these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
-evanescence - "my immortal"
The blond man stepped forward, putting out his hand for his daughter to take. The girl jumped up and clung to his neck. "Daddy!"
Tidus smiled and played with the girl's sandy blond hair. Her huge sea green eyes were sparkling. The girl was almost five now, having been born a year and a half after the man had married the love of his life.
The aforementioned love appeared now, smiling softly. Yuna's eyes, one green and one blue, revealed the old grief she was trying to hide as she finished passing through the Farplane gate.
"How was it?" Tidus asked.
"Good," Yuna stated simply, nodding. "I introduced Lennie to my father and mother. I spoke with Chappu and Auron as well."
The little girl, Lenne, perked at the sound of her name. "Why did that old guy only have one eye?"
"He lost the other one in a battle, honey."
"What's battle?"
"A very bad thing," Yuna said. She drew close to her husband and began stroking her daughter's hair. She was glad that the girl didn't know the meaning of the word. When she had been that age, battles were taking place all around her. Fights with Sin, fight with its spawn… And there had been so many more fiends.
"Here, I'll go talk with Dad now," Tidus announced. He placed Lenne into her mother's arms and disappeared into the Farplane.
Yuna took the child down to the Guado inn and bought her a sweet drink. Lenne sat on the counter and sucked the thick liquid through a straw while her mother sipped ice water and thought.
She hated losing people. She had said goodbye to Auron nine years ago and it still hurt to think that her former guardian was dead. Even though she had led a mission to save the world herself, she never thought her leadership could match Auron's. He had been strong and calm even in the worst of times, while she had a tendency to become emotional.
Yuna had gotten her happily ever after. Tidus had come back, and every day she was thankful. She had Lenne, the product of their love, and now she had another baby growing within her—although she was still waiting to tell anyone.
So many people were happy now. Leblanc had finally gotten Nooj to marry her three years ago, Donna and Barthello had tied the knot… Baralai and Shelinda were certainly spending plenty of time together… Paine did not have a special man in her life yet, but Yuna really could not imagine the warrior settling down.
But then there was Rikku. She seemed happy enough traveling across Spira on the Celsius, but there were times when Auron was mentioned and her spiraled emerald eyes would grow ethereally distant.
Yuna had chosen to mention this to Auron, who had seemed surprised, if anything.
"Tell her to forget me," Auron had insisted. "You can all forget about me now. I am…only a memory…"
"Sir Auron!" Yuna had protested. "I'll never forget you! How could you ask me to?" She had paused, considering. "I'm sure everyone else feels the same way…"
Auron's image had disappeared then, melting into a cloud of scattering pyreflies.
"Tidus came back because I wanted him to," Yuna whispered thoughtfully. She had then taken Lenne's hand and led her away.
*
Aboard the Celsius on the journey back to Besaid, Yuna cornered Rikku on the deck. "Hey, Rikku, how are you doing?"
Rikku turned toward her cousin. She was wearing a green tank top shirt and a floor-length khaki skirt. Her long blond hair was free, save a few strands that were pulled from the top of her head into a braid over the rest of the shining hair. She had no bangs, only some shorter, featherlike strands that framed the edges of her face nicely.
She had grown up so much in these past years, Yuna noted. Not only in dress, but often her choice of words was more conservative and she was not nearly as impulsive in her actions. That didn't mean she didn't get excited often, but…
"I'm good, Yunie. How was Guadosalam?"
"Great. Tromell and the other Guado are doing well. So are the Ronso ambassadors, Lian and Ayde."
"I remember those guys," Rikku said, grinning. "They sure had a lot of guts!"
Yuna put her hands behind her back and walked forward. "I also went to the Farplane."
"Ah," Rikku articulated. She did her best to smile. "How was it?"
"I think it was good for me to see people again. And I think it'd be good for you to go, too," the former summoner added quickly.
Rikku waved her hands frantically in front of her face. "Aw, Yunie, you know I don't do that."
"You went once."
"That was an exception. We had to get Vegnagun."
"Make another exception, then."
"Why?"
"Because I think you need to speak with Sir Auron."
Rikku let her hands slip to her sides. "Aw, I dunno…"
"Think about it, won't you?" Yuna asked, inclining her head. "I am certain it would do you some good."
Rikku's mouth slanted into a frown.
"We all need to say goodbye sometimes."
*
"Hey, Tidus," Yuna murmured, turning onto her side. "Are you still awake?"
Tidus draped one arm around her. "Yeah."
Yuna arranged the sheets around them. They were back at home now, at their modest home in Besaid. Lenne was asleep in her small bed on the far side of the bedroom, so the two spoke in whispers.
"Did you speak with Sir Auron?"
Tidus was quiet, so, after a few seconds, Yuna encouraged him by squeezing his hand. The man then spoke. "Well, it was kinda weird."
"What do you mean?"
"I tried to call him, but he…he never showed up."
Yuna whirled around. "What?"
Tidus shrugged. "Guess he didn't feel like to talking to me?"
"Guess so…"
*
"Brother," Rikku said quietly.
The man didn't hear, apparently.
She poked his shoulder. "Brother!"
"Wh-What is it?" he screeched, finally turning around to face his younger sister. "Can't you see I'm piloting?!"
