BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY
Part 5
A/n: Updated. But you expected that, didn't you?
Bill grabbed Charlotte and she turned on her jet pack. He pointed south and they flew down the street until they saw a skyscraper with EVIL HIDEOUT in neon lights at the top.
"That's convenient," noted Bill.
"It's too easy," said Charlotte. "It might be a trap."
"What in the world would give you that idea?"
"Does thinking make your head hurt? I've got some Tylenol in my backpack slash jetpack."
"No, I like to think, but it does occasionally make my foot fall asleep. I'm not like everyone else on TV."
"True, I've worked with TV stars before and they usually get indigestion."
They gently landed down and went up to the automatically opening door, but it did not automatically open, no matter how hard they stepped on the black mat.
"Open up!" shouted Bill.
"Well, since you asked so nicely," said the door sarcastically. Of course, it was possible someone behind the door said it. We'll just say that the door was talking. A little slot opened and a pair of blood-shot eyes looked out.
"Password?" the door asked in a Brooklyn accent.
"Um . . ." Bill sighed. "Flamenco?"
"No."
"Usted es una persona lista y chistosa y amable."
"God, no."
"8372096hw3d3959?"
"Yes-wait, no, that was last week's password."
"For god's sake, open the door!"
The door sighed and opened. "You change one bad password into another bad password."
Bill went in, but Charlotte stayed behind. The backpack part of the backpack slash jetpack (BSJ) fell in love with the jetpack part of the BSJ, and because some people don't approve of slash relationships they had moved to San Francisco. Unfortunately, they hadn't told Charlotte, and she was trying to find her BSJ. The door snapped shut behind Bill, leaving Charlotte outside.
Bill looked around, but he was in a corridor with a lot of doors on either side. An intercom on the wall was crackling loudly.
"DEAR BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY!" shouted someone over the intercom in the same voice as the door. "We have taken Charlotte hostage, and won't give her back until you stop trying to save the world and give us a hundred billion shmillion gazillion…yen! Don't try to figure out who did it or to report us to the authorities! Love, E-Dawg. "
"Shit."
Bill went back to the office, feeling very depressed and having a pins and needles feeling in his foot.
"I know what to do!" he cried suddenly. "I'll drown my worries in alcohol! That's always healthy."
"No, Bill! Bad boy!" I groaned and appeared, swatting his hand away from the mini fridge handle. "You're going to save Charlotte."
"But how can? You didn't give me any cool gadgets, you bitch!"
A barrage of cool gadgets fell on Bill's head. He moaned in pain, but was only bruised.
"That'll teach you," I growled, and disappeared again.
"Sheep fucker!" he shouted.
"Sheep!" I called back from the heavens. There was an uncomfortable silence. " . . .ON WITH THE FAN FICTION! Here, I'll send Chief to help you."
Chief fell out of the sky and landed on his rump. He was in his late 50s, with gray eyes and hair, and was wearing a white lab coat. "Owww . . .oh, hello Bill. Your mission, should you choose to accept it-"
"I've already accepted my mission, Chief," explained Bill.
"No, your mission is to get me a band aid."
Bill got up and brushed himself off, grunting. "Author of mine who I love so dearly and do not want to damn and who does not fuck sheep? Can I have some band aids, preferably not raining down from the sky?"
"Oh, fine. You know I can't resist you, Bill."
"Really?"
"No." The chapter ended to the sound of a man being crushed under a barrage of band-aids.