Pre-chapter Notes: Thank you to those who had reviewed. I appreciated that.
Saiya-jin Spice: I'm glad you enjoyed my story. My description isn't that good, but it's okay. Not good, not bad. Average. The only reason I wrote a Rebecca centric story is because there isn't enough of them around and she's one of my favorite characters. And I'm glad you liked it! Oh no, I'm not a fantastic writer. There are many other writers who are much, much better than me.
Light ShadowsDark Shadows: MWAH! XD Jen, this is written through reality. This is real life. And I'm glad you found this story cool. Here's chapter two for you (and the other readers.)
Disclaimer: I really wish I don't have to do this for every story, because for one thing, I know I don't own Yu-gi-oh and I'm sure all you know that I don't.
Chapter 1: Longing For The Answers
The funeral for Arthur Hawkins was one that quite a few people attended. The popular, kind and elderly professor had gained everyone's liking for his politeness and treatment to the people around him. So when the news was announced that he had left the world, it brought sadness to everyone's hearts. Nobody knew how little Rebecca Hawkins was feeling, especially since her kind, and beloved grandpa passed away and that was her only living family member left.
And there she was standing alone, away from everyone, away from where her grandfather's body laid. She knew he wouldn't live forever, but it was so hard to imagine the once energetic, healthy person like him be in the state of death. It was unbearable to be human at the moment, having to take in all the sadness and harsh truth.
"Man, why is it dat always the good people die so early?" Joey Wheeler asked his best friend, Yugi Motou, the King of Games.
"I don't know. Professor Hawkins was a good man. He was kind and patient and forgiving." Yugi answered.
"Hey guys." Tea interrupted. "How do you think Rebecca must be feeling right now?"
The three glanced over to the spot where the exclusive figure dressed in black stood. With her light, faded blonde hair and pale skin, she resembled a ghost in the daylight. Her face was hard and expressionless like an everyday gray stone.
"Look at her. How could she be this way? She's not even crying!" Joey raged angrily, the brown eyes narrowed.
"Maybe she's still in shock." Serenity Wheeler, his younger sister suggested. "It must be hard for her, after all, he was her grandpa wasn't he?"
"You know guys," Yugi put in. "She did helped us out in the past, her grandfather did also. Why don't we go over and try to comfort her and let her know she's not alone."
::I agree.:: Yami said in approval.
As the foursome, well five if you counted Yami were just a few feet away, Rebecca turned to them, looking tired. Her lively eyes were tedious and blank. Just looking into them gave you the feeling of endless emptiness.
"Hey Rebecca." Tea started.
"If it is pity that you're planning to give me." Rebecca cut in. "I don't need any of that."
"That wasn't what we were about ta give you." Joey said. "We just came over to see if you're all right. Looks like you're perfectly fine. Maybe we should leave now-." He stopped talking when his sister elbowed him at his side. "What?" he protested.
"Big brother, don't talk this way!" Serenity hissed.
"Just leave me alone, okay?" Rebecca asked listlessly.
"We won't till we're sure you're okay." Tea said firmly. "If you have anything to say, just say it. You'll feel better afterwards."
"No I won't." Rebecca argued, shaking her head violently. Her loose hair slapped against her face like needles as it came in contact with her pale cheeks. "You think just talking will help me through this? I bet you don't even know what's it like to lose someone who's very close to you."
"Rebecca," Serenity started patiently.
"Just leave." Rebecca cut in.
"Not till we talk." The rigid and unfathomable voice of Yami commanded.
"If you don't leave, then I'll leave." Rebecca said simply. She stared at the photo she clutched in her left hand. She remembered her grandfather asking her if she was a demon or an angel. The answer she gave still rung in her head.
No. I'm neither. Because in the end, I'm human.
If only I wasn't human. She thought acrimoniously. It's better to feel nothing than this sadness and anger that is rising from the depths of me.
"Rebecca?" The piercing voice of Yami brought her back to reality. Turning, she walked off briskly to the direction where there was a long line of people, ready to place something on the coffin before it was to be buried under the dirt and soil. Staring at the angel picture she had taken six years ago, she closed her eyes as she placed it neatly on the dark red wood of her grandfather's coffin. "Bye…. Grandfather." She held back the tears that were threatening to fall.
By now, she had given the time for Yami and the others to catch up with her.
"Didn't I tell you that if you don't leave, I would leave?" Rebecca demanded, not bothering to turn.
"And didn't we say that we won't till we talk?" Yami asked her. It appeared that, he and the others are not going to leave till they have a talk with her.
