Disclaimer: I own nothing created by Tolkien at all so don't ask.
Ch 2 Confessions
Fred was lying comfortably in bed watching the nurses go past smiling at the fact that it was nearly the end of the shift. Fred wished she could leave the hospital at the end of the day but at the same time didn't want to move away from its safety. She was still on quite a few painkillers but at least she made sense now instead of talking in riddles. Bob hadn't understood a word of what she had said the first day she came to visit her.
Now Fred was getting better although she still thought she'd fall if she had to go too far without aid. She was also plagued by those awful nightmares that wouldn't go away no matter what she did. Every time she closed her eyes she could see the image of David burning in her head. Each time it was so real and she really believed it was happening. Strangely she could only vaguely remember when she was awake which she didn't understand.
The other thoughts were still fresh in her memory though, being locked in the cell. Being tortured by Saruman, and most vividly of all, being locked in that box whilst surrounded by bugs crawling all over her. It was sometimes too much for her and she almost believed that it was just a nightmare and that it didn't really happen. The image of Bob nailing her in with those old, rusty bits of sharp metal was too vivid for her and she wished she could get rid of those terrible thoughts.
**
Bob had the same nightmares about Fred's psychic images. Seeing what they did to her over and over again in her dreams was disturbing enough but she could also feel it. Just like she had done in the New Forest when she had first seen Fred's torture. She also kept seeing the moment when David died. She couldn't help but feel responsible for his death. He had killed himself to save both of them but she knew she could have done it and saved Fred a lot of grief.
It was strange because Bob had hardly known David for an hour and yet she felt deeply sorry that he was dead. She assumed it was just because him and Fred had been truly in love and she was her friend. She refused to believe that it was anything else.
She had had no choice but to let him do it. She had to help Fred get out and they probably needed her power anyway. They would have died without it. On the other hand she could have easily destroyed that Orb. It probably wouldn't have even killed her. Maybe she would just have been stuck in Middle Earth, which was better than killing someone her friend loved.
The most annoying thing about it was that she knew that things would have been worse if she had done it. She didn't understand this but she felt it even though she couldn't explain what it meant she knew it made sense.
Bob knew that she could never tell Fred any of this but she had an overwhelming urge to tell her. She glanced at her watch. 2 P.M. She could go to the hospital and see Fred. It had been a while since they had really properly talked. After all Fred was always saying that it helped to talk about things. That was the reason Bob had agreed to go and see the counsellor after the 'incident'. That and the fact that they had to make sure that everyone believed their story.
Bob decided to go and see Fred at the hospital. Her friend would appreciate the company and they could talk properly for the first time in ages. The last time they had seen each other was almost five days ago at Ned's funeral. Bob had thought it best if they have some time alone for a while. After all that had happened Bob figured Fred wouldn't want a lot of people around. But this was important. Fred could be thinking the same things. She could need someone to talk to. So Bob headed for the hospital.
**
Something moved. Only slightly but it was clear. Unfortunately no one could see it. It's not that the place was deserted but just the fact that this particular movement was out of sight of everyone. Especially the family that now placed flowers on the small mound of fresh earth that stood next to the gravestone.
She moved again. Instantly feeling the heat of the small case. She opened her eyes but saw nothing but black. She tried to cry out but there was no sound, her throat was too dry. She tried to move but her hands could not stretch out far. It was unreal. Nothing was right.
She didn't know where she was. She didn't know how long she had been there. She didn't even know who she was. This didn't make sense. She didn't know anything. Nothing made sense. All was black and still and quiet. So black.
**
Bob sat on Fred's bed flicking through some magazines unconvincingly whilst the nurse took blood from Fred's already bruised arm. Fred smiled her thanks when the nurse let quietly, closing the curtain behind her. Bob looked up at Fred was making herself comfortable in the chair at the side of her bed.
"So how are you?" Bob asked smiling whilst waiting for an answer.
"I feel so much better. I think getting out of here the other day really helped, even though it was a bad day. It kinda made things clearer you know? Like I should be glad that I'm even alive. Does that sound completely crazy?"
"No. It makes sense. Sort of." Bob smiled.
Fred nodded pleased that she really didn't sound like a mad person. It was true. Since the funeral her recovery had been much faster, she had become more relaxed although no one, least of all Fred, understood why.
"I wasn't expecting you to come today." Fred said eventually.
"I hope you don't mind. I just needed to talk to you about something."
