Authors Note- I know it has been like a week, I wanted to update more frequently, but I haven't gotten the chance to write another chapter. Anyways here it is. I hope you enjoy. Thanks to everyone who reviewed.
*Chapter Eight*
I nervously fiddled with the corners of the newspaper. Bending them this way and that. Strands of hairs falling all over the place. I let go of the paper moving my shaking hands to my face, tucking the hairs behind my ears. My eyes darted around the room, looking for something to concentrate on. Just the thought of walking through that door was taking a toll on me. In a few moments I will have the answers to all my questions. Well question. The one that has been eating me alive for the past few days. The thought that has swarmed my mind, leaving me with endless questions. One question leading to the next... Yet no answers arrived, the only answer to my question lays in front of me. But I can't move forward. I can't move my legs from this spot. I am glued. Either way someone is going to get hurt. The someone in both cases being me. John Carter and I have such a complicated history together, one that not even the greatest of authors could produce into a book. The complexity of it eats me alive. It runs so deep. Our love runs so deep. I am not sure if I would rather have it be John's or... John's. Somewhere deep inside me. In the vast depths of my soul I know I need it to be Carters.
"Abigail Lockhart." A tired voice bringing me out of my thoughts me. My head jerks up to me the droopy eyes of a women about mid sixties. Her face full of wrinkles, making her age even more apparent. I smile at her, willing my feet to move. I stand up, shakily. I manage to make it to the exam room alive. The women leads me, handing me a gown.
"Put it on, the doctor will be in to see you any moment." Taking the gown, I start to unbutton my shirt. Refusing to look at my stomach, although I am not showing, I don't want to get the least bit attached to what could be. I fear I already am.
"Abigail?" A auburn haired women enters the room. Her hair tied up in a messy bun. She looks dishevelled, how busy can giving medical exams be. Oh well. I smile confirming her suspicions on who I may be. "I'm Dr. Samson. I will be doing your exam today. Are you ready?" She snaps on her rubber glove, leaving an unsettling feeling in my stomach. I feel as though she is about to reach inside and remove my gull bladder. I carefully nod my head, I lean back onto the exam table. She smiles a tight fake smile as she parts my legs. This is definitely not how I imagined this. I wait as I am poked and prodded at. God, I wish I asked Susan to come with me. I bite my bottom lip as she extracts herself from my crotch and stands in front of me. "Well, Abby, everything looks great. You are about six weeks along-" After that moment the room went silent. She was still speaking, but I could not hear her. The sound of my heart beating erupted in my ears. Its his. Nothing could change that now. No more hope, or convincing myself that it really isn't. I stare straight ahead, a picture of some pregnant lady on the wall clutching her stomach, a huge smile plastered across her face. In big bold letters 'Are you ready?' is written below her. I swallow hard, my throat dry, water would be nice right now. All I can do is focus on the poster. Am I? Am I really ready for this? Maybe this is some sort of sign. "Abby- Abby-" I look up, my attention flashing back to the doctor. "Are you okay?" I stand up, looking for my clothes. I can't be here anymore. I feel trapped. She tries to stop me. "I can't." I say out of breath. "I can't do this!" I push my falling hair out of my eyes.
"Can't do what?" I look at her, not willing to give her the real answer.
"I have to work." She nods, freeing my wrist of her tight grasp. She leaves me alone, I know the exam is not done. I just can't stay here anymore. I need to be free.
~*~
"You're late." I look up to see Carter standing in front of me. His hands resting firmly on the admit desk, a concern look in his eyes, anger all over his face. I know which feature to believe.
"I called in." I huff pushing into the lounge. I can feel him behind me, trying to catch up to me.
"He came by." He says angrily.
"He...Has a name." I fiddle with my lock, pulling on it, trying to open it. It won't budge. My hands cold and clammy, shaking with every touch of the metal lock.
"Whatever." I pull on my lock again. It refuses to open.
"Come on." I try coaxing it. Before I know it, he has gently moved me out of the way and opening the lock. I glare at him, he just rolls his eyes.
"I don't like...John." Hesitant to say his name, I see.
"Good thing your not the one dating him." I toss my stuff into my locker slamming it close.
"Abby." He holds onto my arm. "What is with you lately?"
"Nothing, I'm happy." I lie. A bold face lie to the man I love. He scoffs, not believing the unbelievable. Of course I'm not happy, not only am I in a predicament, but I am also Abby. Which means I can never, ever, be happy. Its illegal.
