.
Jeni bit her tongue*Lip! Correct Jeni. Severus whistled and looked at the ceiling*.
The rats were going...
Jeni tugged at her hair silently
They were...going away!
'Phew' said Jeni.
'Hey, did you hear something?' The smaller rat said. *Do rats talk? asked Jeni. Severus examined his nails*
'Yeeeeah...' The bigger rat realized. 'But I didn't see anyone, did you?'
'Maybe...' The smaller said. (Not even the rats notice Jeni! ^_^)
'Hey, there's a wall that resembles a human there!' Realized the bigger rat.
'That's no human-like wall!' Screeched the smaller rat. 'That is...*Gaaaaaasp* A HUMAN!'
'EEEP!' Said Jeni.
'GET HER!'
[At the Hufflepuff Commonroom]
Severus looked curiously around, hoping for any sign of Hojo. He sincerely wished he were the one who found the scientist before anyone else.
Since no one has ever described the Hufflepuff Commonroom, let's give a brief description here! (Before I go any further, DON'T SUE) Severus entered through a closet near the third floor, under a set of stairs, and found himself momentarily blinded by an array of black and yellow stripes. He felt as though he'd just stepped into an overlarge bumblebee.
'Erg.' Said Severus, composing himself. He shook his head. There were more important matters at hand. MUCH more important matters. Such as...
'Hey, is there some food around here? I'm starving.'
'Ah, I don't think that's what you're supposed to say.' Said Cedric, the only person who had a copy of Jeni's fanfic - the script on hand. 'You're supposed to say 'Hey, has anyone seen a long haired, lab-coat donned, etc, etc, mad scientist?'
'Well, actors have to eat someday!' Severus complained. 'Besides, you're supposed to be dead, so shut up!'
'But you gotta say your line so I can say my line which is "why, yes, I-'
'Yeah, yeah.' Said Severus dismissively. 'Are those hotdogs I smell?' He hurried over to the tray of hotdogs that had magically appeared on a nearby table.
'But-I've gotta warn you against the evil-'
'Mmthmm,' Severus mumbled. In people-who-have-their-mouths-full language, this meant 'Shut up and leave me alone to my hotdogs which are SO much better than you, who is annoying the hell out of me while I'm trying to eat my hotdogs, which are SO much better than you, etc,etc.'
'But, but Hojo's-'
'Phh!' Severus spat out his mouthful of hotdog, which melted through the floor (Dumbledore's very cheap. ^_^). Shrieks sounded below. 'DID YOU SAY HOJO?'
'Nah...I haven't been just trying to tell you that for the PAST FIVE HOURS!' Screamed Cedric in frustration.
'Well, tell me where he is now so I can go after him, then!' Yelled Severus, equally loudly. 'I have to find him before anyone else, you realize, so they don't kill him...or so he doesn't kill them...which is more likely...'
'Yeah, yeah.' Said Cedric, clearing his throat and returning to his cool, pretty boy demeanor. 'We didn't notice him at first 'cause he was wearing a cloak. But then I, as the Hufflepuff captain-'
'Hufflepuff captain?' Questioned Severus, who perfectly mastered the art of raising one single eyebrow.
'A self-proclaimed title.' Smiled Cedric nervously, until he remembered his important role as information provider. 'Anyway, I realized he was not one of US! So I chased him out-'
Severus raised the other eyebrow.
'Oh, alright.' Grumbled Cedric. 'He left, and I heard him muttering about giant rats and Sephi-something. And reviving his son or something. And using the soul of an innocent to call him back or something.'
Severus found himself highly annoyed by the fact his eyebrows wouldn't go any higher than they were.
'Where was he?' Severus continued to question.
'Around by the Hufflepuff private swimming pool when I first saw him.' Answered Cedric casually.
'You guys have a PRIVATE SWIMMING POOL?'
'Yeah, it's right next to the Hufflepuff personal Quidditch field.'
'What the-?'
'Well every other house has something they're special for!' Cedric raised his voice slightly. 'Normally it's the people. We're all a bunch of dumbasses, but at least we get to live in style!'
Silence. Severus's forehead was hurting from the effort of keeping his eyebrows near his hairline. But he caught himself again and regained composure. There were much more important things - yes, even more important than his growling stomach - at hand.
'He went down to the dungeons.' Informed Cedric.
'Yeah, thanks Ced.' Sighed Severus. 'I'm off then.'
He took one last glance around the Hufflepuff commonroom, shuddered, and added: 'And Ced, please, please redecorate this place. It could give an old lady a seizure.'
Cedric scowled at Severus's retreating back. Something had been bothering him, and even the script did not stop that nagging in his mind. But only when the Slytherin had gone did he fully realize what it was he was thinking:
'Hey!' He shouted, too late. 'How'd you get inside our commonroom anyway?'
[Outside the Hufflepuff commonroom]
Severus had not gone two steps outside when he bumped into something solid. With a simultaneous 'OW!', both he and the something solid fell to the floor.
'Lupin?' Recognized Severus, rubbing his backside. 'What the hell are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be-'
'Snape!' Lupin also sat up, much quicker and much more enthusiastically. 'You're all right! I thought for sure you'd...'
The werewolf quickly explained his ordeal with the Slytherins to Severus, who by the end of the story had a hard time keeping his face straight. However, after Lupin punched him in the arm for snickering, he regained his dignity and told his, somewhat less dangerous, part of the story concerning the Hufflepuffs.
'So what d'you think we should do now?' Lupin asked. 'Go down to the *shudder* dungeons?'
'Yeah, I guess so.' Severus answered. 'I wonder what Hojo was on about when he talked about reviving his son and all that. And the "soul of an innocent"?'
'Hey, d'you get the feeling we're...missing something?' Lupin asked, scratching his head. 'I'm sure there's something we're supposed to be doing...'
'Yeah, I get that feeling too...' Agreed Severus. 'I wonder what it is...'
'Lunch?' Suggested Lupin.
'Nah...' Severus shook his head thoughtfully. 'Something...less important than that...'
'Well, maybe if we find Jeni, she'd know-' Lupin started, then his eyes widened in an almost comical fashion.
'JENI!' The flash from the idea light bulbs that appeared over their heads blinded three Hufflepuff girls coming out of their commonroom. The two heroes hurried along the corridor as fast as their little footsies could carry them, in search of Hojo, and more...oh, maybe less (snicker ^_^) importantly, JENI!
'And oh, Snape?' Lupin inquired breathlessly as they ran down the winding staircase to the dungeons.
'Yeah?'
'PINK!'
Severus tumbled down the rest of the steps.
~
AN: STILL READING THIS? I commend you for your patience and I scoff at your sense of humor. Anyway, I see I should probably not be insulting my readers. So instead, I will threaten you! Review, lest you turn into a mutated rat! (Not much of a threat. I'm working on it.)