Authors Note- Hey, I have actually updated earlier then a week, after my last update. Amazing. Um, a few things. I am completely at a loss with this fic, so if you have any ideas they would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. Another thing, I have been asked a few times what is going on with the sequel with hate to love, the honest truth? I have no clue. We have talked about it a bit, but are both so over whelmed with other things there just hasn't been a moment to write for it. I barley get time to do this one, we haven't written for bitter sweet regrets in over two weeks. But I will keep you posted the minute we decide anything. Anyways thanks so much for the reviews, here is the next chapter.
*Chapter 9*
"What did that piece of paper ever do to you?" I look up to see a smiling Pratt standing in front of me. Rolling my eyes I push past him. I can feel his eyes follow me around the desk and over to the stack of charts. In my hand I hold the piece of paper I spent the last ten hours tearing into tiny shreds. Nothing like a billion thoughts to keep you busy. Endless questions with no realistic answers. Only one thought clouding my mind. Few options to rely on. I don't think I can go through an abortion again. The memory of the last time still haunts me. A secret I've been harbouring for way to long. Not a soul to tell, a dirty little secret. One that so many would use against me. Twice. Twice, would be too much. How I got past the first one is incomprehensible. Many nights I would lay awake wondering why I was dealt such a crappy hand. Convincing myself that my baby would have the same sort of life. Thinking that I did the right thing by it. "Earth to Abby." My eyes meet his, he stares at me. "You okay?" I nod my head, not wanting anyone to see the tears that fill my eyes. He brushes past me, and into an exam room. Good thing for me Pratt is so self involved that he doesn't care what is wrong with others. Maybe being a total jackass has its rewards.
"Abigail." I look up, Susan smiles widely at me. She is about to speak, but she notices the distance between us and immediately closes it. "How'd it go?" She whispers, I look away and shrug. "Did you find out..." Her voice trails off as she notices Carter walking towards us. She gently pulls my arm, guiding me away from him and into an empty exam room, so we could finish our conversation in peace. Or rather, her conversation. "What did-" I broke her off.
"She said I am six weeks along..." I watch her reaction, her mouth drops, eyes wide. What did she expect? I was careful with John, with Carter we had something special. Something... Different.
"So its?" I shake my head yes, not wanting her to say his name. Who knows where he is lurking. My conversation slash break up with John left him suspicion. It would take a moron not to know what he was talking about... Well if the shoe fits. She smiles widely, I frown, causing her smile to dull a little bit. "I'm just glad-"
"I know." I cut her off. I am glad it is not John's too. Carter is well, he is closer to my heart. I have real feelings for him, feelings I have never felt before. Nor shown, not even to Carter. As much as I may have wanted too, I couldn't. I just couldn't let him know how I felt, cause I knew it would make it that much easier for him to rip my heart in two. Which is what ended up happening. I push a stray hair behind my ear, feigning a smile. She notices the phoniness and immediately sighs. "What are you going to do?" I shrug noncommittally. I know she knows what I am thinking about, I am sure she would be against it. I have played with this idea in my mind since I found out about the pregnancy. The only thing stopping me is, well, myself. My conscious. Knowing that I did it once already, I terminated a pregnancy. I got rid of something that could have been beautiful, it could have made my world that much better... I could of made its that much worse. Which was the glitch in my whole fantasy. There was no other option. In this circumstance I have a feeling there is another option. One that I know Susan is going to suggest, it is just a matter of time. "When are you going to tell him?" Oh, there it is. I shrug again.
"I don't know." I sigh, "I know I have too. Well, I know I should, but I don't know how." She shakes her head at me, rubbing my arm affectionately.
"Abby, he is going to support you, no matter what. He will love any child of his. You know that." I nod my head in agreement. That is not the problem. I am not quite sure the problem right now, something just doesn't seem right. The uneasy feeling in my stomach has resurfaced. "You owe it to him." I look at her, the anger apparent on my face. "He is the father-"
"Yeah, he left me. He didn't want anything to do with me. I don't blame him. I can't really. He cut his losses. He did exactly what I had been telling him to do, the only problem is... He left me a little present." I smile bitterly.
