Witch Hunt!
Episode I: The Rose Witch
(Disclaimer: I don't own sh*t! Wait a sec...why does anyone do this stupid disclaimer crap?! Like Ikuhara-san or Chiho-san are gonna read this and even give a crap. In fact, the only reason why I put a disclaimer was so that I could type bad out them. This story seems to be going downhill already. Oh, well! Enjoy!)
--Touga, Juri, and Miki are riding the elevator up to the meeting area.
Touga: If it cannot break out of it's shell...
Juri: Goddammit Touga! Shut the f*** up!
Miki: Oh, Juri, you should not say profanities.
Juri: (glaring at Miki sharply) Midget!
Touga: The chick will die without being born...
Juri: Why do YOU always get to say it? Why not me? I can shoot my frickin' mouth off about eggs and chicken fetuses!
Touga: We are the chick...
Juri: You do realize that you just called yourself a chick, right?
Touga: The...um...dammit Juri! You made me lose my place! Now I've got to start over.
Juri: Sh*t!
Miki: (stops stopwatch) Juri!
Juri: Not that stopwatch again!
Touga: If it cannot break out of it's shell, the chick will die without being born. We are the chick; the world is our egg. Um...
Juri: Don't tell me you forgot the rest!
Touga: Well...something about an egg...and crack...
Juri: Eggs are incredible and they're edible! For the REVOLUTION OF THE...
Miki: (with a huge tormented eyes) But if Touga doesn't finish the monologue then...then...
Juri: (shaking him) Then what???!!!
Miki: We'll be trapped in this elevator forever! (screams uncontrollably)
Juri: Rrrright.
Touga: (reciting to himself) We're the chick, world's our egg, um, I got it! If we don't crack the world's shell, then we will die without truly being born.
Miki: (still screaming) HURRY! I'M CLAUSTROPHOBIC!!!
Touga: Smash the world's shell!
All: FOR THE REVOLUTION OF THE WORLD!!!
--The elevator doors fling open. Saionji is standing there wearing a pilgrim outfit. To his right is a huge cage. It is covered in pink sheets. The student councils' meeting area is now a courtroom.
Touga: Saionji? My sheets? Those were $500 sheets from a catalogue. You know that!
Saionji: Serves you right. No one leaves me like that in the morning.
Juri: What the f*** Saionji?! What the f*** is all this?
Saionji: Welcome to the Town Meeting! Please sit down, members of the jury. (snickers)
Juri: That was so funny I forgot you were an a**hole!
Saionji: Shut up and sit down!
Touga: What are you wearing?
--Saionji pulls someone out of the cage. It's Anthy, also wearing pilgrim attire.
Saionji: Miss Himemiya! If that is your REAL name. Dress my guests in the proper attire for the meeting.
--Anthy waves her arms around. The three student council members are now dressed in pilgrim clothing.
Juri: Saionji! Have you lost your mind?!!!
Touga: What is all of this?!!!
Saionji: A trial!
Miki: (cowering in the corner) Oh my God! I swear I didn't do it! I'm a good boy! A GOOD BOY!!!
Juri: No one's accusing you of ...
Miki: A GOOD BOY!!!!! It wasn't me! She made me do it! She made me do it!!!
Touga: What's wrong with him?
Juri: Dun know?
Touga: Saionji, what's with these clothes? They're marring my beauty. (smiles at camera)
Juri: Where'd the camera come from?
--And who steps out from behind the camera? None other than...
Akio: Chao!
Juri: Damn.
Touga: Hello...(gives a kinky grin) Mr. Chairman.
Akio: And hello to you to, Mr. President.
Saionji: (angrily) Let this meeting come to order!!! Now. Ahem! Let's get started. First on trial...
Miki: (screaming wildly and flailing his arms) I told you! I didn't do it! She made me! She made me!
Saionji: Silence! Now, first on trial is Anthy Himemiya.
Akio: (giggling) You got in trouble! Nya-nya-nya nya nya-nya!
Anthy: (glares at Akio)
Saionji: Now Miss Himemiya. State your crime.
Anthy: But I've done nothing wrong Saionji Sir.
Saionji: I said STATE YOUR CRIME!!! (raises his hand to slap her)
Akio: (grabbing Saionji's arm) No! Saionji! You mustn't hit my dear sister.
--Everyone looks at Akio in amazement.
Akio: Let me do the honors. (he slaps her)
Anthy: (falls to the ground)
Akio: State your crime.
Anthy: (holding her cheek) Witchcraft. I have been accused of witchcraft.
Saionji: By whom?
Anthy: (pointing) Her!
--All of a sudden, Nanami appears in a very classy pilgrim dress. She walks to the witnesss stand.
Nanami: (laughing insanely) Yes, it was I who accused Miss Himemiya of witchcraft. Now you can all truly see that Anthy is a weirdo 'cause she uses witchcraft.
