Boom Went the Felix
-- ...Eep. --
I'm sorry for the omega long wait.... ;-; I decided to help write a screenplay with a friend (Who has THE HIGHEST HOPES EVER), and it's rather difficult to make sense of his writing... And that takes nearly all of my time, since he's pressuring me to work, work, work. And he's supposed to be the laidback one of the two of us... e_e Funny how it works.
Domo arigato to all of my reviewers... Vyctori, keep your wits about you, there are actually going to be -two- stories dedicated to you... One's a multi-chaptered Picard x Felix, the second is an angsty, semi-introspective Saturos / Menardi one-shot. I LURVE YOU THAT MUCH! ^o^
fredde184 -- I should make a shrine to my own devotee... Huh.... ^_~ Lurve you lots, too.
AND EVERYONE ELSE! -- THANK YOU SO MUCH! O_o But I should really stop listening to some of you... Because all of my one-shots will become one of these... ::Sigh:: Whatever. Still love you all.
-|-
Boom Went the Felix --
-- The good, the bad, and the downright ugly
-|-
Pounding. It wouldn't stop. WHY DID IT NOT STOP?
"Go away! I'm being miserable!"
"You're not doing a good job of it."
"GO AWAY!"
Some shifting noises. The door opened. Felix groaned into his bed, curling tighter into a ball as Picard sat down on the edge of his mattress.
"See, I'm miserable." Felix grumbled, his voice muffled from several layers of thick blankets. And a few pillows.
"So my attempt to make you happy didn't work?"
"...You are not throwing me into the lake. Again."
"You *are* miserable." Picard blinked, peeling away some layers. He unearthed Felix's face, which nipped at his fingers. "And bloodthirsty."
"You'd be bloodthirsty, too," Felix muttered, wriggling his blankets back into place as he spoke, "If your sister and her girlfriend and your own boyfriend were trying to make you *crossdress*."
"It's fun." The Lemurian paused, considering his next batch of words. "Would this count as foreplay?"
"PICARD!" Felix roared. "Don't you DARE go there!"
"I was kidding..." Picard mumbled sheepishly.
"You don't have interest in women, anyhow..." Felix rolled over, onto his side, and faced the wall.
"Men in skirts?" He suggested.
"Please."
Picard laughed. Felix moped.
"Did Jenna and Mia send you up here to torment me?" Felix asked, after some moments of silence.
"They said I'd only get in the way, so they sent me out. I just came here to check up on you." Picard draped himself over Felix's slender (Though made large by way of the blankets) form, nuzzling his face against Felix's. "And maybe get some kisses?"
"You vile, evil, notorious man." Felix hissed.
Picard chuckled again, pressing a kiss to the side of Felix's mouth.
"You're cute when you're mad."
Felix turned his face away to prevent further kisses. Picard purred, clawing his way under the numerous blankets. Felix jerked away from a poke to his side. "You unholy -- "
"Felix, love, it's spring." Picard sighed. "You'll roast yourself alive under these blankets."
"That's the point." He replied evenly. The Lemurian got up and stood beside the bed, staring down at his cocoon-form again.
"Did you purposely make yourself look like a human chrysallis, by any chance?"
"No. It just came out that way." Felix said dryly.
"I thought so!" Picard said brightly, picking up the Bundle-o-Felix / Felix- Cocoon [Hnee! XD]. Felix, as to be expected, protested loudly.
"What the blasphemous hell do you think you're doing, you idiotic Lemurian?!"
-|-
Downstairs, Jenna and Mia stopped over their needlework to look up and glance at each other.
"Was that Felix?" Mia asked Jenna.
Jenna squinted at a wall, then looked down at her needlework, to notice a knot she had somehow created while stitching. She sighed, picking at it. She had never been good at needlework, like Mia... "Maybe it was... Picard certainly doesn't yell like that often."
"The only time was when..." Mia trailed off, tapping the needle against her thumb as she thought.
"Was when Shine got into the bathroom while he was taking a bath." said Jenna. Her tone was easy, conversational, as she poked and yanked and picked at the knot. She frowned down at it. "With Felix, if I'm not mistaken..."