"Of course I don't mind. Is it something about what happened or another something?"
"I think you know the answer to that." Bob said grimly. "I know you probably don't want to talk about it but I can't ignore this any more."
"Ignore what?"
"I don't know if I can explain it. Ever since Middle Earth things have been so confusing. I've been trying to work things out in my head but they still don't make any sense to me. Everything that happened is so clear yet at the same time it doesn't seem real. Do you ever feel that?"
"I sometimes wish it wasn't real. Does that count?"
Bob smiled. "Maybe it's my imagination or something but lately, especially since the funeral th9ings have seemed even stranger. You know like something's not right. I don't know what it is but it's strange and doesn't make any sense."
"Bob I don't think anything that happened made any sense. Nothing seemed real and it's all really hard to understand and make sense of but the truth is it did happen and there's nothing we can do to change it. No matter how much we want to." At this last bit Fred's voice went quieter.
"Do you ever think about David?" Bob questioned kindly.
"All the time. You know the worst thing? I keep seeing him bursting into flames when he broke that Orb thing. I can picture his face so clearly but that's the only thing I remember seeing him doing. It's like it has some really great importance."
"Strange I get the same thing. I see him in my dreams as well. Breaking the Orb in the same way each time. Like it's an action replay. Maybe someone's trying to tell us something." Bob laughed but Fred did nothing but stare at the floor.
"Maybe they are. I know it sounds stupid but when I dream about him I am so sure that he's still alive."
"You want him to be alive and that's the only way you remember him." Bob said.
"I know, basic psychology but everything just seems real. Like he's.like he's not really dead."
Bob looked surprised at this comment. "You don't think he's still alive do you?"
"I don't know. It's probably just me being hopeful but I have one of those really strong feelings that we didn't see everything that happened when he broke the Orb."
"Fred I know you want him back but I don't want you getting your hopes up over a probably insignificant feeling."
"I know and I'm not expecting him to walk through the door any minute. It's just a feeling that I can't get rid of. You get them all the time."
"Yeah but mine are usually right, as are yours." Bob was worried now.
"Not all the time."
"I've felt the same thing. There's something else as well. I can't remember it now but I do remember waking up and thinking that it was so real. I probably think of it later when I'm at home. You know what it's like." Bob tried to lighten the mood but it didn't work. She had to bring up the thing she had been dreading. "Fred. Do you blame me for what happened to David?"
"What? Of course not. Why would you think that?" Fred was so surprised by the question that she really didn't know what to say.
"You remember what happened out there as well as I do. He died saving us and making sure that I wasn't hurt. I just wanted to make sure that you weren't angry with me about David. I know I had a chance to break the Orb. Maybe I should have taken it."
"Don't talk like that. David did what he did because he knew it was the right thing to do. He did it to save both of us, mostly me I think. He knew that I would be upset if you died and he would never let another person sacrifice their life when he could do it himself. Trust me it wasn't your fault." Fred was still completely shocked that Bob had even mentioned it.
They sat in silence for a few minutes. Each taking in what the other had said to them.
After a while Fred said, "Did I tell you that he told me he loved me?" Bob shook her head and listened. "He asked me if he could come back to Earth with me. He said he wanted to be with me. At first I thought he was joking but then we tried to escape from the tower and I got caught and he did everything he could to save me. He even told Saruman that he would take the punishment instead. I know that doesn't sound that romantic but trust me when that punishment is whipping it's a big thing.
"He helped me during my stay. He tended my wounds and used all his water ration on me. He kept me alive Bob. I know it probably sounds like a cliché but without him I would have died. You know the worst thing about all of this? I loved him back. I never thought I'd hear myself say that but I really loved him. In the cell I could picture all the things I was going to show him when we got home." Fred looked down at her hands as tears filled her eyes.
"Fred I am so sorry. I didn't mean to make this hard for you. I had almost forgotten that you were in the tower for so long."
"I know. It's hard to believe isn't it? He really loved me Bob. I never thought I'd ever have that happen to me and it did. Now he's dead and I can't help thinking about what he would have said if he'd been here now. He probably wouldn't have left my side knowing him."
Bob smiled at the thought of that handsome man watching over Fred. There had been something about him. It was something she had felt when she first set eyes on him. Not just how good-looking he was but there was a special quality about him that she couldn't quite place. She had seen the love between the two as soon as he had swept her into his arms when her and Fred had entered the cell and set him free.
