Witch Hunt!
Episode 3: For Whom the Judge Smiles...
--Once again Juri, Touga, and Miki ride up the elevator...OF DEATH!
Touga: (giggling) Today's going to be GREAT!
Juri: Not again.
Miki: Can you just PLEASE say the thing so we can get out of here! IT'S DARK!
Touga: World-shell-egg-die-born-crack-revolution!
--The doors fly open.
Saionji: Welcome! We have two very interesting trials for today.
Touga: Three.
Saionji: Two.
Touga: Three.
Saionji: Two.
Touga: Three.
Saionji: TWO!!!
Touga: THREE!!!
Juri: ENOUGH!!! Shut up! Let's just get these trials over with so we can all go home!
Saionji: Fine, fine. First up is Mitsuru Tsuwabuki.
Mitsuru: (sitting at the stand) WHY AM I HERE?!! I'M NOT A WITCH!
Saionji: Ah-ha! So you're a warlock! He's admitted it himself lady and gentlemen. We've even got it on camera!
Akio: Ciao!
Mitsuru: But who accused me?!
Saionji: Those three weirdos that always follow Nanami and took her away the other day to do God know what.
Mitsuru: NOOO!!! Miss Nanami!
Saionji: How sad. (aims shotgun)
Juri: What are you doing?! Your crazy!
Saionji: Fine, fine. You can go.
--Mitsuru runs off screaming for Miss Nanami.
Saionji: Think I could still get 'em for herre?
Juri: Put the gun down you imbecile!
Saionji: Fine, fine. NEXT!
--Kozue emerges from the pink draped cage.
Kozue: Can we get this over with? I have a... oh, Miki. I've been looking for you. You've been avoiding me and you haven't come home.
Miki: AAAAHHHHHHH!!!
--Miki tries to run but Juri grabs him.
Juri: What's the problem now?
Miki: It's her!!!
Kozue: What are you going on about?
Miki: That's the girl with the ducky, and the hands that go touchy, and the lips that go kissey, and the voice that says, "touch me," and the razor that goes cut me, and the AAAHHHH!!!
Kozue: I didn't do anything that he didn't like.
Miki: No! I wanted to keep my clothes, and my neck, and my eyebrows, and my virginity...
Kozue: Whatever, Miki. You liked it.
Miki: No! It isn't true!
Saionji: So is she a witch or not? I'm getting' trigger-happy over here!
Miki: Shoot her! Shoot her!
Kozue: Shoot him! It's not like he was very good anyway.
Miki: I'm not THAT bad...am I?
Kozue: Utena's got more manhood then you do!!!
Miki: Lies! Lies!
Touga: Lies!
Akio: Excuse me, Mr. President?
Touga: What? We were in the shower room at school.
Akio: He's in the middle school section and you are a senior.
Touga: We're both in...um...sword fighting classes.
Akio: The fencing team and the kendo team are in two different buildings.
Touga: Oh, forget it. I molested him in the music hall.
Miki: Bad memories! BAD!!!
Kozue: Another one! How many people have molested you now?
Miki: Well, there's that one music teacher, Touga, Mikage, you...
Kozue: I don't count! That's incest! Not molestation!
Miki: Denial!
Kozue: (pulls a rubber ducky out of her pocket)
Anthy: (pops out of nowhere) SQUEAK! SQUEAK!
Akio: Oh, hello...Anthy.
Touga: Mr. Chairmen?
Akio: Cool it! Now, Anthy, where were we?
Anthy: MISS UTENA!!!
Utena: Fuck off!
Akio: What?! HOW DARE YOU?!
Utena: I have three words for you.
Akio: Huh?
--A bright light shines from the sky and a magical prince falls from the castle where eternity dwells. Dios reaches the floor, then begins to pummel Akio into little bits of mullet sushi!
Utena: Stop...hitting...yourself.
Anthy: Very funny Miss Utena.
Utena: Nihongo!
Anthy: Utena-sama.
Utena: En español!
Anthy: Senorita Utena.
Utena: No Portugues!
Anthy: Senhorita Utena.
Utena: In italiano!
Anthy: Signorina Utena.
Utena: Auf Deutsch!
Anthy: Fräulein Utena.
Utena: En français!