"Jenna..." Mia sighed.
"You wouldn't dare, you corrupted, malevolent person!"
[A/N: Snerk. The IRONY in that sentence is SO funny to me.... Cookie to you who get it... XP]
A thud. Mia jumped. Another thud. A loud, "Damn!" Thud. Thud. Thud. Wham. Thud. Thud. Wham. Thud.
"What's going on?" Mia raced over to the staircase.
A most dizzy, disgruntled Felix lay at her feet, grumbling obscene things under his breath. Picard came down after him, rolling up several blankets as he descended the stairs.
"...What happened?"
"Easy... Felix was moping, Picard got him, then rolled him down the stairs in his blankets." Jenna plucked one blanket from Picard, staring down at it in disbelief. "...Felix, isn't this your baby blanket?" She snickered as Mia and Picard peered down at it. "Look, it's Mr. Shnuzzle!"
"Shnuzzle..." Felix groaned. "...Put... Shnuzzy... down..."
"Oh dear..." Mia sighed.
"'Shnuzzle'?" Picard asked, disturbed. "Is this a childhood thing?"
"Yeah, it is, and it's a long story..." Jenna sighed as she stared down at her unconscious elder brother. "Picard, pick him up and heal him. He doesn't need broken bones a few days before the contest." She cackled, heading back to the table to finish her stitching.
"I'm beginning to wish I didn't throw Felix down the stairs." Picard said to Mia.
The Imilian healer touched a bump on the Venus adept's head. "So am I. When he wakes up, and after he's had something for that headache, he's going to scream bloody murder and come after you."
Picard visibly paled.
-|-
A time later, Felix sat at the table, an ice pack on his head. Picard was *out,* as the girls had told him, and that, of course, did not bode well at all with the Venus adept. He glanced furtively around, noticing that Mia had put fresh daisies in the vase on the counter. Why this occured to him, he didn't know.
"Felix, is pink or yellow bet -- "
"Yellow." He cut in curtly, staring out the window, waiting for a blue head to appear. "No rosettes."
"Aww, but.." Jenna whined, disappointed.
"No matter, we'll just make his hair look extra pretty." Mia said, patting the Mars adept's hand. Jenna looked at her, then nodded, determined.
"Women," Felix hissed under his breath.
Jenna kicked his shin underneath the table. "Shut up."
"You're evil." Felix told Jenna, who glared at him and raised her needle threateningly.
Mia, thankfully, intervened, before Felix became a man-made cactus. "Jenna, finish your stitching. We only have so much time."
Felix scooted away from his evil (frothing) sister before she could disobey the Imilian healer's wishes and made him her personal pincushion.
/Meep./
"Jenna, Mia!"
While Felix had a staring match with the floor, Picard swept into the room and deposited a bundle of flowers on Mia and Jenna's laps. He then moved around the table to stick a daisy behind Felix's ear and kiss his forehead.
"These are beautiful, Picard! Where did you get them?" Mia cooed, bringing a bright pink rose to her nose and sniffing at it delicately.
"The lady down at the inn gave them to me for no particular reason... She was mumbling something about Isaac and a foreign lady..."
Jenna and Mia exchanged glances.
"Isaac?" Jenna asked.
"...Feizhi?" Mia blinked.
"Come to think of it, I didn't see either of them at the south plaza, where they normally hang around..."
"This isn't good." Jenna said worriedly, plucking at a flower.
Mia sighed. "But we have no time to worry about them... They're both very capable adepts. We should worry only about Felix's dress now."
Felix grumbled.
"I'm sure you'll look dazzling, dah-ling." Jenna purred, pinching Felix's cheek.
"You'll steal their hearts!" Mia declared.
"And they'll never know it's you!" Picard -- Felix could swear to Iris -- giggled.
"Someone save me... Or throw me into the loony bin..." Felix muttered unhappily, taking the daisy from behind his ear and shredding it into little bits. Picard began to comb his brown hair, humming a tune under his breath as the girls continued their sewing.
-|-
"NO!"
