Authors Note- Hey, this chapter is not so good. I did my best though. None the less, it is chapter four, I am not really sure where I am going with this right now, it is angsty at the moment. But it will get into different stuff. This is just the intial stuff. I will try to make it less angsty, but first you gotta get through the angst. Please read and review, tell me if you like it or not. Oh for those 'Hate to Love And Back' fans, I will try to post an answer to the big 'is there or isn't there, a sequel.' question in tomorrows authors Note.
*Chapter Four*
The sun blares in through the half open blinds, I can feel my hair strewn all across my face, I lazily push it out of the way, rolling onto my side. I don't dare to open my eyes, knowing the pounding headache that awakes me will not be worth the visual of my messy bedroom. I don't remember much about last night, just how it had begun. My argument with Carter sticks out like a sore thumb. I feel a hand fall upon my stomach, oh god, what have I done. I am not sure whose hand that is. Did I go back to Carter, in some vulnerable messed up state? Is it some strange man that I have never met before, who I just happened to run into and hop into bed with? I pry open my eyes, looking to the right I find the latter lying in bed with me. Softly snoring, his hair tousled, his mouth hung open. I slap my hand over my eyes, hoping maybe, just maybe it will all go away next time I open them.
I slowly open them again, only to find him even closer to me. This can not be happening. I now wish it was the former, I would rather have Carter naked in my bed then a man I picked up at a bar. I lift up the sheet, well I am definitely naked, so is he, and boy is he hung. I must of had fun last night, I just wish I could remember it. I push the sheets off me, stepping out of bed, I knew it would be a matter of minutes before the headache hit. I look over at my night stand, this time, no Advil. I walk into the washroom, I run the water, finding it not hot enough. I hope in, turning the water to scalding, just like I did yesterday. This is seeming all to familiar, and this is a routine that I definitely do not want to get into. At the same time seems to be one that I can not break. I push the tap to hotter, the water sprays out onto my back, I flinch at first touch adjusting to the temperature quickly. I tip my head back as the water hits me, "hey you." The curtain is pushed open as a naked man joins me in the shower. I watch as he envelopes me in his arms, kissing my neck, pushing the wet strands of h air away. This is situation is also all to familiar. Why I am I living in a constant De Ja veu? The saddest part of all of this is, I can't even remember the mans name. He presses up against me, his lips making their way to mine, I can taste him on me as he slowly moves lower, his lips making their way down my whole body. I put my hands on his shoulders bringing him back up to my level. "Hi." He says in a low voice.
"I have to work." I run my fingers through his hair.
"Okay, I'll walk you in." I let out a low throaty laugh, he is just a guy I picked up at a bar last night. He is suppose to use me for one night, not want to keep me around.
"Do you even remember my name?" I smile, he returns the smile with a light kiss on the lips. "Abby." Well at least one of us knows what or rather who we were doing. "By the way, I'm John." I stop dead, my body freezes. He notices this looking me in the eye.
"What?"
"No- Nothing. Nothing, don't worry." I feign a smile, as he moves into kiss me once more.
"I'll let you shower." He pulls open the curtain leaving me alone with my thoughts. What are the odds. I end up in bed with two John's, two different John's mind you, in the course of two nights. I quickly finish up my shower, then head for the kitchen in my robe.
The smell of bacon, eggs and coffee hangs in the air. The other John left me Advil, this one cooks for me. Not a bad deal. "Here you go." He smiles, placing a plate of food in front of me, he hands me the cup of coffee. "I am just going to have a shower." I nod, taking a sip of the coffee, its good coffee too. I push my wet hair out of my way. This guy is a god, he is way to good to be true. Hell I picked him up at a bar, or he picked me up. Which ever one it is, it must be an indication of a fault somewhere in his personality. Even if its something as simple as claustrophobia, there has to be something. I take another bite of my eggs, just as the phone rings. I get up from my seat and head over to it.
"Hello."
"Thank god you're okay." Susan, well at least she cares enough to check up on me. Even if its not to save me from coming home with a guy I don't even know.
"Hey Susan." I say dryly. She sighs deeply.
"You took off last night, I wasn't sure where you went. You went to dance, then all the sudden we couldn't find you any where." I was probably here fucking John. "We looked all over for you, Chen thought you might have gone to Carters, so we called him-"
"You called John???" I interrupt, Jesus, the last thing I need is him on my case about my drinking again. I can just imagine the conversation we will be having when I see him next. He just doesn't know how to bud out and let me live my life. His the one who ended this. He put himself out of misery, he ended the worst relationship of his life. The one that could destroy. Now can't he just stay away from me, he will be doing us both a favour.
