Authors Note- Short and sweet. Sorry, bout the length of this one, but this is what the second update this week, yay me. I am not sure I havemuch of a following on this story yet, but I hope to get one. I have a few ideas of where I want this to go, so expect the updates more frequently.
Disclaimer- They are not mine.
Rating- PG 13 (language near the bottom... you've been warned)
*Chapter 10*
The cool breeze rustle the leaves on the trees, spring, one of the most beautiful seasons of the year. Everything is blossoming, growing, coming out on its own. Most of all, changing. A season so beautiful, it doesn't fit me. I suit the dead of winter. The grey clouds shielding the earth from any heat, and beauty. Flowers hunched over, wilted, their empty cries filling the cold air, as the wind picks them up by their frail stems, tossing them through the air. Snow crunching on your boots, the sound empty, lonely. Nothing about winter is beautiful, its damp and unpleasant. The dirty snow laying on the side of the road waiting to be covered by the fresh fall, so its impurities will no longer be so evident. My pace quickens along the cracked sidewalk. The darkness shadows the earth, leaving me in a eerie sort of peace. Unable to be seen by anyone, yet simply and utterly alone in this world. Anything that may have been going right in life has now taken a turn for the worst. As impossible as it may have seemed it happened. The shit hit the fan, everything I once knew is now gone.
I reach into my pocket pulling out my keys. Finger them I make my way up my walk, my head down focusing on nothing but the grey ground. The cracks in the cement representing the cracks in my soul. Each one made over time, fading and soon to be filled in with dirt and what not, but still there and evident none the less. Everything seems so bleak lately, I feel as though I am walking in an old black and white film. No matter how hard I try I can not find the colour, the positive side to life. One might consider having a child an upside to living. Its not, well, not in my case. I don't think I can do it. Not alone I can't.
"Are you going to even acknowledge me?" I turn my head to the right, there sits a downcast man. His head hanging slightly. His hair matted down, a look of unhappiness and disappointment upon his lips. His voice harsh and hollow.
"I didn't see you there." I admit. My hand tightening its grip on the peeling black painted railing. He brings his head up a bit, our eyes locking for a quick moment.
"Of course you didn't." He scoffs, "lately you don't seem to be noticing anyone but yourself." He stands up taking a few short steps towards me.
"Yeah, well, what can I say? I'm a selfish bitch. You know that, that's why you broke up with me."
"Well, it wasn't at the time, but now its the reason that keeps us apart." I laugh bitterly at this.
"No, that is not why we are apart-"
"Look Abby," he says cutting me off, "I don't care why we are apart. I don't give a shit. The only thing I care about is my baby, which is inside of you." He pauses taking a moment to bite down on his bottom lip. "What did you mean earlier, when you said that it wasn't my baby."
"I meant, its no bodies baby." I explain, he still looks perplexed, I have a way of being vague. It has always annoyed him, but in a cute way. Now it just seems to be having the annoyingly annoying effect. "Carter, I'm having an abortion." He takes a step back, leaning against the railing. The decision that seemed most realistic to me. The one I was trying to fight all along, trying to push out of my mind. It didn't work. It is the most obvious. The only one that can fix everything. It may be wrong, I did it once before, every once in awhile I will have a dream. A dream of the baby, my baby. What this baby could have been. Her cute little pigtails under a blue baseball cap, or his mop of dirty blonde hair with a big toothless smile. These images haunt my dreams. Yet, I couldn't have done it any other way. Just like now. I know I am a horrible person, a horrible person that was not meant to have children.
"You're what?" He says his face contorting from shock to anger and hate.
"I-" swallowing I fight the coming tears to continue on. "I can't have this baby." My voice gets quieter, he is straining to hear. Waiting for an explanation. "It wouldn't be right." Now barley audible he watches me intently, hesitant to close the wide space in between us. "There is just too much in the way. The disease. Us. Me. You. You may be fit to be a parent, but I am not. I don't want this child to be parentless, even if its one parent." He shakes his head at me.
"No. Abby, you can't do this." His voice breaking and pleading with me, begging me to give up everything, my dreams, my fears, my hate for him, to succumb to my love for him. To let us run off together. Build the perfect life with the perfect family. Together we could be perfect. "Don't do this." His eyes set on mine, drilling his every emotion into my soul. "I will love this baby, you will love this baby. Hell you probably already do." He walk closer to me, resting one hand on my back, the other on my stomach. "There is already something growing inside of you." I watch as he traces small patterns over my jacket with his index finger. A solitary tear making its way down his red cheeks. Slowly he opens my jacket, his hand rests on the outside of my shirt. His other arm wrapping me closer to him.