"YES!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
(A/N: Sounds like a shouting match between Felix and Isaac... ._.)
"Wouldn't it be easier to break the door down?"
Jenna swallowed another yell of 'yes' once Picard suggested that. She turned to him, beaming.
"It would! Who should do it? Me or you?"
"JENNA!" Felix screamed.
"Okay! Felix decided for us!" Jenna pumped a fist into the air. Her other hand began to glow a bright red. A violently red... red. Yeah. Whatever, VIOLENT.
"Please don't burn the house down, Jenna... That's all I ask..." Mia said. Picard pat her comfortingly on the head.
"Jenna, don't you dare!" Felix yelled from behind the door. "If you do -- "
"You can't ban me from anything! You're not the oldest one under this roof!"
"Picard!" Felix wailed.
"No favors, dearest, not until you come out!"
"I HATE YOU!"
"That stings, love."
"SOMEONE SAVE ME!"
"Don't you even think of jumping out the window!" Jenna shouted, pounding on his door. "You'll land in Mia's rosebushes!"
"Drat you, Mia!"
"Hey! Don't you dare offend Mia!"
"I think we should take cover..." Picard said to Mia. Mia blinked.
"I think we should."
-|-
"Isaac...."
"What is it, Feizhi?"
"Whose house is that, over there? On the hill?"
"The hill? Oh, Felix and Jenna's, why do you ask?"
"...Something on the top floor exploded, I think!"
Isaac stared blankly at the Xian lady for a moment before sighing. "Don't worry... It's a common occurence."
"What?! You mean to say that things spontaneously combust and explode over in that house DAILY?"
"Yeah." He chuckled softly. "When you've known Jenna for a while... You'll get it."
It was Feizhi's turn to stare blankly.
-|-
"Jenna!" Mia shouted as she ran up the stairs littered with splintered chunks of wood. "That was overkill!"
"Sorry, Mia..." Jenna mumbled sheepishly, looking around the dusty second floor. "I think I must've..."
"Felix!"
They ran outside to see Picard standing over Felix, who was looking most uncomfortable on top of Mia's rosebushes.
"Oops..." Jenna mumbled. Mia shrieked and raced over to him.
"Felix... Are you okay?" Picard asked the Venus adept.
"Do I LOOK okay?" Felix snarled back.
"He's okay." Picard told the Imilian healer as she drew near. "He's still snapping at me."
"Shut up, Picard..." Felix grumbled unhappily. "Just get me out of this evil, abhorrent thing of... evilness..."
"Oh no, he's in more serious condition that I thought!" Picard said in mock surprise. "He's starting to use larger words!"
"SHUT UP!"
-|-
After patching up a very moody, don't-touch-me-I-bite-Felix, Jenna set off on her quest to RULE THE WORLD! ...Actually, no, that's my job. So, she began trying to get Felix into the lovely dress she and Mia had made. Fussed over. Busted their backbones over. Ah, but the key word was 'trying'...
"No! I'm not getting near that!"
"Felix, it's just a fitting!"
"Fitting my -- "
"Felix," Picard sighed, snatching Felix as he ran past, trying to flee from his devil-incarnate sister. "I won't do you-know-what you-know-where."
A pause.
"But, Picard..." Felix cried.
"Picard, I told you! NO INNUENDO LIKE THAT!" Mia yelled, pulling her Righteous Mace from Lord-knows-where and proceeding to beat the heck out of Picard.
Jenna and Felix stood back, very afraid, and watched.
"What did he mean, anyway?" Jenna poked her brother in his side with her elbow. He flushed and looked down at the floor.
"My weekly massage."
Jenna's eyebrow shot up. "So it wasn't... *that* I was hearing all the time, right?"
"That?" Felix blinked innocently.
She sighed. "You virgin."
"I never said I wasn't a virgin!"
"So are you saying you *aren't* a virgin?"
"I don't mean that!"
Jenna cackled at Felix's embarassed bright red blush. "You are, or you aren't?"
"I'm going to tell you!"
"Oh, not even your adorable, lovely little sister who happens to be a pyromaniac?"
