Witch Hunt!
Episode IV: Kiss the Cook
*~*~*~*But first, a note from the author*~*~*~*
Hello to every one of you out there whom dare to read the ideas that flow out of my crazy mind and onto this little word document uploaded for your viewing pleasure. Your feedback is greatly appreciated, even if it is cruel criticism or flaming. At least I know that my story was important enough for you to waste your time on something you thought wasn't funny or didn't like. Hey, you read it right! So yay for me. Anyway, I'd just like to thank everyone who has reviewed and to urge all the others to do so too. Who knows, I might just send you a cookie...thank you for reading this boring letter. And enjoy Episode 4...
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Saionji: Why? Why are you here, Midori?
Midori: Simple. The author is going to co-write a story and he plans to put me in it.
Saionji: So why are you here now?!
Midori: Because, Kyouichi, he wants to try me out first.
Saionji: And don't call me that!
Midori: What? Don't call you, Kyouichi?
Saionji: Yes, that!
Midori: Oh, DO call you Kyouichi?
Saionji: NO! Gah! I hate you!
Midori: Awww, don't be mad big brother!
Saionji: Shut up you little...!
Akio: Come now! Sibling rivalries aren't healthy. I mean, look what happened to Kozue!
Miki: I'm SOOOOORRY!!!
Akio: Rrrright. Anyway, let's not have this happen again, okay. Especially, not to a woman of such beauty and grace as you my dear.
Midori: How sweet. But no thank you. You just aren't my type.
Akio: Damn! Another Juri I see.
Midori: What? Who's that?
Juri: That would be me. One of the few people who hasn't screwed Akio. Care to join the club; you can be the vice-president.
Midori: Okay? This place is pretty weird. Why am I here anyway?
Saionji: You mean you don't know!
Touga: Such a beautiful entrance for nothing. Cest la ve.
Midori: Damn! I hate when I forget my motivation! Now where's my script? (searching through her purse) Damn! I don't have it! Anyone got one with them.
Akio: Can't help you. I'm all about improvisation. Wink wink. (chuckles)
Touga: I memorize all of my lines.
Miki: NO! YOU CAN'T HAVE IT! IT'S MINE!!!
Midori: Rrrright.
Saionji: I have mine, but you can't use it! So there! Nya-nya!
Midori: Grrr! Imbecile!
Juri: You really should join my club! We're on the same page.
Midori: Metaphorically, or really on the same page of the script?
Juri: Both. But I don't have mine with me.
Utena: (walking up to Midori with Anthy glued to her arm...not literally) Here, you can use mine.
Midori: Thanks. (flipping through script) Hmmm...here we go. Let's see. I come in, then I...oh, yeah! Kyouichi! I challenge you to a duel!
Saionji: A duel of what?
Midori: A Trivia-Off!
Saionji: Fine! I go first! Name the three main characters in Aqua Teen Hunger Force!
Midori: Frylock, Master Shake, and, of course, Meatwad! What's the one thing that all the Dragonball Z bad guys, except for the Saiyans, have in common?
Saionji: Easy, they all have either the color pink or purple somewhere on their bodies, or in their mouths! Name 10 McDonald's burgers/sandwiches!
Midori: What?
Saionji: Are you too scared?
Midori: NO! Big 'N' Tasty, Big Mac, McChicken, Spicy McChicken, Hamburger, Cheeseburger, Double Cheeseburger...
Juri: Wait a sec! There aren't ten different "Mc" Burgers to begin with! FOUL!
Touga: New question Saionji.
Saionji: Fine. Um, what's the one character in this show that never has the white of her eyes colored in?
Midori: Simple, it's Nanami. How many bells ring on that tower?
Saionji: Um, four?
Midori: Lucky.
Saionji: Who is the real devil?
Midori: Akio?
Akio: That's me!
Midori: How many people has Akio slept with?
Saionji: That is an unfair question. The numbers are impossible to count and have never been kept track of. Akio himself doesn't even know!
Akio: He's right.
Touga: New question!
Midori: I've got it! Who's the most screwed up person in this whole show?!