Anthy: Mlle Utena.
Utena: In English! Anthy: Doshite?
Utena: Anshi-san, machigat-te i-masu ka?
Anthy: Ie.
Utena: Chotto Anshi. (pulls Anthy close and holds her) Anata-wa i-idesu ka?
Anthy: Utena-sama, aishiteru.
Utena: Chotto ni.
Anthy: Gomen-nasai.
Akio: What's with the Japanese soup opera...
Saionji: And in the middle of my court room.
Touga: (yawn) Can we get this show on the road?
Kozue: KILL HIM!
Miki: HER!
Kozue: HIM!
Miki: HER!
BLAM!!!
Saionji: What the?!!
Touga: Is it over already?
Saionji: Did get that on tape Akio?
Akio: Yes, I did.
--Utena and Anthy are making out in the corner.
Juri: OH MY GOD!
Miki: I can't believe what I just did! (holding a smoking revolver in his hands)
Saionji: YOU WITCH WITH YOUR MAGIC BULLETS!!!
Miki: No! I'm not a witch!
Saionji: Miki's a witch, Touga's a slut, Akio's a perv, Juri's a lesbo, and I don't even want to think about those two making out in the corner.
Touga: CHICK ON CHICK MAKEOUT SCENE!!!
Utena: (pausing from kissing) I'm a prince!
Anthy: Yes, Prince Utena!
--All of a sudden, the elevator doors open. A tall, beautiful woman with long wavy green hair steps through to the platform.
Saionji: Who are you newcomer?!
Midori: Don't you remember me, Kyouichi?
Saionji: No! It can't be!
Midori: 'Tis I, your dear sister, Saionji Midori.
Touga & Akio: BUM BUM BUUUUM!!!
To be continued...
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In the next episode of Witch Hunt! Who is this Midori character? Why does her name mean green in Japanese? Is the author really that lazy? Why the heck did the author bring her in out of nowhere as a cliffhanger? Does he really like cliffhangers that much? Why does he keep going on and on with these stupid questions...over...and over...and over again?!! More of these STUPID questions and way less answers than you'd expect in the next installment of Witch Hunt!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Episode 3: For Whom the Judge Smiles...
--Once again Juri, Touga, and Miki ride up the elevator...OF DEATH!
Touga: (giggling) Today's going to be GREAT!
Juri: Not again.
Miki: Can you just PLEASE say the thing so we can get out of here! IT'S DARK!
Touga: World-shell-egg-die-born-crack-revolution!
--The doors fly open.
Saionji: Welcome! We have two very interesting trials for today.
Touga: Three.
Saionji: Two.
Touga: Three.
Saionji: Two.
Touga: Three.
Saionji: TWO!!!
Touga: THREE!!!
Juri: ENOUGH!!! Shut up! Let's just get these trials over with so we can all go home!
Saionji: Fine, fine. First up is Mitsuru Tsuwabuki.
Mitsuru: (sitting at the stand) WHY AM I HERE?!! I'M NOT A WITCH!
Saionji: Ah-ha! So you're a warlock! He's admitted it himself lady and gentlemen. We've even got it on camera!
Akio: Ciao!
Mitsuru: But who accused me?!
Saionji: Those three weirdos that always follow Nanami and took her away the other day to do God know what.
Mitsuru: NOOO!!! Miss Nanami!
Saionji: How sad. (aims shotgun)
Juri: What are you doing?! Your crazy!
Saionji: Fine, fine. You can go.
--Mitsuru runs off screaming for Miss Nanami.
Saionji: Think I could still get 'em for herre?
Juri: Put the gun down you imbecile!
Saionji: Fine, fine. NEXT!
--Kozue emerges from the pink draped cage.
Kozue: Can we get this over with? I have a... oh, Miki. I've been looking for you. You've been avoiding me and you haven't come home.
Miki: AAAAHHHHHHH!!!
--Miki tries to run but Juri grabs him.
Juri: What's the problem now?
Miki: It's her!!!
Kozue: What are you going on about?
Miki: That's the girl with the ducky, and the hands that go touchy, and the lips that go kissey, and the voice that says, "touch me," and the razor that goes cut me, and the AAAHHHH!!!
Kozue: I didn't do anything that he didn't like.
