Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, it belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Warner Bros, etc.
A/N: Wow, I think this is the fastest I've ever churned out a chapter for anything. It's kind of short, but there is more on the way. Please review!
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"It could be worse."
Xander looked up at Cordelia slowly from his sitting position at the edge of his bed.
"I mean, at least you're not old, or a child or anything."
He shook his head and rubbed his temples.
"Oh, come on," Cordelia said, rising from her chair and walking across the length of the room. "Being a girl isn't so bad. You smell better, you have better hair, and as long as you're not a total dog you have power over men to wield as you please. It's like a secret weapon, except everyone knows about it."
"Then it wouldn't be secret, would it?" Xander asked, his words coming out slightly slurred and slow.
It had taken the doctor, with the help of two nurses, over ten minutes to talk him out of the bathroom, at which time he had been promptly administered some relaxants. They were supposed to help him relax, but all they were doing was making it even harder to think straight.
"You know, you aren't looking all that good," Cordelia said. "You're drooling."
Xander sighed and wiped at the corner of his mouth. "Great."
The nurse from before came into the room and began checking his IV.
"I see we're doing better now, aren't we?" the nurse asked in a way that reminded him of his Kindergarten teacher.
Xander turned to look at her.
"If you want to be released tomorrow, I wouldn't have anymore outbursts," she said giving him a stern look. "Dr. Meyers is almost ready to call the psychiatric ward."
She looked down at the untouched tray of food. "Not hungry?"
Xander shook his head.
"Here," she said, putting the Jello on the table by itself. "At least eat the Jello, it will make you feel better."
"What did I tell you?" Cordelia asked, "They act as if it's the cure all."
The nurse began walking out of the room with the tray. "Oh, by the way," she said pausing at the door. "We were unable to locate a Rupert Giles in the Chicago area. Would you like us to contact anyone else?"
Xander's face fell, he stared at the ground for a moment and then shook his head. She left the room, shutting the door behind her.
"I wasn't thinking," he said, staring at the ground. "Giles wouldn't have any reason to be here in Chicago. Last time I got a conference call he'd been in London."
Cordelia sat on the bed beside him. "So we have to get to London. Does this Cameron chick have any money?"
"I don't know. Where would they have put her things?"
Xander got up and walked to the nightstand beside the bed. It was empty. He made his way about the room, until he found a clear bag under the sink. Inside was a small black purse, a short black shirt and a light blue blouse. He pulled the purse out and emptied it on the bed.
"Oh good!" Cordelia said. "Maybe we can find out more about her."
Xander reached for the billfold in the middle of all of it. He opened it and studied the photo on the driver's license. It was strange to think that this was what he looked like on the outside now.
"Oh!" Cordelia said, excitement playing across her features.
"What?" Xander asked, snapping his head up.
"I love that color of lipstick!" she said. "It used to be my favorite."
"Cordelia," Xander said. "You're my spiritual guide, not my fashion guide. Try to focus."
"I'm just saying, the girl has class. Look, keys," she said pointing towards a key ring half buried in his blanket.
Xander picked them up. There weren't that many, a pair of car keys and one or two keys that looked like they might belong to a house. He picked up the billfold with his other hand and studied the address on the driver's license.
"Well, I guess I've got wheels somewhere, and it looks like I live in an apartment building." He opened the billfold and emptied it on the bed. "And I've got twenty eight dollars in cash."
"Credit?"
He shook his head, "I don't see any."
"Look at the checkbook register," Cordelia said pointing at it. "Maybe she's got some in the bank."
He flipped to the last page. "Just a little over a hundred, not enough to get a plane ticket."
He sighed and looked up at Cordelia. "Now what?"
"We've got to get you some money and fast. Maybe we could…"
They both looked up at a knock on the door. The door opened and a sandy haired man peeked his head inside. "Cam?"
Xander exchanged a wary look with Cordelia as the man stepped in the room, a large bouquet of flowers in his hand. Relief flooded over his face as he stopped at the edge of the bed.
"Oh, God, Cam," he said putting the flowers down in the empty seat and stepping closer towards them. "I was so worried. I didn't hear until this morning."
Suddenly the man's mouth was only inches from Xander's own and getting nearer as he closed the distance between them. Xander was barely able to dodge the intended kiss by rolling to his right, which unfortunately also meant he rolled off the bed. He landed in an undignified heap on the floor.
"Are you alright?" he man asked, reaching down to help him up.
"What the hell are you trying to do?" Xander asked, refusing his help and getting to his feet on his own.
"Alright," the man said, his shoulders dropping. "So you're still upset about last night, I can understand that."
"What?"
"I know what it looked like, but I swear, Cam, Jennifer and I are just friends. She was drunk and I was trying to help her to the bed and she tripped and we fell in together."
Xander raised an eyebrow in surprise and glanced over at Cordelia.
"Don't say anything," she said. "This is getting good."
They didn't have to wait long before the man hurried on, reaching out to grab Xander's hand. "Cam, talk to me. Look, when I heard about what happened after you left the party I realized that you're the only one I want. I almost lost you and I don't want that to happen again."
Xander was so busy trying to tug his hand free that he didn't see the second attempt at a kiss coming. One minute he was pulling away from him and the next he had the other man's lips on his own. He pushed the man away, making disgusted noises as he picked up the phone and held it in front of him. "Stay away from me!" He said, wiping his mouth repeatedly on the shoulder of his hospital gown, while brandishing the phone wildly with the other. "I'll phone you to death if I have to."
"Seeing you kissing another man was something I really could have gone my whole life without seeing," Cordelia said, frowning in the corner. "Well, you know what I mean, my whole afterlife."
"I'll do anything to get you back. I won't even press charges for you kicking the bedroom door down."
"Let me get this straight," Xander said, still feeling the overwhelming need to sandpaper his lips off. "We're together, but you cheated on me?"
"I wasn't cheating, she was drunk, we tripped, we fell…"
"How much do you want to bet their clothes fell off too?" Cordelia asked. "He's a liar and a cheater if I ever saw one. And I've seen at least one."
Xander sighed, but said nothing.
"Wait a minute, are you telling me you didn't remember any of that?" the man asked.
"Dammit."
"And now you want me back?"
"I love you, Cam. Just tell me what I can do to make it up to you. I'll do anything."
"Whatever! If he loved her there'd be a big fat diamond on her finger. I mean, for God's sake, look at the flowers! White roses? And his shoes! Alligator. Are you telling me he can't afford some kind of I'm sorry gift better than that? The man clearly has more money than he knows what to do with."
Xander lowered the phone slowly, staring hard at his shoes. "Anything?"
"Anything." The man said, nodding enthusiastically.
"What's your name?"
"Honey, don't be that way."
"I'm sorry," Xander said sweetly, "I don't remember the names of liars and cheaters."
"Xander, what are you doing?" Cordelia asked, stepping up beside him.
"It's a secret," Xander said under his breath with a small smile.
"Michael," the man said dejectedly.
"Michael," Xander said stepping up to him, but leaving enough distance so that he could fend off another kissing attack. "There's only one thing you can do to make things up to me."
"Tell me," Michael said, frowning at him.
Xander smiled, crossing his arms over his chest. "Michael, I think we need some space."
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