(Updated 10-31-04.)

Bill Nye the Science Guy --- Chapter 8

Bill started doing his praying mantis karate. "Oooooy-aaaaa-ya!" he screeched, moving his arms around scarily.

"Oh no!" shouted the samurai. "I'm doomed!"

Bill stopped in his tracks. "Seriously? That's it?" he asked. "You're doomed?"

"Not really, but it's my coffee break."

"You get a coffee break?"

"Well, technically, I just go and think of creative ways to make fun of people. But all the people I make fun of drink coffee."

"Oh, alright, go on." The samurai bowed and skipped off, whistling.

Bill decided to try and hurt E-Dawg instead but doing the praying mantis karate. He proceeded to do this for quite awhile, finally exclaiming, "Ha! I've got you now!"

"No, Bill, you don't," sighed Robert, "How many times do I have to explain it to you? You don't defeat your opponent until there's enough violence to make the fic rated R."

"Oh my god!" gasped Bill, "You've got an invincible shield!"

"Yes, that's it. BLA! I WIN!"

Bill screamed and ran out of the building. He ran through a theatre in the shape of a piece of film, while a person accepted an Oscar. Somebody through a bunch of tomatoes at her, which she all caught and started gushing, "What a lovely fruit-basket! Or is it a vegetable? Oh, well, doesn't matter. You don't mind me, you really don't mind me!"

Bill ran out of the theatre and into Barnes and Nobles instead, screaming like a little girl. The people in the shop didn't notice him, instead, oddly enough, reading. He ran around in circles, waving his arms and yelling at the top of his lungs. And then his lungs exploded and he still screamed, but nobody noticed.

"God, won't anybody listen to me?" Bill asked irritably. The people continued reading, and he decided to sit on one of the armchairs for a minute. Bill picked a random book off the shelf, figuring it would be a short read. The title was War and Peace, and Bill thought that it must have had HUGE letters to fill that many pages. He dug in and started to read.

Read...read...read...dimly, he heard scream and shouts going on, but he ignored them. Must...read...book...oh no! He was becoming hypnotized! Must...stop...reading...think stupid thought...TV...donuts...Bill Nye the Science Guy-Behind the Scenes!

Yes! The last one was so idiotic he never wanted to read again. He sprang up to get out of there, but suddenly it became very warm. He wondered what was happening, when the intercom blared a voice that was smooth and sounded oddly familiar.

"Attention Barnes and Nobles customers, it is now 5:36 which means a fire will be raging in 5 minutes. Please make your purchases at the cashier by then."

The book-readers instantly sprang up and moved like zombies toward the cashier. Bill got into line, and waited. Finally, he managed to get out the door, while Barnes and Nobles went up in flames.

"Always happens!" complained one customer. "We should have gotten here sooner. I really should be complaining to the manager, Mr. E-Dawg. I'm almost always at work when it's not a charred mess, it's ridiculous!"

"Quite right," Bill agreed, "E-Dawg can't even run his Evil Empire right. He let the hero escape! How in the world does he manage a bookstore? Now, Mr. F-Dawg, he's an evil emperor! Oh, look, there's E-Dawg right there is with a machine gun and a hostage. I'm going to go and give him a piece of my mind. Tooodeloo!"