Authors Note- Still not so sure what direction this story is going in... If you have any ideas please share them with me. Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed, I love the reviews, they are what keep me writing. If anyone was intrested in being my beta reader, cause if some of you might have noticed I kind of need one lol. If you're interested you can just email, my address is in my profile thing. And I'll post it here just in case, zippybebird@hotmail.com. Thanks everyone. Just a quick, short chapter for today:)
*Chapter Five*
I rub my forehead, trying to sooth the constant pounding. No such luck. "You think maybe you girls are getting a little old for your girls nights?" I look over to see a grinning Greg Pratt. Not one of my favourite people to say the least, his cocky arrogance annoys most of the staff here at county. "Never." Chen says walking around the admin desk and flirtatiously running her fingers along Pratt's arm. Well that's enough to make me vomit.
I head into the lounge, my shift is finally over, I contemplate calling John. Does he actually want to get together for coffee? It was just a fling, a meaningless fling. I scan the lounge, Carter is laying down on the couch, eyes closed. His one arm draped across his forehead. He looks exhausted. I watch as his chest rises and falls, reminding me of a night a while ago. We had been arguing all day over my drinking, after abandoning me at the L station I thought he wouldn't be talking to me for awhile. Surprisingly he came by my place later that night. It was one of the best nights of my life. We talked, laughed, made love. I watched him sleep that night. He looked so peaceful, at ease with himself, the world, and us. Just watching him I thought I would never have to let him go. But I did, he is no longer mine to watch.
He starts to stir bringing me out of my thoughts. His eyes flutter opening, I smile weakly at him, thinking about the way things use to be is painful. He turns his head, this time he is the one watching me. "Hi." He says tiredly, I walk over to my locker, this time opening it on the first try. "I'm sorry." He approaches me, slowly. I look up at his pleading brown eyes. "A little late for that isn't it?" I force the words out, choking on them slightly. My hair falls carelessly in front of my eyes. His fingers pull the strands away tucking them behind my ears. "Abby-" His voice is low, his hand lingers on my face.
"I thought you weren't going to wait?" I turn to him, pulling away from his touch.
"I am not." He takes a step back, "I just, I wanted you to know that no matter what, I am always there for you." I scoff at this.
"I don't need you John." I say coldly. Not carrying that is tearing me apart inside to be this cold to him.
"Yeah, you have your new guy now right? The guy who doesn't know anything about you. Who has no real feelings for you, but hey he's a good fuck so why not keep him around." Anger is evident in his voice, I try to stay calm. But I can't. The anger welling up inside me takes over.
"Well at least he accepts me for who I am." I spit back at him. "I don't know what the hell we are even fighting about, we are through. Move on with your life just as I am mine." I screech at him. He nods at me, his jaw clenched tightly.
"Is this what you really want? Just say the word Abby and I'm gone." His face is strong, a mask, hiding his true feelings. His eyes are filled with unshed tears.
"Yes." I whisper. "Move on." I studied the ground with my eyes, concentrating on the mud that has dried into the carpet. I slowly hear him pad away. He's forever gone.
~*~
"So what do you want to do?" I slump down on the couch, finding my familiar spot in the crook of John's arm. Its funny how a one night stand could turn in to a month long relationship. I shrug at him, he kisses me playfully on the head. I can feel him search for the remote, I close my eyes. Taking in his scent, everything about him. I don't love him, I don't know if I ever will. But for now he's what I need. He's not John Carter, he's different. I am not sure if it is a good or bad different. John Carter holds a place in my heart, a place I am reluctant to share with many. I have loved him for so long and letting him go was the hardest thing I have ever done.
I can see him now with her. His new girlfriend. A women whose name I am not familiar with. Mary, Margaret, Mel, Macy. I am not positive. The way she laughs at his nerdy jokes, the ones I use to roll my eyes at. Her hand playing gently along his chest. The way he whispers sweet nothings in her ear. Everything about them is so vivid in my mind. I wish I could erase the memories, forgot about him. But I can't, he will forever be embedded in my heart, my soul, my dreams. "You're thinking about him again aren't you?" John isn't naive. He knows that I am still love Carter. Why he stays with me is beyond me. Maybe he thinks that with time I will forget all about John Carter, that he will no longer be the one I think about when I fall asleep and the face I hope to see every morning when I open my eyes. That is impossible. "John-" I try unsuccessfully. He pulls away from me, clicking off the television.
"Why?" I open my eyes and meet a stern glare. I push my hair behind my ears, trying to avoid his strong gaze.
"I don't know." I look up at him momentarily. His hair fallen in front of his hazel eyes. He watches me, looking for answers.
"I think I'm pregnant." I mutter. His face softens, a smile daring to play across his lips. He takes my face in his hands, wiping the falling tears away. His lips meet mine, his tongue running along my lips, begging for entrance, I resist.
"It's his, isn't it?" our lips still connected, I stop our moment, licking my lips before looking up at him. His eyes begging me for answers. I have none. I don't know. I haven't a clue.