Felix gulped before dashing for the door.
-|-
Feizhi was not *naturally* a suspicious woman, but now, she began to think differently.
"Isaac, who is that person running around on fire?"
He seemed to start a moment, then, as he looked around, seeing someone running around, in flames, and screaming bloody murder, he sighed and settled back down.
"Don't worry. Jenna and Felix."
"...Pardon?"
"Jenna sets Felix on fire. No worries; it happens often." Isaac said brightly. Feizhi gaped at him.
"You mean, that woman is allowed to set fire to her own brother?!"
"None of us really like it -- I mean, Felix is a nice guy, really -- but have you ever tried to *persuade* Jenna to *not* set her brother on fire? It's... it's scary. It's almost comparable with Kraden..." Isaac shuddered. "And normally, it's because Felix did something stupid again..."
"For example...?"
"Stealing cookies under her nose, when she told him not to eat any."
Feizhi blinked, biting her lower lip. "Stealing is bad, but cookies?"
"You don't want to ask Jenna for a cookie when she says no. When she means it." Isaac was staring at her seriously. Feizhi looked down, perplexed beyond words. "If you're confused... just don't ask. Trust me."
The Xian woman shook her head and sighed. "I do not want to know..." Isaac chuckled nervously.
-|-
"I think you *want* to be hurt." Jenna muttered, standing before her patched-up brother, hands on her hips. "Silly virgin."
"I'm not a virgin..." Felix croaked, sighing.
"Of course he isn't." Picard said cheerfully, despite the bandage around his head. "I've made sure of that -- "
"Shut up, and I don't know you." Felix cut in, grumbling other things under his breath.
Picard frowned, and reached over to pull at Felix's hair, when a scream from the kitchen startled all of them.
"MIA!" Jenna yelled, dashing off to the Mercury adept's aid.
"...Your darling Jenna is here to save you." Felix muttered in response to Jenna's warcry echoing around the house.
Mia raced back in, crying, and stumbling over her own two feet. "The dress is GONE!" She wailed.
Felix and Picard were stunned.
Felix, of course, was stunned in the: "THANK-YOU-IRIS!" sort of way.
Picard was stunned in the: "What, no Felix in a dress?!" kind of way.
While Mia collapsed onto a couch, and continued to sob, Picard went over to her and comforted her while Jenna screamed things and ran around the house, looking for all the world like a mother hen that had misplaced her only egg. ...Was that a good analogy?
All Felix did, however, was lay back and revel in his luck. But of course, Felix wasn't known for his luck, no. No, not at all.
"Ah hah!" Came Jenna's triumphant cry. Mia looked up.
"YOU FOUND IT?" She cried happily.
"Look!" Jenna brandished the dress before her like a medal she had won for her manic pyromaniacy. Or something along those lines... It now glittered with gems that, all of them were sure, that were not there previously. "Someone must've took it and made it even prettier!"
Felix curled up into a ball and started crying. (How very manly of him.) Picard sighed and went over to him.
"The world hasn't ended, Felix..." He said. "...yet..."
"I'm going to kill them!" Felix shrieked, sounding much like Jenna on a coffee-high. "And then use Revive on them and -- and -- chop them up again!"
Mia blinked. Jenna stared.
"...Felix, what they did is a *good* thing." Mia said tentatively.
"A *GOOD* THING?!" He jumped up, ignoring Picard's protests. "FOR YOU! Because YOU'RE not the one CROSSDRESSING!"
Jenna frowned. Picard immediately dove for a hiding place, and Mia snatched the dress and scurried away to safety. Felix, for some strange reason, did not back down from his sister.
"Felix." Jenna said evenly. "You can do this the easy way, or the hard way. Apologize to Mia, or I'll torch you to cinders."
"Torch me." Felix dared. "Then I won't have to go THROUGH with this hellish idea of yours -- "
And BOOM went the Felix.