Rebecca whirled around to first meet her emerald eyes with the pair of deep violet ones that belonged to Yami. His bold tri-colored hair gleamed in the sunlight. Then, shifting her eyes, she pet the pair of chocolate brown ones that belonged to Joey and his sister and finally, the kind crystal blue ones that belonged to Tea. "I don't need this." Rebecca said flatly.
"Rebecca, please, don't push us away. We're here to help you. I know you're feeling miserable and distraught. It's hard to lose someone you care for." Serenity said. It wasn't a comment. It was a statement. It was a cold one.
"No it's not." Rebecca lied, refusing to show any signs of weakness. "Everyone and everything dies sooner or later. Why is it surprising that my grandpa passed away? He even got to live this old, see his only grandchild, be happy and all. So what more do I ask."
"You're lying." Yami stated. "In fact, you don't feel this way at all. You're feeling the opposite. Because you're human, you will feel that way."
"Then I don't want to be human!" Her loud and piercing voice rang out through the ears of every person present at the funeral. Many of them turned their heads to the twelve-year-old girl that had stated that line.
"But you can't change that!" Tea said. It was the truth. She was human. "No one could change what they are…especially when they're human. They feel. They cry. They laugh. They do all these things, because they're human."
"Then I don't want to be human anymore." Rebecca repeated in a hoarse whisper. She backed away from the foursome looking more pale and afraid by the minute. "I don't want to be human then." She chanted.
"Rebecca!" Yami tried to get the girl to her senses. It hurt him to see her in this state-, the once energetic, hotheaded, not afraid to tell you what's on her mind, happy, cheerful girl like this. It was as if someone had replaced her with an impassive replica.
"Shut up!" Rebecca screamed, her hands flew up to the sides of her head, clutching it. "I don't want to hear anymore." And she turned and ran.
They watched as the ruffles of her dress flapped in the wind as her form began to become smaller. They watched as the solo figure sped off into the horizon. They watched as the most notable thing of all-, her now dull blonde hair blending with the sunset's lights.
"Man." Joey started. "She's the most emotionless, person I've ever had the misfortune to know who doesn't care about her own grandfather's death."
"Emotionless is not what you would call Rebecca." Tea stated. Her short brown hair that barely touched her shoulder blades pressed against her face as the warm autumn blew against it. "Emotional and sensitive is."
"But you saw how she acted. It was like she doesn't even care." Joey argued. His fists were clenched at his side and his teeth was gritted.
"Maybe she does." Yami said softly, his eyes far away. "Maybe she does."
Rebecca held up the only family photo that she ever had that included her whole family. "Mom. Dad. Grandpa. Me." She said bleakly, her fingertip trailing from person to person. "That was my family once." Yeah. Once. Once that was a long time ago broken apart and the fragments continued to be broken. Her family was like a work constructed of glass. First, it was whole and completed, then, it was smashed and there were only fragments. But fragments seemed to be able to be destroyed as well. Looking at photo, she muttered, "That was then." Yes. That was then when her family was happy and whole. "But this is now." She tore her mother and father away from the photo first. Then, glancing longingly at her grandfather, she closed her eyes and ripped him out. "This is my family now." She said dully. "Just me. No one else."
Maybe Teddy, she thought suddenly. But I'm too old to be carrying a teddy bear now. And Teddy brings back old memories. She closed her eyes painfully and laid her head on her knees. Sobbing silently, she watched as each drop of her tears fell. And fell. Until there were no more tears to shed.
In the end, I'm human.
"Stop." She commanded.
In the end, I'm human.
"I don't want to hear it." She whispered, burying her head in her arms.
Then I don't want to be human!
But I'm not that. I'm human. She thought.
Then I don't want to be human!
"SHUT UP!" She screamed, jumping up. Her face was contorted into a look of terror and fury as well. The emerald green eyes lit up with fear. "Stop." She whimpered vulnerably as the two lines echoes through her head endlessly. "I don't want to hear any of this."
In the end, I'm human.
"I just wanted to live a normal happy life just like everyone else does." She whispered fiercely, tears welling up again. "But why can't I? Why can't I?"
No one was there to answer her. No one was there to relieve the pain she had and the distrust she held. Talking to herself seemed to be a side effect from talking to her teddy bear constantly. Slowly, Rebecca found herself on her feet. Her shoulders sagged and her face a mess, she trudged home with a heavy heart. Not bothering to lock the door after her nor take a shower, she just hit the couch and fell fast asleep. But not to a dreamless sleep.
