Kennedy eyed the red head very carefully. Willow sat on the couch and didn't move. Hadn't moved since they had come inside. She was simply staring into space. But there was pain and confusion in her eyes. Is she really all right? Of course not. That was a stupid question. After all, she had just been through hell. A hell that started less than a year ago. And that she had helped to bring on again.
Kennedy's eyes grew wide at the realization of what she had done. How hard she had pushed. And how unready that beautiful woman sitting so silent and still was. How could she have been so stupid. Sure, Willow could in time learn to love her. But not yet. Good God! How cruel had she been to push that hard.
Kennedy sighed deeply. "I'm gonna go make that tea, now." Willow finally snapped out of her staring to look up at the potential slayer. She even had a half smile on her face. But there was still pain. "I won't be long. You just rest and relax. If you need anything, I'll do it for you. I'll do anything for you, I promise." Suddenly, another thought entered her mind. They were alone in the house. At least she thought they were. Giles and the other potentials were definitely gone. But where were Buffy, Spike, and the others? It didn't really matter. It only mattered that they had a chance to talk. Hopefully.
"That'd be nice." Her voice sounded so strained to the dark haired woman. It was as if even breathing was a chore at that moment. And of course it was. She was dealing with losing her everything. The reason she had been so happy for so very long. "Thanks." Still so weak and tentative. It was nearly ripping her heart out to hear. Not that the red head had ever been that strong and confident. Not in the short time that they had known each other. The woman had a lot of demons to work through. And her kissing her too soon hadn't helped any.
"I'll try and be quick." She watched as Willow returned to her staring. Wishing she knew what was going on in the red head's mind, she quickly made her way to the kitchen. She put on the kettle and got two mugs down and put a tea bag in each. It was hard being away from the woman. And it was harder still not knowing what was going through her mind. She had never felt like this before. Her other relationships weren't about involvement. Not if she were really honest with herself. No. Her other relationships had been mostly physical. Not that that was all bad either. But Willow was different. She was special. She deserved so much more than to be on the receiving end of someone who was looking for a one night stand. Had that been all she had been thinking towards the beautiful woman?
Kennedy sighed. The whistling of the kettle startled her from her thoughts. Thoughts that included the fact that she was really going to have to change to be worthy of the woman in the next room. That woman deserved the finest things that the world could offer her. Was she really the one that could give them to her. Again she sighed as she poured the cups full of steaming hot water. A new terror came to mind. What was she going to say to that girl. The girl that was in so much pain. How could she possibly think to help her. It didn't make much sense. A brassy little thing like her that was more interested in a physical relationship than love. Or at least before she had met her. The thought came that she had changed the way she thought the minute she had met the woman. Yes, she still went after her in the same predator style that had served her so well, but now, she wanted more. More than the woman might be able to offer.
Kennedy slowly made her way into the living room. Her heart sank as she noticed that Willow hadn't moved. Her eyes were still staring forward. It was going to be harder than she had first anticipated. The woman was in complete shock. All the pain and hurt and anger must have come back all at once. Her mind must be in overload trying to deal with everything. It was going to be like treading on thin ice. Trying to make her way without the ice cracking and her falling into icy water.
Kennedy set both mugs down on the table in front of the couch. She stood, shifting from one leg to another. There was still no response from Willow. Finally, she decided she had just better leave the woman alone. She had probably done enough damage to the poor woman. Hopefully, not irreversible. Having a chance with the woman wasn't what she had in mind. No. What she so desperately wanted was to make sure that the red head would be all right so that some day she could be happy. Even if it was with somebody else.
Without saying anything, Kennedy turned and made her way towards the stairs. That same frail voice made her turn around immediately. "Don't go." It was two simple words, but they made her heart soar nonetheless. It might not be an invitation to a relationship, but it was one to a friendship. And Kennedy really didn't have that many friends. Especially not ones that were as powerful and loving and kind as the one that had been through so much and had so much yet to go through.
"Are you sure?" Kennedy slowly made her way to stand in front of the witch. Again, her eyes held so much pain. There was that half smile, though. For a minute, Kennedy simply shifted her weight from one foot to the other. Willow didn't respond to her question. What if she were too far gone to really know what was going on. It was going to be difficult, to say the least. Screw it! Kennedy slowly made her way to the couch and sat next to the red head, the woman she now realized she was so totally in love with. Not too close, but near enough. "Do you want to talk about it?" The words nearly choked in her throat. Why force the woman to talk about something so painful. Stupid!
Now Willow's face actually lit up for a moment. It was as if she had read the stupid comment and was laughing. But the face quickly dimmed. "I'm not sure." Kennedy watched her face carefully, hoping for any sign of what to do or say. "I've been distant. I'm sorry."
Kennedy shook her head. "No. You have nothing to be sorry about. It was me. I pushed you way too hard. I didn't realize that you weren't ready. It's what I do. I push until I get what I want. I am so, so stupid. You weren't ready for this. And now, look what I've done to you." She turned her face from the beautiful red head. The sight of her was a reminder of exactly how stupid she could be. She was the reason that there was pain.
Suddenly, there was a gentle touch on her face. It slowly made her turn back to the radiant face. "That's not what I was talking about. Yes, you did push. A little too much. The distant thing I'm talking about is the past few minutes. It's..."
Kennedy put her hand on that soft skin of her face. "You don't have to explain. And don't let me off the hook. I know that it's my fault that things are this bad. I shouldn't have kissed you. The date thingy was a little too much. But it was doable. The kiss, that's where I overstepped and I'm so sorry."
"I'm not." The words rang in her ears. She wasn't sorry about the kiss and the whole Warren thing. What on earth was going on. She had been through hell because of that kiss. And she wasn't sorry that she had been pushed to the breaking point. That just wasn't right. She was too good to be true.
"But.." Words escaped her. It was a rarity, indeed. Usually, the brash woman had something to say at all times. And it usually got her into some deep trouble. And if it wasn't her words, it was her actions. Like tonight. If she had only used half the brain she had, she would have realized that she was pushing too hard, too soon. That the other woman was in too much pain and wasn't ready to move on. Not yet. Maybe never. But her coming first got her into trouble, yet again.
"There are no buts." A smile that lit up the whole living room came across the red head. The pain seemed to be a little less in her eyes, but still there. "You did me a huge favor. Thank you. I will always be grateful."
There must be a confused look on her face. Really big time look of confusion. After all, it was total confusion that she felt. What was the woman trying to tell her. What favor? And grateful for what? She needed the answers. If they were to remain friends, she needed those answers. "What exactly are you talking about? What did I do?"
The smile never faded from her face. "Exactly what you said you were going to do." She was still unsure of what was going on. It was so weird to feel this out of control. In every situation, she was always the one that was in control. How frustrating not knowing what was going on. "You still don't know?" The voice sounded curious. Like it was bewildered that there was no understanding so she simply shook her head. Now the voice sounded more like that of a strong and somewhat self confidant woman. And also, a grateful one. "You brought me back to life."