"Yeah, he was really concerned. Don't worry I didn't tell him about the guy you were dancing with. So where were you?" She is now more interested in juicy gossip, now that she knows I am safe.
"I was here." I pause, knowing Susan is going to drag the information out of me sooner or later so I might as well just tell her. "I came back here with the- the guy you saw me dancing with."
"Abby-" She says flabbergasted, I nod, a small smile playing across my lips.
"I know, I know. But it was different, I don't know. A good different." I peek my head around the wall, seeing if John has finished in the shower yet.
"Abby, how can a guy you barley know be better then a guy, you well. You love." I think about this, it seems so absurd, but in a way its a relief to have something without any baggage. With this new guy, it would be meaningless, fun, exciting. I never know what he is going to do next. I push my hair behind my ears, it is starting to dry, I push it away once more.
"Listen Susan, I gotta go." She agrees to meet me for coffee, so we can talk about this new man. Who could be robbing me of everything I own as we speak. I hang up the phone, slowly making my way towards my bedroom. He is walking around in his tight blue jeans, he definitely has a nice body. "Hey." He walks towards me, buttoning up his shirt, as I look around for my bra. He watches as I get dressed.
"So your a nurse right?" Is walk into the washroom, searching the confine space for my blow dryer. He props himself up against the door frame watching as I blow my hair dry. "You're beautiful." He says with a mischievous smile on his face. I turn around, watching as he runs his fingers through his hair. Just like Carter. I sigh thinking for a second, he notices my sudden change in attitude. I quickly divert his attention by changing the subject. "Yah I'm a nurse." I smile slightly, continuing my drying.
"Lawyer," he can read my mind. I smile, a lawyer huh. Not too shabby. I run my fingers through my semi dry hair. It will have to do. I throw it up in a bun, walking out to find my clothes.
~*~
"So this is where you work?" We approach the run down building that is county general.
"Yeah, its not so bad. We are under going some major renovations." I am not sure if I believe this guy. He doesn't seem like the lawyer type. His laid back, sweet, and I can not picture him in a suit.
"I know we just met, but maybe we could meet again." He leans in towards me smiling. I nod starting to push loose strands of hair out of my face, when he reaches in doing it for me. His fingers linger on my jaw line.
"How do you not have a boyfriend?" He asks in a barley audible whisper. I shrug my shoulders, a sad smile crosses my lips. He can sense something is wrong.
"He's a fool." He murmurs, "any guy would be to leave you." Slowly he leans in a kisses me gently, his tongue plays a long my lips for a second longer before he pulls away.
"I have to go, I will call you." He brings his hand to mine, holding them together for a moment.
"Bye Abby." He slowly walks towards the L, I watch as he makes his way up the stairs. He's not Carter, but he is something. I turn to walk away bumping into someone.
"So you had fun last night I see." He says bitterly.
"Lay off it Carter." I manage to avoid his gaze as I quickly make my way into the hospital.
"So what we break up two days ago and you've already moved on?" Hurt evident on his face.
"Its not that simple." I sigh, fidgeting with the combination on my locker.
"Really? Cause it sure seems that simple." he hastily runs his fingers through his fingers, knocking over some of his neatly spiked hair.
"John, its complicated between us." I counter, my lock still jammed.
"So what? You just give up. Just like that?" He leans against the locker looking me in the eye. I fiddle with the lock once more sighing in defeat. He takes over managing to open in it his first try. Show off.
"I didn't give up John, you did." I spit back.
"Then I come over and you try to sleep with me!" He screeches, I am not entirely surprised by this, but I am ashamed.
"I was drunk." I say embarrassedly.
"Well, you know what they say. When you're drunk the truth comes out." He rubs the spot on his neck where the hickey is.
"Did we-" He looks at me confused. "You know have-" He jumps in cutting me off angrily.
"God Abby, no we didn't. I would never do that to you." He moves closer to me. "I would never want to hurt you in any way. I would never do anything to break your heart."
"Too late." I mutter, his face falls. I duck under his outstretched arm. As much as I love him, and I do. He is the one who gave up this time, he ran away. It was simpler for him this way. I wanted it to work. I really did. I try to open the lounge door, but before I can he reaches up and slams it closed.
"I've had enough too Abby. I can't wait around forever Abby and I won't." His words sting, his expression, strong and confident.
