Disclaimer: I don't own the ducks or anything that you do recognize in this story. The story title is a Linkin Park song and most of the chapter titles will be, too. The song used in chapter one is Linkin Park's song called 'Easier to Run' on the CD Meteora.
Feedback: Yes please.
Dedication: To anyone who needs a way out of pain, remember you can always talk to someone about it.
This story in no way is about anyone I know. And please, if you do the things the main character does, talk to some one you know who can get you help, please don't go down a path of destruction.
I walked into my bathroom, shutting the door and locking it behind myself. I walked to my mirror and looked at my reflection. Tears still streamed down my cheeks and a smile played on my lips.
I turned to the door to the shower. Opening it with a tug I reached in and turned on the water. I decided ninety degrees was the best to start with. I sniffed back my tears while waiting for the water to get hot.
My wet hand reached for the on button on my old stereo next to the shower. I made sure the write CD was in there before pressing play. I sighed as the words floated out of the speaker and into my ears.
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone My crystal blue eyes show my pain, the pain I've held for so very long. The pain of being different from everyone else, from hiding it away from them all. Something has been taken
From deep inside of me
A secret I've kept locked away
No one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head
For years and years they've played I've always wanted to be like them. But it's harder when you're from a different world. I spent most my life differently then they all did and now I've been thrown into a loop where I can't express myself like I used to. But I don't want to go back to my old life; I like my new one just as much as my old one. Possibly more because now I have Him. That him that you know you'll find and are always looking for. That one that you know will be it for you when you meet them. If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would It was never accepted in my old life. To love another man, but it's different here. They'll accept me for whatever I decided to become. They'll love me no matter what. The Ducks will anyway. My family and the one I love, maybe not so much. Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never be a past I undress slowly, watching my reflection in the mirror ahead of me. My long sleeve shirt comes up over my head, ruffling my hair. Scars are all I can see on my upper body. Slits still left from the last time my life became to stressful. More tears fell and I moved to undo my pants. The buttons popped and my fingers pulled the zipper. They fell to the floor after that. I've become to thin for my clothes, they barely fit me anymore. My upper legs are covered in criss-cross lines, nothing in a straight path. My body shows my anger. My need to be accepted. Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
Is so much simpler than change I got into the shower and washed my hair quickly, the faster I get clean the sooner I can damage myself more.
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone I turn the water degree up as my body gets more and more comfortable with the heat. When I've reached one hundred I know that's as much as my body can take. I move out of the line of water and turn the water to as high as it can go. The room becomes steamy and soon I can't see out of the glass doors around me. I sit in a corner of the box shaped shower, my knees to my chest and my arms wrapped around them. I move slowly, bringing my right arm to my left hand. I move it quickly across the blade held in my fingers. I felt powerful. I felt relieved. I felt amazing. I took the blade from my left and put it in my right. I did the same to my left arm as I had before and felt stronger. I felt as if the world was mine.
And in this tiny bathroom, it is mine.......