Quick Summary of Previous Chapter: Jim goes back to Fred's after Gene get a 'special visitor'- in the middle of the night. Jim is sad, and Fred trys to make him feel better.. All while 'confessing' his true feelings for Jim?? The next morning Jim thinks about whether he should just stay with Fred- and forget all about Gene... But that, is beyond his power! He goes to leave, but Fred wakes up and trys to see what's wrong with Jim. ..Once again, poor Jim runs away.. Not sharing his feelings with poor Fred. :(
Brand New [PG-13]
I find myself in the bleak side of town, wallowing in my self-inflicted misery....
I had tried to stay in the nice parts.. but they were so full of couples.... happy couples, that made me jealous... sad... regret.
/' "I hope I can find a way of letting you see.... That you're everything to me...... to me..." '/
Fred's song keeps replaying in my mind... And even though, at the time he had sung it to me, my eyes were closed.. I can still see how sincere his eyes looked when he did just that.
So how can I complain about being alone? -I can't! ...I had the perfect oppurtunity......
/' "I understand, Jim... I'm sorry, too." '/
Fred had said it so casually... so casually!! But.. I deserved it... after I rejected him so cruelly.
But then... It wouldn't have been fair for Fred if I had stayed.
Because of him. ....Him.
I hate him. I can't stop thinking about the stupid jerk.
/' "Jim! Jim?" '/
Hes always calling for me... And... I can't help.. but feel warm inside when I hear him say my name.
/' "Oh Gene...." '/
But then.. I hear that woman.... That beautiful woman....
/' "Hey, baby..." '/
And Gene's own voice again... The voice I hated.... When he talked to that airhead waitress.
/' "He prefers the company of women, the poor guy." '/
And of course... Fred's insight.
And he does prefer the company of women. Far more than with me, I'm sure.
I sigh.... as I slowly begin to stop walking... I know it's not smart to stay too long in one spot around here... But at the moment... I could really care less.
I look into the broken window in front of me... Some abandoned store, I see.... and see my cracked reflection.
I put my hand to the glass, and try to look closer....
Why can't I be normal? ....Is it Fred I have to blame?
/' "I shouldn't be letting you do this..." '/
I remember his eyes that night... Saying one thing, but looking another. ..That was the night we first shared a bed together..
/' "So stop me." '/
But he never did.
Still... It was not Fred's fault... I chose to be this way.
I'm to blame.
"Hey there, handsome.. looking for a good time?" I turn some, to see a woman's face. And I sort of panic... jumping away, a little. "You look like you could use some company." She winks, coming closer again.
"Ehm..." I look at the hooker, and don't know what to say! She doesn't look like your average street hooker... She looks too 'pretty' for that. But what am I saying? I've never had a hooker before!
She laughs some, and takes hold of my arm.
"Come on, handsome... Let's go find somewhere, where we can be alone." she begins to pull me along with her, down the sidewalk...
"Wait.. I.." I begin to say.... but then I wonder... Maybe this will be my ticket to 'being normal'. ...I can prefer the company of women just as much as the next guy! "I know a place." I finish.
*
A cheap motel... That's funny. I wonder what she'll do when she finds out I spent all my money, that I had in my pocket- on this crap room.
Which goes to mention that I can't seem to keep my mind on things....
She's beginning to unbutton my pants, but all I keep thinking is... Am I really going to have sex with a hooker? Even though it seems obvious I am.
"Wha.. wait." I finally say, stopping her from unzipping my pants too...
I don't feel excited at all.... Just.... sick.
"What's wrong?" she asks, looking up at me. And I can feel my face getting pale.
"I.. I've never done this before..." I say.
She then smiles, and stands up right in front of me.
"Oh, that's so sweet." she almost seems to taunt.. "Don't worry, honey... We'll take it slow, if you want."
I nod... She smiles.
She then leaves me to head to the bed... and I begin to breathe again...
"Come here." She looks at me, trying to 'lure' me to her, with her legs bent to make her look more appealing, with her chest pointed outwards.... I wonder why I decided to do this... But then come anyway..
"I.. I.." I stand in front of her.. and I don't know what I'm doing...