"I don't know." I swallow, watching his expression. "I am not sure how far along I am. It could be, it might not be. The last time I slept with him was a week before you-" He gets up shaking his head. "John-" I try, I get up from my seat and follow him to the window.
"Its bad enough that he is the one you love, the one you want to be with. But now you are carrying his child?" I shake my head, he watches me, scoffing then turning his head towards the ajar window. The cool breeze rushes through his hair. Soothing him momentarily. Before he erupts. "Fuck Abby." I stare at him. His sudden change in attitude is surprising.
"I can't help the baby John." I say weakly. "I can't help it if its his." I plead. "I will love it no matter what-"
"Probably more so if its his." He pauses, then proceeds to walk over to the couch and flop back down.
"That's not true and you know it." I stay in my position. Standing firmly in my spot, I will not let him make me feel guilty about this. "John- We have just started dating, I don't love you yet. Just like you don't love me." He turns his head, his eyes full of unshed tears.
"How do you know that I don't love you?" I slowly walk over to him sitting down next to him. I gently place my hand on his shoulder.
"We have just started dating. We aren't in love yet, but I could see it going that way." I say a smile on my face. "You are great, wonderful, amazing. The best guy I have ever picked up at a bar." He chuckles lightly. "Maybe we started dating too soon. But now that I have you, I'll be damned if I am going to let you go. So we don't know if the baby is yours-"
"I know." His face softens, he pulls me into a hug. I nestle up close to his body, my head resting on his chest, listening carefully to the beating of his heart. "Promise me something." I look up at him, his face serious once again.
"Anything."
"You won't tell him until you know for certain." He isn't backing down. I nod somewhat reluctantly. He plays with my hair, twirling it around his fat fingers. I sigh, I know this is a mess. No matter whose child it is I will love it no matter what. Will John even have to know if it is Carter's baby? I could just lie. Do the immoral, but he doesn't love me. John Carter has his new love of his life. I can't remember her name, but I know that to him she is perfect, the one he has always wanted. I know I don't love John yet, but he has just proven to be a sweet and sensitive man that I can grow to love.
I lift up his hands, intertwining our fingers, a movement I am quite familiar with. Carter and I did this a few times, but it can be my thing with John instead. He smiles at me, placing a soft sensual kiss on my lips. I gently bite down on his bottom lip as he pulls away. His fingers run through my hair, as he lays feather light kisses down my neck. I lift up his shirt, running my fingers up and down his toned chest. He laughs lightly, leaning down to place another kiss on my lips. He grabs my hands pulling me towards the bedroom. Enveloping me in his warmth, as he slowly removes my clothes, our hearts beating in sync. His fingers dance upon my skin, as he takes my right nipple into his mouth, caressing it with his tongue. Yeah, I could definitely love him.
*Chapter Five*
I rub my forehead, trying to sooth the constant pounding. No such luck. "You think maybe you girls are getting a little old for your girls nights?" I look over to see a grinning Greg Pratt. Not one of my favourite people to say the least, his cocky arrogance annoys most of the staff here at county. "Never." Chen says walking around the admin desk and flirtatiously running her fingers along Pratt's arm. Well that's enough to make me vomit.
I head into the lounge, my shift is finally over, I contemplate calling John. Does he actually want to get together for coffee? It was just a fling, a meaningless fling. I scan the lounge, Carter is laying down on the couch, eyes closed. His one arm draped across his forehead. He looks exhausted. I watch as his chest rises and falls, reminding me of a night a while ago. We had been arguing all day over my drinking, after abandoning me at the L station I thought he wouldn't be talking to me for awhile. Surprisingly he came by my place later that night. It was one of the best nights of my life. We talked, laughed, made love. I watched him sleep that night. He looked so peaceful, at ease with himself, the world, and us. Just watching him I thought I would never have to let him go. But I did, he is no longer mine to watch.
He starts to stir bringing me out of my thoughts. His eyes flutter opening, I smile weakly at him, thinking about the way things use to be is painful. He turns his head, this time he is the one watching me. "Hi." He says tiredly, I walk over to my locker, this time opening it on the first try. "I'm sorry." He approaches me, slowly. I look up at his pleading brown eyes. "A little late for that isn't it?" I force the words out, choking on them slightly. My hair falls carelessly in front of my eyes. His fingers pull the strands away tucking them behind my ears. "Abby-" His voice is low, his hand lingers on my face.
"I thought you weren't going to wait?" I turn to him, pulling away from his touch.
"I am not." He takes a step back, "I just, I wanted you to know that no matter what, I am always there for you." I scoff at this.
"I don't need you John." I say coldly. Not carrying that is tearing me apart inside to be this cold to him.
"Yeah, you have your new guy now right? The guy who doesn't know anything about you. Who has no real feelings for you, but hey he's a good fuck so why not keep him around." Anger is evident in his voice, I try to stay calm. But I can't. The anger welling up inside me takes over.
"Well at least he accepts me for who I am." I spit back at him. "I don't know what the hell we are even fighting about, we are through. Move on with your life just as I am mine." I screech at him. He nods at me, his jaw clenched tightly.