"Before you know it, it will be a little person." He looks at me, taking his eyes away from my stomach. "Abby, our little person." A tear trickles down my cheek, he reaches up to brush it away. I stop him immediately. He looks at me, soon I am pushing him off me. He reaches back to the railing for support. I can't stand it anymore, I don't need this pressure. He watches as I do my coat up collapsing on the step below him. He reaches out to touch me lightly, but I don't let him.
"I hate you!" I screech, I can feel him move down to my step. He sits beside me, my body shakes the tears streaming down my cheeks as his words fill my mind. Leaving me with pain and guilt. I can't go through with this pregnancy, everything is too convoluted, he knows it. The wind rushes through the trees as we sit there in a miserable silence. His eyes focused on the city in front of him, trying to wrap his mind around the inevitable truth. My heart breaking as I sit next to a man who lied and deceived me. It would be the greatest thing if I could believe everything he does. Believe that just because we are having a baby together the world becomes perfect again.
"So this is it?" His shrill voice breaks the silence, I prefer the heartbreaking silence to conversation. I nod, he watches as another tear makes its way along my cheek.
"You don't want this. I know you don't."
"Its not always about what you want." I says through tears.
"Yes it is. I hate that saying. Its a lie. How the hell is life suppose to be worth living if you don't have things that you want. If you only had things that you needed, you wouldn't have anything. We'd all be horrible little wenches, our only purpose to breed new horrible little wenches. Well, hell, you don't even want to do that." He spits at me bitterly.
"Just go home John." I say looking at him. "Just leave, I don't need you here." He looks at me not moving an inch.
"No. I will stay here until you admit that you want this baby."
"No, John, no. I don't, not really. Just go, I am doing this whether you want it or not. I have an appointment booked. Its happening." He shakes his head in utter disbelief.
"I don't believe you."
"Well you better. I can't do this anymore John. I can't be part of you. We are apart, for good. Just leave me alone and never talk to me again. I can't stand to see you. I hate you, I hate your fucking guts." My words are getting heavier, the tears are flowing freer.
Disclaimer- They are not mine.
Rating- PG 13 (language near the bottom... you've been warned)
*Chapter 10*
The cool breeze rustle the leaves on the trees, spring, one of the most beautiful seasons of the year. Everything is blossoming, growing, coming out on its own. Most of all, changing. A season so beautiful, it doesn't fit me. I suit the dead of winter. The grey clouds shielding the earth from any heat, and beauty. Flowers hunched over, wilted, their empty cries filling the cold air, as the wind picks them up by their frail stems, tossing them through the air. Snow crunching on your boots, the sound empty, lonely. Nothing about winter is beautiful, its damp and unpleasant. The dirty snow laying on the side of the road waiting to be covered by the fresh fall, so its impurities will no longer be so evident. My pace quickens along the cracked sidewalk. The darkness shadows the earth, leaving me in a eerie sort of peace. Unable to be seen by anyone, yet simply and utterly alone in this world. Anything that may have been going right in life has now taken a turn for the worst. As impossible as it may have seemed it happened. The shit hit the fan, everything I once knew is now gone.
I reach into my pocket pulling out my keys. Finger them I make my way up my walk, my head down focusing on nothing but the grey ground. The cracks in the cement representing the cracks in my soul. Each one made over time, fading and soon to be filled in with dirt and what not, but still there and evident none the less. Everything seems so bleak lately, I feel as though I am walking in an old black and white film. No matter how hard I try I can not find the colour, the positive side to life. One might consider having a child an upside to living. Its not, well, not in my case. I don't think I can do it. Not alone I can't.
"Are you going to even acknowledge me?" I turn my head to the right, there sits a downcast man. His head hanging slightly. His hair matted down, a look of unhappiness and disappointment upon his lips. His voice harsh and hollow.
"I didn't see you there." I admit. My hand tightening its grip on the peeling black painted railing. He brings his head up a bit, our eyes locking for a quick moment.
"Of course you didn't." He scoffs, "lately you don't seem to be noticing anyone but yourself." He stands up taking a few short steps towards me.