Saionji: On what grounds do you charge the defendant?
Nanami: Huh?
Saionji: Do you have any proof Miss Kiryuu?
Nanami: (begins to cry) She's possessed the mind of my dear brother!
Touga: Oh, really Nanami? Come on!
Nanami: He doesn't care about me anymore. He rarely hugs me and he won't...he won't...
Saionji: What is it?!
Nanami: He won't kiss me anymore!!! WHAAAAAAAA!!! WAAAWAAAWAAA!
Touga: (shaking his head) Nanami! I'm your brother!
Nanami: My DEAR brother.
Touga: I save my kisses for people outside of my family.
Akio: I don't.
--Everyone bursts out laughing, except for Anthy. She clutches her fists and bites her lip.
Anthy: I don't believe that was appropriate, Akio.
Akio: Awww, no "dear" brother.
Anthy: (holding in anger)
Saionji: ORDER! ORDER! Now. Members of the student council. Please fine the defendant.
Miki: (still in the corner crying) Please don't make me. I can't make decisions. Please don't make me!
Juri: Get up and sit in this chair so we can find the defendant guilty or innocent.
Miki: What are you going to do to me?!
--Juri picks up Miki and tosses him onto the chair. Touga grabs some rope and they tie him to the chair.
Miki: (screaming at the top of him lungs) STOP IT! STOP IT! RAPE! RAPE! PLEASE DON'T DO THIS! I CAN'T TAKE IT! NO MORE SEXUAL FAVORS!
Juri: What the f*** is he talking about?!
Touga: Don't know, but it sounded kinda sexy. (smiles to the camera)
Akio: Make love to the camera baby.
--Touga walks over to Akio and pulls him from behind the camera.
Saionji: ORDER! GODDAMMIT TOUGA!!! ORDER! Sit down and fine her...
Juri: It's 'find her.'
Saionji: She's right here Juri. Now please take your seat you man-whore!!!
Touga: (flips hair) Calm yourself. There's always room for green Jello.
Saionji: (blushing) Um...ORDER IN THE COURT!!! Fine the defendant NOW!!!
--Juri and Touga turn to the screaming Miki to come to a conclusion.
Juri: (standing) We find the defendant...not guilty.
Nanami: I object!
Touga: On what grounds?
Nanami: The floor!
Touga: Listen. I know Miss Himemiya hasn't taken over my mind. I just don't like you like that okay.
Nanami: But dear brother!!! (cries hysterically)
Saionji: Security!
Suzuki: At!
Yamada: Your!
Tanaka: Service!
All: Mr. Saionji Sir!
Saionji: Take her away please.
Suzuki: Where do you want us to take her?
Saionji: I don't care!
Yamada: This could be the answer to our prayers.
--They pick up Nanami and take her off to the elevator.
Nanami: (screaming) Where are you taking me?!!!
Tanaka: You'll see.
Nanami: Help! Help! SOMEONE SAVE ME! DEAR BROTHER!!! DEAR BROTHER!!! MITSURU?!!! ANYONE!!!!!!
--Yelling is heard through the sheets over the cage.
Mitsuru: I'm sorry I can't help you Miss Nanami!
Miki: (struggling in the chair) Just say NO! Nanami! Don't let them touch you!!! DON'T LET THEM TOUCH YOU!!!
Saionji: Sweet Jesus! Order! Order! Back to the case! Why is she innocent?
Juri: The proof was unjust.
Saionji: But she used magic to change your outfits.
Touga: She's the Rose Bride Saionji. You should know that it's magic and not witchcraft she uses.
Juri: He's just jealous of Utena.
Saionji: (pointing at Juri) WITCH!!!
Juri: (pointing at Saionji) BITCH!!!
Saionji: Grrr! Fine! The witch lives.
Anthy: But I'm not a witch, Saionji Sir.
Saionji: That's not what Akio said in the movie.
Anthy: That was you! AKIO!!!
Akio: Smile at the camera honey.
Anthy: (screams) I can't take this anymore!
--A voice shoots out from the cage.
Utena: And you shouldn't have too!
Juri and Touga: (shocked) UTENA!
*~*~*~*~*~*~ To Be Continued ~*~*~*~*~*~*
In the next installment of Witch Hunt...
Will Utena be put up for trial? Will Anthy stand up to Akio and Saionji? What's wrong with Miki? Who made him do what ever he did? What will Suzuki, Yamada, and Tanaka do to Nanami? Why is the author so damn sexy? All of these answers and less in the next episode of Witch Hunt!