Saionji: UTENA!!!
Midori: Wrong! It's Anthy!
Saionji: NO! But I hate Utena! She's sooo screwed up!
Midori: Sorry, Saionji. But this whole Rose Bride stuff is way to weird. Anthy is...
Nanami: A weirdo!
BANG!
Saionji: (reloading shotgun) Continue.
Midori: Anthy is...
Utena: My princess! Will you marry me?!
Anthy: Oh, yes, my prince.
Midori: Anthy is...
Nanami: A WEIRDO!
Saionji: Why won't you die?!
BANG!
THUMP!
Saionji: Okay, go on.
Midori: Never mind. That's not important. What is important is that I won the duel, so I get to be the judge now!
Touga & Akio: BUM BUM BUUUUUM!!!
Saionji: Grrr! Fine! But I'll beat you someday! For now, let's have a big barbeque.
Touga: WHOOOT!
--With a wave of Anthy's hands, the courtroom is transformed into a huge summer barbeque party thing.
Touga: (standing in front of the barbeque with and apron, chef's hat, and a spatula) Hamburger or hotdog?
Shiori: I think you know Touga. (giggling)
Touga: (sarcastically) Hahaha, hamburger.
Juri: Shiori! Where did you come from?
Shiori: From behind that pink cage thingy. Why Juri? Do you want me to leave?
Juri: There are no such things as miracles!
Midori: What's wrong over here?
Shiori: Oh, what's with the new character?
Juri: Maybe if you read the script...
Shiori: I only read the parts that I'm in. Like this part right here. (pointing in her script) I've been waiting for it for weeks. I was wondering what that SM stood for in the script. I guess that was you. What's your name?
Juri: Her name is Saionji Midori, and stop flirting with her you slut!
Shiori: What? Is she your girlfriend or something, Juri?
Juri: Well, um...
Shiori: Just what I thought. Still stuck on me. Poor Juri. Hehehe.
Midori: Yes, I am!
Shiori: What?
Midori: I'm her girlfriend. She's moved on, Shiori. So get a life! Come on Juri. (grabbing her arm) Let's go!
Juri: (they walk off to the other side of the party) But...but why? Why did you help me? That wasn't in the script.
Midori: I know. But I just didn't think it was fair. A girl like her doesn't deserve the power that she has over such a great person. She was only trying to hurt you again and I'm not one to let that happen.
Juri: Well, I thank you Midori. I truly do. But no matter what, Shiori will always have a hold on my heart.
--Over by the punch bowl, Saionji is singing and dancing.
Saionji: Bad girls! Talkin' 'bout the sad girls! Talkin' 'bout bad bad girls, yeah!
Touga: Saionji?! Have you been drinking?
Saionji: Only punch! ONLY THE SWEET SWEET NECTAR OF THIS SEXY SEXY PUNCH!
Akio: Isn't he funny?
Touga: Akio? Did you do this? Did you spike the punch?
Akio: NO! Never! How dare you accuse me of such a thing?!
Anthy: (drinking a glass of punch) O_o...*hiccup*...-__-...*hiccup*
Utena: Anthy! Anthy what's wrong?!
Anthy: It's rainin' pens! Halleluiah it's rainin' pens, hey hey!
Utena: AKIO! YOU DRUGGED MY FIANCEE!
Akio: NO! Never! How dare you accuse me of such a thing?!
Utena: Come on Anthy! Snap out of it!
SLAP!
Anthy: Fiancee ni Naitari.
Utena: She's back!
Akio: Juri, care for some punch. I want you to join my club!
Juri: Fuck off, Akio!
Touga: Rejected!
Akio: Shut up, Touga! You all shall eventually bow down to my will, no matter how sexy it may be! For I am End of the World! And I have the power to end the world!
Touga: No you don't.
Akio: But I could! AAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA!
Anthy: (waves her hand and Akio turns into a penguin)
Akio Penguin: ....
Utena: HAHAHA! That's what you get!
Anthy: He's cuter this way, huh, Prince Utena.
