BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY
Part 4
Bill Nye put on a black leather glove in a very sexy and bad ass manner. If this was a movie you would see a close up of the glove being zipped, then the other, equally sexy and bad-ass, glove, his boots, his leather jacket, and then the camera zoomed up to his face, which had a (sexy) pimple on it. His theme music played and he walked towards his door, looking as bad-ass and sexy as a man who just tripped over his untied shoelaces could be.
"Owwwww," he moaned. Redo? Please? Author of mine who I love so dearly?" I said nothing, as even the omnipotent author is nothing but a plot device for the last chapter and can not appear in the story.
"Damn you!" swore Bill. The sky rumbled ominously.
"Kidding, kidding," Bill apologized hastily. He got back up again and wiped dirt off his face, but the author was too pissed off at him for damning her to make it sexy and bad-ass. Oh well, he was sexy enough as it was anyway.
Bill remembered that Chief had said something about another agent, but decided that he would just go and save the world himself. Unfortunately, he had nothing to save the world with.
"Author of mine who I love so dearly and do not want to damn?"
"Yes?" I answered. Screw continuity, nobody would remember something I said several whole paragraphs ago, and I felt like talking.
"I'm a secret agent now. I need a sexy love interest, a computer genius, and an exploding volcano. Oh, and throw in a clue as well, but I'm prefer a dues ex machina if you have one. Did I mention a sexy love interest?" There was the sound of uproarious laughter.
"You are the genius, idiot. Here, the agent is coming right now."
The monotone voice woman who spoke on the loud speaker walked in, hitting Bill in the head with the door. She was African-Kazakhstanian, which was twice as politically correct as African-American. The woman had her glossy brown hair was up in a bun and spectacles in front of her coal black eyes. She was wearing a business suit, high heels, and a jet pack.
"Oh great," she said (she never 'sighed' or 'replied' or 'yelled', she always 'said', because she always spoke in the monotone voice of the lady on the intercom unless not doing so would be funny),"I get to be with the nerd. Yippee."
"Thank you," Bill said. He assumed she wasn't being sarcastic, and considered 'nerd' a compliment anyway. "Now, where is the sexy woman?" She woman metal slapped Bill, because she had telekinesis. Isn't that, like, SOOOO totally awesome?
"You are blind."
"No, I'm Bill. Who are you?"
"I'm Charlotte."
"Well, I suppose you are sexy enough," said Bill warily, not wanting to be mental slapped. "We'll get you scantily clad in no time. But where is the exploding volcano?"
"That comes in later, when the author feels like it."
"Why do we have to listen to her?"
"Because she feels like making us listen to her."
"Oh." There was silence for a minute.
"SO . . .what do you feel like doing?" asked Bill.
"I don't know. What do you feel like doing?"
"What ever you want to do."
"I would like to save the world. Or go to a museum."
"We can't go to a museum, I'm broke."
"Can you speak normally?"
"When it's humorous. Usually no."
"Cool. Can you speak in Valley Girl speak? Only in monotone? That would be cool." Bill giggled.
"You have no idea how often I'm asked to do that."
"So? Not everyone's as smart as you, Charlotte!" snapped Bill. Charlotte shrugged and picked up the phone.
"Hello, Charlotte Johansson, like, speaking. Hmmm. Oh. Wow. No way. Brittany did what? Oh my god. No way. No way. Oh my god. What-everrrrr. Hahahaha. Yeah, she bought this, like, totally cool skirt. I totally agree. I hate that, like, bitch too. She should be, like, struck down and sent to the depths of hell to, like, burn forever in, like, total torment, the fucking bitch. How dare she, like, go out with your ex-boyfriends ex-girlfriends ex-boyfriend only one year after they broke up? I know. She thinks she's, like, so smart, just because she studies ontological empiricism. I'm so glad we, like, planted that bomb in her house." Charlotte chatted on like this for what seemed like hours, and then glanced at Bill and said, "It's for you." Bill snatched the phone out of her hand.
"Hello? Hello?" he called.
"Like, tota-I mean, hello Nye. My name is Chief, and I have a problem with alcohol. I don't drink it, but I like to bath in it more than is healthy."
"Hi Chief! I already know you, though. What do you want?"
"Why haven't you saved the world yet?" yelled Chief.
"I don't have a clue."
"Oh, yeah. There's this evil dude. His name's Doctor Evildudeshinegger, though he prefers to be called the more menacing and shorter E-Dawg. He wants to take over the world. Find E-Dawn and destroy the device. I'll help you when the author feels like it. The end. This message should self-destruct within 2-4 business days, or your next pizza and/or mission is free."
"WAIT! Where do we find it, what does it look like-" Chief hung up. Bill felt like crying. "WE HAVE NO CLUES! WE'RE LOST! THE WORLD WILL BE TAKEN OVER AND IT'S ALL OUR FAULT BECAUSE WE COULDN'T FIND THE PLACE OR KNOW WHAT THE DOOMSDAY DEVICE WAS!"
"The doomsday device is a device that will bring your doom. It is probably at E-Dawgs evil lair."
"Oh, I know where that is! I saw a picture of his house in Gardening Monthly when he wrote a guest article on his awarding-winning flowers. He may be evil, but he has the most beautiful petunias I've ever seen."