"Relax, baby." She tries to calm me, as she brings my hands to her breasts.... I can feel my cheeks starting to blush now as she begins to use my own hands for hers, to caress herself. "Mmm.." She moans... And after a little while... I start to get a little comfortable, as I begin to climb onto the bed with her. "Yeah, there you go baby." She then grabs me roughly, and I almost yelp- as the next thing I know, she's laying on top of me.
"Eh-Abb..." I start, as she begins to rock herself against my groin.... And I swear I can feel something....
"Can I take them off now.. or do you want to?" She asks her hands on the opening of my pants again... I shake my head... She then eyes me curiously.. "This really is your first time, isn't it?" ...
"Well... eh..." I look to the side.... and mumble... "I've never done it with a woman...."
I then hear her laugh... And I feel myself flush in full embrassment.
"Is that all? Honey, I thought you knew..." I look back at her now... not knowing what she means. "I'm not a woman."
*
"Whaaaaaa!" I jump off the bed. "Yeah.. yes you are!" I say, pointing at her.
She smies some, before she stands up... and begins to pull up her skirt.
I almost faint when I see what she... er.. uh .. he has to show me.
"ehhhhhh" I fall over, and he laughs.
"I'm sorry, baby. ..I was certain you knew." He claims... but then I stand straight up again.
"And how was I supposed to know? The breasts right?! Yeah- they should have been a dead give away!" I find myself yelling, and then pacing around the room.
I screwed up again.... I can't even tell a woman from a guy anymore.... I should have known! ...That's why she's a street hooker... Cause she.. is a he!
"Why does it matter, baby?" He tries to stop me from pacing, and leads me back to the bed.. "This'll just make it easier won't it?"
"Why would it?" I 'demand' to know... pulling away from his hand stroking my shoulder.
"Well... you're gay, aren't you?" He asks.. and I stand up once again.
"No!" I shout. "I am not...."
He looks at me, rather confused.... And I look at the floor.
"I see..." He says... "Well.. I can pretend to be a woman if you want me to."
I look back at him..... Him... who looks so much like a her.... Who sounds like a her.... But is, in fact... A him.
I take a deep breath before asking...
"Can I, instead?"
* [Two months later]
I quickly sneak into the hallway, to get to Fred's and my room... Well... if it's still my room, that is.... I haven't been in for a good while now... almost two months...
But even just the moment I had seen Fred's building... I had been so relieved. I was home. And things were only going to get better. I could only hope that he would let me stay.
"Hold it right there, little lady." I hear Alan's booming voice... the voice he uses to intruders, and I guess I thought too soon.... So I stop immediatley before I turn toward him with a nervous grin on my face.
"Oh, hey Alan! Long time, huh? I'm just stopping by to give Fred his papers!" I laugh all the while... and he looks confused, to my good-fortune.
"Do I know you?" He asks- and I laugh even more.
"Oh, Alan! You're such a kidder!" I say before turning back around, and making a quick run for the room.... Trying my best, not to trip in my high heels...
*
"Eh.. that was close." I sigh, closing the door behind me.
"Can I help you?" I hear Fred's voice.. knowing it's him before I even turn around.
But I turn around anyway.. to let him see me... But his face does not seem to change from what his voice had projected before, unfamiliarity.
"Fred... Fred, it's me." I say... Not using my own voice though.. to see if he can see anyway.
He looks at me like I'm crazy... With my red dress on... and matching high heels and purse. I guess it would be hard to recognize me now, without my usual attire of baggy jeans and shirt, with a jacket to go over it.. and old worn out sneakers to top it off... or bottom.
I come closer to him now, trying to give him a better view of my face... Even despite the makeup I have on.. I'm sure he'll see...
He almost starts to back up... but as I see him look right into my eyes... they dilate.
"JIM!!!!?!!!" His jaw drops and I almost fall over when he yells my name so loudly. "What!? Buh.. eh! You. How?" Fred looks at me, eyeing my whole body to find out if it was really true... much like I did to the hooker I could not believe was really a man.
"WHY?!!!!!" Fred howls, and then begins to 'weep' on the floor.
I sweatdrop.