"I'm sorry about what happened." Bob said sincerely.
"I know. It's not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to stop him anyway. He would have killed you himself before he would have let you break that Orb." Fred smiled at the thought of David. For the first time she saw the man instead of the burning figure.
"Thank you. I needed to know that you weren't blaming me for what happened to David. I didn't want our friendship to be ruined."
"Of course it wasn't ruined. It's going to take an awful lot more than that."
"Okay, try this one. I'm really sorry I nailed you into that box. You know I had no other choice." Bob said quickly.
"Hey. I think we've already been through this. That wasn't your fault. You had no choice. Besides, I think it's better that you did it rather that one of those Orcs, trust me they can be more than a little rough." Fred almost laughed.
Bob smiled, pleased that her friend had really meant what she had said in that room in Orthanc. There was still the matter of David though. Bob knew that her friend missed him more than she was letting on and she was determined to let her know that she could talk about him.
"I know I've said this before but I'm sorry about David. I can't imagine what this feels like for you. I just wish."
"Don't say that. It's not what David would have wanted and it certainly isn't what I wanted. You're not to blame for anything that happened. He would not have let you do it yourself no matter what you said. David was incredibly stubborn. That much I learned. There was nothing you or I could have done to change his mind about that."
"I know. You've said that before. I just can't help but think that you still blame me for it."
"David's dead." Fred said after a moment's thought. "He's not coming back. I can't change what happened. I wish I could but that's impossible."
"For wishes to come true, it's not that impossible." Bob interrupted. "There's nothing I can do. I know that. You're right though, I do miss him and I do want him back, more than anything but it's not going to happen so can we just stop talking about it? Please."
"Would it have been better if I had done it? Would you have been happier if I had been the one killed? If I had broken the Orb?" Bob hated saying it but she knew she had to even though she was terrified of what Fred's answer would be.
Fred didn't know what to say. In all honesty she hadn't thought about it. She had accepted what had happened and even tried to forget about David, although that proved to be near impossible. She couldn't tell her friend that she would have been happier because she wouldn't have.
"No I wouldn't have been happier. I would have lost my best friend." She simply said looking down at the floor.
"But you would have your true love." Bob persisted.
"How can you even think that I would be pleased that you were dead and not him? Bob you are my best friend. Ned's dead and David's dead. Nothing can change that so why ask the questions?"
"Because I'd hate to think that I'm the reason you're so upset. I don't want you to be angry with me."
"When will you realise that I'm not angry with you? David sacrificed his life to save me and you. I think that shows a lot of devotion on his part. You're not making this easier by constantly feeling sorry for yourself." Fred stopped herself before she said something she knew she's regret.
"You can say it as much as you like but I know that deep down you wish that David was here instead of me."
"Maybe you're right." Fred shouted. She instantly regretted it when she saw her friend's eyes fill with tears. "I didn't mean that. I'm sorry." She whispered.
"At least you're telling the truth." Bob said and got up to leave. "I'm glad that we're good enough friends for you to do that." She was crying now wishing she could stop herself but knowing she couldn't.
As she grabbed her coat from the back of the chair Fred grabbed her arm to stop her leaving. "Please don't go. I'm sorry. I." Bob pulled away.
"You have no idea about what happened in the New Forest. About what we went through to save you. Ned is dead because of it." She shouted.
"You think I don't know that?" Fred shouted back. She wanted to get up and face Bob properly but that familiar weakness had come over her and she wanted to just curl up and go to sleep. "Do you honestly think that I haven't thought about it day and night ever since I got back. The things you and Ned sacrificed for me were amazing and I know that everything that happened to me was my fault. Ned's death, the torture, you getting hurt, David's death." Fred trailed off not wanting to believe what she had just said. "I never forgot what you were doing. Never." She added quietly.
Bob looked angrily at her for a moment but sensing the true remorse in Fred's eyes she sat down again and waited for her friend to say something else. She waited patiently as Fred thought of how to explain everything to her.
"You have no idea what it was like in Orthanc." She whispered softly.
"Then tell me." Bob encouraged.
Fred hesitated not wanting to tell Bob but knowing that she was the only person she could talk to.
"When I was first taken there I couldn't believe that it was happening. You know like when you have a dream and you wake up but its like you're still dreaming?" Bob nodded. "I was flying with the Wraith. I couldn't see what was happening. I was so scared and all I felt was cold. I knew where it was taking me. It wasn't what I expected. At first I was so impressed that I almost forgot about the danger I was in, it was like nothing I had ever seen before.
