Notes: I'm basically just carrying straight on here from the previous
chapter. I know it all may seem a little unorganised, but it' supposed to
read just as if Kid himself is saying it, maybe to some people in Zion or
to Neo even. I know the last chapter was pretty short, but that just seemed
like a good place to end it.
There was this one dream though. I kept having it over and over again, and each time I'd get a little bit more information from it, until I could eventually see the full story. But I don't suppose it's the sort of story you'd want to see, 'cos it was about my death. I'd see a whole bunch of official-looking guys, all dressed in suits and carrying guns, and then I'd suddenly be falling, birdlike through the air, winging my way straight towards... metal railings. It was difficult to tell if I missed them in the dream. But, gees... it was so real.
And I'd always wake up then, tasting blood in the back of my throat. It made me gag.
So my questioning nature, my intuition, and my sense of my dreams being more real than when I woke up, all rolled into one.
My life was like a far-off daydream. Each day steamrollering over into the next, nothing changing, just the same shit everyday. SSDD. I read that phrase in a Stephen King novel once- 'Same Shit, Different Day'. It got to the point where I felt smothered by my own life, as if a blanket had been tightly wrapped around me- I couldn't escape, because there was a force outside the blanket holding it fast, suffocating me and drowning me in my own fear and loathing. Little did I know at this time that the blanket was the Matrix, and the forces outside of it were the machines.
Every night I'd have my recurring dream. Every day I'd skate into school, letting of some serious steam in my boarding and then face a day of a flurry of abuse being hurled my way. Though you get used to it. I learned to put up a shield to it all. Eventually I just stood there, as it bounced off me.
And rather than bottle it up, I'd take it all out on forums and chat rooms, often sitting up all night, just watching the pattern of flickering lights on the screen- the only resort I had. But they were of more use to me than I'd thought they would be. Especially when I spoke to a hacker there one time.
He called himself Neo.
I often asked about my dreams online. Why they felt so real, when my whole life felt like a hoax. Like one big elaborate prank. I'd long ago learnt how to hack, going by the handle Kid. So it's not completely surprising that it was on a hackers site that I met Neo.
"Somebody tell me why it feels more real when I dream than when I am awake." I sat back in my chair, before deciding to add, "How can I know if my senses are lying?" My mind hurried back to Descartes.
I don't know if I really expected an answer, but I got one.
"There is some fiction in your truth and some truth in your fiction."
I guess I was taken aback. I mean, if I had expected an answer, that wasn't anything like what I thought it'd be. I was being spoken to in riddles. Before I had the chance to answer, a further trail of green text flashed up onto the screen.
"To know the truth you must risk everything."
I stared at the screen dumbly for a while.
"Who are you?" I typed. "Am I alone?"
For a while I got nothing. And just as I was about to give up, my cell phone rang. I cracked my knee painfully on the computer desk in my haste to pick it up. It was five in the morning. If my mother woke...
I swiped the phone up, absently flicking the power switch on my computer. I was about to say hello, though admittedly, I didn't really know if formalities and politeness were much expected, nor appreciated, at five in the morning. Thought the caller, the number on the screen appearing as anonymous spoke before I even had the chance.
"Kid, I must be brief." I was a little dumbstruck. This guy knew my name even.
"Who is this?" My voice came out hoarse, my sweaty palm threatening to drop the phone in my combination of fear and excitement.
"My name is Neo. You're coming close to edge, and I must warn you to be careful. Yes, that was me on your computer." I nearly hurled. The question, 'was that you I spoke to on the computer' had barely formed at the back of my dry throat, but he'd answered it, before it even had the chance to escape my lips.
"Do you know what's wrong with me?" I managed to mutter.
"There's nothing wrong with you, Kid, you just have a pretty nifty amount of intelligence." He paused very briefly. "I must ask you before I go- are you willing to risk all for the truth, Kid?"
I hesitated, thinking of my mother, but then remembered him saying how quick he needed to be, I made a fast decision. I wanted to understand why it all felt so wrong. No matter what.
"Yes. Please tell me."
I could almost sense him thinking down the phone line. As if he had a decision to make too. It was an odd situation. Here I was, at five in the morning, talking to some complete stranger on the phone, who knew an unnerving amount about me. And he was about to tell me the truth that I'd longed for.
"All you need to know now is that the Matrix has you. Though I can tell you no more. Hang in there, Kid. My partner, Trinity, and me are gonna be there soon. We'll get you out."
The line went dead.
It was a long time before I even managed to remove the phone from my ear, the high-pitched dialing tone screaming at me. Though I didn't notice. My arm stayed locked in that position, my eyes fixed on the wall. I don't know why I couldn't move. Just needed a bit of time to take it all in, I guess.
My screeching alarm clock brought me to life. I pulled myself together, and headed towards the bathroom.