"Fred... Stoppit." I say, in my 'normal' voice... and he does.
"You didn't...." He starts... and then, since he's on the floor.. he begins to look up the dress I'm wearing.
"Fred!" I yell, hitting him over the head.
"Eek!" He crawls back.... "Did you?" I shake my head... and he sighs in relief. "Then these! What are these!? Are they real???" He's now feeling my breasts.
I hit him again.
"Would you quit it!" I demand.. and he backs off again. "They're not real..." I cross my arms.
"..They feel it." He claims... with a frown on his face. ..and I sweatdrop.
"How would you know?" I ask quietly.
He's now smileing at my little 'joke'.... but not for long. He soon begins to 'inspect' me.. this time, thankfully.. without violating me.
"How?...." Is all he can ask.. with such a puzzled look on his face.
"I... I don't want to talk about it.." I say, looking away... not really wanting to... Not wanting Fred to know what sick things I had done, to get the money- and the connections to get 'this'.
After a moment's silence I look back up again... and his confused face now looks so regretful.
"Jim... What have you done to yourself?" He asks, coming up to me.
But I back away.
"Fred. ...Don't pretend like you care!" I accidently shout out... but I cover my mouth before I say more. Even though I wanted to, in some way.... It had been a month- maybe more! ...and I know he did nothing to even try to look for me. ..But I soon let my hand slip from my mouth as I look to the floor.. "I'm sorry Fred... I... I've just been through a lot..."
"I understand..." He puts his hand on my shoulder.. but I don't want to look at him...
"You don't have to let me... But..." I start.. feeling shameful now, to be asking.. but not having much else of any other choice... or any that I wanted... "Can I come back? ...I... I really need a place to stay.... I'll find another place as soon as I get another job.. Just please-"
"Jim..." I can't help but look up at him now... "You always have a place here.... And... You know.. I don't recall ever firing you. So... so long as you haven't quit... You still have your job."
I look at Fred, and want to hug him.
/' "You belong to me- you hear that you little whore?!" '/
But then I hear that pounding voice in my head... And any contact from Fred I have, I want gone.
.......
Why didn't Fred look for me? After a whole two months! ....How could he have let me suffer like I did?
And he still wants to pretend like he cares about me.
I step back from Fred some, letting his hand slip from my shoulder, and produce an empty smile.
"Thank you, Fred." I nod my head, and he looks at me.. before taking a deep breath...
I guess he wanted to say something- but he turns around instead.
"Well, I have a meeting to go to.." He speaks now, with his back to me as he straightens his tie. "I had your stuff moved to a different room after you left... I figured that's what you'd of wanted."
I look down at the floor... And tighten my grip on my purse, cause after he said that- everything seemed to get heavy- as well as my eyes watery.
"I'll get Alan to show you where your room is at..." Fred says, before he turns around to look at me once more. "We'll talk later, okay?" He asks, as he goes to put his hand on my shoulder... But then stops himself, and he smiles at me.
I nod.
He leaves.
*
To Be Continued!
Jim is a drag queen! But just to let you know... He can still go back to a guy whenever he wants (He was telling the truth when he said the breasts were not real and he did not get rid of 'it') Hehe. But.. I hope you guys are still enjoying the story... And not mad at the turn the story made... I did foreshadow this quite a bit.
****Jim is going to need a 'girl' name soon... and I would like for you guys to suggest some! So.. when you leave your review ;) ...Please give me some good girl names, eh? (I was thinking Jamie maybe? Cause Jim (James) ..Jamie... har har)****
Molly-chan the Anime/game fan: Well, there's nothing wrong with being wierd, eh? Thanks for the review. :)
alf: ...'an yaoi', eh? ..I don't think I will say anymore.. -_-' ...Try reading a story before you come to conclusions.
Jenny: Thanks a lot. I can't wait for your next review! ;)
leelee3: lol. Hm.. Yes, a threesome. ;) Nah... I'm sorry, but I don't think this fic is gonna be /that/ type. But, explain to me, these 'elipses'. I would really like to improve my story in constructive ways, so please. Details! And thank you for your review! :)
Angel K.D. : Hmm... How do you mean, 'once again you've carried the story all the way to chapter three'? Have you read one of my other stories? Oh well, maybe I'm looking too far into it... or not far enough... Oo.... Ehm, well. Thanks for the review.
