CHAPTER TWO
Waking up was a bitch. Luckily I had sense enough to keep a blood packet for brekkie. I pushed the coffin open just a crack to make sure I was still alone. I figured the fact I wasn't chained inside and on fire was a clue I hadn't been found. The sun was where I thought it'd be, almost down.
I pushed the coffin all the way open, a tatter of skin dangling from the back of my hand. Nothing rushed me from any blind spots so I took the time to worry at that hanging flesh. The skin of both arms peeled off like a snake's. The skin under it was fiery pink but more healed than the blistered mess of last night.
Having a little sunlight to kill, I opened the tubing on the blood bag and got myself a little nourishment. The mere act of sucking hurt and it was difficult since most of my lips had been burnt off. I poked gently at my face, feeling the thick scabs, reminding me of the time Dru nursed me back to health after Buffy snapped my spine and burnt the church down around me. I could use some of Dru's doctoring right about now.
The scabs didn't hurt...yet. I knew the nerves were toast. Soon enough though my system would start to heal and then the worst of the burns would hurt like being on fire all over again as the nerves grew back.
Moving hurt. I would have to buck up though because I didn't want to be stuck in this crypt any longer. I needed someplace more defensible. As I drank, I scrubbed a finger against the heavy scab on my shoulder. Parts of it cracked off and bled but the flesh underneath was better than the charcoal I had gone to bed with.
Yeah, I definitely wanted a nice soft bed and Mum waiting on me hand and foot. Mother would have done that, nursed me for days, longer than needed really. She worried over every sniffle I ever had, always waiting for tuberculosis to lay me low, or typhoid or whatever the disease of the day was. Her attention had been smothering, running my life, ruining it, always worrying about getting home to Mum, doing what she wanted to the point I had become a joke to my friends. Part of me still yearned for it though, the reliance, the comfort, the freedom of not having to make decisions. Even if Mum controlled me too much, I loved her enough to try to keep her forever. Angelus and Darla surprised me by agreeing with Dru that it was a bad idea. I didn't know them well enough to understand that I should have listened to them. It would have saved on the creepiness. I mean, was Mum in the role of Jocasta my whole life? It makes me shudder just to think about it, so, I wasn't going to think about it. I was hurting enough without adding that.
I took stock of my situation. My shirt and jacket had burned but my pants were only smoky and covered with filth. The cell phone Fred had given me was still on my belt. How pathetically human of me. Still, it was going to come in handy now. I knew who to call for a little mothering. I dialed the number.
"'Allo, Fred. Can you do me a favor, luv? I've made a real cock up of things and could use some hel-"
"I don't care what you need, Spike, not after what you did to Angel," Fred snarled into the phone.
"What I did?" Oh, no I'm in for it now. Angel got Fred pissed at me.
"Don't play innocent, Spike. I know you did something to Angel. We all know. I wouldn't be coming back here and don't call me any more."
And with that she was gone. Angel really was serious this time. He wanted me gone and he was likely to get his wish. I was really out on my own and with my usual perfect timing. Night had fallen so I got to my feet, hard as it was and headed out. I didn't have a car or clothes and I needed to rectify at least one of those conditions. The latter was easier and more important. I couldn't wander around half naked and fried. I needed to cover up as much as I could.
It wasn't too far of a walk to a Goodwill store. Breaking and entering is one of those skills you don't lose. I didn't linger long, just grabbed some stuff, pants, shirt, new coat and baseball hat to hide myself as best I could without looking like Claude Raines desperate to be seen. I had vagrant chic down but it was better than risking going home while Angel was on full boil, especially since he had the others roiling, too.
So, to keep myself free of woody intrusions, I headed out to find another place to bunk down for the day. Along the way I did manage to score a car, a heap of a purple Geo Storm tricked out with glass packs and purple velour upholstery on the dash. It did take me the better part of the night to find something squatter-free, light proof enough with more than one access including a passage to the sewers in case Wolfram and Hart came for me in the day, which would be the smart thing to do.
I felt hungry as I lay down on some of the bedding I had stolen and carted along. I wadded up my new jacket under my head for a pillow. My body thrummed like a foot asleep, all pins and needles. I'd never get to sleep like this but somehow I did.
I wasn't sure how long I was out but the sun felt much lower in the sky. Waking up was even worse this time. The nerves had regrown some and it felt like someone was using a cheese grater on my face while kicking me in the love spuds. To further complicate my misery, a white light flashed, blinding me.
