(Chapter updated 10-31-04.)

. . . Robert!

"Robert?" shouted Bill. "That little revolution kid? Weren't you arrested?"

"I escaped," explained Robert calmly. "And please, call me E-Dawg." Of course, the time I did spend in jail changed me quite a lot. The horrors there have turned me into an evil psychopath bent on world destruction." Indeed, it was clear from his hideous new features that E-Dawg was evil incarnate. He had a goatee now, and spoke in a British accent.

"And now I'm going to kill Charlotte!" he shouted. He took out a remote control and pressed a sinister looking button. It was bright pink with purple polka dots. Out of the ground rose a table of food, and a few feet away a giant dome rose up. In it was Charlotte. Two laser shooters were pointed to her head.

"Please, please, help me," she yawned, rather bored. Please, like the author would really kill her off. She was the closest thing to a Spunky Feminist Trying To Prove She Can Do Anything A Man Can this story had, and was yet to have a shower scene.

"Which will you choose, Mr. Nye? You're beloved girlfriend, or dinner?" E-Dawg laughed evilly.

"Wow, great laugh," complimented Chief.

"Thanks. My mom made me take lessons after I killed the piano teacher." He gave a little cough and continued laughing. "So, Nye, what will you choose?"

"Dinner, of course." Everyone stared at him.

"What? You guys would have done the same! Let's eat." They realized that he had a point, and sat down. A minion of E-Dawg even brought Charlotte some food. ((Authors Note: there is no need to describe the minion because he is a minion and minions are unimportant objects without rights, much like children.))

"Besides," said Bill hurriedly, realizing the innocent children reading this would die of lack of censorship if the hero was not so heroic, "did you really expect me to believe that you would give over Charlotte just because I chose her over dinner? I'll save her after I've finished my pot stickers."

Elevator music played. Chief and Joey exchanged recipes involving tuna, Bill and Robert chatted, and Charlotte tried to think of ways to have a shower scene with no water or nudity.

"So, Robert, nice pad you've got here. Where'd you get the money for an evil lair?" asked Bill.

"I had a bake sale to fund my plans for world domination, but I'm borrowing the lair from Alicia," explained E-Dawg. "After the revolution she went through puberty and couldn't be on your show anymore, so she started rapping instead. You may know her as Melts In Your Mouth Not In Your Hand."

All in all, there was a rather relaxed atmosphere during dinner, aside from Bill shoving food into his face like a pig at the beginning. Luckily he remembered his manners in time and shoveled food into his face with a pinky extended.

Robert finished that completely random dinner scene and took out his remote again.

"Moo-hahaha!" he laughed like a Mad Cow. He pushed a button on his remote that had the Japanese character for air, serenity, and pizza on it and a Samurai came rushing in.

"I shall kill you!" shouted the samurai in a high-pitched woman's voice. He was very poorly dubbed, with his lips moving long after he was finished speaking. "Hi-yah!" he screeched and got into a karate pose for no other reason than that it looked cool. Bill magically learned kung fu and did the same.

Bill said, in a nasally teenager voice, "Long ago in the land of my father, I was trained in science, the art of making of cheaply dubbed kung fu movies, and the fighting techniques of the samurai. It was a very special samurai code, one made up by a mystical and wise author who knows nothing of Japanese history and keeps on mixing up sword fighting with aikido and karate." His lips stopped moving but the voice went on.

"One day, we were riding across a field when he saw an ant. The ant was green. My father said, "Do not kill the ant!" though I was prepared to do it for I hated ants. "For killing is wrong, and the ant owes me money!" But I paid him no heed and killed the ant anyway, as I shall kill you! For as a wise and mystical basketball playing chicken I once had an affair with said, 'POTS AND POTATOES! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!'..."

Bill went on for some hours. He was getting quite bored but the voice went on and on.

" . . . and that's how you make a porno, boys and girls! Now, the words respect means a lot to me. Actually, it does not, but-"

"Shut up already!" shouted the Samurai in a perfectly normal Japanese accent. "This joke is getting old. Let the fight begin!"

And fight they did...

A/n: Tune into the next exhilarating chapter...sort of...of Bill Nye the Science Guy!