As it turned out, Jack arrived later than he had intended. She was somewhat grateful and, at the same time, annoyed. It had given her time to finish getting ready and give herself a pep talk, which eventually turned into her having second thoughts.
They were going to his cabin.
At one time, the invitations to his small part of Minnesota had been too dangerous to accept. It hadn't been about trusting him, as much as it had been about trusting herself. She wondered if her having a boyfriend really made any difference to that. She couldn't answer that question either way. She did, however, know that it was time to have a long talk with her CO regarding feelings. And that's what made this trip so damn scary.
Her frazzled mind hadn't stop thinking for the first hour of the trip. Even then it had taken the colonel a good five minutes to draw her back to reality. A million scenarios had presented themselves to her for analyzing. Most of them were deemed too equivocal to occur, but there were a few that had her rather worried. Firstly, She was puzzled by his rather hasty decision to bring her instead of Annie. She was determined to find the reason for such a change. Perhaps he was going to tell her that they were engaged? That idea was quickly and ruthlessly quashed. They had barely been seeing each other for two months. She highly doubted that things had become that serious already. At least she sincerely hoped not. Unfortunately, it was at this point that her wonderful mind chose to remind her that it had taken less than three months for the colonel to fall into Laira's bed. After an internal debate she decided to leave the subject alone. While she hoped that it was only because he thought there was no chance of ever going to make it home, she also feared that it was simply because he has fallen in love with the woman.
Eventually they stopped to eat. "Carter? Sam?" She vaguely heard her name being called. "Sam!" Her head jumped up, finally registering the voice.
"Hmm"
"We're stopping for breakfast." It was a statement, but it seemed to come out as more of a question and it was accompanied by a strange look.
Little was said between the two as they made their way into the small roadside diner. They sat down and ordered their meals, neither knowing how to break the ice. It was quite ridiculous. After all, they were both adults and had known each other for over six and a half years. Surely it wasn't that hard to make small talk. Once upon a time it had been easy; friendly, flirtatious banter would be passed back and forth without a second thought. These days, those second thoughts seemed to quell any idle chatter that might spring to mind. Constant fears of whether the comment would be seen as inappropriate hindered conversation, and certain topics were off limits all together. How could one expect to maintain a friendship on these terms? They were going to have to sort out a way to deal with the 'thing' between them. Neither of them could completely move on until they had.
Summoning a little bit of extra courage, Sam broached the question. "Why are you taking me on this trip?"
Jack's head flew up in surprise and narrowed his eyes. He looked annoyed. "What do you mean; why am I taking you? You asked me to, that's why."
Sam was a little taken back. "Well, I… I just meant that you were going to take Annie. Why are you taking me instead?"
He sat quietly for so long that she thought he wasn't going to answer the question. "I didn't want any regrets." He looked at her with such a piercing gaze, that she had to lower her eyes to the table. "For crying out loud, you've said no so many times that I figured this was the only chance I was ever going to get. My cabin is where I take my family, and you're family, Carter."
She bit her lower lip and continued to stare at the table, there was a particular scratch that was quite interesting. At least that's what her excuse was. She didn't know how to deal with his confession. On one hand it made her feel safe and loved. On the other it made her jealous. If he had intended to bring Annie up to the cabin, then it meant that his relationship with this new woman was deeper than she was willing to acknowledge. For crying out loud, she couldn't even call her his girlfriend. Talk about living in denial. Maybe she should say something…
Apparently she hesitated a moment too long because he was talking again. "Look, maybe this isn't such a good idea. We've only been on the road an hour. We should turn back. I'll take Annie, at least she'll talk to me!" he said in frustration.
Sam looked at him in shock. Her eyes were wide with sadness and pleaded with him to change his mind. She opened her mouth to say something but all she could manage was a small strangled gasp.
"Carter, if we can't manage a simple conversation here, then what the hell is it going to be like when were on our own. There aren't exactly any neighbours close by. Teal'c and Daniel aren't going to be there to hide behind." He sounded down right angry now. "Honestly, Major, I'm sick of this."
Major? She was in trouble if he was calling her by her rank. This was meant to be a vacation. They were meant to be getting closer, not further apart. They had been getting closer, hadn't they? The last month had been great. They'd started fresh, both trying to move on. The awkwardness was gone, but at this very moment it seemed to be seeping it's way back in.
Her lack of response was driving him crazy. "That's it, let's go." He ordered, standing up and leaving some money on the table to cover their breakfast. "We're going home. As soon as we get in the car we go back to ranks." he demanded. "You call me Colonel and I'll call you Major. It's obvious that we can't be friends, and I'm sick to death of wasting my time trying to pretend."
She was shell-shocked, following his orders numbly. Tears stung the back of her eyes and her throat constricted. His words repeating over and over in her mind. She couldn't dismiss them, because she knew their truth. God, she'd been so busy trying to be happy, trying to make it all work, that she didn't realise just how false her 'new friendship' with him really was. Mimicking the old days didn't count for anything. You can't just ignore six years of history, it doesn't work that way.
Turning on the ignition, the colonel shifted into gear and tore out of the car park. His rigid frame attesting to how angry he was. She didn't know what to do. Too afraid to open her mouth, for fear of breaking down, and scared to not say anything at all. Her perfect little world was falling apart, showing exactly how weak it had been in the first place. Her blissful ignorance was the cause and now she was paying the price. She was losing him, and this time there would be no last minute rescue, no sarcophagus or healing device that could bring him back to her. There was no machine she could build that would eradicate the distance between them.