Rikku crossed her arms. "Never mind, then!"
She stomped from the pilot's seat to the navigation panel, where Buddy sat. "Could you set a course for Guadosalam, please?"
"Sure thing," Buddy said, leaning forward to enter the coordinates.
"Guadosalam? We were just there!" complained the pilot. "What's going on, Rikku?"
"I'm going to take some time for myself, if that's all right with you."
Brother began stuttering. "B-But you're my first officer! You can't just abandon ship!"
Rikku's voice turned into a low growl. "I said I was taking some time for myself, okay?"
He surrendered, letting his head droop. "All right. Take all the time you need."
Rikku left, victorious.
*
The Al-Bhed arrived at Guadosalam late in the afternoon, but she shut herself up in a room at the inn until well past midnight. It was then that she snuck out to the Farplane, wearing a long, cream-colored cloak over her green tank top and khaki skirt. Her hair was French-braided and looped into a bun at the base of her neck.
Rikku glided through the streets of the sleeping Guado city until she had reached the glowing barrier to the Farplane. Pyreflies swirled at the entrance. Over nine years ago she had waited here with Auron; neither of them had wished to go inside. So, they had sat and waited together while the others futilely—or so Rikku thought at the time—relived their pasts.
"Memories are nice, but that's all they are."
Were those not the words she had spoken to Tidus then?
How much she had changed! She had always tried to get over her sad past by ignoring its existence. She tried still, but there were nights in her cabin when she cried herself to sleep. Cried because the memories refused to fade, refused to let her live on in peace.
If peace would not come to her, it was time to find it. Rikku took a deep breath and walked inside.
Not daring to stop, the woman kept walking until she came to the edge of the platform. There she gazed upon the rainbows that were fields of flowers and the glorious golden waterfalls. This was certainly the most beautiful place she had ever seen—although it was also the place that frightened her most.
Why?
A dozen images appeared before her, perhaps more. There was her mother, her dead siblings, all her friends who had been buried in the ruins of Home. Rikku sank to her knees and began sobbing. She had twenty-four years behind her, but only now could she fall and mourn for those who had died so long ago.
A dull, throbbing pain overtook her heart. She finally rose to her feet, tripping over the long skirt and cloak. She could not speak, and instead stared into the faces of the people she had lost.
They all smiled at her.
"Thank you for coming," her mother said tenderly. "I worried you never would."
"It was too hard to think about seeing all of you," Rikku finally managed to say. "Forgive me, Sudran." When she raised her eyes to at last see her mother, Rikku was shocked to find out how much she now resembled the woman. No wonder Cid would so often look at his daughter and sigh…!
"You're my youngest, Rikku, and I never got to know you well. I'm so sorry that I could not be a mother to my only daughter."
"Please, you don't have to apologize to me. I'm the one who didn't come and see you."
"Then we're even," her mother declared, tilting her head and winking. "Right?"
"Right!" Rikku smiled as the moist warmth of tears covered her face. She had last seen her mother twenty years ago, but memories of the woman's maternal tenderness flooded back into her heart. The wound left by her mother's premature and gruesome death finally began to heal.
Could she begin recovering from the other losses, too?
Rikku spoke with her brothers and her friends for a while after that; the hours passed quickly as she wasn't paying them much attention. When she felt herself teetering at the brink of emotional exhaustion, she allowed the images of her loved ones to fade. She was alone, but no so lonely as she had once been.
There was one person left to summon. Should she do it? Could she bear it now, or would it be better to wait?
Too late. She was already thinking of him.
Rikku carefully raised her head, ready to confront the image of that last person. That man who had guarded her as well as Yuna on the pilgrimage nine years ago.
But he didn't appear.
"Auron?" Rikku tried cautiously, standing. "Auron?"
She hadn't wanted to confront his memory before, but, now that he wouldn't come, she wanted to see him desperately. She began to panic. He wouldn't appear for her? She didn't deserve to say goodbye to him?
Rikku ran left and then right on the platform, calling his name with an increasing level of hopelessness. "Auron? Auron!"
She frowned and used the long sleeves of the cloak to wipe away the tears that penetrated her defenses. "You—you jerk! H-How dare you not come!"
Rikku pulled the cloak tightly around herself. She had worked so hard to get the courage to return to the Farplane. She had come to peace with all those deaths. She only had had one left to go and she could have moved on!
"Sayhea," she whimpered childishly on her way to the exit.
"Rikku!"
On the side near the doorway, her mother had reappeared.
"Sudran?" The woman approached the flickering image. "What is it?"
"The man you're calling for, Auron… He has disappeared from here."
Rikku trembled a little. "What does that mean?"
Her mother shook her head. "I don't know. The only other time that happened was when—was when the man named Tidus left us."
Rikku's temperature rose. She felt as though she might faint. Tidus had disappeared from the Farplane and come back to life! That meant…that meant…
"Could he be alive?"
"I don't know."
"I've gotta…I've gotta go look for him!"
Rikku's mother grinned. "All right. Good luck, Rikku. And please, visit me again soon."
"I will!" Rikku promised. "'Love you, Sudran."
"Send my love to your father as well."
Rikku was in such a great mood that she readily accepted.