***PLEASE REVIEW AND IF YOU'D LIKE...GIVE ME SOME SUGGESTIONS FOR DEFENDANTS OF SAIONJI'S WITCH HUNT. DOMO!!!***
Episode I: The Rose Witch
(Disclaimer: I don't own sh*t! Wait a sec...why does anyone do this stupid disclaimer crap?! Like Ikuhara-san or Chiho-san are gonna read this and even give a crap. In fact, the only reason why I put a disclaimer was so that I could type bad out them. This story seems to be going downhill already. Oh, well! Enjoy!)
--Touga, Juri, and Miki are riding the elevator up to the meeting area.
Touga: If it cannot break out of it's shell...
Juri: Goddammit Touga! Shut the f*** up!
Miki: Oh, Juri, you should not say profanities.
Juri: (glaring at Miki sharply) Midget!
Touga: The chick will die without being born...
Juri: Why do YOU always get to say it? Why not me? I can shoot my frickin' mouth off about eggs and chicken fetuses!
Touga: We are the chick...
Juri: You do realize that you just called yourself a chick, right?
Touga: The...um...dammit Juri! You made me lose my place! Now I've got to start over.
Juri: Sh*t!
Miki: (stops stopwatch) Juri!
Juri: Not that stopwatch again!
Touga: If it cannot break out of it's shell, the chick will die without being born. We are the chick; the world is our egg. Um...
Juri: Don't tell me you forgot the rest!
Touga: Well...something about an egg...and crack...
Juri: Eggs are incredible and they're edible! For the REVOLUTION OF THE...
Miki: (with a huge tormented eyes) But if Touga doesn't finish the monologue then...then...
Juri: (shaking him) Then what???!!!
Miki: We'll be trapped in this elevator forever! (screams uncontrollably)
Juri: Rrrright.
Touga: (reciting to himself) We're the chick, world's our egg, um, I got it! If we don't crack the world's shell, then we will die without truly being born.
Miki: (still screaming) HURRY! I'M CLAUSTROPHOBIC!!!
Touga: Smash the world's shell!
All: FOR THE REVOLUTION OF THE WORLD!!!
--The elevator doors fling open. Saionji is standing there wearing a pilgrim outfit. To his right is a huge cage. It is covered in pink sheets. The student councils' meeting area is now a courtroom.
Touga: Saionji? My sheets? Those were $500 sheets from a catalogue. You know that!
Saionji: Serves you right. No one leaves me like that in the morning.
Juri: What the f*** Saionji?! What the f*** is all this?
Saionji: Welcome to the Town Meeting! Please sit down, members of the jury. (snickers)
Juri: That was so funny I forgot you were an a**hole!
Saionji: Shut up and sit down!
Touga: What are you wearing?
--Saionji pulls someone out of the cage. It's Anthy, also wearing pilgrim attire.
Saionji: Miss Himemiya! If that is your REAL name. Dress my guests in the proper attire for the meeting.
--Anthy waves her arms around. The three student council members are now dressed in pilgrim clothing.
Juri: Saionji! Have you lost your mind?!!!
Touga: What is all of this?!!!
Saionji: A trial!
Miki: (cowering in the corner) Oh my God! I swear I didn't do it! I'm a good boy! A GOOD BOY!!!
Juri: No one's accusing you of ...
Miki: A GOOD BOY!!!!! It wasn't me! She made me do it! She made me do it!!!
Touga: What's wrong with him?
Juri: Dun know?
Touga: Saionji, what's with these clothes? They're marring my beauty. (smiles at camera)
Juri: Where'd the camera come from?
--And who steps out from behind the camera? None other than...
Akio: Chao!
Juri: Damn.
Touga: Hello...(gives a kinky grin) Mr. Chairman.
Akio: And hello to you to, Mr. President.
Saionji: (angrily) Let this meeting come to order!!! Now. Ahem! Let's get started. First on trial...
Miki: (screaming wildly and flailing his arms) I told you! I didn't do it! She made me! She made me!
Saionji: Silence! Now, first on trial is Anthy Himemiya.
Akio: (giggling) You got in trouble! Nya-nya-nya nya nya-nya!
Anthy: (glares at Akio)
Saionji: Now Miss Himemiya. State your crime.
Anthy: But I've done nothing wrong Saionji Sir.
Saionji: I said STATE YOUR CRIME!!! (raises his hand to slap her)
Akio: (grabbing Saionji's arm) No! Saionji! You mustn't hit my dear sister.
--Everyone looks at Akio in amazement.
Akio: Let me do the honors. (he slaps her)
Anthy: (falls to the ground)
Akio: State your crime.
Anthy: (holding her cheek) Witchcraft. I have been accused of witchcraft.
Saionji: By whom?
Anthy: (pointing) Her!
--All of a sudden, Nanami appears in a very classy pilgrim dress. She walks to the witnesss stand.
Nanami: (laughing insanely) Yes, it was I who accused Miss Himemiya of witchcraft. Now you can all truly see that Anthy is a weirdo 'cause she uses witchcraft.