"Just because you think he hates you, which he does not, does not mean he would hate any child of his. Hell this probably give him the opportunity he has been waiting for." I look at her quizzically, not really sure what she is talking about. She rolls her eyes at me.
"To talk to you. To work everything out, get back together. Jesus, Abby, do I have to paint you a picture?"
"Obviously." I sigh. "Look, that is the thing. I am having his child. A baby can't magically fix everything though. We still have issues. He has a lack of faith in me. I have a lack of faith in myself. Maybe I need to be alone for awhile, just to figure everything out. I won't be able to do that if he knows about the baby." He will want to talk, or just get back together. No talking, he will think the baby fixes all of our overdue issues.
Susan looks at me sympathetically. She understands, this doesn't mean she agrees. Maybe she does. Do I have any other options. I can tell him, or just go on pretending it is John's. Although the latter is an 'in my dreams,' type thing. I would never do that, I couldn't. I have to have something to fall upon, right now that thing is my dignity.
"You want to talk about it?"
"About what?"
"What you're feeling," Susan clarifies. Ha, Abby Lockhart talk about her feelings. That would be a phenomenon, something big enough to be marked down in history. It would even make text books, if it work to occur of course. Which it never will, because I am emotionally closed off. Protecting myself from anything or one that could possibly hurt me. Use my deepest secrets to lash out at me. I know Susan would never do that. She is one person I could open up too. Unlike a man, she will be there for me forever. Something Carter promised, but he was unable to deliver.
"Nah, I am okay." I lie. She smiles at me, our eyes lock, she is trying to read me. I can feel her eyes bore into me. I don't know what to do or say, I nervously fiddle with my jacket before exiting the exam room. I feel her on my heels, she quickly turns towards admin, while I head for the lounge.
I push open the wooden door, revealing a single person sitting at the table. His eyes downcast upon a text book. The splintering table digging into his arms, his hair messily lying on the top of his head. He looks up slowly, a small smile forming on his lips. I watch him closely, he stares back. The darkness of the lounge enveloping us in a sea of secrets, lies washing up to the shore. Choking on the truth, spitting out tiny white lies, covering what we really feel. Conversation is unavoidable, he has questions, I have regrets.
"Hi." He mumbles, the words barley audible, but they're there. I smile weakly, walking towards my locker. Hoping to keep the truth hidden for just a little longer. "Abby-" He slowly approaches me. Ignoring him, I fumble with my locker, managing to open the door that his given me so much trouble in the past. "Do you have something you need to tell me?"
"No." I breathe. He takes a step closer.
"What was John-"
"Nothing." I snap. Our eyes meet, mine strong. Hiding my true feelings, a mask of false truths covering my face. His weak, vulnerable. "It doesn't involve you."
"Oh." He looks deflated. Hope lost, his voice empty. "He made it sound like you had something..."
"No, Don't listen to him. I have nothing to do with you Carter." He shakes his head, the sadness that once controlled him, now gone. Succumbing to anger and pain.
"If there is something you are hiding from me-" I am about to interrupt, but he doesn't let me. "If you have some secret... I know you do. Abby, I need to know. I deserve to know." I shake my head at him. "You owe me this."
"Why the fuck does everyone say that?" I screech, he takes a step back, obviously awestricken by my sudden outburst. "Yeah, I owe you something? How about you give me something first? Like an explanation. Why did you lead me on, making me think you really loved me, when you never did? Why you let me fall for you, when you were just going to break my heart? Huh. Was I just another victim, someone you could fuck around with." My voice breaking. A tear slowly making its way down my cheek. "Cause it worked. You made me believe that you loved me. You fucked around with me. Mentally and physically, and now I'm pregnant. With your fucking child." I pause, gauging his reaction. The tears trickling down my cheek, his thumb reaches up to wipe them away, but I make one swift motion to knock it away. "Don't." I start, more tears falling. "Don't try to make this all better, it never will be. I don't know what the fuck to do." I sniffle, "I knew you would do this. Try and act like everything is alright. Its not John." He tries to pull me into a hug, I resist, thumping my fists up against his chest.
