-*- I'm sure it need not be said that neither of the writers nor any of the
contributors to this ludicrous work of Faction (that's right, SOME of these
events actually happened . in our miiiiiinds!) own PSO in any way but the
retailic way. Not a word, but in use as of now -*-
Last time we saw our protagonists of dubious morality, they had managed to heroically leave their barracks and go in search of the pub. However, it had been imoved/i by person or persons unknown.
Having nothing better to do with our time, we bring you another chapter of THE DYSFUNCTIONALS!
Hio: So where do you think it'll be?
Asmo: I'm not sure, but I know I have to make a stop at the Principal's Office.
Hio: Oh? I don't think the pub will be there, Asmo. It's a little big to fit in there.
Travesty's voice over the collar speaker: CONTEXT AWAY!
Asmo: I hate him. *turns his collar speaker off and hides it in one of his many pockets, pulling something out, realising it's a haddock and dropping it on the floor*
Hio: I'm not sure I want to know, but why do you have a fish in your pocket?
Asmo: It would be stupid to keep it in my pack.
Hio: . . . riiiiight. so anyway, pub, wherefore? Find.
Asmo: Since when did I do what you tell me?
Hio: Since I can fold you seventy eight amusing ways and feed you to a Bag Rappie.
Asmo: A fair point and well made. I'll find that pub now.
Hio: Good boy.
Asmo: *hitting a button on his wrist unit* Map. Give me the map, damn you!
Hio: Asmo, ship. No map.
Asmo: . I knew that. *finds the teleport to the Principal's Office and nips in*
Hio: *waits for about five minutes*
Asmo: *comes back*
Hio: So what did you need to go there for?
Asmo: . hmm? Oh, I just felt compelled to go up there and run around for a bit.
Hio: You know he hates it when you do that.
Asmo: Yes. That's why I do it.
Hio: Good boy. *continues on her way, looking at the neon prettiness around*
Asmo: *is unaffected by the neon prettiness and glowers at people who come to close for his liking. Granted they couldn't actually get any further away, the concourse was wide, but not infinite*
Hio: THERE IT IS! *realises she just squealed and coughs* I mean, oh look, the pub. Yay.
Asmo: Ahhh, sweet vender of intoxicating beverages, you have waited here, longing for my sweet caress.
Hio: Asmo, I know you like to praise the pub before going in, but I'm sort of needing a drink so can you keep it short today?
Asmo: Oh very well. *turns back to the pub* Where was I? Oh yes. Open your arms and allow me into your beloved embrace, O Goddess of Many Pints.
Hio: . done?
Asmo: Yeah. It's safe to go in now.
Hio: Right. *goes in and heads straight for the bar* Lackey, two beers, he's paying. *points to Asmo*
Asmo: Make mine a triple, Priest of Beer.
Barkeep: Oh, it's you two again. How did you find us?
Hio: We home by pubs.
Barkeep: . terrific. I'll serve you but if there's any ruckus like last time-
Asmo: Please don't make threats you can't back up, Esteemed One, it makes me sad.
Barkeep: That would be inconvenient, yes. *Pours Beers in that Beer-pouring way he does, being the barkeep and all* That'll be 100 Meseta:
Asmo: *glowers* If you weren't supplying me with booze, I'd claim extortion on you. *Fishes in pocket for money*
Barkeep: Would you like any barsnacks with that?
Asmo: How can I possibly think with this Bag Rappy skull in my hand?
Hio: Why are you even carrying that?
Asmo: A very good question.*looks shifty*
Hio: Is any answer forthcoming?
Asmo: . . yes. But first I must . pay the good man. Yes. *pays the barkeep, though at this point, it's important to note that he may not actually be a good man at all, but since he gives them beer, such a point is academic at best*
Hio: *gets her two beers and goes to find a table she likes the look of*
Asmo: *tips the barkeep with one of Travesty's old shoes and takes his beers, trailing after Hio*
Hio: I like this table. What are you doing at my table?!
FOnewm: But, this is our table.
Asmo: Correction, it was your table. It's ours now.