"I just want the best for you." He says under his breath. His eyes set on mine.
"You didn't seem to think so earlier when you ignored me for her." I shove his hand off of my. He reluctantly lets go.
"I'm sorry. But she is my girlfriend, if I show any-"
"Look Carter, Don't bother." I try to push past him, he won't let me.
"I just want us to be good. I know we aren't together anymore. I know you don't love me anymore." My eyes are downcast, set on the floor of the lounge. I can't look him in the eye, if I do he will know how big of a lie that last statement really was. He can never know the truth.
"We're good Carter. Great even." I plaster a fake smile on my face and push by John, just to run into... "John." I sigh, I walk over to the admit desk and flip through charts.
"I came by earlier. You weren't here." He looks kind of offended, I wonder why. I do live my own life. He is only a part of it. Granted a part that I spend a good portion of my time with. At least recently. I do have friends, colleagues, a job, a family, many things that deserve my attention other then just him.
"I was busy." I say looking up for a second, then back down. He sighs defeated, turning his head as the lounge door opens. He sees Carter exit. He knows I just came from there. Suspicion crosses his faces. I roll my eyes, watching him process whatever the hell he is assuming went on in that room. His face tightens, Carter pushes past him and into the admin area. John focuses on him for a few seconds longer, then back onto me.
"Did you tell him." I shake my head no, I don't want him bringing this up. Carter's head jerks over to us.
"Tell me what?" I shake my head no. John doesn't stop. I get the feeling he is doing this out of anger. He gets the idea that I am hiding something from him. Which I am. But not the thing, he thinks.
"John." I scold. "Just leave, now." He catches my gaze with his own. His feet planted firmly on the dirty tile. His head shaking no, I plead with him.
"Abby." He moves closer. "Don't you think he deserves to know- I mean it is a possibility." I can feel Carter move closer to us, becoming, seemingly, more interested in this conversation.
"Its not a possibility anymore. It is certain." His face falls. "You're trying to punish me John. But I don't need to be punished. I don't need to be with you." He looks broken, but he is not someone I need to be with right now. He reaches forward grabbing my arm tightly.
"Tell me your kidding." He says angry. I push him off me, he reluctantly lets go. Staring at me, "I guess anything is a possible with you. You are a whore." I scoff loudly. Of course I am.
*Chapter Eight*
I nervously fiddled with the corners of the newspaper. Bending them this way and that. Strands of hairs falling all over the place. I let go of the paper moving my shaking hands to my face, tucking the hairs behind my ears. My eyes darted around the room, looking for something to concentrate on. Just the thought of walking through that door was taking a toll on me. In a few moments I will have the answers to all my questions. Well question. The one that has been eating me alive for the past few days. The thought that has swarmed my mind, leaving me with endless questions. One question leading to the next... Yet no answers arrived, the only answer to my question lays in front of me. But I can't move forward. I can't move my legs from this spot. I am glued. Either way someone is going to get hurt. The someone in both cases being me. John Carter and I have such a complicated history together, one that not even the greatest of authors could produce into a book. The complexity of it eats me alive. It runs so deep. Our love runs so deep. I am not sure if I would rather have it be John's or... John's. Somewhere deep inside me. In the vast depths of my soul I know I need it to be Carters.
"Abigail Lockhart." A tired voice bringing me out of my thoughts me. My head jerks up to me the droopy eyes of a women about mid sixties. Her face full of wrinkles, making her age even more apparent. I smile at her, willing my feet to move. I stand up, shakily. I manage to make it to the exam room alive. The women leads me, handing me a gown.
"Put it on, the doctor will be in to see you any moment." Taking the gown, I start to unbutton my shirt. Refusing to look at my stomach, although I am not showing, I don't want to get the least bit attached to what could be. I fear I already am.