Utena: Yes, he is. Oh, Anthy. What would you like to eat? There's a variety of food here, but I...I just can't remember.
Anthy: What's wrong?
Utena: There's some salmon and some asparagus.
Anthy: But that's not party food, Utena. And it doesn't even go together.
Utena: And some egg...an omelet!
Touga: What the hell? An omelet? I'm grilling hamburgers and hotdogs right here? See? Read the apron: "KISS THE COOK".
Utena: No, that's no good.
Touga: That's what we just said.
Anthy: Are you okay?
Utena: Let's see? Egg salad.
Anthy: There's potato salad right here.
Utena: I could make a sandwich.
Touga: Hello! Hamburgers!
Utena: Wait a second. (yelling) DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT ETERNITY IS? CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME?!
Akio Penguin: (waddle waddle) I get it. It's a dumb parody of the ending of episode 33. Nice, real nice. Is that all that the author can come up with?
--EVILMINI86 pops in.
KICK!
Akio Penguin: OUCH! How am I supposed to get up now?!
Evilmini86: You should have thought about that before you dissed my creativity, punk! (disappears)
Anthy: Wow! He's gone.
Utena: (waving) Goodbye author!
Touga: This was a pretty weird day. If only it were funnier.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*To Be Continued*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
(No penguins or mullets were harmed in the making of this fanfic)
(I apologize to anyone who may have experienced any traumas as a result of reading this)
(But hey, you wanted to read it)
(Did you like my sudden dose of plot?)
(No? Me either)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In the next episode of Witch Hunt!
What will Midori do with her new position as judge? Will she be good or evil? Where was Miki during the party? Did anyone really miss him? Will Akio Penguin ever turn back to normal? Does anyone really want him to? Did the author spoil episode 33 for you without you even knowing? Yes...no, I'm just kidding. Trust me. I didn't...or did I? All of these answers and less in the next installment of Witch Hunt!
(Note: To ask me any questions about myself, stories, or miscellaneous, eMail me or just review. I plan on making an interview page and in order to do that I need your help. Thank you and Bob bless.)
Episode IV: Kiss the Cook
*~*~*~*But first, a note from the author*~*~*~*
Hello to every one of you out there whom dare to read the ideas that flow out of my crazy mind and onto this little word document uploaded for your viewing pleasure. Your feedback is greatly appreciated, even if it is cruel criticism or flaming. At least I know that my story was important enough for you to waste your time on something you thought wasn't funny or didn't like. Hey, you read it right! So yay for me. Anyway, I'd just like to thank everyone who has reviewed and to urge all the others to do so too. Who knows, I might just send you a cookie...thank you for reading this boring letter. And enjoy Episode 4...
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Saionji: Why? Why are you here, Midori?
Midori: Simple. The author is going to co-write a story and he plans to put me in it.
Saionji: So why are you here now?!
Midori: Because, Kyouichi, he wants to try me out first.
Saionji: And don't call me that!
Midori: What? Don't call you, Kyouichi?
Saionji: Yes, that!
Midori: Oh, DO call you Kyouichi?
Saionji: NO! Gah! I hate you!
Midori: Awww, don't be mad big brother!
Saionji: Shut up you little...!
Akio: Come now! Sibling rivalries aren't healthy. I mean, look what happened to Kozue!
Miki: I'm SOOOOORRY!!!
Akio: Rrrright. Anyway, let's not have this happen again, okay. Especially, not to a woman of such beauty and grace as you my dear.
Midori: How sweet. But no thank you. You just aren't my type.
Akio: Damn! Another Juri I see.
Midori: What? Who's that?
Juri: That would be me. One of the few people who hasn't screwed Akio. Care to join the club; you can be the vice-president.
Midori: Okay? This place is pretty weird. Why am I here anyway?
Saionji: You mean you don't know!
Touga: Such a beautiful entrance for nothing. Cest la ve.
Midori: Damn! I hate when I forget my motivation! Now where's my script? (searching through her purse) Damn! I don't have it! Anyone got one with them.
Akio: Can't help you. I'm all about improvisation. Wink wink. (chuckles)
Touga: I memorize all of my lines.