Crying out, I tried to move away from the light. I couldn't see through my rapidly blinking, tearing eyes if I was under attack. Nothing seemed interested in pulling me apart. My vision came back and there was Darla in a white gown with a Hollywood angel glow about her. The glow faded.
I let my head drop back against my wadded-up coat. "Fuck me, this is the last thing I need."
"My thoughts exactly." Darla ghosted through several objects to come sit next to me on my makeshift bed. I felt a jealous twinge that I wasn't unique in being a vampire ghost. Of course, I wasn't a wraith any more as much as I might want to be at the moment. At least that way I couldn't hurt like I did now. She looked at me with a cattish expression on her face. I knew that superior look well. Darla and I had only ever tolerated each other, at best. "You've been irritating my sweet boy again," she said, not a hint of doubt in her voice.
I bobbed my head. "That blighter was never sweet and I don't even know what I did to set him off. When did you get dusted again? Dru told me you had been brought back from the ashes the poof left you in. She was quite thrilled about the full circle of granddaughter giving birth to her own grandmother. Kept going on about phoenixes." I scratched my chest; big mistake, the scabs pulled and hurt when I did.
"She always was peculiar, even before Angelus got hold of her." Darla sighed. "I told him not to break her. A seer with her wits around her is more useful than one who raves like a loon but would he listen?"
"Please." I snorted. "Like you could tell Angelus anything."
"Exactly." Her mouth twisted wryly.
"So, how'd you get dusted? Angel? I knew he was after you and Dru."
"He made a half assed attempted to kill me, followed by whole assed, shouldered, cocked attempt to screw my brains out so he could lose his soul." Darla smiled lasciviously this time. I shrugged. I was used to seeing those two rutting like wild beasts. They loved having an audience so mere allusions to the act didn't bother me. "Only he found out he has to be totally happy to lose his soul. The ungrateful bastard said I didn't make him happy."
"Sounds like him. He's been using that loophole to fuck a real bitch at work, Eve." I gestured to my burns. "She's responsible for this. Guess I can't blame him. After a century of wanking off, I can see why he'd use every loophole he could find. Too bad he can't find anyone who actually wants to have sex with him. I can see why. Have you seen how wide he's gotten?"
Darla gave me the hairy eye. "Better than being was big around as a limp noodle. And since you asked, I killed myself."
I raised my eyebrows, or would have if they hadn't been burnt off. "You? What in the hell for? I can remember how much fun it was to be soul-free and tearing it up out there in the night. You had carte blanche."
She didn't look surprised that I might have a soul. She could probably sense it like we had sensed Angel's when we drove him out of our family. I kinda felt bad about that now, having lived through it myself. "Soul free...there's the rub. Do you remember how you felt when you got your soul back?"
"Fairly insane," I admitted. "And I wanted it gone, at least for a while even though it was what I thought I wanted. Then I started to see things like Angel does. The goodness changes you."
"It changed me, too...only I was sharing a soul." Darla put her hand over mine, a comforting gesture maybe but since she ghosted through me it was more disturbing than anything.
"Sharing?" I scowled. It didn't make sense and she didn't seem in a hurry to tell me all about it. I was getting a bad feeling about her being here. "Why are you haunting me, Darla?"
"Because you need a little mothering." She seemed serious, which only made it more ludicrous. Darla, sweet and mother-like? Yeah, right.
I laughed. "Since when have you been motherly?"
Her brown eyes met mine. "Since I've had a son."
I sobered. There wasn't a hint of deception in her voice, not a waiver in the intensity of her eyes but I didn't have a clue what she was talking about. "Seriously, Darla, what is this all about? I'm not in the mood for games."
"And I wouldn't have expended the energy to hunt you down for a game. I have no idea how long I can stay in this plane and I don't like wasting time away from him. You've been tossed out of the family, Spike." She seemed grim, as if she actually cared about that. "You don't even know why your friends have turned on you." "Because I pissed off Angel. It's not bloody fair." I thumped my foot on the floor. "I didn't even do anything this time." She gave me a disbelieving look. I shrugged. "Okay, I've done plenty to the Poof trying to get that role in the prophecy but it barely fazed him. I follow one kid at a college and he loses his mind. Doesn't make sense but he managed to turn it into something big, big enough to turn the others against me."