"Abby-"
"Don't. Don't promise me something you can not deliver. Don't do that to me or my baby."
"Our-" He corrects, "our baby."
"No."
*Chapter 9*
"What did that piece of paper ever do to you?" I look up to see a smiling Pratt standing in front of me. Rolling my eyes I push past him. I can feel his eyes follow me around the desk and over to the stack of charts. In my hand I hold the piece of paper I spent the last ten hours tearing into tiny shreds. Nothing like a billion thoughts to keep you busy. Endless questions with no realistic answers. Only one thought clouding my mind. Few options to rely on. I don't think I can go through an abortion again. The memory of the last time still haunts me. A secret I've been harbouring for way to long. Not a soul to tell, a dirty little secret. One that so many would use against me. Twice. Twice, would be too much. How I got past the first one is incomprehensible. Many nights I would lay awake wondering why I was dealt such a crappy hand. Convincing myself that my baby would have the same sort of life. Thinking that I did the right thing by it. "Earth to Abby." My eyes meet his, he stares at me. "You okay?" I nod my head, not wanting anyone to see the tears that fill my eyes. He brushes past me, and into an exam room. Good thing for me Pratt is so self involved that he doesn't care what is wrong with others. Maybe being a total jackass has its rewards.
"Abigail." I look up, Susan smiles widely at me. She is about to speak, but she notices the distance between us and immediately closes it. "How'd it go?" She whispers, I look away and shrug. "Did you find out..." Her voice trails off as she notices Carter walking towards us. She gently pulls my arm, guiding me away from him and into an empty exam room, so we could finish our conversation in peace. Or rather, her conversation. "What did-" I broke her off.
"She said I am six weeks along..." I watch her reaction, her mouth drops, eyes wide. What did she expect? I was careful with John, with Carter we had something special. Something... Different.
"So its?" I shake my head yes, not wanting her to say his name. Who knows where he is lurking. My conversation slash break up with John left him suspicion. It would take a moron not to know what he was talking about... Well if the shoe fits. She smiles widely, I frown, causing her smile to dull a little bit. "I'm just glad-"
"I know." I cut her off. I am glad it is not John's too. Carter is well, he is closer to my heart. I have real feelings for him, feelings I have never felt before. Nor shown, not even to Carter. As much as I may have wanted too, I couldn't. I just couldn't let him know how I felt, cause I knew it would make it that much easier for him to rip my heart in two. Which is what ended up happening. I push a stray hair behind my ear, feigning a smile. She notices the phoniness and immediately sighs. "What are you going to do?" I shrug noncommittally. I know she knows what I am thinking about, I am sure she would be against it. I have played with this idea in my mind since I found out about the pregnancy. The only thing stopping me is, well, myself. My conscious. Knowing that I did it once already, I terminated a pregnancy. I got rid of something that could have been beautiful, it could have made my world that much better... I could of made its that much worse. Which was the glitch in my whole fantasy. There was no other option. In this circumstance I have a feeling there is another option. One that I know Susan is going to suggest, it is just a matter of time. "When are you going to tell him?" Oh, there it is. I shrug again.
"I don't know." I sigh, "I know I have too. Well, I know I should, but I don't know how." She shakes her head at me, rubbing my arm affectionately.
"Abby, he is going to support you, no matter what. He will love any child of his. You know that." I nod my head in agreement. That is not the problem. I am not quite sure the problem right now, something just doesn't seem right. The uneasy feeling in my stomach has resurfaced. "You owe it to him." I look at her, the anger apparent on my face. "He is the father-"
"Yeah, he left me. He didn't want anything to do with me. I don't blame him. I can't really. He cut his losses. He did exactly what I had been telling him to do, the only problem is... He left me a little present." I smile bitterly.
"Just because you think he hates you, which he does not, does not mean he would hate any child of his. Hell this probably give him the opportunity he has been waiting for." I look at her quizzically, not really sure what she is talking about. She rolls her eyes at me.