Great. School, I thought.
At that point I had no idea that this day, for once, wouldn't follow the SSDD pattern.
Far from it.
There was this one dream though. I kept having it over and over again, and each time I'd get a little bit more information from it, until I could eventually see the full story. But I don't suppose it's the sort of story you'd want to see, 'cos it was about my death. I'd see a whole bunch of official-looking guys, all dressed in suits and carrying guns, and then I'd suddenly be falling, birdlike through the air, winging my way straight towards... metal railings. It was difficult to tell if I missed them in the dream. But, gees... it was so real.
And I'd always wake up then, tasting blood in the back of my throat. It made me gag.
So my questioning nature, my intuition, and my sense of my dreams being more real than when I woke up, all rolled into one.
My life was like a far-off daydream. Each day steamrollering over into the next, nothing changing, just the same shit everyday. SSDD. I read that phrase in a Stephen King novel once- 'Same Shit, Different Day'. It got to the point where I felt smothered by my own life, as if a blanket had been tightly wrapped around me- I couldn't escape, because there was a force outside the blanket holding it fast, suffocating me and drowning me in my own fear and loathing. Little did I know at this time that the blanket was the Matrix, and the forces outside of it were the machines.
Every night I'd have my recurring dream. Every day I'd skate into school, letting of some serious steam in my boarding and then face a day of a flurry of abuse being hurled my way. Though you get used to it. I learned to put up a shield to it all. Eventually I just stood there, as it bounced off me.
And rather than bottle it up, I'd take it all out on forums and chat rooms, often sitting up all night, just watching the pattern of flickering lights on the screen- the only resort I had. But they were of more use to me than I'd thought they would be. Especially when I spoke to a hacker there one time.
He called himself Neo.
I often asked about my dreams online. Why they felt so real, when my whole life felt like a hoax. Like one big elaborate prank. I'd long ago learnt how to hack, going by the handle Kid. So it's not completely surprising that it was on a hackers site that I met Neo.
"Somebody tell me why it feels more real when I dream than when I am awake." I sat back in my chair, before deciding to add, "How can I know if my senses are lying?" My mind hurried back to Descartes.
I don't know if I really expected an answer, but I got one.
"There is some fiction in your truth and some truth in your fiction."
I guess I was taken aback. I mean, if I had expected an answer, that wasn't anything like what I thought it'd be. I was being spoken to in riddles. Before I had the chance to answer, a further trail of green text flashed up onto the screen.
"To know the truth you must risk everything."
I stared at the screen dumbly for a while.
"Who are you?" I typed. "Am I alone?"
For a while I got nothing. And just as I was about to give up, my cell phone rang. I cracked my knee painfully on the computer desk in my haste to pick it up. It was five in the morning. If my mother woke...
I swiped the phone up, absently flicking the power switch on my computer. I was about to say hello, though admittedly, I didn't really know if formalities and politeness were much expected, nor appreciated, at five in the morning. Thought the caller, the number on the screen appearing as anonymous spoke before I even had the chance.
"Kid, I must be brief." I was a little dumbstruck. This guy knew my name even.
"Who is this?" My voice came out hoarse, my sweaty palm threatening to drop the phone in my combination of fear and excitement.
"My name is Neo. You're coming close to edge, and I must warn you to be careful. Yes, that was me on your computer." I nearly hurled. The question, 'was that you I spoke to on the computer' had barely formed at the back of my dry throat, but he'd answered it, before it even had the chance to escape my lips.
"Do you know what's wrong with me?" I managed to mutter.
"There's nothing wrong with you, Kid, you just have a pretty nifty amount of intelligence." He paused very briefly. "I must ask you before I go- are you willing to risk all for the truth, Kid?"
I hesitated, thinking of my mother, but then remembered him saying how quick he needed to be, I made a fast decision. I wanted to understand why it all felt so wrong. No matter what.
"Yes. Please tell me."
I could almost sense him thinking down the phone line. As if he had a decision to make too. It was an odd situation. Here I was, at five in the morning, talking to some complete stranger on the phone, who knew an unnerving amount about me. And he was about to tell me the truth that I'd longed for.
"All you need to know now is that the Matrix has you. Though I can tell you no more. Hang in there, Kid. My partner, Trinity, and me are gonna be there soon. We'll get you out."
The line went dead.
It was a long time before I even managed to remove the phone from my ear, the high-pitched dialing tone screaming at me. Though I didn't notice. My arm stayed locked in that position, my eyes fixed on the wall. I don't know why I couldn't move. Just needed a bit of time to take it all in, I guess.
My screeching alarm clock brought me to life. I pulled myself together, and headed towards the bathroom.
Great. School, I thought.
At that point I had no idea that this day, for once, wouldn't follow the SSDD pattern.
Far from it.