"And you probably deserve it for trying to diddle Angel out of what's his."
"If you're trying to be motherly Darla, you suck at it," I said and she scowled. "Besides, there's no name in that prophecy. It could mean me just as easily as Angel."
"And if you believed that, you'd just sit back and let it happen." She glanced off. I could tell she had something weighing down her heart. I knew the feeling. "And my coming here to help you to put out the fire you started might undermine Angel. I don't want to do that. I did love him, you know."
I considered those words and the pain in her brown eyes. For a moment, I could see Buffy in Darla's petite form and golden tresses. Hell, Peaches really did have a preference. "I think you did."
"I know what the prophecy says." She shrugged one shoulder. "As much as Lindsey told me. I want Angel to get his reward. But there's something more important to my heart and by helping you, I can fix something that's gone wrong."
"Figured you had an ulterior motive to try and make me feel better." I smirked. She seemed hurt. I sighed and went to drape an arm over her shoulders then remembered she was a specter. "But I appreciate the effort. Usually you'd just manipulate me to do what you want. You were the queen of that."
She laughed light like rain. "I guess I was. Do you want to get back into your new family?" She gave me a look a sympathy that was utterly touching because for once I believed Darla was concerned about someone other than herself.
And like it or not, the big Poof was as close to family as I had. That doesn't mean I wouldn't screw him over in a heart beat. In my experience that's what families did more often than not. That's why cops fear domestic calls. "Yes I'd like that very much Great Grand Mummy," I said in my best Dru voice, which was admittedly not so good. I can't do high pitched and wispy well.
Still it was enough to earn another evil eye from Darla. "When Dru set out to make herself a child I told her to pick the first drooling idiot who crossed her path and damned if she didn't."
"I thought you were supposed to be making me feel better." I pouted.
"Aren't I?" She gave me that fake sweet smile of hers. "If I were all sweet to you, you wouldn't know what to do."
I laughed. "Good point. So how do I get back into the family? Fred is mad at me on account of Nancy boy. Wes only ever ignored me at best. I can still throw a good shag into Harmony but she's a follower. If the rest are mad at me she will be, too. I don't know about Gunn. He's hard to read."
"Getting back in the family involves you bringing something to Angel's attention and he's not going to want to see it."
I groaned, shifting around on my bed. "Bloody hell. Just want I wanted to hear. It'll be easier to go track down the Scoobies in Europe and hook back up with them."
"Perhaps. Angel may not thank you for this since he wants to keep this secret." Darla's wraith hand ran up and down my arm. There was no sense of touch, which given my fired nerves that's good, but she knew she was asking a lot of me and was trying to be solicitous.
"Darla, how is this going to get me back into the family? It sounds like it's just going to get me into worse trouble."
I could see the regret in her eyes and the resolve as well. She was determined to get my help and that whetted my curiosity. "Nothing's easy, Spike. Think you can do it?"
"Find me something I can't do when I put my mind to it," I bragged, trying to act like my old self.
"Drooling idiot," she mumbled then smirked. "Do you want to know why I killed myself, who's soul I was sharing?"
"I'm a mite curious, yeah."
I sat there listening in total disbelief to her story about being pregnant and to whom. I was too stunned to talk. It sounded like a fairy tale, like the first time Angelus had told me about the Slayers. I hadn't wanted to believe in such a boogeyman but he had been so earnest I believed him just like I believed Darla now. But instead of making me want to cross the world and find it like Slayer tales had, I wanted to cross the world to get away from this, a child of two vampires. That had to be really wrong. "This is a bunch of bollocks," I said because that's what I wanted it to be.
"Ever hear of the great potentate Ul-Thar?"
I stuck a cigarette in the half-healed slit that was passing as my mouth. "Ain't he the bleeding eejit that was looking for the vampire messiah?"
She slung back her blonde hair. I was reminded again of how pretty she was. "The child of two vampires, that's him. His followers showed up ready to kill me and worship my son."
I shuddered. "Just got a vision of you as the vampiric Virgin Mary."
"Not funny."
"As funny as you are virginal, I guess." I took a long drag. "This is for real? There's a bouncing baby Peaches out there?"
She swatted me and I was just as glad that went right through my chest. "Not exactly."