"I was met by Saruman. He watched me, waiting for me to do something. He threw me in a cell and I thought that would be it. He would just leave me there until I died. I was so stupid. I should have known better. There was an Orc. He gave me something in my food, if that's what you call it. It made me see things, terrible things, dead people mostly. It felt so real. There was nothing I could do to escape it.
"Eventually that faded away. Then the real stuff began. I know that Ned writes a lot about torture and things but I had never experienced anything like it. That's when I first met David. Saruman dragged me into that room, the one you rescued me in. He got one of his Orcs to beat me a few times. I thought that was bad." Fred could have laughed at that now. "He asked me where Frodo was over and over again. When I didn't tell him he just told the Orc to make it worse, and he did.
"After a while the Orc brought out a poker, a hot poker, like the one you saw. David shouted at them to stop hitting me. He offered to take my punishment. They almost agreed until I told them no. They did it. They hit me with it over and over again, and they didn't stop until I collapsed. Or at least I think I collapsed. It all seems like so long ago now."
Fred stopped trying to imagine what happened even though she really didn't want to. She pictured David telling them to stop hurting her. The first time they met. Bob waited patiently and looked at Fred who was obviously deep in thought.
"After that other things happened. Things that I don't need to tell you and you don't need to know. David helped me time and time again. Risking his own life a few times as well. Especially when we tried to escape. That's when they whipped me. That was the worst. It happened to him once he said. Only it was worse for him. He saved me, he helped me. Without him I would be dead. In a way I wish I was..." Once again she trailed off.
Bob was shocked by this confession. Her friend was saying that she wished she was dead, it was hard to believe.
"Fred don't ever say that. You should be happy that you're alive. I know that David would be. Look at all he gave up to save you." She took Fred's hand in encouragement.
"I know. But look at everything that's happened. If you hadn't have saved me I would be dead now. And Ned would probably be alive."
"That's not true. Ned was stabbed, she was poisoned. Nothing that you I could have done would have changed that."
"Maybe. If I was dead David would probably still be alive."
"From what you've told me he wouldn't have wanted to live without you. I think he would have wanted you to be happy that you are still alive and not worry about him. Fred, he loved you, he would have wanted you to be happy and alive otherwise why would he have died?"
"Maybe." Fred said trying to control the tears that were flowing down her face. "Maybe you're right. I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said. I would never wish that you were dead, you know that. David died because he loved me and he wanted to save you. There was nothing you could have done to stop him. He died to save me and you and we should be thankful." Fred smiled.
Bob smiled back, pleased that Fred was finally seeing sense. Strangely Fred's account of things had made something clearer although it still seemed so far off. Bob looked out the window above Fred's chair and noticed that it was almost dark. Something was still wrong though but she couldn't place it. If only she knew.
"There's one more thing I wanted to ask you about." Bob said getting ready to leave. "How did you make me see what was happening to you?"
Fred looked puzzled. "Made you see? You mean that actually worked?" She was really surprised.
"Yeah. It hurt like hell." Bob smiled.
"I'm sorry. I didn't think that it would work. I was lonely one night so I thought I'd test my psychic ability. I called out and nothing happened. I figured I'd failed. I had no idea I'd actually been able to contact you. Was it strong?"
"You could say that. I felt your pain. I mean literally felt your pain. That's how I found you. You said something to me, I think it was when.the whole eye incident.I heard the word 'Orthanc' and assumed you were there." Bob said.
"That was good thinking. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I didn't even realise I was doing it during the eye incident. Did you really feel it?" She was still shocked.
"Well, the watered down version of it I would imagine. I felt your fear mostly. It's what made me and Ned so determined to come and rescue you." Bob smiled.
"Wow. That's so cool." Fred smiled.
"You may think it was cool but it was painful and I don't want you to do it again, you understand?" Fred nodded. "I'd better go. It's getting late and you need rest." Fred nodded and smiled.
"I'll see you tomorrow?" She asked almost timidly.
"Of course." Bob smiled back and went to turn away. "Fred do you feel that?" Bob asked getting that strange feeling that something was wrong,
"Feel what?" Fred asked standing slowly and painfully from the chair.
"Nothing. I'm sure it's nothing." Bob waved goodbye and left the ward but she couldn't shake that feeling that something was very wrong.