Feedback! yummy yummy yummy! :)
Brand New [PG-13]
I find myself in the bleak side of town, wallowing in my self-inflicted misery....
I had tried to stay in the nice parts.. but they were so full of couples.... happy couples, that made me jealous... sad... regret.
/' "I hope I can find a way of letting you see.... That you're everything to me...... to me..." '/
Fred's song keeps replaying in my mind... And even though, at the time he had sung it to me, my eyes were closed.. I can still see how sincere his eyes looked when he did just that.
So how can I complain about being alone? -I can't! ...I had the perfect oppurtunity......
/' "I understand, Jim... I'm sorry, too." '/
Fred had said it so casually... so casually!! But.. I deserved it... after I rejected him so cruelly.
But then... It wouldn't have been fair for Fred if I had stayed.
Because of him. ....Him.
I hate him. I can't stop thinking about the stupid jerk.
/' "Jim! Jim?" '/
Hes always calling for me... And... I can't help.. but feel warm inside when I hear him say my name.
/' "Oh Gene...." '/
But then.. I hear that woman.... That beautiful woman....
/' "Hey, baby..." '/
And Gene's own voice again... The voice I hated.... When he talked to that airhead waitress.
/' "He prefers the company of women, the poor guy." '/
And of course... Fred's insight.
And he does prefer the company of women. Far more than with me, I'm sure.
I sigh.... as I slowly begin to stop walking... I know it's not smart to stay too long in one spot around here... But at the moment... I could really care less.
I look into the broken window in front of me... Some abandoned store, I see.... and see my cracked reflection.
I put my hand to the glass, and try to look closer....
Why can't I be normal? ....Is it Fred I have to blame?
/' "I shouldn't be letting you do this..." '/
I remember his eyes that night... Saying one thing, but looking another. ..That was the night we first shared a bed together..
/' "So stop me." '/
But he never did.
Still... It was not Fred's fault... I chose to be this way.
I'm to blame.
"Hey there, handsome.. looking for a good time?" I turn some, to see a woman's face. And I sort of panic... jumping away, a little. "You look like you could use some company." She winks, coming closer again.
"Ehm..." I look at the hooker, and don't know what to say! She doesn't look like your average street hooker... She looks too 'pretty' for that. But what am I saying? I've never had a hooker before!
She laughs some, and takes hold of my arm.
"Come on, handsome... Let's go find somewhere, where we can be alone." she begins to pull me along with her, down the sidewalk...
"Wait.. I.." I begin to say.... but then I wonder... Maybe this will be my ticket to 'being normal'. ...I can prefer the company of women just as much as the next guy! "I know a place." I finish.
*
A cheap motel... That's funny. I wonder what she'll do when she finds out I spent all my money, that I had in my pocket- on this crap room.
Which goes to mention that I can't seem to keep my mind on things....
She's beginning to unbutton my pants, but all I keep thinking is... Am I really going to have sex with a hooker? Even though it seems obvious I am.
"Wha.. wait." I finally say, stopping her from unzipping my pants too...
I don't feel excited at all.... Just.... sick.
"What's wrong?" she asks, looking up at me. And I can feel my face getting pale.
"I.. I've never done this before..." I say.
She then smiles, and stands up right in front of me.
"Oh, that's so sweet." she almost seems to taunt.. "Don't worry, honey... We'll take it slow, if you want."
I nod... She smiles.
She then leaves me to head to the bed... and I begin to breathe again...
"Come here." She looks at me, trying to 'lure' me to her, with her legs bent to make her look more appealing, with her chest pointed outwards.... I wonder why I decided to do this... But then come anyway..
"I.. I.." I stand in front of her.. and I don't know what I'm doing...
"Relax, baby." She tries to calm me, as she brings my hands to her breasts.... I can feel my cheeks starting to blush now as she begins to use my own hands for hers, to caress herself. "Mmm.." She moans... And after a little while... I start to get a little comfortable, as I begin to climb onto the bed with her. "Yeah, there you go baby." She then grabs me roughly, and I almost yelp- as the next thing I know, she's laying on top of me.