HUcast: I don't see your name on it. *glowers in a faintly mechanical way*
Asmo: Oh no? *flips the table, scattering drinks and nibbles over the floor and the little elf girl hunter specifically* Read the bottom.
HUcast: *glares, then notes the rather ominous 'This is property of ASMODEUS, touch it and die a horrible death involving a bag rappie and a tube of lubricant" carved on the underside of the table* .
FOnewm: I can see that maybe it would be best all round if we went and found another pub. On the other side of the ship.
Hio: Good. *pushes him off his chair and sits down*
Asmo: *rights the table again and puts his beers on it* Bye now.
HUcast: *twitch*
FOnewm: C'mon Charlie, we don't want any trouble. We should go meet the Dawg anyway.
HUcast (now known as Charlie): . Yeah. We should get the squad together. *gets up and is possibly being menacing, but Hio and Asmo are now engaged in an arm wrestle, so they really don't care*
Asmo: OWOWOWOW, MY ELBOW!!
Charlie: *makes a metallic sort of growl and stalks out after his Force friend*
Asmo: PAIIIIN!!
Hio: *sipping her beer with her other hand and looking at the décor* Is it just me, or have they redecorated?
Asmo: MY SHOULDER! DISLOCATION LOOMETH!!
Hio: You know the rules. Say 'Peanuts'.
Asmo: NEVER! ASMODEUS GIVES UP NOT!
*Snap*
Asmo: . Asmo thinks he may need medical assistance. He respectfully requests that Hiotomi lets go of his hand.
Hio: *drinks* Say it.
Asmo: Unfair!!
Hio: *starts to twist his wrist*
Asmo: TAKE 'HAZELNUT' AND LIVE WITH IT!!
Hio: Your spirit is commendable, but I will break you yet!
Asmo: YOU JUST DID!!!
Hio: You know what I mean.
Asmo: Happy place, I'm in my happy place.
Hio: Yes. We ARE in the pub, good boy.
Asmo: Not saying it.
*meanwhile*
Sam: *drinking quietly* Well, it's not that they disrespect me. I mean, it's just that they're all Rangers, you know? I feel a bit left out of the sniping they do.
HUnewearl: *nods understandingly* Yeah, and they keep killing everything before you can run up and get your sword into some enemy. *pats his shoulder*
Sam: Yeah. It's annoying. Trav's the other reason I'm not happy with my position.
HUnewearl: Why don't you ask for a transfer?
Sam: Because I'm afraid Hio will hunt me down, gut me and give my entrails to Asmo to play with.
HUnewearl: . that sounds . excessive.
Sam: No really, he's as happy as a kitten with a ball of string when he's up to his waist in entrails. Not so chuffed when they get up to his neck. Apparently they mess with his gameboy.
HUnewearl: So why's he a Ranger if he likes the entrails?
Sam: . I think it has something to do with how short he is.
HUnewearl: Oh. One of THOSE. I can understand why you might not get along. Short people resent tall, handsome men. True story.
Sam: . uh . yes. I guess.
HUnewearl: I know, why don't you intern with my squad for a bit? See how you feel about an all Hunter group? You might like it!
Sam: Last time I heard that was from the mouth of Travesty and it didn't bode well.
HUnewearl: You really are a bundle of angst. I can see those Rangers have belittled you often. I'll go to the Principal RIGHT NOW! Don't worry, long-haired fellow Hunter, you will soon be with your own kind again! *runs off*
Sam: . . . why do I always get the crazy people? Is it some kind of aura I have???
Barkeep: *cleaning a glass* Don't as me, Obe Wan, you're the one who thinks glo-sticks make a cool weapon.
Sam: Yes, and you know I'm one of Hiotomi's squad don't you?
Barkeep: Yeah, but if you were the same as the rest of them, you'd have jumped the bar and ripped my intestines out already.
Sam: That is true. I guess you found me out then.
Barkeep: Shock and horror.
HUnewearl: *comes running back in a horribly short time which makes certain writers wonder if this was all in fact pre-planned* We've okayed it with the Principal and the Hunter's Guild. You're one of us now, Samael! Oh wow, I can't believe I'm going to be working with a male who DOESN'T either clank or have to stand on a box to see over enemies.