"Is this what you really want? Just say the word Abby and I'm gone." His face is strong, a mask, hiding his true feelings. His eyes are filled with unshed tears.
"Yes." I whisper. "Move on." I studied the ground with my eyes, concentrating on the mud that has dried into the carpet. I slowly hear him pad away. He's forever gone.
~*~
"So what do you want to do?" I slump down on the couch, finding my familiar spot in the crook of John's arm. Its funny how a one night stand could turn in to a month long relationship. I shrug at him, he kisses me playfully on the head. I can feel him search for the remote, I close my eyes. Taking in his scent, everything about him. I don't love him, I don't know if I ever will. But for now he's what I need. He's not John Carter, he's different. I am not sure if it is a good or bad different. John Carter holds a place in my heart, a place I am reluctant to share with many. I have loved him for so long and letting him go was the hardest thing I have ever done.
I can see him now with her. His new girlfriend. A women whose name I am not familiar with. Mary, Margaret, Mel, Macy. I am not positive. The way she laughs at his nerdy jokes, the ones I use to roll my eyes at. Her hand playing gently along his chest. The way he whispers sweet nothings in her ear. Everything about them is so vivid in my mind. I wish I could erase the memories, forgot about him. But I can't, he will forever be embedded in my heart, my soul, my dreams. "You're thinking about him again aren't you?" John isn't naive. He knows that I am still love Carter. Why he stays with me is beyond me. Maybe he thinks that with time I will forget all about John Carter, that he will no longer be the one I think about when I fall asleep and the face I hope to see every morning when I open my eyes. That is impossible. "John-" I try unsuccessfully. He pulls away from me, clicking off the television.
"Why?" I open my eyes and meet a stern glare. I push my hair behind my ears, trying to avoid his strong gaze.
"I don't know." I look up at him momentarily. His hair fallen in front of his hazel eyes. He watches me, looking for answers.
"I think I'm pregnant." I mutter. His face softens, a smile daring to play across his lips. He takes my face in his hands, wiping the falling tears away. His lips meet mine, his tongue running along my lips, begging for entrance, I resist.
"It's his, isn't it?" our lips still connected, I stop our moment, licking my lips before looking up at him. His eyes begging me for answers. I have none. I don't know. I haven't a clue.
"I don't know." I swallow, watching his expression. "I am not sure how far along I am. It could be, it might not be. The last time I slept with him was a week before you-" He gets up shaking his head. "John-" I try, I get up from my seat and follow him to the window.
"Its bad enough that he is the one you love, the one you want to be with. But now you are carrying his child?" I shake my head, he watches me, scoffing then turning his head towards the ajar window. The cool breeze rushes through his hair. Soothing him momentarily. Before he erupts. "Fuck Abby." I stare at him. His sudden change in attitude is surprising.
"I can't help the baby John." I say weakly. "I can't help it if its his." I plead. "I will love it no matter what-"
"Probably more so if its his." He pauses, then proceeds to walk over to the couch and flop back down.
"That's not true and you know it." I stay in my position. Standing firmly in my spot, I will not let him make me feel guilty about this. "John- We have just started dating, I don't love you yet. Just like you don't love me." He turns his head, his eyes full of unshed tears.
"How do you know that I don't love you?" I slowly walk over to him sitting down next to him. I gently place my hand on his shoulder.
"We have just started dating. We aren't in love yet, but I could see it going that way." I say a smile on my face. "You are great, wonderful, amazing. The best guy I have ever picked up at a bar." He chuckles lightly. "Maybe we started dating too soon. But now that I have you, I'll be damned if I am going to let you go. So we don't know if the baby is yours-"
"I know." His face softens, he pulls me into a hug. I nestle up close to his body, my head resting on his chest, listening carefully to the beating of his heart. "Promise me something." I look up at him, his face serious once again.
"Anything."
"You won't tell him until you know for certain." He isn't backing down. I nod somewhat reluctantly. He plays with my hair, twirling it around his fat fingers. I sigh, I know this is a mess. No matter whose child it is I will love it no matter what. Will John even have to know if it is Carter's baby? I could just lie. Do the immoral, but he doesn't love me. John Carter has his new love of his life. I can't remember her name, but I know that to him she is perfect, the one he has always wanted. I know I don't love John yet, but he has just proven to be a sweet and sensitive man that I can grow to love.
I lift up his hands, intertwining our fingers, a movement I am quite familiar with. Carter and I did this a few times, but it can be my thing with John instead. He smiles at me, placing a soft sensual kiss on my lips. I gently bite down on his bottom lip as he pulls away. His fingers run through my hair, as he lays feather light kisses down my neck. I lift up his shirt, running my fingers up and down his toned chest. He laughs lightly, leaning down to place another kiss on my lips. He grabs my hands pulling me towards the bedroom. Enveloping me in his warmth, as he slowly removes my clothes, our hearts beating in sync. His fingers dance upon my skin, as he takes my right nipple into his mouth, caressing it with his tongue. Yeah, I could definitely love him.