precarious
by trivia-game
Warnings: contemplation of suicide, yaoi, angst, dark, twisted Ryou. BxM, (one-sided)R+M
Summary: Ryou is teetering on the edge of both his sanity and the thought of ending it all.
Note-ness: I really don't think this makes sense…and pay attention to It, and the difference between It and "it." XD That makes NO sense. o_O Anyway, onwards.
It's amazing what you can feel through a soul link.
Hatred, lust, sadistic glee, ecstasy...
But then, it's probably only like that with my yami. I doubt Yugi-kun's experience is quite the same. I wonder how he'd fare with Bakura.
Probably better than I'm doing.
That's why I'm sitting here, on the edge of my sanity, precariously close to falling off, down, out, and into whatever lurks on the other side of this life.
On a related note, love sucks.
I'd come to that conclusion a while ago, before It happened. I liked to call what I'd felt love. I know now that what I felt for Malik was nothing but infatuation..."stupid, childish infatuation," as Bakura had taunted. But you know what? I don't care, and why should anyone else?
Heh…besides Bakura. Of all people now, he should care.
Have you ever considered the implications of an omote killing himself?
He'd protected me before from being obliterated—he had to "save his host," right? But...if I were gone of my own accord, then what could he do? People don't see it: it's fear—my fear—that lets him take control of my body, not any power he thinks he has. But how could he protect me from my own demise, if there was no fear holding me back from letting him take control to toss out the pills and back me away from the ledge?
It's his fault. I couldn't blame Malik for It. It's Bakura who knew It would drive me to the edge.
If it was just infatuation, why did It hurt so much?
It was that tangled, sweaty affair between Malik and Bakura, and Bakura's smirk through our precious little link at my horrified expression upon finding out about It. Horror, because he'd taken my "stupid, childish infatuation" and twisted it into something that drives me now to the edge of my sanity.
But It wasn't what was keeping me balanced on the border between evolution and our sick tradition of "Bakura-does-something-shitty,-Ryou-smiles-and-forgives". The question of Bakura was what kept me writhing on the thin line between. Not affection, of course—could you have forgiven him for It? The one person you truly cared about (even if it was only in a silly, juvenile way), melted to the sweat-slicked form of the one person who reveled in your pain more than anything else? And even more, letting you feel everything through that damned link. He had whispered, oh so clearly, that this was something I could never have. I could never have Malik, or that sense of connection—love—that I know everyone else has. I could never have it, because he was there.
So now I forced myself to look at it...am I doing this—holding the bottle of pills between dry, shaking hands—because he'd pushed me too far, and It had finally driven me to the edge, or was this my own meek form of revenge?
Sweet little Ryou-chan couldn't possibly harm anyone, right?
But what if said little angel had a way to find his own wicked vengeance, but could contort it into something that would drag out sympathy? What if sweet little Ryou could kill two people at once, and not carry the blame?
What if I could?
So I'm balanced here on the edge, precariously close to falling off.
Note-ness: Uhm…when I say "omote," that's the hikari I'm talking about ^^;; And I know this didn't make much sense…but…er…X_x shut up. Blah, it was written early in the morning. I hope it was at least semi coherent?