Sam: *sweatdrop* . (oh boy . how am I going to explain this to Hio?)
Last time we saw our protagonists of dubious morality, they had managed to heroically leave their barracks and go in search of the pub. However, it had been imoved/i by person or persons unknown.
Having nothing better to do with our time, we bring you another chapter of THE DYSFUNCTIONALS!
Hio: So where do you think it'll be?
Asmo: I'm not sure, but I know I have to make a stop at the Principal's Office.
Hio: Oh? I don't think the pub will be there, Asmo. It's a little big to fit in there.
Travesty's voice over the collar speaker: CONTEXT AWAY!
Asmo: I hate him. *turns his collar speaker off and hides it in one of his many pockets, pulling something out, realising it's a haddock and dropping it on the floor*
Hio: I'm not sure I want to know, but why do you have a fish in your pocket?
Asmo: It would be stupid to keep it in my pack.
Hio: . . . riiiiight. so anyway, pub, wherefore? Find.
Asmo: Since when did I do what you tell me?
Hio: Since I can fold you seventy eight amusing ways and feed you to a Bag Rappie.
Asmo: A fair point and well made. I'll find that pub now.
Hio: Good boy.
Asmo: *hitting a button on his wrist unit* Map. Give me the map, damn you!
Hio: Asmo, ship. No map.
Asmo: . I knew that. *finds the teleport to the Principal's Office and nips in*
Hio: *waits for about five minutes*
Asmo: *comes back*
Hio: So what did you need to go there for?
Asmo: . hmm? Oh, I just felt compelled to go up there and run around for a bit.
Hio: You know he hates it when you do that.
Asmo: Yes. That's why I do it.
Hio: Good boy. *continues on her way, looking at the neon prettiness around*
Asmo: *is unaffected by the neon prettiness and glowers at people who come to close for his liking. Granted they couldn't actually get any further away, the concourse was wide, but not infinite*
Hio: THERE IT IS! *realises she just squealed and coughs* I mean, oh look, the pub. Yay.
Asmo: Ahhh, sweet vender of intoxicating beverages, you have waited here, longing for my sweet caress.
Hio: Asmo, I know you like to praise the pub before going in, but I'm sort of needing a drink so can you keep it short today?
Asmo: Oh very well. *turns back to the pub* Where was I? Oh yes. Open your arms and allow me into your beloved embrace, O Goddess of Many Pints.
Hio: . done?
Asmo: Yeah. It's safe to go in now.
Hio: Right. *goes in and heads straight for the bar* Lackey, two beers, he's paying. *points to Asmo*
Asmo: Make mine a triple, Priest of Beer.
Barkeep: Oh, it's you two again. How did you find us?
Hio: We home by pubs.
Barkeep: . terrific. I'll serve you but if there's any ruckus like last time-
Asmo: Please don't make threats you can't back up, Esteemed One, it makes me sad.
Barkeep: That would be inconvenient, yes. *Pours Beers in that Beer-pouring way he does, being the barkeep and all* That'll be 100 Meseta:
Asmo: *glowers* If you weren't supplying me with booze, I'd claim extortion on you. *Fishes in pocket for money*
Barkeep: Would you like any barsnacks with that?
Asmo: How can I possibly think with this Bag Rappy skull in my hand?
Hio: Why are you even carrying that?
Asmo: A very good question.*looks shifty*
Hio: Is any answer forthcoming?
Asmo: . . yes. But first I must . pay the good man. Yes. *pays the barkeep, though at this point, it's important to note that he may not actually be a good man at all, but since he gives them beer, such a point is academic at best*
Hio: *gets her two beers and goes to find a table she likes the look of*
Asmo: *tips the barkeep with one of Travesty's old shoes and takes his beers, trailing after Hio*
Hio: I like this table. What are you doing at my table?!
FOnewm: But, this is our table.
Asmo: Correction, it was your table. It's ours now.
HUcast: I don't see your name on it. *glowers in a faintly mechanical way*
Asmo: Oh no? *flips the table, scattering drinks and nibbles over the floor and the little elf girl hunter specifically* Read the bottom.