"No ones asking you too." I swing the door open, leaving him in the dust. Making what could be the biggest mistake of my life. Bigger then last night. I feel like I am falling, drowning, suffocating. Slowly killing myself. The one person who can save me, make it all better. Fix me, fix my life, fix us, doesn't want to. Can't.
*Chapter Four*
The sun blares in through the half open blinds, I can feel my hair strewn all across my face, I lazily push it out of the way, rolling onto my side. I don't dare to open my eyes, knowing the pounding headache that awakes me will not be worth the visual of my messy bedroom. I don't remember much about last night, just how it had begun. My argument with Carter sticks out like a sore thumb. I feel a hand fall upon my stomach, oh god, what have I done. I am not sure whose hand that is. Did I go back to Carter, in some vulnerable messed up state? Is it some strange man that I have never met before, who I just happened to run into and hop into bed with? I pry open my eyes, looking to the right I find the latter lying in bed with me. Softly snoring, his hair tousled, his mouth hung open. I slap my hand over my eyes, hoping maybe, just maybe it will all go away next time I open them.
I slowly open them again, only to find him even closer to me. This can not be happening. I now wish it was the former, I would rather have Carter naked in my bed then a man I picked up at a bar. I lift up the sheet, well I am definitely naked, so is he, and boy is he hung. I must of had fun last night, I just wish I could remember it. I push the sheets off me, stepping out of bed, I knew it would be a matter of minutes before the headache hit. I look over at my night stand, this time, no Advil. I walk into the washroom, I run the water, finding it not hot enough. I hope in, turning the water to scalding, just like I did yesterday. This is seeming all to familiar, and this is a routine that I definitely do not want to get into. At the same time seems to be one that I can not break. I push the tap to hotter, the water sprays out onto my back, I flinch at first touch adjusting to the temperature quickly. I tip my head back as the water hits me, "hey you." The curtain is pushed open as a naked man joins me in the shower. I watch as he envelopes me in his arms, kissing my neck, pushing the wet strands of h air away. This is situation is also all to familiar. Why I am I living in a constant De Ja veu? The saddest part of all of this is, I can't even remember the mans name. He presses up against me, his lips making their way to mine, I can taste him on me as he slowly moves lower, his lips making their way down my whole body. I put my hands on his shoulders bringing him back up to my level. "Hi." He says in a low voice.
"I have to work." I run my fingers through his hair.
"Okay, I'll walk you in." I let out a low throaty laugh, he is just a guy I picked up at a bar last night. He is suppose to use me for one night, not want to keep me around.
"Do you even remember my name?" I smile, he returns the smile with a light kiss on the lips. "Abby." Well at least one of us knows what or rather who we were doing. "By the way, I'm John." I stop dead, my body freezes. He notices this looking me in the eye.
"What?"
"No- Nothing. Nothing, don't worry." I feign a smile, as he moves into kiss me once more.
"I'll let you shower." He pulls open the curtain leaving me alone with my thoughts. What are the odds. I end up in bed with two John's, two different John's mind you, in the course of two nights. I quickly finish up my shower, then head for the kitchen in my robe.
The smell of bacon, eggs and coffee hangs in the air. The other John left me Advil, this one cooks for me. Not a bad deal. "Here you go." He smiles, placing a plate of food in front of me, he hands me the cup of coffee. "I am just going to have a shower." I nod, taking a sip of the coffee, its good coffee too. I push my wet hair out of my way. This guy is a god, he is way to good to be true. Hell I picked him up at a bar, or he picked me up. Which ever one it is, it must be an indication of a fault somewhere in his personality. Even if its something as simple as claustrophobia, there has to be something. I take another bite of my eggs, just as the phone rings. I get up from my seat and head over to it.
"Hello."
"Thank god you're okay." Susan, well at least she cares enough to check up on me. Even if its not to save me from coming home with a guy I don't even know.
"Hey Susan." I say dryly. She sighs deeply.
"You took off last night, I wasn't sure where you went. You went to dance, then all the sudden we couldn't find you any where." I was probably here fucking John. "We looked all over for you, Chen thought you might have gone to Carters, so we called him-"
"You called John???" I interrupt, Jesus, the last thing I need is him on my case about my drinking again. I can just imagine the conversation we will be having when I see him next. He just doesn't know how to bud out and let me live my life. His the one who ended this. He put himself out of misery, he ended the worst relationship of his life. The one that could destroy. Now can't he just stay away from me, he will be doing us both a favour.
"Yeah, he was really concerned. Don't worry I didn't tell him about the guy you were dancing with. So where were you?" She is now more interested in juicy gossip, now that she knows I am safe.