-|-
End
-|-
AIIIYEEE! Don't hurt me don't hurt me don't hurt me don't hurt me! o_O;; I've seriously been too busy to write that much... ::Hits self:: And I'm writing OTHER things in what little "spare time" I have. ::Continues whacking self::
So, stories I'm currently juggling all at once:
- Your Everyday Life
- Structure (Unposted, FFTA yaoi) [I don't intend on posting this one either. XD It's just a little spoof of a whim I had...]
- Color (Angst, drama, blood and stuff) [Adrogynous pairing, yay. o_O I need to look it over again... It's a double suicide. x_x;; For Shadow's (Formerly Shadow the Hanyou) birthday.]
- Carmine Sky (On FP.Net)
- The Elements
- The Last Element
- Molten
Eeeeggg... e_e;;
BOOM WENT THE FELIX!
-- Azu
-- ...Eep. --
I'm sorry for the omega long wait.... ;-; I decided to help write a screenplay with a friend (Who has THE HIGHEST HOPES EVER), and it's rather difficult to make sense of his writing... And that takes nearly all of my time, since he's pressuring me to work, work, work. And he's supposed to be the laidback one of the two of us... e_e Funny how it works.
Domo arigato to all of my reviewers... Vyctori, keep your wits about you, there are actually going to be -two- stories dedicated to you... One's a multi-chaptered Picard x Felix, the second is an angsty, semi-introspective Saturos / Menardi one-shot. I LURVE YOU THAT MUCH! ^o^
fredde184 -- I should make a shrine to my own devotee... Huh.... ^_~ Lurve you lots, too.
AND EVERYONE ELSE! -- THANK YOU SO MUCH! O_o But I should really stop listening to some of you... Because all of my one-shots will become one of these... ::Sigh:: Whatever. Still love you all.
-|-
Boom Went the Felix --
-- The good, the bad, and the downright ugly
-|-
Pounding. It wouldn't stop. WHY DID IT NOT STOP?
"Go away! I'm being miserable!"
"You're not doing a good job of it."
"GO AWAY!"
Some shifting noises. The door opened. Felix groaned into his bed, curling tighter into a ball as Picard sat down on the edge of his mattress.
"See, I'm miserable." Felix grumbled, his voice muffled from several layers of thick blankets. And a few pillows.
"So my attempt to make you happy didn't work?"
"...You are not throwing me into the lake. Again."
"You *are* miserable." Picard blinked, peeling away some layers. He unearthed Felix's face, which nipped at his fingers. "And bloodthirsty."
"You'd be bloodthirsty, too," Felix muttered, wriggling his blankets back into place as he spoke, "If your sister and her girlfriend and your own boyfriend were trying to make you *crossdress*."
"It's fun." The Lemurian paused, considering his next batch of words. "Would this count as foreplay?"
"PICARD!" Felix roared. "Don't you DARE go there!"
"I was kidding..." Picard mumbled sheepishly.
"You don't have interest in women, anyhow..." Felix rolled over, onto his side, and faced the wall.
"Men in skirts?" He suggested.
"Please."
Picard laughed. Felix moped.
"Did Jenna and Mia send you up here to torment me?" Felix asked, after some moments of silence.
"They said I'd only get in the way, so they sent me out. I just came here to check up on you." Picard draped himself over Felix's slender (Though made large by way of the blankets) form, nuzzling his face against Felix's. "And maybe get some kisses?"
"You vile, evil, notorious man." Felix hissed.
Picard chuckled again, pressing a kiss to the side of Felix's mouth.
"You're cute when you're mad."
Felix turned his face away to prevent further kisses. Picard purred, clawing his way under the numerous blankets. Felix jerked away from a poke to his side. "You unholy -- "
"Felix, love, it's spring." Picard sighed. "You'll roast yourself alive under these blankets."
"That's the point." He replied evenly. The Lemurian got up and stood beside the bed, staring down at his cocoon-form again.
"Did you purposely make yourself look like a human chrysallis, by any chance?"
"No. It just came out that way." Felix said dryly.
"I thought so!" Picard said brightly, picking up the Bundle-o-Felix / Felix- Cocoon [Hnee! XD]. Felix, as to be expected, protested loudly.
"What the blasphemous hell do you think you're doing, you idiotic Lemurian?!"