Miki: No! I wanted to keep my clothes, and my neck, and my eyebrows, and my virginity...
Kozue: Whatever, Miki. You liked it.
Miki: No! It isn't true!
Saionji: So is she a witch or not? I'm getting' trigger-happy over here!
Miki: Shoot her! Shoot her!
Kozue: Shoot him! It's not like he was very good anyway.
Miki: I'm not THAT bad...am I?
Kozue: Utena's got more manhood then you do!!!
Miki: Lies! Lies!
Touga: Lies!
Akio: Excuse me, Mr. President?
Touga: What? We were in the shower room at school.
Akio: He's in the middle school section and you are a senior.
Touga: We're both in...um...sword fighting classes.
Akio: The fencing team and the kendo team are in two different buildings.
Touga: Oh, forget it. I molested him in the music hall.
Miki: Bad memories! BAD!!!
Kozue: Another one! How many people have molested you now?
Miki: Well, there's that one music teacher, Touga, Mikage, you...
Kozue: I don't count! That's incest! Not molestation!
Miki: Denial!
Kozue: (pulls a rubber ducky out of her pocket)
Anthy: (pops out of nowhere) SQUEAK! SQUEAK!
Akio: Oh, hello...Anthy.
Touga: Mr. Chairmen?
Akio: Cool it! Now, Anthy, where were we?
Anthy: MISS UTENA!!!
Utena: Fuck off!
Akio: What?! HOW DARE YOU?!
Utena: I have three words for you.
Akio: Huh?
--A bright light shines from the sky and a magical prince falls from the castle where eternity dwells. Dios reaches the floor, then begins to pummel Akio into little bits of mullet sushi!
Utena: Stop...hitting...yourself.
Anthy: Very funny Miss Utena.
Utena: Nihongo!
Anthy: Utena-sama.
Utena: En español!
Anthy: Senorita Utena.
Utena: No Portugues!
Anthy: Senhorita Utena.
Utena: In italiano!
Anthy: Signorina Utena.
Utena: Auf Deutsch!
Anthy: Fräulein Utena.
Utena: En français!
Anthy: Mlle Utena.
Utena: In English! Anthy: Doshite?
Utena: Anshi-san, machigat-te i-masu ka?
Anthy: Ie.
Utena: Chotto Anshi. (pulls Anthy close and holds her) Anata-wa i-idesu ka?
Anthy: Utena-sama, aishiteru.
Utena: Chotto ni.
Anthy: Gomen-nasai.
Akio: What's with the Japanese soup opera...
Saionji: And in the middle of my court room.
Touga: (yawn) Can we get this show on the road?
Kozue: KILL HIM!
Miki: HER!
Kozue: HIM!
Miki: HER!
BLAM!!!
Saionji: What the?!!
Touga: Is it over already?
Saionji: Did get that on tape Akio?
Akio: Yes, I did.
--Utena and Anthy are making out in the corner.
Juri: OH MY GOD!
Miki: I can't believe what I just did! (holding a smoking revolver in his hands)
Saionji: YOU WITCH WITH YOUR MAGIC BULLETS!!!
Miki: No! I'm not a witch!
Saionji: Miki's a witch, Touga's a slut, Akio's a perv, Juri's a lesbo, and I don't even want to think about those two making out in the corner.
Touga: CHICK ON CHICK MAKEOUT SCENE!!!
Utena: (pausing from kissing) I'm a prince!
Anthy: Yes, Prince Utena!
--All of a sudden, the elevator doors open. A tall, beautiful woman with long wavy green hair steps through to the platform.
Saionji: Who are you newcomer?!
Midori: Don't you remember me, Kyouichi?
Saionji: No! It can't be!
Midori: 'Tis I, your dear sister, Saionji Midori.
Touga & Akio: BUM BUM BUUUUM!!!
To be continued...
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In the next episode of Witch Hunt! Who is this Midori character? Why does her name mean green in Japanese? Is the author really that lazy? Why the heck did the author bring her in out of nowhere as a cliffhanger? Does he really like cliffhangers that much? Why does he keep going on and on with these stupid questions...over...and over...and over again?!! More of these STUPID questions and way less answers than you'd expect in the next installment of Witch Hunt!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*