She told me about her suicide and she seemed to tranquil about it; it erased my lingering doubts. She told me about being allowed to walk the earth as a ghost to be near her son, of his quick trip to hell that turned out less than quick on his side of the dimension, and of all the terrible things that happened after he came back. Damned, if she didn't make me feel sorry for Angel.
"Makes sense now," I said. "Now I get why Angel beat the crap out of me, way worse than when he thought I was taking the damn Shanshu from him. Punk Boy is your kid."
She nodded. "Angel thinks he's safe but he forgot one thing when he made the deal with Wolfram and Hart. They've always wanted our son, even before he was born. Connor could hold his own against them before Angel changed things."
"And the Stepford Punk version doesn't stand a chance," I said.
"Spike, I know what I'm asking you to do and how risky it is." She caught my hand in hers and I could almost feel her as if she was trying to make herself solid. "I'll never be able to thank you for this, other than to say I'll be grateful forever, and so will Angel, no matter what he says."
"What make you think I'll say yes, that I care what you or Nancy boy thinks?"
"Because Dru always said that its was your bright beautiful heart that drew her to you when you were human. She said you were filled with moonlight, roses and poetry. I believed her. You were too good to end up like this. Now that you have your soul back, that goodness won't let you sit back and not help."
"You think I'm beautiful?" I couldn't believe I was hearing this. Darla thought I was a good person. I had spent two years trying to make Buffy and the others see it, maybe more. Someone finally believed in me.
"I think you are Dru's dark poet, star shine in the darkness." Her hand moved over my scarred face. "You don't deserve this. Angel thought he was protecting his child."
"He didn't do this." I fingered the burns on my neck. "And I can understand that. If someone had tried to hurt Dawn, I'd do the same and she's not even my daughter." That was true and if I were still the same vampire I had been, I would be humiliated by that confession but even before my soul, I had protected Dawn because I cared about her and her sister.
"You are, at the heart of it, a good person and at the end of all of this, your friends and Angel will see that," Darla said, putting her arms around me. I wished I could feel them. "They'll be sorry for this." Darla got up and held out a hand to me. It was an empty gesture, of course, since she couldn't grab on. I got up with much stretching and cracking of scar tissue. This was getting old.
"Where we going?"
"To see what you need to show Angel. It only happens on Friday and Saturday so you don't have time to waste."
Waking up was a bitch. Luckily I had sense enough to keep a blood packet for brekkie. I pushed the coffin open just a crack to make sure I was still alone. I figured the fact I wasn't chained inside and on fire was a clue I hadn't been found. The sun was where I thought it'd be, almost down.
I pushed the coffin all the way open, a tatter of skin dangling from the back of my hand. Nothing rushed me from any blind spots so I took the time to worry at that hanging flesh. The skin of both arms peeled off like a snake's. The skin under it was fiery pink but more healed than the blistered mess of last night.
Having a little sunlight to kill, I opened the tubing on the blood bag and got myself a little nourishment. The mere act of sucking hurt and it was difficult since most of my lips had been burnt off. I poked gently at my face, feeling the thick scabs, reminding me of the time Dru nursed me back to health after Buffy snapped my spine and burnt the church down around me. I could use some of Dru's doctoring right about now.
The scabs didn't hurt...yet. I knew the nerves were toast. Soon enough though my system would start to heal and then the worst of the burns would hurt like being on fire all over again as the nerves grew back.
Moving hurt. I would have to buck up though because I didn't want to be stuck in this crypt any longer. I needed someplace more defensible. As I drank, I scrubbed a finger against the heavy scab on my shoulder. Parts of it cracked off and bled but the flesh underneath was better than the charcoal I had gone to bed with.
Yeah, I definitely wanted a nice soft bed and Mum waiting on me hand and foot. Mother would have done that, nursed me for days, longer than needed really. She worried over every sniffle I ever had, always waiting for tuberculosis to lay me low, or typhoid or whatever the disease of the day was. Her attention had been smothering, running my life, ruining it, always worrying about getting home to Mum, doing what she wanted to the point I had become a joke to my friends. Part of me still yearned for it though, the reliance, the comfort, the freedom of not having to make decisions. Even if Mum controlled me too much, I loved her enough to try to keep her forever. Angelus and Darla surprised me by agreeing with Dru that it was a bad idea. I didn't know them well enough to understand that I should have listened to them. It would have saved on the creepiness. I mean, was Mum in the role of Jocasta my whole life? It makes me shudder just to think about it, so, I wasn't going to think about it. I was hurting enough without adding that.