Ch 2 Confessions
Fred was lying comfortably in bed watching the nurses go past smiling at the fact that it was nearly the end of the shift. Fred wished she could leave the hospital at the end of the day but at the same time didn't want to move away from its safety. She was still on quite a few painkillers but at least she made sense now instead of talking in riddles. Bob hadn't understood a word of what she had said the first day she came to visit her.
Now Fred was getting better although she still thought she'd fall if she had to go too far without aid. She was also plagued by those awful nightmares that wouldn't go away no matter what she did. Every time she closed her eyes she could see the image of David burning in her head. Each time it was so real and she really believed it was happening. Strangely she could only vaguely remember when she was awake which she didn't understand.
The other thoughts were still fresh in her memory though, being locked in the cell. Being tortured by Saruman, and most vividly of all, being locked in that box whilst surrounded by bugs crawling all over her. It was sometimes too much for her and she almost believed that it was just a nightmare and that it didn't really happen. The image of Bob nailing her in with those old, rusty bits of sharp metal was too vivid for her and she wished she could get rid of those terrible thoughts.
**
Bob had the same nightmares about Fred's psychic images. Seeing what they did to her over and over again in her dreams was disturbing enough but she could also feel it. Just like she had done in the New Forest when she had first seen Fred's torture. She also kept seeing the moment when David died. She couldn't help but feel responsible for his death. He had killed himself to save both of them but she knew she could have done it and saved Fred a lot of grief.
It was strange because Bob had hardly known David for an hour and yet she felt deeply sorry that he was dead. She assumed it was just because him and Fred had been truly in love and she was her friend. She refused to believe that it was anything else.
She had had no choice but to let him do it. She had to help Fred get out and they probably needed her power anyway. They would have died without it. On the other hand she could have easily destroyed that Orb. It probably wouldn't have even killed her. Maybe she would just have been stuck in Middle Earth, which was better than killing someone her friend loved.
The most annoying thing about it was that she knew that things would have been worse if she had done it. She didn't understand this but she felt it even though she couldn't explain what it meant she knew it made sense.
Bob knew that she could never tell Fred any of this but she had an overwhelming urge to tell her. She glanced at her watch. 2 P.M. She could go to the hospital and see Fred. It had been a while since they had really properly talked. After all Fred was always saying that it helped to talk about things. That was the reason Bob had agreed to go and see the counsellor after the 'incident'. That and the fact that they had to make sure that everyone believed their story.
Bob decided to go and see Fred at the hospital. Her friend would appreciate the company and they could talk properly for the first time in ages. The last time they had seen each other was almost five days ago at Ned's funeral. Bob had thought it best if they have some time alone for a while. After all that had happened Bob figured Fred wouldn't want a lot of people around. But this was important. Fred could be thinking the same things. She could need someone to talk to. So Bob headed for the hospital.
**
Something moved. Only slightly but it was clear. Unfortunately no one could see it. It's not that the place was deserted but just the fact that this particular movement was out of sight of everyone. Especially the family that now placed flowers on the small mound of fresh earth that stood next to the gravestone.
She moved again. Instantly feeling the heat of the small case. She opened her eyes but saw nothing but black. She tried to cry out but there was no sound, her throat was too dry. She tried to move but her hands could not stretch out far. It was unreal. Nothing was right.
She didn't know where she was. She didn't know how long she had been there. She didn't even know who she was. This didn't make sense. She didn't know anything. Nothing made sense. All was black and still and quiet. So black.
**
Bob sat on Fred's bed flicking through some magazines unconvincingly whilst the nurse took blood from Fred's already bruised arm. Fred smiled her thanks when the nurse let quietly, closing the curtain behind her. Bob looked up at Fred was making herself comfortable in the chair at the side of her bed.
"So how are you?" Bob asked smiling whilst waiting for an answer.
"I feel so much better. I think getting out of here the other day really helped, even though it was a bad day. It kinda made things clearer you know? Like I should be glad that I'm even alive. Does that sound completely crazy?"
"No. It makes sense. Sort of." Bob smiled.
Fred nodded pleased that she really didn't sound like a mad person. It was true. Since the funeral her recovery had been much faster, she had become more relaxed although no one, least of all Fred, understood why.
"I wasn't expecting you to come today." Fred said eventually.
"I hope you don't mind. I just needed to talk to you about something."
