Title: I Meant Harm 4/4
Author: Tracy
Rating: PG-13
See disclaimers in Chapter 1. I wasn't sure how long this was going to go
on, but in the middle of writing this Chapter decided that I could tie it
all up here.
29 February 2004 19:35 Local Georgetown
I heard Harm's footsteps coming down the hall, and in anticipation of his knock, I rose to answer the door. As I pulled the door toward me I found him raising his hand to knock. His momentum brought him right into the room with a very surprised look on his face.
"Mac!"
"Hi, Harm," I smiled and stepped aside to let him in. "Right on time."
When Harm dropped me off earlier, it was on the condition that he would return in an hour and a half, ostensibly to bring me some dessert that we were supposed to have had at his place after stopping at my place for my overnight bag. While waiting for the girls to get out of their movie Harm had offered for me to stay over if I was still having trouble sleeping. I tried to be blasé about it, but in my heart I leapt at the chance.
By setting a time limit, Harm made it clear that he was in full-blown overprotective mode, and wanted to check on me. Although I knew I'd be fine, I did appreciate his thoughtfulness. And even more, I appreciated the excuse for a time limit on my conversation with Clay.
As suspected, he didn't remember the conversation of the day before. It was difficult, but I stuck to my guns and let him down as gently as I could. He didn't seem too surprised, but did try to convince me that I'd be better off with him than with Harm. I didn't even try to correct his assumption that I'd chosen Harm. Whether or not we could work things out, I'd fought it long enough. Harm was my soul mate, and that was one of the things I had accepted that I could not change.
"Are you OK?" Harm asked, putting his hands on my upper arms in as if to pull me into an embrace.
"I'm fine, Harm," I reassured him with a smile to confirm my words. "Clay left about a half an hour ago."
"Is everything OK between you two?" It was obvious he was holding his breath, waiting for my answer. I didn't want there to be any mistake about who was available, and who wasn't.
"Everything is over between us," I said. "And I think it's best for everyone concerned." Harm didn't say anything. I continued, "Harm, there's something else you should know." I put my arms up and rested them on his biceps as he had done with me.
He looked as if he wasn't too sure he wanted to hear what I had to say.
"I told Clay that I would refuse any future assignment of any kind with the CIA. I told him that I would refuse that assignment no matter who requested it, including my commanding officer," I finished, my voice sounding a little shaky at the end.
"Mac . . ." Harm started, but I interrupted him.
"I'm going to meet with the Admiral tomorrow to discuss it with him. I won't make it like a threat or anything," I responded in a rush. "I think he'll understand, Harm, I really do."
"I wasn't going to question your judgment, Mac," Harm said, sliding his arms around me and pulling me into the hug that I needed so desperately. "I agree with your decision, and I think you're right. I'm sure the Admiral will back you up."
I relaxed against him, my head resting over his heart. I could hear his heartbeat soothing me, reassuring me that I was safe as long as I was with him.
He pulled back to look into my eyes. Our gazes locked for a long minute before he said "So, I brought you some of the chocolate cake the girls baked earlier today. I think a couple of glasses of milk are in order, Marine." His gentle smile warmed me through and through.
"Mmmm, you sure know the way to a girl's heart," my smile answered his as I slipped from his arms and moved toward the kitchen. He picked up the bag that he'd set down when he came in the door and followed me. As I pulled out some glasses and the milk from the fridge, Harm pulled out plates, forks, and napkins.
As we settled down to eat our dessert at the table, Harm covered my hand with his, and his grey eyes locked on mine. "Look, Mac, I don't want to pressure you. But I do want to remind you that when you are ready to talk, I'm here."
"Thanks, Harm, I really appreciate that," I decided to take the first steps toward healing our relationship by letting him in, at least a little. "I would like to share a few things with you, but I hope you'll understand if I need to take this slowly?"
Harm nodded, and after a deep breath, I continued, "The Admiral insisted that I see a psychiatrist at Bethesda. Initially I thought it was a waste of time, but I can't kid myself anymore. I need to deal with what happened in Paraguay, and killing Saddiq."