In the setting, it was of the same beautiful scenery six years ago when Rebecca Hawkins had taken the picture of the cloud angel against the sunrise. The morning was beautiful and it was so much alive. Young Rebecca Hawkins smiled happily and brightly as she bounded from place to place to avoid the sprinkler that was spraying water all over the garden.
The older Rebecca, the one now watched the whole thing as if it was some type of illusion. "That's…me." She said. "I was so happy once."
That's because humans had the power to feel happy.
And sad. Anger as well.
Oh how she hated to be human. It was like torture. One that will torment you no matter what you do.
The older Rebecca continued to watch the beautiful scenery until a darkening cloud spread across the sky. Thunder sounded, lightning flashed. It looked like a thunderstorm was coming in and it was coming fast.
"Get out of here!" The older Rebecca yelled at her younger self. The six-year-old version of her was still dancing away from the sprinkler as a single blue lightning flashed and struck her.
Rebecca shut her eyes to avoid the sight, but something invisible held her eyes open. She watched in silent horror as the body burst into flame and left there was nothing.
"Rebecca?" Two voices rang out as if performing a duet. One consisted of a sweet, sugary voice while the other contained a rich deep one. It seemed like a strange match, but it sounded fine all the same. Two figures appeared at the doorway that had replaced the scene. Though Rebecca couldn't see the faces of the people, she knew who they were. They were her parents. They were her mom and dad.
"Mom? Dad?" She whispered, as if not daring to take in what she's seeing. "Where am I?"
"Oh no where in particular." The deeper voice said. "Just in a world of nothingness. So how do you like it?"
"It's gray and nice, isn't it?" The female voice asked.
Rebecca looked around, trying to understand what her parents were trying to say. The scene is of nothing, but a gray world. There was nothing. She didn't feel anything. This was what it was like to be inhuman. Not to feel at all. It may seem wrong, but she enjoyed this power-, this ability.
"I hate you." Her father spat at her. "It's your fault we died you know?"
"If only we didn't have such a horrible beast like you!" Her mother shrieked.
Normally, if she was the Rebecca that was human, she will feel hurt deeply, but not anymore. That is because she isn't the same Rebecca. She was the Rebecca who didn't give a damn to what anyone thought about her. She shrugged.
Again the scene changed.
This is when I was six! The same scene where I took the picture of the cloud angel!" Rebecca thought as she watched the six years younger version of her ran down the stairs to the room where her grandfather was. No! I don't want to see this!
"I don't want to see this again!" She screamed. But it seemed as if something had stopped her from talking and forced her to see this. Something pulled her in the room as she watched the scene replay, shutting her eyes and plunging her ears to ignore it. But she heard and saw it anyway.
She watched in pure hate as her younger version clambered onto her grandfather's lap. "No. I'm neither. Because in the end, I'm—,"
Rebecca woke up covered in cold sweat. A cool damp cloth was on her head. Looking around, she tried to figure out who had placed it there. Pushing the blanket that covered her off, she sat up and tried to see into the deep darkness.
"Don't move." A deep, hoarse voice commanded.
She jumped, feeling a cold tingling sensation on her back. She knew she shouldn't have left the door unlocked when she came in.
"Who's-, who's there?" Rebecca managed to stutter out.
"Stop moving around Rebecca. Just lie down and rest."
"What do you want?" Rebecca demanded.
"Rebecca, it's me!" The voice sounded insulted that she did not recognize him.
Wait a minute, I know that voice! Rebecca thought. "Yami?" She asked timidly.
"Yes, it's me. We found the door to your house unlocked and we were worried. Turned out you were fine, but had a fever." Yami said.
"Where are Tea and the others?" Rebecca demanded. She did not want them in her house for the matter. Nor did she want Yami here.
"They're here." Yami said simply. "I hope you won't mind."
Of course I mind! Rebecca screamed in her mind. But to Yami, she said, "No."
She wasn't sure if he had nodded or not. She couldn't see in this thick darkness. Closing her eyes, she found she couldn't sleep at all. Nor could she think straight. These moments, she would like to treasure, the quiet scene of lulling silence. There was not a single sound to disturb her. Opening her eyes again, she found the room dimly lit by the radiant light of the sliver of the moon. It seemed impossible how the morning day; the bitter cold and harsh world could create a dark, comforting haven for many like her. The dark created a protection for her. In the dark, it didn't matter if she was Rebecca Hawkins nor did it matter she existed. In the dark, she was nothing. And it seemed better that way.