"Abigail?" A auburn haired women enters the room. Her hair tied up in a messy bun. She looks dishevelled, how busy can giving medical exams be. Oh well. I smile confirming her suspicions on who I may be. "I'm Dr. Samson. I will be doing your exam today. Are you ready?" She snaps on her rubber glove, leaving an unsettling feeling in my stomach. I feel as though she is about to reach inside and remove my gull bladder. I carefully nod my head, I lean back onto the exam table. She smiles a tight fake smile as she parts my legs. This is definitely not how I imagined this. I wait as I am poked and prodded at. God, I wish I asked Susan to come with me. I bite my bottom lip as she extracts herself from my crotch and stands in front of me. "Well, Abby, everything looks great. You are about six weeks along-" After that moment the room went silent. She was still speaking, but I could not hear her. The sound of my heart beating erupted in my ears. Its his. Nothing could change that now. No more hope, or convincing myself that it really isn't. I stare straight ahead, a picture of some pregnant lady on the wall clutching her stomach, a huge smile plastered across her face. In big bold letters 'Are you ready?' is written below her. I swallow hard, my throat dry, water would be nice right now. All I can do is focus on the poster. Am I? Am I really ready for this? Maybe this is some sort of sign. "Abby- Abby-" I look up, my attention flashing back to the doctor. "Are you okay?" I stand up, looking for my clothes. I can't be here anymore. I feel trapped. She tries to stop me. "I can't." I say out of breath. "I can't do this!" I push my falling hair out of my eyes.
"Can't do what?" I look at her, not willing to give her the real answer.
"I have to work." She nods, freeing my wrist of her tight grasp. She leaves me alone, I know the exam is not done. I just can't stay here anymore. I need to be free.
~*~
"You're late." I look up to see Carter standing in front of me. His hands resting firmly on the admit desk, a concern look in his eyes, anger all over his face. I know which feature to believe.
"I called in." I huff pushing into the lounge. I can feel him behind me, trying to catch up to me.
"He came by." He says angrily.
"He...Has a name." I fiddle with my lock, pulling on it, trying to open it. It won't budge. My hands cold and clammy, shaking with every touch of the metal lock.
"Whatever." I pull on my lock again. It refuses to open.
"Come on." I try coaxing it. Before I know it, he has gently moved me out of the way and opening the lock. I glare at him, he just rolls his eyes.
"I don't like...John." Hesitant to say his name, I see.
"Good thing your not the one dating him." I toss my stuff into my locker slamming it close.
"Abby." He holds onto my arm. "What is with you lately?"
"Nothing, I'm happy." I lie. A bold face lie to the man I love. He scoffs, not believing the unbelievable. Of course I'm not happy, not only am I in a predicament, but I am also Abby. Which means I can never, ever, be happy. Its illegal.
"I just want the best for you." He says under his breath. His eyes set on mine.
"You didn't seem to think so earlier when you ignored me for her." I shove his hand off of my. He reluctantly lets go.
"I'm sorry. But she is my girlfriend, if I show any-"
"Look Carter, Don't bother." I try to push past him, he won't let me.
"I just want us to be good. I know we aren't together anymore. I know you don't love me anymore." My eyes are downcast, set on the floor of the lounge. I can't look him in the eye, if I do he will know how big of a lie that last statement really was. He can never know the truth.
"We're good Carter. Great even." I plaster a fake smile on my face and push by John, just to run into... "John." I sigh, I walk over to the admit desk and flip through charts.
"I came by earlier. You weren't here." He looks kind of offended, I wonder why. I do live my own life. He is only a part of it. Granted a part that I spend a good portion of my time with. At least recently. I do have friends, colleagues, a job, a family, many things that deserve my attention other then just him.
"I was busy." I say looking up for a second, then back down. He sighs defeated, turning his head as the lounge door opens. He sees Carter exit. He knows I just came from there. Suspicion crosses his faces. I roll my eyes, watching him process whatever the hell he is assuming went on in that room. His face tightens, Carter pushes past him and into the admin area. John focuses on him for a few seconds longer, then back onto me.
"Did you tell him." I shake my head no, I don't want him bringing this up. Carter's head jerks over to us.
"Tell me what?" I shake my head no. John doesn't stop. I get the feeling he is doing this out of anger. He gets the idea that I am hiding something from him. Which I am. But not the thing, he thinks.
"John." I scold. "Just leave, now." He catches my gaze with his own. His feet planted firmly on the dirty tile. His head shaking no, I plead with him.
"Abby." He moves closer. "Don't you think he deserves to know- I mean it is a possibility." I can feel Carter move closer to us, becoming, seemingly, more interested in this conversation.
"Its not a possibility anymore. It is certain." His face falls. "You're trying to punish me John. But I don't need to be punished. I don't need to be with you." He looks broken, but he is not someone I need to be with right now. He reaches forward grabbing my arm tightly.
"Tell me your kidding." He says angry. I push him off me, he reluctantly lets go. Staring at me, "I guess anything is a possible with you. You are a whore." I scoff loudly. Of course I am.