Miki: NO! YOU CAN'T HAVE IT! IT'S MINE!!!
Midori: Rrrright.
Saionji: I have mine, but you can't use it! So there! Nya-nya!
Midori: Grrr! Imbecile!
Juri: You really should join my club! We're on the same page.
Midori: Metaphorically, or really on the same page of the script?
Juri: Both. But I don't have mine with me.
Utena: (walking up to Midori with Anthy glued to her arm...not literally) Here, you can use mine.
Midori: Thanks. (flipping through script) Hmmm...here we go. Let's see. I come in, then I...oh, yeah! Kyouichi! I challenge you to a duel!
Saionji: A duel of what?
Midori: A Trivia-Off!
Saionji: Fine! I go first! Name the three main characters in Aqua Teen Hunger Force!
Midori: Frylock, Master Shake, and, of course, Meatwad! What's the one thing that all the Dragonball Z bad guys, except for the Saiyans, have in common?
Saionji: Easy, they all have either the color pink or purple somewhere on their bodies, or in their mouths! Name 10 McDonald's burgers/sandwiches!
Midori: What?
Saionji: Are you too scared?
Midori: NO! Big 'N' Tasty, Big Mac, McChicken, Spicy McChicken, Hamburger, Cheeseburger, Double Cheeseburger...
Juri: Wait a sec! There aren't ten different "Mc" Burgers to begin with! FOUL!
Touga: New question Saionji.
Saionji: Fine. Um, what's the one character in this show that never has the white of her eyes colored in?
Midori: Simple, it's Nanami. How many bells ring on that tower?
Saionji: Um, four?
Midori: Lucky.
Saionji: Who is the real devil?
Midori: Akio?
Akio: That's me!
Midori: How many people has Akio slept with?
Saionji: That is an unfair question. The numbers are impossible to count and have never been kept track of. Akio himself doesn't even know!
Akio: He's right.
Touga: New question!
Midori: I've got it! Who's the most screwed up person in this whole show?!
Saionji: UTENA!!!
Midori: Wrong! It's Anthy!
Saionji: NO! But I hate Utena! She's sooo screwed up!
Midori: Sorry, Saionji. But this whole Rose Bride stuff is way to weird. Anthy is...
Nanami: A weirdo!
BANG!
Saionji: (reloading shotgun) Continue.
Midori: Anthy is...
Utena: My princess! Will you marry me?!
Anthy: Oh, yes, my prince.
Midori: Anthy is...
Nanami: A WEIRDO!
Saionji: Why won't you die?!
BANG!
THUMP!
Saionji: Okay, go on.
Midori: Never mind. That's not important. What is important is that I won the duel, so I get to be the judge now!
Touga & Akio: BUM BUM BUUUUUM!!!
Saionji: Grrr! Fine! But I'll beat you someday! For now, let's have a big barbeque.
Touga: WHOOOT!
--With a wave of Anthy's hands, the courtroom is transformed into a huge summer barbeque party thing.
Touga: (standing in front of the barbeque with and apron, chef's hat, and a spatula) Hamburger or hotdog?
Shiori: I think you know Touga. (giggling)
Touga: (sarcastically) Hahaha, hamburger.
Juri: Shiori! Where did you come from?
Shiori: From behind that pink cage thingy. Why Juri? Do you want me to leave?
Juri: There are no such things as miracles!
Midori: What's wrong over here?
Shiori: Oh, what's with the new character?
Juri: Maybe if you read the script...
Shiori: I only read the parts that I'm in. Like this part right here. (pointing in her script) I've been waiting for it for weeks. I was wondering what that SM stood for in the script. I guess that was you. What's your name?
Juri: Her name is Saionji Midori, and stop flirting with her you slut!
Shiori: What? Is she your girlfriend or something, Juri?
Juri: Well, um...
Shiori: Just what I thought. Still stuck on me. Poor Juri. Hehehe.
Midori: Yes, I am!
Shiori: What?