I took stock of my situation. My shirt and jacket had burned but my pants were only smoky and covered with filth. The cell phone Fred had given me was still on my belt. How pathetically human of me. Still, it was going to come in handy now. I knew who to call for a little mothering. I dialed the number.
"'Allo, Fred. Can you do me a favor, luv? I've made a real cock up of things and could use some hel-"
"I don't care what you need, Spike, not after what you did to Angel," Fred snarled into the phone.
"What I did?" Oh, no I'm in for it now. Angel got Fred pissed at me.
"Don't play innocent, Spike. I know you did something to Angel. We all know. I wouldn't be coming back here and don't call me any more."
And with that she was gone. Angel really was serious this time. He wanted me gone and he was likely to get his wish. I was really out on my own and with my usual perfect timing. Night had fallen so I got to my feet, hard as it was and headed out. I didn't have a car or clothes and I needed to rectify at least one of those conditions. The latter was easier and more important. I couldn't wander around half naked and fried. I needed to cover up as much as I could.
It wasn't too far of a walk to a Goodwill store. Breaking and entering is one of those skills you don't lose. I didn't linger long, just grabbed some stuff, pants, shirt, new coat and baseball hat to hide myself as best I could without looking like Claude Raines desperate to be seen. I had vagrant chic down but it was better than risking going home while Angel was on full boil, especially since he had the others roiling, too.
So, to keep myself free of woody intrusions, I headed out to find another place to bunk down for the day. Along the way I did manage to score a car, a heap of a purple Geo Storm tricked out with glass packs and purple velour upholstery on the dash. It did take me the better part of the night to find something squatter-free, light proof enough with more than one access including a passage to the sewers in case Wolfram and Hart came for me in the day, which would be the smart thing to do.
I felt hungry as I lay down on some of the bedding I had stolen and carted along. I wadded up my new jacket under my head for a pillow. My body thrummed like a foot asleep, all pins and needles. I'd never get to sleep like this but somehow I did.
I wasn't sure how long I was out but the sun felt much lower in the sky. Waking up was even worse this time. The nerves had regrown some and it felt like someone was using a cheese grater on my face while kicking me in the love spuds. To further complicate my misery, a white light flashed, blinding me.
Crying out, I tried to move away from the light. I couldn't see through my rapidly blinking, tearing eyes if I was under attack. Nothing seemed interested in pulling me apart. My vision came back and there was Darla in a white gown with a Hollywood angel glow about her. The glow faded.
I let my head drop back against my wadded-up coat. "Fuck me, this is the last thing I need."
"My thoughts exactly." Darla ghosted through several objects to come sit next to me on my makeshift bed. I felt a jealous twinge that I wasn't unique in being a vampire ghost. Of course, I wasn't a wraith any more as much as I might want to be at the moment. At least that way I couldn't hurt like I did now. She looked at me with a cattish expression on her face. I knew that superior look well. Darla and I had only ever tolerated each other, at best. "You've been irritating my sweet boy again," she said, not a hint of doubt in her voice.
I bobbed my head. "That blighter was never sweet and I don't even know what I did to set him off. When did you get dusted again? Dru told me you had been brought back from the ashes the poof left you in. She was quite thrilled about the full circle of granddaughter giving birth to her own grandmother. Kept going on about phoenixes." I scratched my chest; big mistake, the scabs pulled and hurt when I did.
"She always was peculiar, even before Angelus got hold of her." Darla sighed. "I told him not to break her. A seer with her wits around her is more useful than one who raves like a loon but would he listen?"
"Please." I snorted. "Like you could tell Angelus anything."
"Exactly." Her mouth twisted wryly.
"So, how'd you get dusted? Angel? I knew he was after you and Dru."
"He made a half assed attempted to kill me, followed by whole assed, shouldered, cocked attempt to screw my brains out so he could lose his soul." Darla smiled lasciviously this time. I shrugged. I was used to seeing those two rutting like wild beasts. They loved having an audience so mere allusions to the act didn't bother me. "Only he found out he has to be totally happy to lose his soul. The ungrateful bastard said I didn't make him happy."
"Sounds like him. He's been using that loophole to fuck a real bitch at work, Eve." I gestured to my burns. "She's responsible for this. Guess I can't blame him. After a century of wanking off, I can see why he'd use every loophole he could find. Too bad he can't find anyone who actually wants to have sex with him. I can see why. Have you seen how wide he's gotten?"
