Witch Hunt!

Episode VIII: The Prince and the Playa'

(A/N: Hello again.........well my friends here is another installment of Witch Hunt. But before we get started there is a little bit of business I must attend to. Reviewer, Shuichi-kun, has stated a "typo" of sorts in the last installment. Now, I have looked through the chapter again and I cannot find the typo myself, but I probably missed it. As you all know, I frequently pop into the action-filled storylines when need be. And when I popped in last episode, Shuichi-kun noted, that I said I was a "her." And poor Shuichi-kun [and I quote] *blinks in confusion*.........that's what she did. And I don't know if any of you have read my profile, but it doesn't help matters of determining my gender much. It actually confuses me when I read it, causing me to look down and confirm it to myself. Well, now I almost don't feel like telling you guys, but to make sure that Shuichi-kun doesn't *blink in confusion* I shall give you all a super magic big hint! Read the sentence two before this one......... "It actually.........to myself." That sentence should explain it. And if you don't get it, well, if I do check.........there's something there to greet me! So yeah.........plus I put myself on the Bishonen list! I just like making people guess crap. It makes me feel mysterious and special. Oh, well.........*cries* that's okay.........I'll be fine. *smiles* ON WITH THE EPISODE!!!)

--The court is set as all of the usual members sit in their usual places. Midori (tired of the Judge Judy Joke)

[alliteration is the key!]

--continues to hold trials even though everyone is tired of it an finds it extremely vapid and useless.

Midori: Now! Everyone. Next up on trial is.........

Touga: Really, this is getting old fast. Can we move onto a better premise?

Juri: He's right. It stopped being about the trials a long time ago.

Midori: When?

Juri: Um.........

Midori: I want evidence. Back up your claim!

Touga: (under breath) As soon as you showed up.........

Midori: What was that, Touga? Care to repeat? (holding up a shotgun)

Touga: It's just weird. You're a new character and all and there's no Saionji. It's just.........weird.

Midori: Don't blame that on me! It was the will of End of the World. All of this was his will!

Touga: He needed them for that stupid band, didn't he? You're just another one of his pawns.

Midori: So were you. I want power. And Akio is power.

Juri: So you are just going to throw your life away for that?!

Midori: It's not throwing my life away! I'm gaining a better one! (slides her fingers down the shotgun revealing the signet ring)

Touga: Where did you get that?!

Midori: The only way possible.

Touga: Saionji.

Midori: If there is really that much of a problem due to my late brother's absence, you can call me Saionji. It's my name too after all.

Touga: You are not Saionji!

Midori: Fine. Whatever. But power shall be mine!

Utena: But how could you?! You've betrayed my trust just like everybody at this school.

Anthy: Then you shouldn't be so surprised, Miss Utena.

Midori: No one stand in my way. I follow the will of End of the World, and soon that power shall rain on me and the only will left shall be mine!!!

--All of a sudden, Dios falls from the sky and lands in front of the stand. Anthy and Utena run to his sides.

Dios: You think you have the power to become End of the World? To do that, you must loose all truth and purity in your heart. That is why the crappy evil and demented me became Akio.........the devil. But when I was a kind prince, everyone took advantage of me. So I figured: 'hey, Dios, there's got to be a gray area in between all of this.' I'm a nice guy and great with the ladies. I don't get to close, 'cause they'll use me. But I don't use them either. I'm a prince and a playa'.

Midori: Okay, why are you telling me this.

Dios: Because.........don't you see it. The big ass broach? That's princely bling bling.

Midori: Princely bling bling?

Touga: The dark tanned skin.

Dios: I'm kind and noble but I'm still from the streets.

Midori: Okay?

Juri: The rings.

Dios: I give presents to all my hoes. Fo' real though!

Midori: Rrrright.........

Dios: You see.........(singing) I love it when you call me Big Dios. Wave yo swords in the air; kill the witch over there.

Anthy: Big Dios!!!

Utena: Whachu doin?

Dios: Nothing chillin at the Holidae In!

Utena: Who you wit?

Dios: Me and my peeps won't you bring four of your friends.

Utena: What we gon' do?

Dios: Feel on each other and sip on some Hen One thing leading to another let the party begin.

Anthy: BIG DIOS!!!

Dios: It's getting' hot in herre, so disappear in your clothes.