Harm cocked his head a little, but didn't say anything. It was a gesture of empathy, I thought, and it made me feel good that he was respecting my need to get these things off my chest without too many questions. He wasn't pressuring me, as he'd said he wouldn't.
"I realize now that I've been running away from a lot of things in my life, for a long time. Good things, bad things, just the simple realities that other people take for granted. I don't want to do that any more. I want to understand why I have these fears, and I want to conquer them, if I can. Or at least try to control them somewhat."
Harm nodded supportively, and squeezed my hand again to reassure me that he was not only listening, but hearing me as well.
"Harm, if you didn't already know it," I wasn't sure if I had the nerve to say this, but if I thought about it too much, I knew I wouldn't. Best to just blurt it out, if I could. "You are one of the things I've been running away from. One of the good things."
Harm leaned back in his chair, surprised, but not too surprised, I thought. His eyes were still locked on mine, but then his gaze dropped, unsure.
"Harm," I needed him to look at me. "Harm, I know you wouldn't know it for the way I've behaved for the last year . . . but . . . I do love you."
"I know that, Mac, and you know that I love you." It was an automatic response.
"No, Harm, I don't think you understand me," I insisted. "I mean that I REALLY love you, and I'm in love with you, and I always have been. If you don't love me, then I'll find a way to deal with it. But I can't go another minute on this planet without telling you that I love you." By this time I was babbling and the tears were trickling down my face, and my nose was starting to run. Harm picked up a paper napkin and started to wipe my face. He grasped my hand again, and got up from the table. He pulled me up with him, and into his arms.
"Oh, Sarah," he whispered into my ear. "I love you too, my beautiful girl, I love you too." I could feel his lips on my temple, then my eye lid, then on my cheek, and then finally over my own lips in a gentle and loving kiss.
"Harm, I don't know how this is going to work out," I ran my finger along his lower lip. "But I know that whatever comes, I can handle it if I have you by my side."
"What about being on top?" Harm said softly, smiling at me with shining eyes.
"How about if we take turns?" I offered. He nodded thoughtfully, still smiling, and pulled me to him again in a tender kiss.
The End
29 February 2004 19:35 Local Georgetown
I heard Harm's footsteps coming down the hall, and in anticipation of his knock, I rose to answer the door. As I pulled the door toward me I found him raising his hand to knock. His momentum brought him right into the room with a very surprised look on his face.
"Mac!"
"Hi, Harm," I smiled and stepped aside to let him in. "Right on time."
When Harm dropped me off earlier, it was on the condition that he would return in an hour and a half, ostensibly to bring me some dessert that we were supposed to have had at his place after stopping at my place for my overnight bag. While waiting for the girls to get out of their movie Harm had offered for me to stay over if I was still having trouble sleeping. I tried to be blasé about it, but in my heart I leapt at the chance.
By setting a time limit, Harm made it clear that he was in full-blown overprotective mode, and wanted to check on me. Although I knew I'd be fine, I did appreciate his thoughtfulness. And even more, I appreciated the excuse for a time limit on my conversation with Clay.
As suspected, he didn't remember the conversation of the day before. It was difficult, but I stuck to my guns and let him down as gently as I could. He didn't seem too surprised, but did try to convince me that I'd be better off with him than with Harm. I didn't even try to correct his assumption that I'd chosen Harm. Whether or not we could work things out, I'd fought it long enough. Harm was my soul mate, and that was one of the things I had accepted that I could not change.
"Are you OK?" Harm asked, putting his hands on my upper arms in as if to pull me into an embrace.
"I'm fine, Harm," I reassured him with a smile to confirm my words. "Clay left about a half an hour ago."
"Is everything OK between you two?" It was obvious he was holding his breath, waiting for my answer. I didn't want there to be any mistake about who was available, and who wasn't.
"Everything is over between us," I said. "And I think it's best for everyone concerned." Harm didn't say anything. I continued, "Harm, there's something else you should know." I put my arms up and rested them on his biceps as he had done with me.
He looked as if he wasn't too sure he wanted to hear what I had to say.