"Of course I don't mind. Is it something about what happened or another something?"
"I think you know the answer to that." Bob said grimly. "I know you probably don't want to talk about it but I can't ignore this any more."
"Ignore what?"
"I don't know if I can explain it. Ever since Middle Earth things have been so confusing. I've been trying to work things out in my head but they still don't make any sense to me. Everything that happened is so clear yet at the same time it doesn't seem real. Do you ever feel that?"
"I sometimes wish it wasn't real. Does that count?"
Bob smiled. "Maybe it's my imagination or something but lately, especially since the funeral th9ings have seemed even stranger. You know like something's not right. I don't know what it is but it's strange and doesn't make any sense."
"Bob I don't think anything that happened made any sense. Nothing seemed real and it's all really hard to understand and make sense of but the truth is it did happen and there's nothing we can do to change it. No matter how much we want to." At this last bit Fred's voice went quieter.
"Do you ever think about David?" Bob questioned kindly.
"All the time. You know the worst thing? I keep seeing him bursting into flames when he broke that Orb thing. I can picture his face so clearly but that's the only thing I remember seeing him doing. It's like it has some really great importance."
"Strange I get the same thing. I see him in my dreams as well. Breaking the Orb in the same way each time. Like it's an action replay. Maybe someone's trying to tell us something." Bob laughed but Fred did nothing but stare at the floor.
"Maybe they are. I know it sounds stupid but when I dream about him I am so sure that he's still alive."
"You want him to be alive and that's the only way you remember him." Bob said.
"I know, basic psychology but everything just seems real. Like he's.like he's not really dead."
Bob looked surprised at this comment. "You don't think he's still alive do you?"
"I don't know. It's probably just me being hopeful but I have one of those really strong feelings that we didn't see everything that happened when he broke the Orb."
"Fred I know you want him back but I don't want you getting your hopes up over a probably insignificant feeling."
"I know and I'm not expecting him to walk through the door any minute. It's just a feeling that I can't get rid of. You get them all the time."
"Yeah but mine are usually right, as are yours." Bob was worried now.
"Not all the time."
"I've felt the same thing. There's something else as well. I can't remember it now but I do remember waking up and thinking that it was so real. I probably think of it later when I'm at home. You know what it's like." Bob tried to lighten the mood but it didn't work. She had to bring up the thing she had been dreading. "Fred. Do you blame me for what happened to David?"
"What? Of course not. Why would you think that?" Fred was so surprised by the question that she really didn't know what to say.
"You remember what happened out there as well as I do. He died saving us and making sure that I wasn't hurt. I just wanted to make sure that you weren't angry with me about David. I know I had a chance to break the Orb. Maybe I should have taken it."
"Don't talk like that. David did what he did because he knew it was the right thing to do. He did it to save both of us, mostly me I think. He knew that I would be upset if you died and he would never let another person sacrifice their life when he could do it himself. Trust me it wasn't your fault." Fred was still completely shocked that Bob had even mentioned it.
They sat in silence for a few minutes. Each taking in what the other had said to them.
After a while Fred said, "Did I tell you that he told me he loved me?" Bob shook her head and listened. "He asked me if he could come back to Earth with me. He said he wanted to be with me. At first I thought he was joking but then we tried to escape from the tower and I got caught and he did everything he could to save me. He even told Saruman that he would take the punishment instead. I know that doesn't sound that romantic but trust me when that punishment is whipping it's a big thing.
"He helped me during my stay. He tended my wounds and used all his water ration on me. He kept me alive Bob. I know it probably sounds like a cliché but without him I would have died. You know the worst thing about all of this? I loved him back. I never thought I'd hear myself say that but I really loved him. In the cell I could picture all the things I was going to show him when we got home." Fred looked down at her hands as tears filled her eyes.
"Fred I am so sorry. I didn't mean to make this hard for you. I had almost forgotten that you were in the tower for so long."
"I know. It's hard to believe isn't it? He really loved me Bob. I never thought I'd ever have that happen to me and it did. Now he's dead and I can't help thinking about what he would have said if he'd been here now. He probably wouldn't have left my side knowing him."
Bob smiled at the thought of that handsome man watching over Fred. There had been something about him. It was something she had felt when she first set eyes on him. Not just how good-looking he was but there was a special quality about him that she couldn't quite place. She had seen the love between the two as soon as he had swept her into his arms when her and Fred had entered the cell and set him free.