-|-
Downstairs, Jenna and Mia stopped over their needlework to look up and glance at each other.
"Was that Felix?" Mia asked Jenna.
Jenna squinted at a wall, then looked down at her needlework, to notice a knot she had somehow created while stitching. She sighed, picking at it. She had never been good at needlework, like Mia... "Maybe it was... Picard certainly doesn't yell like that often."
"The only time was when..." Mia trailed off, tapping the needle against her thumb as she thought.
"Was when Shine got into the bathroom while he was taking a bath." said Jenna. Her tone was easy, conversational, as she poked and yanked and picked at the knot. She frowned down at it. "With Felix, if I'm not mistaken..."
"Jenna..." Mia sighed.
"You wouldn't dare, you corrupted, malevolent person!"
[A/N: Snerk. The IRONY in that sentence is SO funny to me.... Cookie to you who get it... XP]
A thud. Mia jumped. Another thud. A loud, "Damn!" Thud. Thud. Thud. Wham. Thud. Thud. Wham. Thud.
"What's going on?" Mia raced over to the staircase.
A most dizzy, disgruntled Felix lay at her feet, grumbling obscene things under his breath. Picard came down after him, rolling up several blankets as he descended the stairs.
"...What happened?"
"Easy... Felix was moping, Picard got him, then rolled him down the stairs in his blankets." Jenna plucked one blanket from Picard, staring down at it in disbelief. "...Felix, isn't this your baby blanket?" She snickered as Mia and Picard peered down at it. "Look, it's Mr. Shnuzzle!"
"Shnuzzle..." Felix groaned. "...Put... Shnuzzy... down..."
"Oh dear..." Mia sighed.
"'Shnuzzle'?" Picard asked, disturbed. "Is this a childhood thing?"
"Yeah, it is, and it's a long story..." Jenna sighed as she stared down at her unconscious elder brother. "Picard, pick him up and heal him. He doesn't need broken bones a few days before the contest." She cackled, heading back to the table to finish her stitching.
"I'm beginning to wish I didn't throw Felix down the stairs." Picard said to Mia.
The Imilian healer touched a bump on the Venus adept's head. "So am I. When he wakes up, and after he's had something for that headache, he's going to scream bloody murder and come after you."
Picard visibly paled.
-|-
A time later, Felix sat at the table, an ice pack on his head. Picard was *out,* as the girls had told him, and that, of course, did not bode well at all with the Venus adept. He glanced furtively around, noticing that Mia had put fresh daisies in the vase on the counter. Why this occured to him, he didn't know.
"Felix, is pink or yellow bet -- "
"Yellow." He cut in curtly, staring out the window, waiting for a blue head to appear. "No rosettes."
"Aww, but.." Jenna whined, disappointed.
"No matter, we'll just make his hair look extra pretty." Mia said, patting the Mars adept's hand. Jenna looked at her, then nodded, determined.
"Women," Felix hissed under his breath.
Jenna kicked his shin underneath the table. "Shut up."
"You're evil." Felix told Jenna, who glared at him and raised her needle threateningly.
Mia, thankfully, intervened, before Felix became a man-made cactus. "Jenna, finish your stitching. We only have so much time."
Felix scooted away from his evil (frothing) sister before she could disobey the Imilian healer's wishes and made him her personal pincushion.
/Meep./
"Jenna, Mia!"
While Felix had a staring match with the floor, Picard swept into the room and deposited a bundle of flowers on Mia and Jenna's laps. He then moved around the table to stick a daisy behind Felix's ear and kiss his forehead.
"These are beautiful, Picard! Where did you get them?" Mia cooed, bringing a bright pink rose to her nose and sniffing at it delicately.
"The lady down at the inn gave them to me for no particular reason... She was mumbling something about Isaac and a foreign lady..."
Jenna and Mia exchanged glances.
"Isaac?" Jenna asked.
"...Feizhi?" Mia blinked.
"Come to think of it, I didn't see either of them at the south plaza, where they normally hang around..."
"This isn't good." Jenna said worriedly, plucking at a flower.