"Yeah, well, what can I say? I'm a selfish bitch. You know that, that's why you broke up with me."
"Well, it wasn't at the time, but now its the reason that keeps us apart." I laugh bitterly at this.
"No, that is not why we are apart-"
"Look Abby," he says cutting me off, "I don't care why we are apart. I don't give a shit. The only thing I care about is my baby, which is inside of you." He pauses taking a moment to bite down on his bottom lip. "What did you mean earlier, when you said that it wasn't my baby."
"I meant, its no bodies baby." I explain, he still looks perplexed, I have a way of being vague. It has always annoyed him, but in a cute way. Now it just seems to be having the annoyingly annoying effect. "Carter, I'm having an abortion." He takes a step back, leaning against the railing. The decision that seemed most realistic to me. The one I was trying to fight all along, trying to push out of my mind. It didn't work. It is the most obvious. The only one that can fix everything. It may be wrong, I did it once before, every once in awhile I will have a dream. A dream of the baby, my baby. What this baby could have been. Her cute little pigtails under a blue baseball cap, or his mop of dirty blonde hair with a big toothless smile. These images haunt my dreams. Yet, I couldn't have done it any other way. Just like now. I know I am a horrible person, a horrible person that was not meant to have children.
"You're what?" He says his face contorting from shock to anger and hate.
"I-" swallowing I fight the coming tears to continue on. "I can't have this baby." My voice gets quieter, he is straining to hear. Waiting for an explanation. "It wouldn't be right." Now barley audible he watches me intently, hesitant to close the wide space in between us. "There is just too much in the way. The disease. Us. Me. You. You may be fit to be a parent, but I am not. I don't want this child to be parentless, even if its one parent." He shakes his head at me.
"No. Abby, you can't do this." His voice breaking and pleading with me, begging me to give up everything, my dreams, my fears, my hate for him, to succumb to my love for him. To let us run off together. Build the perfect life with the perfect family. Together we could be perfect. "Don't do this." His eyes set on mine, drilling his every emotion into my soul. "I will love this baby, you will love this baby. Hell you probably already do." He walk closer to me, resting one hand on my back, the other on my stomach. "There is already something growing inside of you." I watch as he traces small patterns over my jacket with his index finger. A solitary tear making its way down his red cheeks. Slowly he opens my jacket, his hand rests on the outside of my shirt. His other arm wrapping me closer to him.
"Before you know it, it will be a little person." He looks at me, taking his eyes away from my stomach. "Abby, our little person." A tear trickles down my cheek, he reaches up to brush it away. I stop him immediately. He looks at me, soon I am pushing him off me. He reaches back to the railing for support. I can't stand it anymore, I don't need this pressure. He watches as I do my coat up collapsing on the step below him. He reaches out to touch me lightly, but I don't let him.
"I hate you!" I screech, I can feel him move down to my step. He sits beside me, my body shakes the tears streaming down my cheeks as his words fill my mind. Leaving me with pain and guilt. I can't go through with this pregnancy, everything is too convoluted, he knows it. The wind rushes through the trees as we sit there in a miserable silence. His eyes focused on the city in front of him, trying to wrap his mind around the inevitable truth. My heart breaking as I sit next to a man who lied and deceived me. It would be the greatest thing if I could believe everything he does. Believe that just because we are having a baby together the world becomes perfect again.
"So this is it?" His shrill voice breaks the silence, I prefer the heartbreaking silence to conversation. I nod, he watches as another tear makes its way along my cheek.
"You don't want this. I know you don't."
"Its not always about what you want." I says through tears.
"Yes it is. I hate that saying. Its a lie. How the hell is life suppose to be worth living if you don't have things that you want. If you only had things that you needed, you wouldn't have anything. We'd all be horrible little wenches, our only purpose to breed new horrible little wenches. Well, hell, you don't even want to do that." He spits at me bitterly.
"Just go home John." I say looking at him. "Just leave, I don't need you here." He looks at me not moving an inch.
"No. I will stay here until you admit that you want this baby."
"No, John, no. I don't, not really. Just go, I am doing this whether you want it or not. I have an appointment booked. Its happening." He shakes his head in utter disbelief.
"I don't believe you."
"Well you better. I can't do this anymore John. I can't be part of you. We are apart, for good. Just leave me alone and never talk to me again. I can't stand to see you. I hate you, I hate your fucking guts." My words are getting heavier, the tears are flowing freer.