"Lead the way."
a/n: Another chapter updated! ((Huggles Bill Nye Plushie until all the stuffing comes out)) R&R please ((puppy eyes))
Part 4
Bill Nye put on a black leather glove in a very sexy and bad ass manner. If this was a movie you would see a close up of the glove being zipped, then the other, equally sexy and bad-ass, glove, his boots, his leather jacket, and then the camera zoomed up to his face, which had a (sexy) pimple on it. His theme music played and he walked towards his door, looking as bad-ass and sexy as a man who just tripped over his untied shoelaces could be.
"Owwwww," he moaned. Redo? Please? Author of mine who I love so dearly?" I said nothing, as even the omnipotent author is nothing but a plot device for the last chapter and can not appear in the story.
"Damn you!" swore Bill. The sky rumbled ominously.
"Kidding, kidding," Bill apologized hastily. He got back up again and wiped dirt off his face, but the author was too pissed off at him for damning her to make it sexy and bad-ass. Oh well, he was sexy enough as it was anyway.
Bill remembered that Chief had said something about another agent, but decided that he would just go and save the world himself. Unfortunately, he had nothing to save the world with.
"Author of mine who I love so dearly and do not want to damn?"
"Yes?" I answered. Screw continuity, nobody would remember something I said several whole paragraphs ago, and I felt like talking.
"I'm a secret agent now. I need a sexy love interest, a computer genius, and an exploding volcano. Oh, and throw in a clue as well, but I'm prefer a dues ex machina if you have one. Did I mention a sexy love interest?" There was the sound of uproarious laughter.
"You are the genius, idiot. Here, the agent is coming right now."
The monotone voice woman who spoke on the loud speaker walked in, hitting Bill in the head with the door. She was African-Kazakhstanian, which was twice as politically correct as African-American. The woman had her glossy brown hair was up in a bun and spectacles in front of her coal black eyes. She was wearing a business suit, high heels, and a jet pack.
"Oh great," she said (she never 'sighed' or 'replied' or 'yelled', she always 'said', because she always spoke in the monotone voice of the lady on the intercom unless not doing so would be funny),"I get to be with the nerd. Yippee."
"Thank you," Bill said. He assumed she wasn't being sarcastic, and considered 'nerd' a compliment anyway. "Now, where is the sexy woman?" She woman metal slapped Bill, because she had telekinesis. Isn't that, like, SOOOO totally awesome?
"You are blind."
"No, I'm Bill. Who are you?"
"I'm Charlotte."
"Well, I suppose you are sexy enough," said Bill warily, not wanting to be mental slapped. "We'll get you scantily clad in no time. But where is the exploding volcano?"
"That comes in later, when the author feels like it."
"Why do we have to listen to her?"
"Because she feels like making us listen to her."
"Oh." There was silence for a minute.
"SO . . .what do you feel like doing?" asked Bill.
"I don't know. What do you feel like doing?"
"What ever you want to do."
"I would like to save the world. Or go to a museum."
"We can't go to a museum, I'm broke."
"Can you speak normally?"
"When it's humorous. Usually no."
"Cool. Can you speak in Valley Girl speak? Only in monotone? That would be cool." Bill giggled.
"You have no idea how often I'm asked to do that."
"So? Not everyone's as smart as you, Charlotte!" snapped Bill. Charlotte shrugged and picked up the phone.
"Hello, Charlotte Johansson, like, speaking. Hmmm. Oh. Wow. No way. Brittany did what? Oh my god. No way. No way. Oh my god. What-everrrrr. Hahahaha. Yeah, she bought this, like, totally cool skirt. I totally agree. I hate that, like, bitch too. She should be, like, struck down and sent to the depths of hell to, like, burn forever in, like, total torment, the fucking bitch. How dare she, like, go out with your ex-boyfriends ex-girlfriends ex-boyfriend only one year after they broke up? I know. She thinks she's, like, so smart, just because she studies ontological empiricism. I'm so glad we, like, planted that bomb in her house." Charlotte chatted on like this for what seemed like hours, and then glanced at Bill and said, "It's for you." Bill snatched the phone out of her hand.
"Hello? Hello?" he called.
"Like, tota-I mean, hello Nye. My name is Chief, and I have a problem with alcohol. I don't drink it, but I like to bath in it more than is healthy."
"Hi Chief! I already know you, though. What do you want?"
"Why haven't you saved the world yet?" yelled Chief.
"I don't have a clue."
"Oh, yeah. There's this evil dude. His name's Doctor Evildudeshinegger, though he prefers to be called the more menacing and shorter E-Dawg. He wants to take over the world. Find E-Dawn and destroy the device. I'll help you when the author feels like it. The end. This message should self-destruct within 2-4 business days, or your next pizza and/or mission is free."
"WAIT! Where do we find it, what does it look like-" Chief hung up. Bill felt like crying. "WE HAVE NO CLUES! WE'RE LOST! THE WORLD WILL BE TAKEN OVER AND IT'S ALL OUR FAULT BECAUSE WE COULDN'T FIND THE PLACE OR KNOW WHAT THE DOOMSDAY DEVICE WAS!"
"The doomsday device is a device that will bring your doom. It is probably at E-Dawgs evil lair."
"Oh, I know where that is! I saw a picture of his house in Gardening Monthly when he wrote a guest article on his awarding-winning flowers. He may be evil, but he has the most beautiful petunias I've ever seen."
"Lead the way."
a/n: Another chapter updated! ((Huggles Bill Nye Plushie until all the stuffing comes out)) R&R please ((puppy eyes))