Anthy: I am getting' so hot, I need to make some shaved ice!

Midori: What does this have to do with me?

Dios: I'm trying to convince you into not becoming end of the world. Sure, it's fun at first.........but once you find yourself takin' your shirt off all the time and raping your sister, and eating flowers.........it just gets weird.

Midori: I can imagine. But I assure you.........

Dios: A hell naw? She ain't talkin' back to me.

Touga: Don't talk back to Big Dios.

Midori: I am not going to call him that.

Dios: Oh, whigger please! I love it when you call me Big Dios!

Midori: NO! I am End of the WORLD!!!

Dios: Fine. Do what you want. But you are going to have to cut off some of that pretty hair of yours.

Midori: Why?

Dios: Duh! The mullet!

Midori: Hell naw!

Dios: I think she's getting it.

Midori: I think I understand Big Dios.

Dios: Finally!

Midori: The way you just materialized out of the sky. The way you appeared here and sang your little songs. I understand Big Dios.

Dios: That's good.

Midori: I understand that you're a witch!

BANG!

Anthy: AAAHHHHHH! Dios! (pain shoots out inside Anthy) AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Utena: What's wrong Anthy?! (grabbing Anthy)

--Anthy falls limp and her Rose Bride Dress appears on her body as a light luminates from her chest.

Utena: ANTHY!!!

--The handle of a gun appears from the light and Utena pulls it from its place.

Utena: For the power to revolutionize the world!!! (holding the gun)

Touga: Finally, some serious plot.

Juri: And not one line from Miki.

Miki: I'm still here.

Touga & Juri: Damn.

Utena: Midori, you've killed Dios. (aiming at Midori) And no matter how messed up he was, you had no right to kill him. I cannot allow anyone to hurt others this way, with such disregard for human life. I don't care about the power you strive to attain. But you are doing this wrong. And I cannot allow for another End of the World, especially not one as cruel as you.

Midori: Fine. Do it. Shoot me.

Utena: No. I challenge you.........to a duel. (the gun transforms into the Sword of Dios)

Midori: Interesting. You will lose. (pulls out Saionji's katana) Ready?

Utena: As I'll ever be.

Miki: (clicks his stopwatch) Why can't we all just get along?

PHOOM!!!

Miki: (shrieks) AHHH!!! MY STOPWATCH!

Voice: MUAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

(A/N: Yickes! It's sudden reviewer intrusion! Ahhh! Whoot!)

Miki: Who are you?

Voice: I am Quueenie! And now I have your stopwatch! It has been my life long goal to attain this! And now.........I HAVE IT!!! MUAHAHAHAAHAAA!

Miki: NO! Come back! My precious! My PRECIOUS!!!

PHOOM!!!

Touga: She's gone. Just let it go.

Miki: NOOOO!!!

Juri: Dammit.

--Meanwhile Akio runs about the campus searching for his beloved bishoujo, Demongirl666.........he goes from girl to girl, asking their names.........

Akio: Excuse me miss?

Wakaba: Shinohara! Shinohara Wakaba!

Akio: Oh. Damn! (walks off)

Wakaba: Hey! Come back!

--Akio goes to the library to continue his search. He picks up his current reading material "the encyclopedia".

Akio: Hmmm, let's see. What's the mindless fact for the day that will make me sound freakishly sexy, sensitive, smart, and suave for all the ladies. Hmmm, the nightingale is a beautiful bird native to Europe and known for its beautiful melody. From the Old English root, nihtegale, it literally translated means night singer. There is an old tale of a Chinese emperor and his love for a mechanical bird also called a nightingale with the same euphonic song. The emperor fell sick and missed the song of his beautiful nightingale.

--Just then a voice from behind—

Voice: Um, why are you reading that out loud?

Akio: (turning) Why hello miss? What's your name if I may ask?

Voice: Rose. But you can call me Demongirl.

Akio: 666 or 666666?

Demongirl: Well, 666 is the pin name but 666666 is the AIM screen name.

Akio: So Touga was wrong.

Demongirl: Huh?

Obnoxious Teacher Lady with Ugly Glasses: Wait a second? Why are you here at Ohtori, in our school uniforms and attending the middle school! You aren't in the series!

Demongirl: Well, I'm in this story now!

Teacher: Are you a bishoujo? Only bishoujo's can enter this academy!