"I'm sorry about what happened." Bob said sincerely.
"I know. It's not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to stop him anyway. He would have killed you himself before he would have let you break that Orb." Fred smiled at the thought of David. For the first time she saw the man instead of the burning figure.
"Thank you. I needed to know that you weren't blaming me for what happened to David. I didn't want our friendship to be ruined."
"Of course it wasn't ruined. It's going to take an awful lot more than that."
"Okay, try this one. I'm really sorry I nailed you into that box. You know I had no other choice." Bob said quickly.
"Hey. I think we've already been through this. That wasn't your fault. You had no choice. Besides, I think it's better that you did it rather that one of those Orcs, trust me they can be more than a little rough." Fred almost laughed.
Bob smiled, pleased that her friend had really meant what she had said in that room in Orthanc. There was still the matter of David though. Bob knew that her friend missed him more than she was letting on and she was determined to let her know that she could talk about him.
"I know I've said this before but I'm sorry about David. I can't imagine what this feels like for you. I just wish."
"Don't say that. It's not what David would have wanted and it certainly isn't what I wanted. You're not to blame for anything that happened. He would not have let you do it yourself no matter what you said. David was incredibly stubborn. That much I learned. There was nothing you or I could have done to change his mind about that."
"I know. You've said that before. I just can't help but think that you still blame me for it."
"David's dead." Fred said after a moment's thought. "He's not coming back. I can't change what happened. I wish I could but that's impossible."
"For wishes to come true, it's not that impossible." Bob interrupted. "There's nothing I can do. I know that. You're right though, I do miss him and I do want him back, more than anything but it's not going to happen so can we just stop talking about it? Please."
"Would it have been better if I had done it? Would you have been happier if I had been the one killed? If I had broken the Orb?" Bob hated saying it but she knew she had to even though she was terrified of what Fred's answer would be.
Fred didn't know what to say. In all honesty she hadn't thought about it. She had accepted what had happened and even tried to forget about David, although that proved to be near impossible. She couldn't tell her friend that she would have been happier because she wouldn't have.
"No I wouldn't have been happier. I would have lost my best friend." She simply said looking down at the floor.
"But you would have your true love." Bob persisted.
"How can you even think that I would be pleased that you were dead and not him? Bob you are my best friend. Ned's dead and David's dead. Nothing can change that so why ask the questions?"
"Because I'd hate to think that I'm the reason you're so upset. I don't want you to be angry with me."
"When will you realise that I'm not angry with you? David sacrificed his life to save me and you. I think that shows a lot of devotion on his part. You're not making this easier by constantly feeling sorry for yourself." Fred stopped herself before she said something she knew she's regret.
"You can say it as much as you like but I know that deep down you wish that David was here instead of me."
"Maybe you're right." Fred shouted. She instantly regretted it when she saw her friend's eyes fill with tears. "I didn't mean that. I'm sorry." She whispered.
"At least you're telling the truth." Bob said and got up to leave. "I'm glad that we're good enough friends for you to do that." She was crying now wishing she could stop herself but knowing she couldn't.
As she grabbed her coat from the back of the chair Fred grabbed her arm to stop her leaving. "Please don't go. I'm sorry. I." Bob pulled away.
"You have no idea about what happened in the New Forest. About what we went through to save you. Ned is dead because of it." She shouted.
"You think I don't know that?" Fred shouted back. She wanted to get up and face Bob properly but that familiar weakness had come over her and she wanted to just curl up and go to sleep. "Do you honestly think that I haven't thought about it day and night ever since I got back. The things you and Ned sacrificed for me were amazing and I know that everything that happened to me was my fault. Ned's death, the torture, you getting hurt, David's death." Fred trailed off not wanting to believe what she had just said. "I never forgot what you were doing. Never." She added quietly.
Bob looked angrily at her for a moment but sensing the true remorse in Fred's eyes she sat down again and waited for her friend to say something else. She waited patiently as Fred thought of how to explain everything to her.
"You have no idea what it was like in Orthanc." She whispered softly.
"Then tell me." Bob encouraged.
Fred hesitated not wanting to tell Bob but knowing that she was the only person she could talk to.
"When I was first taken there I couldn't believe that it was happening. You know like when you have a dream and you wake up but its like you're still dreaming?" Bob nodded. "I was flying with the Wraith. I couldn't see what was happening. I was so scared and all I felt was cold. I knew where it was taking me. It wasn't what I expected. At first I was so impressed that I almost forgot about the danger I was in, it was like nothing I had ever seen before.