HUcast: *glares, then notes the rather ominous 'This is property of ASMODEUS, touch it and die a horrible death involving a bag rappie and a tube of lubricant" carved on the underside of the table* .
FOnewm: I can see that maybe it would be best all round if we went and found another pub. On the other side of the ship.
Hio: Good. *pushes him off his chair and sits down*
Asmo: *rights the table again and puts his beers on it* Bye now.
HUcast: *twitch*
FOnewm: C'mon Charlie, we don't want any trouble. We should go meet the Dawg anyway.
HUcast (now known as Charlie): . Yeah. We should get the squad together. *gets up and is possibly being menacing, but Hio and Asmo are now engaged in an arm wrestle, so they really don't care*
Asmo: OWOWOWOW, MY ELBOW!!
Charlie: *makes a metallic sort of growl and stalks out after his Force friend*
Asmo: PAIIIIN!!
Hio: *sipping her beer with her other hand and looking at the décor* Is it just me, or have they redecorated?
Asmo: MY SHOULDER! DISLOCATION LOOMETH!!
Hio: You know the rules. Say 'Peanuts'.
Asmo: NEVER! ASMODEUS GIVES UP NOT!
*Snap*
Asmo: . Asmo thinks he may need medical assistance. He respectfully requests that Hiotomi lets go of his hand.
Hio: *drinks* Say it.
Asmo: Unfair!!
Hio: *starts to twist his wrist*
Asmo: TAKE 'HAZELNUT' AND LIVE WITH IT!!
Hio: Your spirit is commendable, but I will break you yet!
Asmo: YOU JUST DID!!!
Hio: You know what I mean.
Asmo: Happy place, I'm in my happy place.
Hio: Yes. We ARE in the pub, good boy.
Asmo: Not saying it.
*meanwhile*
Sam: *drinking quietly* Well, it's not that they disrespect me. I mean, it's just that they're all Rangers, you know? I feel a bit left out of the sniping they do.
HUnewearl: *nods understandingly* Yeah, and they keep killing everything before you can run up and get your sword into some enemy. *pats his shoulder*
Sam: Yeah. It's annoying. Trav's the other reason I'm not happy with my position.
HUnewearl: Why don't you ask for a transfer?
Sam: Because I'm afraid Hio will hunt me down, gut me and give my entrails to Asmo to play with.
HUnewearl: . that sounds . excessive.
Sam: No really, he's as happy as a kitten with a ball of string when he's up to his waist in entrails. Not so chuffed when they get up to his neck. Apparently they mess with his gameboy.
HUnewearl: So why's he a Ranger if he likes the entrails?
Sam: . I think it has something to do with how short he is.
HUnewearl: Oh. One of THOSE. I can understand why you might not get along. Short people resent tall, handsome men. True story.
Sam: . uh . yes. I guess.
HUnewearl: I know, why don't you intern with my squad for a bit? See how you feel about an all Hunter group? You might like it!
Sam: Last time I heard that was from the mouth of Travesty and it didn't bode well.
HUnewearl: You really are a bundle of angst. I can see those Rangers have belittled you often. I'll go to the Principal RIGHT NOW! Don't worry, long-haired fellow Hunter, you will soon be with your own kind again! *runs off*
Sam: . . . why do I always get the crazy people? Is it some kind of aura I have???
Barkeep: *cleaning a glass* Don't as me, Obe Wan, you're the one who thinks glo-sticks make a cool weapon.
Sam: Yes, and you know I'm one of Hiotomi's squad don't you?
Barkeep: Yeah, but if you were the same as the rest of them, you'd have jumped the bar and ripped my intestines out already.
Sam: That is true. I guess you found me out then.
Barkeep: Shock and horror.
HUnewearl: *comes running back in a horribly short time which makes certain writers wonder if this was all in fact pre-planned* We've okayed it with the Principal and the Hunter's Guild. You're one of us now, Samael! Oh wow, I can't believe I'm going to be working with a male who DOESN'T either clank or have to stand on a box to see over enemies.
Sam: *sweatdrop* . (oh boy . how am I going to explain this to Hio?)