The heavy breathing of a sense of deep sleep brought Rebecca back to reality. It hit her like a cold wave of water; a feeling of coldness ran throughout her body. The cold, tingling sensation refused to leave her. She cautiously stood up, taking care not to make any sound. Stepping around the coffee table she knew too well, she slipped silently upstairs and proceeded to step out the balcony when a loud snort made her jumped. She heard some movement and felt her heart hammering loudly that it resounded in her head. Standing still, she strained to hear any more signs of someone awaked.
Finally, standing there poised for a few minutes of silent fear, she pushed open the balcony door and stepped out. Leaning forward on the balcony she watched over the city that she lived through and in for the twelve years of her life. The silent city of the night stared back at her, downtrodden by the darkness when night came.
She allowed herself to enjoy the gentle caress of the wind as it suddenly changed into cold harsh ice that mercilessly threw itself at her exposed skin. Rebecca didn't bother to flinch, as if she didn't feel any of it. Watching the city, her emerald gaze gliding from building to building, her set of eyes rested at the large, green park that resided at the outskirts of the city.
Closing her eyes, she fought to banish the memory that suffocated her tired, and worn mind. But no use struggling. Memories came and bypassed her shield as if there was nothing.
"Grandpa! Watch me go!" Sang the eight-year-old Rebecca Hawkins as she pumped her legs to swing herself higher and higher on the swing. She enjoyed the touch of the wind as it blew against her face when she swung up. Higher, and higher as if she was flying. "See! It's like I'm a bird! I could fly!"
Her grandfather, Arthur Hawkins smiled fondly at his young granddaughter. "Do be careful, Rebecca," He chided.
"I won't fall," Rebecca promised with her young and carefree voice. "I just want to fly! As a bird, I could always fly away. And when I'm trapped in a cage, only then, will I stop flying. Only then and when my wings are crippled." She pulled back and leaned forward, enjoying the sense of being in the air.
Stop! Rebecca opened her eyes to find her eyes locked with the cemetery directly next to the park. Slowly, as the vivid effect of the flashback faded she felt another piece of her memory finding its way to enter her mind. Tearing her eyes from the eerie setting of the cemetery, she backed away. Her back leaned against the brick wall as she drew her hand wearily across her face.
"Rebecca, this is where your mother and father rested." Professor Hawkins said, as he led the twelve-year-old girl to two dull, granite gravestones. He bent down and laid the bouquet of flowers neatly in front of one of the gravestone.
"Come on over, Rebecca." Arthur Hawkins said. "You want to place the flowers for your mother and father, don't you?"
Rebecca's eyes were settled on several gravestones, silently muttering the words to herself. The emerald gaze stopped at a peculiar stone. Murmuring, she read the words:
Stop stranger
Pass not by
Remember that you
One day will die
One day too soon,
Just like me
Your life would expire
And your death meant to be
She blinked and turned to her grandfather, not uttering a word. Taking half of the bouquet, she settled in front of her mother's gravestone first, her fingers digging into the dirt and planted the flowers in. Then she moved on to her father's gravestone and repeated the same process.
"Let's go now." Rebecca said quietly when she finished.
"So soon?" Her grandfather asked.
"Yeah." Rebecca murmured, her eyes settling uncomfortably at the eerie silence. The leaves beneath her shoes crunched loudly and chilling sounds of the wind resounded in her ears.
Morning. Rebecca Hawkins found herself asleep on her back against the brick wall, morning sunlight lighting up her face. "I must have fallen asleep." She murmured, standing up. The two pieces of memories clinging to her vividly, beads of sweat running down her face.
Pulling herself up and using the balcony for support she stared at the city. It was alive. At night it was like a place of the dead, so quiet and gloomy. Now, it was different. The streets were full and bustling with activities. The sunlight fell over the steely colored asphalt, and cars moved forward whenever the color of the lights changed.
Standing there for hours, no one went to get her. Hunger was forgotten as well as wariness. Just facing the city and watching the procedure-, of the day's work and as hour and hour past by, Rebecca Hawkins stood there. Until the night started to fall and shooed all the pedestrians away and sent all the workers home, Rebecca looked up directly at the sky. It was like a piece of dark velvet dotted with sparks like a diamond tapestry. The mysterious scenario captured her gaze for a while.
It was then she had made her decision. Stepping forward, she had taken the first step to her decision….
End Notes: Reviews and constructive criticism definitely welcomed! I hope you enjoyed this chapter.