"Eh-Abb..." I start, as she begins to rock herself against my groin.... And I swear I can feel something....
"Can I take them off now.. or do you want to?" She asks her hands on the opening of my pants again... I shake my head... She then eyes me curiously.. "This really is your first time, isn't it?" ...
"Well... eh..." I look to the side.... and mumble... "I've never done it with a woman...."
I then hear her laugh... And I feel myself flush in full embrassment.
"Is that all? Honey, I thought you knew..." I look back at her now... not knowing what she means. "I'm not a woman."
*
"Whaaaaaa!" I jump off the bed. "Yeah.. yes you are!" I say, pointing at her.
She smies some, before she stands up... and begins to pull up her skirt.
I almost faint when I see what she... er.. uh .. he has to show me.
"ehhhhhh" I fall over, and he laughs.
"I'm sorry, baby. ..I was certain you knew." He claims... but then I stand straight up again.
"And how was I supposed to know? The breasts right?! Yeah- they should have been a dead give away!" I find myself yelling, and then pacing around the room.
I screwed up again.... I can't even tell a woman from a guy anymore.... I should have known! ...That's why she's a street hooker... Cause she.. is a he!
"Why does it matter, baby?" He tries to stop me from pacing, and leads me back to the bed.. "This'll just make it easier won't it?"
"Why would it?" I 'demand' to know... pulling away from his hand stroking my shoulder.
"Well... you're gay, aren't you?" He asks.. and I stand up once again.
"No!" I shout. "I am not...."
He looks at me, rather confused.... And I look at the floor.
"I see..." He says... "Well.. I can pretend to be a woman if you want me to."
I look back at him..... Him... who looks so much like a her.... Who sounds like a her.... But is, in fact... A him.
I take a deep breath before asking...
"Can I, instead?"
* [Two months later]
I quickly sneak into the hallway, to get to Fred's and my room... Well... if it's still my room, that is.... I haven't been in for a good while now... almost two months...
But even just the moment I had seen Fred's building... I had been so relieved. I was home. And things were only going to get better. I could only hope that he would let me stay.
"Hold it right there, little lady." I hear Alan's booming voice... the voice he uses to intruders, and I guess I thought too soon.... So I stop immediatley before I turn toward him with a nervous grin on my face.
"Oh, hey Alan! Long time, huh? I'm just stopping by to give Fred his papers!" I laugh all the while... and he looks confused, to my good-fortune.
"Do I know you?" He asks- and I laugh even more.
"Oh, Alan! You're such a kidder!" I say before turning back around, and making a quick run for the room.... Trying my best, not to trip in my high heels...
*
"Eh.. that was close." I sigh, closing the door behind me.
"Can I help you?" I hear Fred's voice.. knowing it's him before I even turn around.
But I turn around anyway.. to let him see me... But his face does not seem to change from what his voice had projected before, unfamiliarity.
"Fred... Fred, it's me." I say... Not using my own voice though.. to see if he can see anyway.
He looks at me like I'm crazy... With my red dress on... and matching high heels and purse. I guess it would be hard to recognize me now, without my usual attire of baggy jeans and shirt, with a jacket to go over it.. and old worn out sneakers to top it off... or bottom.
I come closer to him now, trying to give him a better view of my face... Even despite the makeup I have on.. I'm sure he'll see...
He almost starts to back up... but as I see him look right into my eyes... they dilate.
"JIM!!!!?!!!" His jaw drops and I almost fall over when he yells my name so loudly. "What!? Buh.. eh! You. How?" Fred looks at me, eyeing my whole body to find out if it was really true... much like I did to the hooker I could not believe was really a man.
"WHY?!!!!!" Fred howls, and then begins to 'weep' on the floor.
I sweatdrop.
"Fred... Stoppit." I say, in my 'normal' voice... and he does.
"You didn't...." He starts... and then, since he's on the floor.. he begins to look up the dress I'm wearing.
"Fred!" I yell, hitting him over the head.