Darla gave me the hairy eye. "Better than being was big around as a limp noodle. And since you asked, I killed myself."
I raised my eyebrows, or would have if they hadn't been burnt off. "You? What in the hell for? I can remember how much fun it was to be soul-free and tearing it up out there in the night. You had carte blanche."
She didn't look surprised that I might have a soul. She could probably sense it like we had sensed Angel's when we drove him out of our family. I kinda felt bad about that now, having lived through it myself. "Soul free...there's the rub. Do you remember how you felt when you got your soul back?"
"Fairly insane," I admitted. "And I wanted it gone, at least for a while even though it was what I thought I wanted. Then I started to see things like Angel does. The goodness changes you."
"It changed me, too...only I was sharing a soul." Darla put her hand over mine, a comforting gesture maybe but since she ghosted through me it was more disturbing than anything.
"Sharing?" I scowled. It didn't make sense and she didn't seem in a hurry to tell me all about it. I was getting a bad feeling about her being here. "Why are you haunting me, Darla?"
"Because you need a little mothering." She seemed serious, which only made it more ludicrous. Darla, sweet and mother-like? Yeah, right.
I laughed. "Since when have you been motherly?"
Her brown eyes met mine. "Since I've had a son."
I sobered. There wasn't a hint of deception in her voice, not a waiver in the intensity of her eyes but I didn't have a clue what she was talking about. "Seriously, Darla, what is this all about? I'm not in the mood for games."
"And I wouldn't have expended the energy to hunt you down for a game. I have no idea how long I can stay in this plane and I don't like wasting time away from him. You've been tossed out of the family, Spike." She seemed grim, as if she actually cared about that. "You don't even know why your friends have turned on you." "Because I pissed off Angel. It's not bloody fair." I thumped my foot on the floor. "I didn't even do anything this time." She gave me a disbelieving look. I shrugged. "Okay, I've done plenty to the Poof trying to get that role in the prophecy but it barely fazed him. I follow one kid at a college and he loses his mind. Doesn't make sense but he managed to turn it into something big, big enough to turn the others against me."
"And you probably deserve it for trying to diddle Angel out of what's his."
"If you're trying to be motherly Darla, you suck at it," I said and she scowled. "Besides, there's no name in that prophecy. It could mean me just as easily as Angel."
"And if you believed that, you'd just sit back and let it happen." She glanced off. I could tell she had something weighing down her heart. I knew the feeling. "And my coming here to help you to put out the fire you started might undermine Angel. I don't want to do that. I did love him, you know."
I considered those words and the pain in her brown eyes. For a moment, I could see Buffy in Darla's petite form and golden tresses. Hell, Peaches really did have a preference. "I think you did."
"I know what the prophecy says." She shrugged one shoulder. "As much as Lindsey told me. I want Angel to get his reward. But there's something more important to my heart and by helping you, I can fix something that's gone wrong."
"Figured you had an ulterior motive to try and make me feel better." I smirked. She seemed hurt. I sighed and went to drape an arm over her shoulders then remembered she was a specter. "But I appreciate the effort. Usually you'd just manipulate me to do what you want. You were the queen of that."
She laughed light like rain. "I guess I was. Do you want to get back into your new family?" She gave me a look a sympathy that was utterly touching because for once I believed Darla was concerned about someone other than herself.
And like it or not, the big Poof was as close to family as I had. That doesn't mean I wouldn't screw him over in a heart beat. In my experience that's what families did more often than not. That's why cops fear domestic calls. "Yes I'd like that very much Great Grand Mummy," I said in my best Dru voice, which was admittedly not so good. I can't do high pitched and wispy well.
Still it was enough to earn another evil eye from Darla. "When Dru set out to make herself a child I told her to pick the first drooling idiot who crossed her path and damned if she didn't."
"I thought you were supposed to be making me feel better." I pouted.
"Aren't I?" She gave me that fake sweet smile of hers. "If I were all sweet to you, you wouldn't know what to do."
I laughed. "Good point. So how do I get back into the family? Fred is mad at me on account of Nancy boy. Wes only ever ignored me at best. I can still throw a good shag into Harmony but she's a follower. If the rest are mad at me she will be, too. I don't know about Gunn. He's hard to read."