Saionji: On what grounds do you charge the defendant?
Nanami: Huh?
Saionji: Do you have any proof Miss Kiryuu?
Nanami: (begins to cry) She's possessed the mind of my dear brother!
Touga: Oh, really Nanami? Come on!
Nanami: He doesn't care about me anymore. He rarely hugs me and he won't...he won't...
Saionji: What is it?!
Nanami: He won't kiss me anymore!!! WHAAAAAAAA!!! WAAAWAAAWAAA!
Touga: (shaking his head) Nanami! I'm your brother!
Nanami: My DEAR brother.
Touga: I save my kisses for people outside of my family.
Akio: I don't.
--Everyone bursts out laughing, except for Anthy. She clutches her fists and bites her lip.
Anthy: I don't believe that was appropriate, Akio.
Akio: Awww, no "dear" brother.
Anthy: (holding in anger)
Saionji: ORDER! ORDER! Now. Members of the student council. Please fine the defendant.
Miki: (still in the corner crying) Please don't make me. I can't make decisions. Please don't make me!
Juri: Get up and sit in this chair so we can find the defendant guilty or innocent.
Miki: What are you going to do to me?!
--Juri picks up Miki and tosses him onto the chair. Touga grabs some rope and they tie him to the chair.
Miki: (screaming at the top of him lungs) STOP IT! STOP IT! RAPE! RAPE! PLEASE DON'T DO THIS! I CAN'T TAKE IT! NO MORE SEXUAL FAVORS!
Juri: What the f*** is he talking about?!
Touga: Don't know, but it sounded kinda sexy. (smiles to the camera)
Akio: Make love to the camera baby.
--Touga walks over to Akio and pulls him from behind the camera.
Saionji: ORDER! GODDAMMIT TOUGA!!! ORDER! Sit down and fine her...
Juri: It's 'find her.'
Saionji: She's right here Juri. Now please take your seat you man-whore!!!
Touga: (flips hair) Calm yourself. There's always room for green Jello.
Saionji: (blushing) Um...ORDER IN THE COURT!!! Fine the defendant NOW!!!
--Juri and Touga turn to the screaming Miki to come to a conclusion.
Juri: (standing) We find the defendant...not guilty.
Nanami: I object!
Touga: On what grounds?
Nanami: The floor!
Touga: Listen. I know Miss Himemiya hasn't taken over my mind. I just don't like you like that okay.
Nanami: But dear brother!!! (cries hysterically)
Saionji: Security!
Suzuki: At!
Yamada: Your!
Tanaka: Service!
All: Mr. Saionji Sir!
Saionji: Take her away please.
Suzuki: Where do you want us to take her?
Saionji: I don't care!
Yamada: This could be the answer to our prayers.
--They pick up Nanami and take her off to the elevator.
Nanami: (screaming) Where are you taking me?!!!
Tanaka: You'll see.
Nanami: Help! Help! SOMEONE SAVE ME! DEAR BROTHER!!! DEAR BROTHER!!! MITSURU?!!! ANYONE!!!!!!
--Yelling is heard through the sheets over the cage.
Mitsuru: I'm sorry I can't help you Miss Nanami!
Miki: (struggling in the chair) Just say NO! Nanami! Don't let them touch you!!! DON'T LET THEM TOUCH YOU!!!
Saionji: Sweet Jesus! Order! Order! Back to the case! Why is she innocent?
Juri: The proof was unjust.
Saionji: But she used magic to change your outfits.
Touga: She's the Rose Bride Saionji. You should know that it's magic and not witchcraft she uses.
Juri: He's just jealous of Utena.
Saionji: (pointing at Juri) WITCH!!!
Juri: (pointing at Saionji) BITCH!!!
Saionji: Grrr! Fine! The witch lives.
Anthy: But I'm not a witch, Saionji Sir.
Saionji: That's not what Akio said in the movie.
Anthy: That was you! AKIO!!!
Akio: Smile at the camera honey.
Anthy: (screams) I can't take this anymore!
--A voice shoots out from the cage.
Utena: And you shouldn't have too!
Juri and Touga: (shocked) UTENA!
*~*~*~*~*~*~ To Be Continued ~*~*~*~*~*~*
In the next installment of Witch Hunt...
Will Utena be put up for trial? Will Anthy stand up to Akio and Saionji? What's wrong with Miki? Who made him do what ever he did? What will Suzuki, Yamada, and Tanaka do to Nanami? Why is the author so damn sexy? All of these answers and less in the next episode of Witch Hunt!
***PLEASE REVIEW AND IF YOU'D LIKE...GIVE ME SOME SUGGESTIONS FOR DEFENDANTS OF SAIONJI'S WITCH HUNT. DOMO!!!***