"I told Clay that I would refuse any future assignment of any kind with the CIA. I told him that I would refuse that assignment no matter who requested it, including my commanding officer," I finished, my voice sounding a little shaky at the end.
"Mac . . ." Harm started, but I interrupted him.
"I'm going to meet with the Admiral tomorrow to discuss it with him. I won't make it like a threat or anything," I responded in a rush. "I think he'll understand, Harm, I really do."
"I wasn't going to question your judgment, Mac," Harm said, sliding his arms around me and pulling me into the hug that I needed so desperately. "I agree with your decision, and I think you're right. I'm sure the Admiral will back you up."
I relaxed against him, my head resting over his heart. I could hear his heartbeat soothing me, reassuring me that I was safe as long as I was with him.
He pulled back to look into my eyes. Our gazes locked for a long minute before he said "So, I brought you some of the chocolate cake the girls baked earlier today. I think a couple of glasses of milk are in order, Marine." His gentle smile warmed me through and through.
"Mmmm, you sure know the way to a girl's heart," my smile answered his as I slipped from his arms and moved toward the kitchen. He picked up the bag that he'd set down when he came in the door and followed me. As I pulled out some glasses and the milk from the fridge, Harm pulled out plates, forks, and napkins.
As we settled down to eat our dessert at the table, Harm covered my hand with his, and his grey eyes locked on mine. "Look, Mac, I don't want to pressure you. But I do want to remind you that when you are ready to talk, I'm here."
"Thanks, Harm, I really appreciate that," I decided to take the first steps toward healing our relationship by letting him in, at least a little. "I would like to share a few things with you, but I hope you'll understand if I need to take this slowly?"
Harm nodded, and after a deep breath, I continued, "The Admiral insisted that I see a psychiatrist at Bethesda. Initially I thought it was a waste of time, but I can't kid myself anymore. I need to deal with what happened in Paraguay, and killing Saddiq."
Harm cocked his head a little, but didn't say anything. It was a gesture of empathy, I thought, and it made me feel good that he was respecting my need to get these things off my chest without too many questions. He wasn't pressuring me, as he'd said he wouldn't.
"I realize now that I've been running away from a lot of things in my life, for a long time. Good things, bad things, just the simple realities that other people take for granted. I don't want to do that any more. I want to understand why I have these fears, and I want to conquer them, if I can. Or at least try to control them somewhat."
Harm nodded supportively, and squeezed my hand again to reassure me that he was not only listening, but hearing me as well.
"Harm, if you didn't already know it," I wasn't sure if I had the nerve to say this, but if I thought about it too much, I knew I wouldn't. Best to just blurt it out, if I could. "You are one of the things I've been running away from. One of the good things."
Harm leaned back in his chair, surprised, but not too surprised, I thought. His eyes were still locked on mine, but then his gaze dropped, unsure.
"Harm," I needed him to look at me. "Harm, I know you wouldn't know it for the way I've behaved for the last year . . . but . . . I do love you."
"I know that, Mac, and you know that I love you." It was an automatic response.
"No, Harm, I don't think you understand me," I insisted. "I mean that I REALLY love you, and I'm in love with you, and I always have been. If you don't love me, then I'll find a way to deal with it. But I can't go another minute on this planet without telling you that I love you." By this time I was babbling and the tears were trickling down my face, and my nose was starting to run. Harm picked up a paper napkin and started to wipe my face. He grasped my hand again, and got up from the table. He pulled me up with him, and into his arms.
"Oh, Sarah," he whispered into my ear. "I love you too, my beautiful girl, I love you too." I could feel his lips on my temple, then my eye lid, then on my cheek, and then finally over my own lips in a gentle and loving kiss.
"Harm, I don't know how this is going to work out," I ran my finger along his lower lip. "But I know that whatever comes, I can handle it if I have you by my side."
"What about being on top?" Harm said softly, smiling at me with shining eyes.
"How about if we take turns?" I offered. He nodded thoughtfully, still smiling, and pulled me to him again in a tender kiss.
The End