Midori: I'm her girlfriend. She's moved on, Shiori. So get a life! Come on Juri. (grabbing her arm) Let's go!
Juri: (they walk off to the other side of the party) But...but why? Why did you help me? That wasn't in the script.
Midori: I know. But I just didn't think it was fair. A girl like her doesn't deserve the power that she has over such a great person. She was only trying to hurt you again and I'm not one to let that happen.
Juri: Well, I thank you Midori. I truly do. But no matter what, Shiori will always have a hold on my heart.
--Over by the punch bowl, Saionji is singing and dancing.
Saionji: Bad girls! Talkin' 'bout the sad girls! Talkin' 'bout bad bad girls, yeah!
Touga: Saionji?! Have you been drinking?
Saionji: Only punch! ONLY THE SWEET SWEET NECTAR OF THIS SEXY SEXY PUNCH!
Akio: Isn't he funny?
Touga: Akio? Did you do this? Did you spike the punch?
Akio: NO! Never! How dare you accuse me of such a thing?!
Anthy: (drinking a glass of punch) O_o...*hiccup*...-__-...*hiccup*
Utena: Anthy! Anthy what's wrong?!
Anthy: It's rainin' pens! Halleluiah it's rainin' pens, hey hey!
Utena: AKIO! YOU DRUGGED MY FIANCEE!
Akio: NO! Never! How dare you accuse me of such a thing?!
Utena: Come on Anthy! Snap out of it!
SLAP!
Anthy: Fiancee ni Naitari.
Utena: She's back!
Akio: Juri, care for some punch. I want you to join my club!
Juri: Fuck off, Akio!
Touga: Rejected!
Akio: Shut up, Touga! You all shall eventually bow down to my will, no matter how sexy it may be! For I am End of the World! And I have the power to end the world!
Touga: No you don't.
Akio: But I could! AAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA!
Anthy: (waves her hand and Akio turns into a penguin)
Akio Penguin: ....
Utena: HAHAHA! That's what you get!
Anthy: He's cuter this way, huh, Prince Utena.
Utena: Yes, he is. Oh, Anthy. What would you like to eat? There's a variety of food here, but I...I just can't remember.
Anthy: What's wrong?
Utena: There's some salmon and some asparagus.
Anthy: But that's not party food, Utena. And it doesn't even go together.
Utena: And some egg...an omelet!
Touga: What the hell? An omelet? I'm grilling hamburgers and hotdogs right here? See? Read the apron: "KISS THE COOK".
Utena: No, that's no good.
Touga: That's what we just said.
Anthy: Are you okay?
Utena: Let's see? Egg salad.
Anthy: There's potato salad right here.
Utena: I could make a sandwich.
Touga: Hello! Hamburgers!
Utena: Wait a second. (yelling) DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT ETERNITY IS? CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME?!
Akio Penguin: (waddle waddle) I get it. It's a dumb parody of the ending of episode 33. Nice, real nice. Is that all that the author can come up with?
--EVILMINI86 pops in.
KICK!
Akio Penguin: OUCH! How am I supposed to get up now?!
Evilmini86: You should have thought about that before you dissed my creativity, punk! (disappears)
Anthy: Wow! He's gone.
Utena: (waving) Goodbye author!
Touga: This was a pretty weird day. If only it were funnier.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*To Be Continued*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
(No penguins or mullets were harmed in the making of this fanfic)
(I apologize to anyone who may have experienced any traumas as a result of reading this)
(But hey, you wanted to read it)
(Did you like my sudden dose of plot?)
(No? Me either)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In the next episode of Witch Hunt!
What will Midori do with her new position as judge? Will she be good or evil? Where was Miki during the party? Did anyone really miss him? Will Akio Penguin ever turn back to normal? Does anyone really want him to? Did the author spoil episode 33 for you without you even knowing? Yes...no, I'm just kidding. Trust me. I didn't...or did I? All of these answers and less in the next installment of Witch Hunt!
(Note: To ask me any questions about myself, stories, or miscellaneous, eMail me or just review. I plan on making an interview page and in order to do that I need your help. Thank you and Bob bless.)