"Eek!" He crawls back.... "Did you?" I shake my head... and he sighs in relief. "Then these! What are these!? Are they real???" He's now feeling my breasts.
I hit him again.
"Would you quit it!" I demand.. and he backs off again. "They're not real..." I cross my arms.
"..They feel it." He claims... with a frown on his face. ..and I sweatdrop.
"How would you know?" I ask quietly.
He's now smileing at my little 'joke'.... but not for long. He soon begins to 'inspect' me.. this time, thankfully.. without violating me.
"How?...." Is all he can ask.. with such a puzzled look on his face.
"I... I don't want to talk about it.." I say, looking away... not really wanting to... Not wanting Fred to know what sick things I had done, to get the money- and the connections to get 'this'.
After a moment's silence I look back up again... and his confused face now looks so regretful.
"Jim... What have you done to yourself?" He asks, coming up to me.
But I back away.
"Fred. ...Don't pretend like you care!" I accidently shout out... but I cover my mouth before I say more. Even though I wanted to, in some way.... It had been a month- maybe more! ...and I know he did nothing to even try to look for me. ..But I soon let my hand slip from my mouth as I look to the floor.. "I'm sorry Fred... I... I've just been through a lot..."
"I understand..." He puts his hand on my shoulder.. but I don't want to look at him...
"You don't have to let me... But..." I start.. feeling shameful now, to be asking.. but not having much else of any other choice... or any that I wanted... "Can I come back? ...I... I really need a place to stay.... I'll find another place as soon as I get another job.. Just please-"
"Jim..." I can't help but look up at him now... "You always have a place here.... And... You know.. I don't recall ever firing you. So... so long as you haven't quit... You still have your job."
I look at Fred, and want to hug him.
/' "You belong to me- you hear that you little whore?!" '/
But then I hear that pounding voice in my head... And any contact from Fred I have, I want gone.
.......
Why didn't Fred look for me? After a whole two months! ....How could he have let me suffer like I did?
And he still wants to pretend like he cares about me.
I step back from Fred some, letting his hand slip from my shoulder, and produce an empty smile.
"Thank you, Fred." I nod my head, and he looks at me.. before taking a deep breath...
I guess he wanted to say something- but he turns around instead.
"Well, I have a meeting to go to.." He speaks now, with his back to me as he straightens his tie. "I had your stuff moved to a different room after you left... I figured that's what you'd of wanted."
I look down at the floor... And tighten my grip on my purse, cause after he said that- everything seemed to get heavy- as well as my eyes watery.
"I'll get Alan to show you where your room is at..." Fred says, before he turns around to look at me once more. "We'll talk later, okay?" He asks, as he goes to put his hand on my shoulder... But then stops himself, and he smiles at me.
I nod.
He leaves.
*
To Be Continued!
Jim is a drag queen! But just to let you know... He can still go back to a guy whenever he wants (He was telling the truth when he said the breasts were not real and he did not get rid of 'it') Hehe. But.. I hope you guys are still enjoying the story... And not mad at the turn the story made... I did foreshadow this quite a bit.
****Jim is going to need a 'girl' name soon... and I would like for you guys to suggest some! So.. when you leave your review ;) ...Please give me some good girl names, eh? (I was thinking Jamie maybe? Cause Jim (James) ..Jamie... har har)****
Molly-chan the Anime/game fan: Well, there's nothing wrong with being wierd, eh? Thanks for the review. :)
alf: ...'an yaoi', eh? ..I don't think I will say anymore.. -_-' ...Try reading a story before you come to conclusions.
Jenny: Thanks a lot. I can't wait for your next review! ;)
leelee3: lol. Hm.. Yes, a threesome. ;) Nah... I'm sorry, but I don't think this fic is gonna be /that/ type. But, explain to me, these 'elipses'. I would really like to improve my story in constructive ways, so please. Details! And thank you for your review! :)
Angel K.D. : Hmm... How do you mean, 'once again you've carried the story all the way to chapter three'? Have you read one of my other stories? Oh well, maybe I'm looking too far into it... or not far enough... Oo.... Ehm, well. Thanks for the review.
Feedback! yummy yummy yummy! :)