(A/N: No no, AEM1, it's not you. You're my best reviewer ^-^ I just got some rather unpleasant emails flaming me about my use of profanity, and the length of my chapters, and it was quite irritating. I actually find it more pleasureable myself to write longer chapters... I just wish I could get at least one review a chapter. Hmm, sometimes I do get one or two a chapter, but I don't always just want "Oh, it's a great story!" even though that sounds nice and swells my ego to the size of a hot air balloon. :) Nobody ever gives me any critique around here. I stopped asking for it awhile ago. Maybe I should start again... I'm so desperate now that I'm longing for flames to at least have a marshmallow to keep me company.)

Chapter Twenty

"My boots smell like powdered eggs and gin."

"You sniffed them?"

"I didn't have to. I can smell them in my tent from all the way in postop."

"It's your imagination."

"Don't tell me it's my imagination! You're the one who threw up on them!"

"You made me do it."

"I did not."

"Yes you did! It was your fault!"

"Nuh uh."

"It was your fault."

"It was yours!"

"You kept yelling."

"You got drunk."

"Shut up."

"I don't have to. I've got the bird."

"Well you can take that bird and shove it up your-"

"Colonel Blake, I understand my new nurse is to arrive this afternoon?"

Margaret interrupted the incessant bickering between Hawkeye and Henry, removing a pen from behind her ear to scratch something down on her clipboard as Henry answered "Yes, Major, she should be here about 1400 hours... Now about my bird. I'm a colonel and you're not supposed to talk to me that way..."

"When have I ever spoken to you captain to colonel?"

"...Good point."

As Margaret walked away shaking her head, Henry and Hawkeye stopped at Klinger's bed. Klinger smiled up at them both, and said

"Hiya Colonel, hi Hawkeye. Do you have to check my bandages again? They were done less than an hour ago..."

"No thanks, Klinger, I've seen enough of your hairy chest to last a lifetime."

"Yeah, we're just here to visit." Henry put in. "How ya doin', son?"

"Fine, just fine. I'd almost be glad for some manhole covers and a plate of powdered camel dung, though."

"Well your dream shall come true. Lunch is in an hour and your tray will be one of the first delivered."

"No more tasteless mush?"

"...Didn't I just tell you you got to eat from the Mess Tent again?"

"Aha... good one, Captain."

"So you're feeling ok?" Henry asked, shifting so he was a little bit in front of Hawkeye, who rolled his eyes. "You gave us all a mighty scare. And I, uh... I wanna thank you for taking that bullet for me. I also wanted to give you this - it was delivered first priority this morning."

From his white labcoat pocket, Henry pulled a rectangular black box. He opened it up for Klinger to view its contents, and on the velvet-lined inside rested a medal. Klinger stared.

"A purple heart? For me?"

"Yup, all yours."

"Wow! And I get to keep it?"

Henry rolled his eyes. "No, Klinger. You're trying it on then we're sending it back to have it fitted." They laughed and Henry set the box, open, on the stand by Klinger's bed.

"Now, I've got to go and inspect that all the stupid tents are tied down. That big storm's gonna hit within a few hours. I just hope the Major's new nurse doesn't get caught in it."

"Yeah, about that..." Hawkeye put in with a sneaky smile. "A new nurse? Fresh out of training?" "Yup. Now, Pierce, I want you to keep your hands off..." "Hands off, lips on." Hawkeye grinned and got up to leave before Henry could retort. "See ya later, Klinger." "Goodbye, Captain. G'bye, Colonel." He added as Henry, too, stood and left. "Bye Klinger."

~*~

"ATTENTION, ALL PERSONNEL! WEATHER FORECAST FROM A-FARTS!"

Hawkeye looked quizzically at BJ for an explanation as to this term as it was announced over the P.A. BJ smiled and supplied "Armed Forces Radio Television Service. A-F-R-T-S." "Ohhh, yeah, I knew that." "Sure you did." BJ was listening as he darned his socks.

"A TORNADO WARNING HAS BEEN ISSUED FOR THE SOUTH KOREAN CITIES OF PUSAN, CHINHAE, MASAN, AND ULSAN. PLEASE REMEMBER TO APPLY ADDITIONAL RESTRAINTS TO TENTS AND IMPORTANT SUPPLIES. ALL ARMY, NAVY, MARINE, AIR FORCE, AND COAST GUARD MEN AND WOMEN SHOULD REMAIN SHELTERED UNLESS NECESSARY. UNLESS INSTRUCTED OTHERWISE, ALL PRISONERS OF WAR ARE TO BE GIVEN ADEQUATE SHELTER ALSO. AND FOR ADDITIONAL NOTICE, THE KIMPO AIRPORT HAS BEEN TEMPORARILY SHUT DOWN. THANK YOU."

The voice that was more familiar to the camp returned.

"YEAH! REMEMBER, FOLKS, TO RESTRAIN YOUR TENTS! THEY MIGHT UP AND RUN AWAY!"

BJ glanced over at Hawkeye as he began ranting and muttering under his breath, something about shutting down all airports permanently. "Oh, wait, then I'd never get home... on one of those damned things I'd probably never get home anyway..." He looked up and saw his best friend staring at him. "What are you looking at?" "Err... nothing. I just remembered I have to get a nurse rotation report from Radar." Somehow this seemed to spark something in the back of Hawkeye's mind. He threw down the Nudists Weekly magazine he had been reading and cried "NURSE AHOY!"

He threw open the door and rushed outside to find a jeep. With a wet olive green poncho covering her fatigues, the new nurse climbed out. Her driver cried to Hawkeye "Better get back in quick, sir, that heavy rain's comin'!" Hawkeye ignored him and ran straight for the woman who was now hauling her bags from the back of the jeep. "Hello there, madame. I'm Hawkeye, also known as the 4077th's Master of Love..." It just didn't feel right anymore, though, and Hawkeye fell silent. How could he so shamelessly try and flirt with a nurse after how he felt for Margaret? But she hadn't spoken to him lately, and was still trying to get on Frank's good side to keep up-to-date on his and Demorest's plans.

"Oh, so you're Hawkeye Pierce, hmm? Sorry, Nurses Kellye and Anderson got to me first. They warned me about you."

"Oh, damn." He said, pretending to be melancholy, but was instead terribly relieved. "Gonna be a gentleman and help me with these bags, or are you gonna stand there like a stick and stare at the mud? Lori Wilber, by the way. Nice to meet you, Captain." "Hawkeye." Grinning, Hawkeye took two of the three she had, carrying them towards the nurses' tent. "I'm not allowed to go in there." He said with a naughty look, but opened the door without knocking anyway and walked in.