"I was met by Saruman. He watched me, waiting for me to do something. He threw me in a cell and I thought that would be it. He would just leave me there until I died. I was so stupid. I should have known better. There was an Orc. He gave me something in my food, if that's what you call it. It made me see things, terrible things, dead people mostly. It felt so real. There was nothing I could do to escape it.
"Eventually that faded away. Then the real stuff began. I know that Ned writes a lot about torture and things but I had never experienced anything like it. That's when I first met David. Saruman dragged me into that room, the one you rescued me in. He got one of his Orcs to beat me a few times. I thought that was bad." Fred could have laughed at that now. "He asked me where Frodo was over and over again. When I didn't tell him he just told the Orc to make it worse, and he did.
"After a while the Orc brought out a poker, a hot poker, like the one you saw. David shouted at them to stop hitting me. He offered to take my punishment. They almost agreed until I told them no. They did it. They hit me with it over and over again, and they didn't stop until I collapsed. Or at least I think I collapsed. It all seems like so long ago now."
Fred stopped trying to imagine what happened even though she really didn't want to. She pictured David telling them to stop hurting her. The first time they met. Bob waited patiently and looked at Fred who was obviously deep in thought.
"After that other things happened. Things that I don't need to tell you and you don't need to know. David helped me time and time again. Risking his own life a few times as well. Especially when we tried to escape. That's when they whipped me. That was the worst. It happened to him once he said. Only it was worse for him. He saved me, he helped me. Without him I would be dead. In a way I wish I was..." Once again she trailed off.
Bob was shocked by this confession. Her friend was saying that she wished she was dead, it was hard to believe.
"Fred don't ever say that. You should be happy that you're alive. I know that David would be. Look at all he gave up to save you." She took Fred's hand in encouragement.
"I know. But look at everything that's happened. If you hadn't have saved me I would be dead now. And Ned would probably be alive."
"That's not true. Ned was stabbed, she was poisoned. Nothing that you I could have done would have changed that."
"Maybe. If I was dead David would probably still be alive."
"From what you've told me he wouldn't have wanted to live without you. I think he would have wanted you to be happy that you are still alive and not worry about him. Fred, he loved you, he would have wanted you to be happy and alive otherwise why would he have died?"
"Maybe." Fred said trying to control the tears that were flowing down her face. "Maybe you're right. I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said. I would never wish that you were dead, you know that. David died because he loved me and he wanted to save you. There was nothing you could have done to stop him. He died to save me and you and we should be thankful." Fred smiled.
Bob smiled back, pleased that Fred was finally seeing sense. Strangely Fred's account of things had made something clearer although it still seemed so far off. Bob looked out the window above Fred's chair and noticed that it was almost dark. Something was still wrong though but she couldn't place it. If only she knew.
"There's one more thing I wanted to ask you about." Bob said getting ready to leave. "How did you make me see what was happening to you?"
Fred looked puzzled. "Made you see? You mean that actually worked?" She was really surprised.
"Yeah. It hurt like hell." Bob smiled.
"I'm sorry. I didn't think that it would work. I was lonely one night so I thought I'd test my psychic ability. I called out and nothing happened. I figured I'd failed. I had no idea I'd actually been able to contact you. Was it strong?"
"You could say that. I felt your pain. I mean literally felt your pain. That's how I found you. You said something to me, I think it was when.the whole eye incident.I heard the word 'Orthanc' and assumed you were there." Bob said.
"That was good thinking. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I didn't even realise I was doing it during the eye incident. Did you really feel it?" She was still shocked.
"Well, the watered down version of it I would imagine. I felt your fear mostly. It's what made me and Ned so determined to come and rescue you." Bob smiled.
"Wow. That's so cool." Fred smiled.
"You may think it was cool but it was painful and I don't want you to do it again, you understand?" Fred nodded. "I'd better go. It's getting late and you need rest." Fred nodded and smiled.
"I'll see you tomorrow?" She asked almost timidly.
"Of course." Bob smiled back and went to turn away. "Fred do you feel that?" Bob asked getting that strange feeling that something was wrong,
"Feel what?" Fred asked standing slowly and painfully from the chair.
"Nothing. I'm sure it's nothing." Bob waved goodbye and left the ward but she couldn't shake that feeling that something was very wrong.