(Updated 2-5-05)

After a long and seemingly endless battle, in which everyone mourned over how much war sucked, they finally decided on poker. Magically, a poker table complete with chips, visors, and cards appeared. There were a few dogs already playing, but plenty of chairs to spare.

"Two's are wild!" Bill was quick to announce.

"No, jokers are!" Chief corrected. They argued for a long time, with the Great Danes and the Chihuahuas nearly causing a riot. Finally, Newbia appeared out of no-where and shouted, "STOP FIGHTING! WE'VE GOT TO GET TO THE FUNNY PART!" and left. Chief and Bill smiled at each other, glad to get another visit from the Supreme Goddess, and then Bill started pouting.

"So, something funny? I can't think of anything."

"Me neither." Bill and Chief sat in silence while Charlotte coughed. Then she coughed again, and again, and again, steadily louder until she was hacking her lungs out (she put them back in, though, because they were winter and she was an autumn, whatever that meant) and then Bill and Chief looked at her. (The dogs went on playing poker.)

"Something wrong, Charlotte?" asked Bill. Charlotte glared and nodded.

"I was trying to get your attention, I have an idea." Charlotte told them the idea and they agreed a romance would spice things up a bit, though Chief refused to make it him and Bill being the couple. He already had a boyfriend. So it was Bill and Charlotte.

Everything went off stage like a play and the curtain rolled out, revealing a romantic dinner scene. Bill and Charlotte changed into formal dinner wear (don't ask why, anything was possible in Ambiguous Fan-fic land) and romantic music started to play while Bill started to serenade Charlotte.

"Rubber ducky," Bill sang in an amazing, awe-inspiring deep voice that wasn't like his at all, "You're the one. You make bath time, so much fun! Rubber ducky, joy of joys, when I squeeze you, you make noise!" His voice started to crescendo and the dogs became quite scared. "Rubber ducky! OH IT'S TRUE! Bloop, bloopidity, BLOO—OOO—"

He held that note until a weary Labrador started to howl and then finally let go, coughing violently and barely breathing.

Charlotte sniffed. "Oh Bill, this is the most romantic night of my life!"

"Charlotte," Bill huffed, "Will—huff—you—huff—marry—"

"HEY!" somebody shouted. Ernie from Sesame Street rushed out, a towel wrapped around his waist.

"Why, if this wasn't a children's show, I'd kick your ass! The rubber ducky song belongs to me! If I catch you copy-right infringing again, I'll go TV-14 LV on your punk ass!" He squeezed his rubber ducky angrily. "Now, good-bye! This angry rant was brought to you by the number 8 and the letter Q!" He then ran off, leaving Bill and Charlotte in shock. (The dogs, again, just went back to playing poker.)

"Shouldn't we make fun of Sesame Street now?" Charlotte asked after a while. Chief (who had been conducting the orchestra) jumped out of the shadows and gasped.

"NO! NOT SESAME STREET! IT'S HOLY! A KID'S SHOW!"

"So? Lots of people make fun of Barney, and that's a kid show," Bill said. Chief looked as though he were about to faint.

"You dare make fun of Barney? My god, next thing you know you'll make fun of the president, or say Michael Jackson looks like a girl!"

"Chief, we already did. Lighten up, dude, the next thing you'll say is that we're all 'insulting' and 'politically incorrect'. I mean, E-Dawg and Charlotte are black, and you're British, and we had the badly-dubbed Chinese movie, what more do you want?"

"We already made fun of Michael Jackson?" Charlotte asked. "Oh dear, we're running out of people to insult. I know, ourselves!"

"No, our reviewers do that."

"Damn!"

They thought for a bit and then a light-bulb appeared over Bill's head, but then a minion came over and flicked it off to save electricity (it was, after all, Ambigious Fan-fic world where E-Dawg was presumed to be Californian, and they had a crisis going on over there) and Bill forgot it. As the minion scurried off, some screaming fan-girls were heard in the distance. It was, in fact, one lone nerdy-looking person. He had glasses covering squinty-gray eyes, a nasal voice, pocket protectors; everything you would think a nerd would have. He also had a messy mop of brown hair on his head and was screaming again.

"OH MY GOODNESS! IT'S BILL NYE! YOU'RE MY HERO!" he shouted and then ran over to Bill, which took awhile because it is the law that all nerds have asthma. After gulping at his inhaler for a bit, he then breathed, "My names Albert T. Urd, Bill. Actually, it's not, but you can't have a fan-fic without some sort of embarrassing name. You're my hero, the hero to losers everywhere..." Albert looked at Bill with adoring eyes.

"No I'm not," Bill said, furrowing his brow, "Why would you say so?"

"Well, you're so smart. It's against the law to be cool and smart at the same time, isn't it?"

"No it's not!"

"Oh, good, because I'm smart and I hate having to pretend to be uncool!" With that, Albert ripped off his costume and mask to reveal Ashton Kutcher!

"Kelso?" Charlotte gasped."I love That 70's Show! Do something funny and stupid, Kelso!" She was referring to the show that Ashton worked on, but instead he took out a copy of Science Weekly.

"I'm not an idiot," Ashton said, "I only play one on TV. In real life I am quite the intellectual type. I see you are having a dilemma with finding someone to make fun of. I know the perfect person to get help from, Alfred E. Newman of MAD magazine."