"Getting back in the family involves you bringing something to Angel's attention and he's not going to want to see it."
I groaned, shifting around on my bed. "Bloody hell. Just want I wanted to hear. It'll be easier to go track down the Scoobies in Europe and hook back up with them."
"Perhaps. Angel may not thank you for this since he wants to keep this secret." Darla's wraith hand ran up and down my arm. There was no sense of touch, which given my fired nerves that's good, but she knew she was asking a lot of me and was trying to be solicitous.
"Darla, how is this going to get me back into the family? It sounds like it's just going to get me into worse trouble."
I could see the regret in her eyes and the resolve as well. She was determined to get my help and that whetted my curiosity. "Nothing's easy, Spike. Think you can do it?"
"Find me something I can't do when I put my mind to it," I bragged, trying to act like my old self.
"Drooling idiot," she mumbled then smirked. "Do you want to know why I killed myself, who's soul I was sharing?"
"I'm a mite curious, yeah."
I sat there listening in total disbelief to her story about being pregnant and to whom. I was too stunned to talk. It sounded like a fairy tale, like the first time Angelus had told me about the Slayers. I hadn't wanted to believe in such a boogeyman but he had been so earnest I believed him just like I believed Darla now. But instead of making me want to cross the world and find it like Slayer tales had, I wanted to cross the world to get away from this, a child of two vampires. That had to be really wrong. "This is a bunch of bollocks," I said because that's what I wanted it to be.
"Ever hear of the great potentate Ul-Thar?"
I stuck a cigarette in the half-healed slit that was passing as my mouth. "Ain't he the bleeding eejit that was looking for the vampire messiah?"
She slung back her blonde hair. I was reminded again of how pretty she was. "The child of two vampires, that's him. His followers showed up ready to kill me and worship my son."
I shuddered. "Just got a vision of you as the vampiric Virgin Mary."
"Not funny."
"As funny as you are virginal, I guess." I took a long drag. "This is for real? There's a bouncing baby Peaches out there?"
She swatted me and I was just as glad that went right through my chest. "Not exactly."
She told me about her suicide and she seemed to tranquil about it; it erased my lingering doubts. She told me about being allowed to walk the earth as a ghost to be near her son, of his quick trip to hell that turned out less than quick on his side of the dimension, and of all the terrible things that happened after he came back. Damned, if she didn't make me feel sorry for Angel.
"Makes sense now," I said. "Now I get why Angel beat the crap out of me, way worse than when he thought I was taking the damn Shanshu from him. Punk Boy is your kid."
She nodded. "Angel thinks he's safe but he forgot one thing when he made the deal with Wolfram and Hart. They've always wanted our son, even before he was born. Connor could hold his own against them before Angel changed things."
"And the Stepford Punk version doesn't stand a chance," I said.
"Spike, I know what I'm asking you to do and how risky it is." She caught my hand in hers and I could almost feel her as if she was trying to make herself solid. "I'll never be able to thank you for this, other than to say I'll be grateful forever, and so will Angel, no matter what he says."
"What make you think I'll say yes, that I care what you or Nancy boy thinks?"
"Because Dru always said that its was your bright beautiful heart that drew her to you when you were human. She said you were filled with moonlight, roses and poetry. I believed her. You were too good to end up like this. Now that you have your soul back, that goodness won't let you sit back and not help."
"You think I'm beautiful?" I couldn't believe I was hearing this. Darla thought I was a good person. I had spent two years trying to make Buffy and the others see it, maybe more. Someone finally believed in me.
"I think you are Dru's dark poet, star shine in the darkness." Her hand moved over my scarred face. "You don't deserve this. Angel thought he was protecting his child."
"He didn't do this." I fingered the burns on my neck. "And I can understand that. If someone had tried to hurt Dawn, I'd do the same and she's not even my daughter." That was true and if I were still the same vampire I had been, I would be humiliated by that confession but even before my soul, I had protected Dawn because I cared about her and her sister.
"You are, at the heart of it, a good person and at the end of all of this, your friends and Angel will see that," Darla said, putting her arms around me. I wished I could feel them. "They'll be sorry for this." Darla got up and held out a hand to me. It was an empty gesture, of course, since she couldn't grab on. I got up with much stretching and cracking of scar tissue. This was getting old.
"Where we going?"
"To see what you need to show Angel. It only happens on Friday and Saturday so you don't have time to waste."