"I guess they are a little uptight." Reyes admitted.
"So what drew us to them in the first place?" Mulder asked, throwing one arm behind his head. " You and me, we're not uptight."
"Opposites attract?"
"That'd explain if either of us were attracted to Kersh."
"Good in bed?"
Mulder snorted. "I dunno anything about you and Dog-ate, but I was infatuated with her for years before we slept together. They don't call her the ice-queen around the office for nuthin."
"Wait, I'm confused. She's the ice queen because she plays hard to get, or because she's cold in bed?"
Even in his state, Mulder doesn't fail to notice the smile playing on her lips as she asked the question.
"A gentleman never tells," he answered primly.
"I'm glad I'm not a gentleman." Reyes retorted. "Because I'll tell you, John is a very by-the-books person in ALL aspects of his life."
"I hope it's an interesting book, anyway," Mulder told her, making her giggle helplessly.
Mulder sat back up. "We're not bad people, so why are we sitting here letting those two people, two boring people, make us miserable?"
"Habit," Reyes replied immediately.
"Bad habit. Maybe there's a twelve step program."
"Yeah, 'getting over someone who's wrong for you in 12 easy steps.'"
"I know, I'm gonna design that very program," Mulder declared.
"Are you."
"I've got a psych degree, I should be great at this."
"That didn't sound like bragging at all."
"I'm nothing if not humble. However, every good plan needs to be tested, so I need people to try my program out on."
"Who?"
"Lets do something fun."
The Following Day…
"Sir, do you know where agent Mulder and agent Reyes are?" Scully asked.
It was ten thirty and Scully and Doggett finally had noticed that they were alone in the office fifteen minutes earlier.
Skinner sighed. "Unfortunately, agent Reyes seems to have caught the intestinal bug Mulder went home with yesterday. I don't think either of them will be in for a few days."
Scully grimaced. "Maybe I'll stop by their places after work and drop off some magazines."
Meanwhile…
"Thank you, Father, you've been very helpful." Mulder stood and shook the priest's hand.
"My pleasure. It's always nice to speak to young people who are undecided about joining the clergy."
"You've given us a lot to think about," Reyes told him, with a smile.
"Take a few days to think about it," the priest offered.
"Do you think they'll be joining us?" a nun asked as Mulder and Reyes walked out to their car.
The priest gave her an amused look. "Not a chance."
"So, there's step three, what do you think?"
"I think that being alone now isn't worse than swearing off sex for the rest of our lives," Reyes said.
"Exactly. Puts it all into perspective, doesn't it?"
"Sure. Even it isn't as much fun as step one – playing games at Jokers until you get thrown out for making too much noise, or step two- heckle a romance movie until you're asked to leave the theater."
"Breaking a bad habit isn't all about fun and games, Monica."
"So what's step four?" Reyes asked.
That Night…
"…and I don't even know what I ever saw in you. You look like a constipated elf! I am so over you, John." Click.
Scully gave Doggett a puzzled look. "Who was calling at this time of the night?"
"I think it was Monica. Do they use narcotics to treat intestinal bugs these days?"
"Not that I know of, but then, my most recent medical training doesn't really apply to living people, you know. Why do you ask?"
"She just didn't sound like herself."
"No one was answered when I dropped off the magazines this afternoon…do you think we should go check on her?"
Doggett shook his head. "She's a private person. I'm sure she'll be fine."
Scully got back under the covers. "Ok, but if she's not better in a couple of days, I'm going to make a house call."
He cuddled closer to her. "You're such a sweet person, Dana."
"Mulder, that was…great! I've never had the nerve to be that honest with him before."
"Right, but have you ever been this drunk before?"
"Lots of times. But not since moving to DC."
Mulder paused to open another bottle of Jack Daniels. "Hand me the phone, I need to call Scully so we can cross step eight off the list."
Valentine's Day
"Normally I'd give this assignment to agent Mulder, but as you know, he's… indisposed."
They gave him knowing looks, Mulder really didn't sound like himself that last they heard from him.
"So I'm going to send the two of you to Las Vegas to investigate a new case that has come our way."
"Involving what, sir?" Scully asked.
Skinner sighed.
You make me so lonely baby,
I get so lonely,
I get so lonely I could die-
"No no! I thought you said you were the real Elvis," Mulder complained. "The real Elvis wouldn't sing that at a wedding."
"Sorry. Ya'll are right. Maybe something more, romantic?"
"Please," Reyes begged.
Love me tender,
Love me true,
All my dreams fulfilled.
For my darlin' I love you,
And I always will
"Mulder!"
Mulder and Reyes whipped around when they heard a familiar voice.
"What are you two doing here? You're supposed to be home sick, so Skinner assigned us this case."
"What case?" Mulder asked.
"Someone reported that this minister is the real Elvis-" Scully stopped in mid-sentence and gave them a puzzled look. "If you're not here to investigate this case, why are you here?"
"Do you want to be the witnesses at our wedding?" Reyes asked sheepishly.
"Your wedding? What the hell do you mean, your wedding?" Doggett sputtered.
"It's step twelve in getting over people who are totally wrong for you - be married to someone else in Vegas by a believable Elvis impersonator," Mulder explained.
"But…you've only known each other for a few months, and you've barely spoken to each other! How could you possibly be getting married?" Scully ranted.
"Dana, true love isn't something that you have to agonize about for years," Reyes admonished. "Want to make it a double ceremony?"
Scully and Doggett looked at each other and shrugged. "Ok."
The End
Epilogue
The bar shook a little when the door was slammed open with great force.
The bartender glanced at the irate person entering his establishment, but went back to cleaning the shot glasses.
"How could you?" The short man asked as he flew up to the bar. "You knew they were all wrong for each other, yet you encouraged him to go in the wrong direction! Now their lives will never be perfect!"
"Who needs perfect?" The bartender shrugged. "You deal with perfect. Me, I dish out good times. They seem happy enough to me."
"But! But!" Cupid shrieked.
"But nothing. If the world didn't need an anti-cupid, I never would have been born," Eros Mala told him.
"It just seems so wrong." Cupid muttered. "And why did they think I needed an evil twin anyway?"
"Hey, there's always divorce."
"Yeah!" Cupid said, brightening. "Nothing last forever. Not even love."
********* That's it folks, go home =) ********
Author's note: Did you wonder what Eros Mala meant? Eros= Romantic Love/Cupid's real name Mala = Bad