Akio: Don't question it folks. The teacher works here; she doesn't attend.

Teacher: HEY!

--I dash into the scene, sending the teacher flying out of the library window. WHOOT!

Evilmini: (wearing talkshowman crappy plaid suit and holding a microphone) Hey, everybody. And yes folks, she is a bishoujo! Dark DARK brown hair! Big brown eyes!

Akio: (drools)

Evilmini: See! She even has a bishonen chasing her! So I think she's qualified! (runs off) (returns) Thank you. (runs off again)

Akio: Ooookay.........now where were we? Hey, where'd you go?

Demongirl: (running away) AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

(A/N: These reviewer intrusions are a bitch aren't they?)

--Meanwhile, in the castle where eternity dwells...

Kanae & Kozue: Give it to me baby!

Saionji: Uh huh, uh huh!

Kanae & Kozue: Give it to me baby!

Saionji: Uh huh, uh huh!

Mikage: And all the girlies say I'm pretty fly...for a white guy!

Saionji: Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, cinco, seis!

Dios: You know it's kinda hard just to get a look today Our subject isn't cool but he fakes it anyway He may not have a clue and he may not have style But everything he lacks, well, he makes up in denial.

Mamiya: Stop! Stop singing! This castle is stupid! Everything in here is stupid! (cries) I wanna go home!

Dios: You don't even really exist.

Mamiya: SO?

Dios: What home do you want to go to?

Mamiya: ...

Mikage: Leave him alone. He's a lonely little phantom boy. Leave him to me.

Mamiya: Yay!

Mikage: Not that right now. Save something for dessert.

Mamiya: Hehehehe!

Kanae: (hack) That's gross.

Kozue: It's really boring here. There's nothing to do, you'd think we'd have more freedom being dead and all.

Saionji: This blows. I have wanted to come here nearly half of my life and now that I'm here I can't wait to get out. I miss my Tou...I mean Anthy.

Dios: We all know you're in love with Touga so don't even try to cover it up.

Saionji: ...

Dios: You guys can go back if you want to. Remember, this school is a phantom school anyway. Go ahead. Hell, I'll come with.

--Meanwhile...

CLASH

KLING

SWISH

POW

Juri: Stop making sound effects you ass.

Touga: Hey! I can do as I please.

Utena: The duel ended like twenty minutes ago.

Touga: Really?

Juri: Where were you?"

Touga: I don't know. Sometimes when I'm just standing there playing with my hair, I'll start thinking about stuff and the next thing I know stuff like this happens.

Utena: What do you remember?

Touga: Hmmm...hippos...what if hippos weren't fat? What would they look like?

Juri: Oh, please. (walks away)

Miki: MY WATCH!!!!!

SMACK!

Juri: Shut up about it already! You'll get a new one!

Miki: But I want that one!

SMACK!

Juri: Stop it Touga!

Touga: What? I didn't say anything!

Juri: You said 'smack'...twice.

Touga: So, you smacked him twice.

Juri: Grrrr! (walks over and beats up Touga)

Touga: Blam! Smack! Kick! Punch! Wham! Pow! Boom! Sham! Boof!

Utena: Sham and boof? What the hell is boof?

Juri: This...(stomach punch to Touga)

Touga: BOOF! (cough)

Utena: Anthy...let's get outta here.

Anthy: Where do you want to go?

Utena: Um...what do you say about the outside world?

Anthy: Are you going to turn into a car again?

Utena: No.

Anthy: Oh, okay then.

*~*~*~*TO BE CONTINUED*~*~*~*

Why did this chapter suck sooo much? Why did it take sooo long for Evilmini to update? Well, all I can say is that I am sooo sorry and all of you get to hit me with this...the patented BOOF Stick™!!! This is your reward for my slow updating...note: if some of the suff seems weird, it's cause I started it a LONG time ago and finished it today. Heh! Okay, well, continue to read...more to come. Will Akio find his newest love? Will Utena be able to get to the outside world without having to become a car...again? Will all the dead people come back? What happened to Midori? All of these answers and less in the next episode of WITCH HUNT!!!

*Hey, guys! Give me some suggestions cause my brain is drainin' and the mini muffins aren't working like they used to. So thanks and please review and suggest. And if you can't think of anything now, eMail me later at evilmini86@yahoo.com! Arigato!