"To talk to you. To work everything out, get back together. Jesus, Abby, do I have to paint you a picture?"
"Obviously." I sigh. "Look, that is the thing. I am having his child. A baby can't magically fix everything though. We still have issues. He has a lack of faith in me. I have a lack of faith in myself. Maybe I need to be alone for awhile, just to figure everything out. I won't be able to do that if he knows about the baby." He will want to talk, or just get back together. No talking, he will think the baby fixes all of our overdue issues.
Susan looks at me sympathetically. She understands, this doesn't mean she agrees. Maybe she does. Do I have any other options. I can tell him, or just go on pretending it is John's. Although the latter is an 'in my dreams,' type thing. I would never do that, I couldn't. I have to have something to fall upon, right now that thing is my dignity.
"You want to talk about it?"
"About what?"
"What you're feeling," Susan clarifies. Ha, Abby Lockhart talk about her feelings. That would be a phenomenon, something big enough to be marked down in history. It would even make text books, if it work to occur of course. Which it never will, because I am emotionally closed off. Protecting myself from anything or one that could possibly hurt me. Use my deepest secrets to lash out at me. I know Susan would never do that. She is one person I could open up too. Unlike a man, she will be there for me forever. Something Carter promised, but he was unable to deliver.
"Nah, I am okay." I lie. She smiles at me, our eyes lock, she is trying to read me. I can feel her eyes bore into me. I don't know what to do or say, I nervously fiddle with my jacket before exiting the exam room. I feel her on my heels, she quickly turns towards admin, while I head for the lounge.
I push open the wooden door, revealing a single person sitting at the table. His eyes downcast upon a text book. The splintering table digging into his arms, his hair messily lying on the top of his head. He looks up slowly, a small smile forming on his lips. I watch him closely, he stares back. The darkness of the lounge enveloping us in a sea of secrets, lies washing up to the shore. Choking on the truth, spitting out tiny white lies, covering what we really feel. Conversation is unavoidable, he has questions, I have regrets.
"Hi." He mumbles, the words barley audible, but they're there. I smile weakly, walking towards my locker. Hoping to keep the truth hidden for just a little longer. "Abby-" He slowly approaches me. Ignoring him, I fumble with my locker, managing to open the door that his given me so much trouble in the past. "Do you have something you need to tell me?"
"No." I breathe. He takes a step closer.
"What was John-"
"Nothing." I snap. Our eyes meet, mine strong. Hiding my true feelings, a mask of false truths covering my face. His weak, vulnerable. "It doesn't involve you."
"Oh." He looks deflated. Hope lost, his voice empty. "He made it sound like you had something..."
"No, Don't listen to him. I have nothing to do with you Carter." He shakes his head, the sadness that once controlled him, now gone. Succumbing to anger and pain.
"If there is something you are hiding from me-" I am about to interrupt, but he doesn't let me. "If you have some secret... I know you do. Abby, I need to know. I deserve to know." I shake my head at him. "You owe me this."
"Why the fuck does everyone say that?" I screech, he takes a step back, obviously awestricken by my sudden outburst. "Yeah, I owe you something? How about you give me something first? Like an explanation. Why did you lead me on, making me think you really loved me, when you never did? Why you let me fall for you, when you were just going to break my heart? Huh. Was I just another victim, someone you could fuck around with." My voice breaking. A tear slowly making its way down my cheek. "Cause it worked. You made me believe that you loved me. You fucked around with me. Mentally and physically, and now I'm pregnant. With your fucking child." I pause, gauging his reaction. The tears trickling down my cheek, his thumb reaches up to wipe them away, but I make one swift motion to knock it away. "Don't." I start, more tears falling. "Don't try to make this all better, it never will be. I don't know what the fuck to do." I sniffle, "I knew you would do this. Try and act like everything is alright. Its not John." He tries to pull me into a hug, I resist, thumping my fists up against his chest.
"Abby-"
"Don't. Don't promise me something you can not deliver. Don't do that to me or my baby."
"Our-" He corrects, "our baby."
"No."