"I was here." I pause, knowing Susan is going to drag the information out of me sooner or later so I might as well just tell her. "I came back here with the- the guy you saw me dancing with."
"Abby-" She says flabbergasted, I nod, a small smile playing across my lips.
"I know, I know. But it was different, I don't know. A good different." I peek my head around the wall, seeing if John has finished in the shower yet.
"Abby, how can a guy you barley know be better then a guy, you well. You love." I think about this, it seems so absurd, but in a way its a relief to have something without any baggage. With this new guy, it would be meaningless, fun, exciting. I never know what he is going to do next. I push my hair behind my ears, it is starting to dry, I push it away once more.
"Listen Susan, I gotta go." She agrees to meet me for coffee, so we can talk about this new man. Who could be robbing me of everything I own as we speak. I hang up the phone, slowly making my way towards my bedroom. He is walking around in his tight blue jeans, he definitely has a nice body. "Hey." He walks towards me, buttoning up his shirt, as I look around for my bra. He watches as I get dressed.
"So your a nurse right?" Is walk into the washroom, searching the confine space for my blow dryer. He props himself up against the door frame watching as I blow my hair dry. "You're beautiful." He says with a mischievous smile on his face. I turn around, watching as he runs his fingers through his hair. Just like Carter. I sigh thinking for a second, he notices my sudden change in attitude. I quickly divert his attention by changing the subject. "Yah I'm a nurse." I smile slightly, continuing my drying.
"Lawyer," he can read my mind. I smile, a lawyer huh. Not too shabby. I run my fingers through my semi dry hair. It will have to do. I throw it up in a bun, walking out to find my clothes.
~*~
"So this is where you work?" We approach the run down building that is county general.
"Yeah, its not so bad. We are under going some major renovations." I am not sure if I believe this guy. He doesn't seem like the lawyer type. His laid back, sweet, and I can not picture him in a suit.
"I know we just met, but maybe we could meet again." He leans in towards me smiling. I nod starting to push loose strands of hair out of my face, when he reaches in doing it for me. His fingers linger on my jaw line.
"How do you not have a boyfriend?" He asks in a barley audible whisper. I shrug my shoulders, a sad smile crosses my lips. He can sense something is wrong.
"He's a fool." He murmurs, "any guy would be to leave you." Slowly he leans in a kisses me gently, his tongue plays a long my lips for a second longer before he pulls away.
"I have to go, I will call you." He brings his hand to mine, holding them together for a moment.
"Bye Abby." He slowly walks towards the L, I watch as he makes his way up the stairs. He's not Carter, but he is something. I turn to walk away bumping into someone.
"So you had fun last night I see." He says bitterly.
"Lay off it Carter." I manage to avoid his gaze as I quickly make my way into the hospital.
"So what we break up two days ago and you've already moved on?" Hurt evident on his face.
"Its not that simple." I sigh, fidgeting with the combination on my locker.
"Really? Cause it sure seems that simple." he hastily runs his fingers through his fingers, knocking over some of his neatly spiked hair.
"John, its complicated between us." I counter, my lock still jammed.
"So what? You just give up. Just like that?" He leans against the locker looking me in the eye. I fiddle with the lock once more sighing in defeat. He takes over managing to open in it his first try. Show off.
"I didn't give up John, you did." I spit back.
"Then I come over and you try to sleep with me!" He screeches, I am not entirely surprised by this, but I am ashamed.
"I was drunk." I say embarrassedly.
"Well, you know what they say. When you're drunk the truth comes out." He rubs the spot on his neck where the hickey is.
"Did we-" He looks at me confused. "You know have-" He jumps in cutting me off angrily.
"God Abby, no we didn't. I would never do that to you." He moves closer to me. "I would never want to hurt you in any way. I would never do anything to break your heart."
"Too late." I mutter, his face falls. I duck under his outstretched arm. As much as I love him, and I do. He is the one who gave up this time, he ran away. It was simpler for him this way. I wanted it to work. I really did. I try to open the lounge door, but before I can he reaches up and slams it closed.
"I've had enough too Abby. I can't wait around forever Abby and I won't." His words sting, his expression, strong and confident.
"No ones asking you too." I swing the door open, leaving him in the dust. Making what could be the biggest mistake of my life. Bigger then last night. I feel like I am falling, drowning, suffocating. Slowly killing myself. The one person who can save me, make it all better. Fix me, fix my life, fix us, doesn't want to. Can't.