Mia sighed. "But we have no time to worry about them... They're both very capable adepts. We should worry only about Felix's dress now."
Felix grumbled.
"I'm sure you'll look dazzling, dah-ling." Jenna purred, pinching Felix's cheek.
"You'll steal their hearts!" Mia declared.
"And they'll never know it's you!" Picard -- Felix could swear to Iris -- giggled.
"Someone save me... Or throw me into the loony bin..." Felix muttered unhappily, taking the daisy from behind his ear and shredding it into little bits. Picard began to comb his brown hair, humming a tune under his breath as the girls continued their sewing.
-|-
"NO!"
"YES!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
(A/N: Sounds like a shouting match between Felix and Isaac... ._.)
"Wouldn't it be easier to break the door down?"
Jenna swallowed another yell of 'yes' once Picard suggested that. She turned to him, beaming.
"It would! Who should do it? Me or you?"
"JENNA!" Felix screamed.
"Okay! Felix decided for us!" Jenna pumped a fist into the air. Her other hand began to glow a bright red. A violently red... red. Yeah. Whatever, VIOLENT.
"Please don't burn the house down, Jenna... That's all I ask..." Mia said. Picard pat her comfortingly on the head.
"Jenna, don't you dare!" Felix yelled from behind the door. "If you do -- "
"You can't ban me from anything! You're not the oldest one under this roof!"
"Picard!" Felix wailed.
"No favors, dearest, not until you come out!"
"I HATE YOU!"
"That stings, love."
"SOMEONE SAVE ME!"
"Don't you even think of jumping out the window!" Jenna shouted, pounding on his door. "You'll land in Mia's rosebushes!"
"Drat you, Mia!"
"Hey! Don't you dare offend Mia!"
"I think we should take cover..." Picard said to Mia. Mia blinked.
"I think we should."
-|-
"Isaac...."
"What is it, Feizhi?"
"Whose house is that, over there? On the hill?"
"The hill? Oh, Felix and Jenna's, why do you ask?"
"...Something on the top floor exploded, I think!"
Isaac stared blankly at the Xian lady for a moment before sighing. "Don't worry... It's a common occurence."
"What?! You mean to say that things spontaneously combust and explode over in that house DAILY?"
"Yeah." He chuckled softly. "When you've known Jenna for a while... You'll get it."
It was Feizhi's turn to stare blankly.
-|-
"Jenna!" Mia shouted as she ran up the stairs littered with splintered chunks of wood. "That was overkill!"
"Sorry, Mia..." Jenna mumbled sheepishly, looking around the dusty second floor. "I think I must've..."
"Felix!"
They ran outside to see Picard standing over Felix, who was looking most uncomfortable on top of Mia's rosebushes.
"Oops..." Jenna mumbled. Mia shrieked and raced over to him.
"Felix... Are you okay?" Picard asked the Venus adept.
"Do I LOOK okay?" Felix snarled back.
"He's okay." Picard told the Imilian healer as she drew near. "He's still snapping at me."
"Shut up, Picard..." Felix grumbled unhappily. "Just get me out of this evil, abhorrent thing of... evilness..."
"Oh no, he's in more serious condition that I thought!" Picard said in mock surprise. "He's starting to use larger words!"
"SHUT UP!"
-|-
After patching up a very moody, don't-touch-me-I-bite-Felix, Jenna set off on her quest to RULE THE WORLD! ...Actually, no, that's my job. So, she began trying to get Felix into the lovely dress she and Mia had made. Fussed over. Busted their backbones over. Ah, but the key word was 'trying'...
"No! I'm not getting near that!"
"Felix, it's just a fitting!"
"Fitting my -- "
"Felix," Picard sighed, snatching Felix as he ran past, trying to flee from his devil-incarnate sister. "I won't do you-know-what you-know-where."
A pause.
"But, Picard..." Felix cried.
"Picard, I told you! NO INNUENDO LIKE THAT!" Mia yelled, pulling her Righteous Mace from Lord-knows-where and proceeding to beat the heck out of Picard.
Jenna and Felix stood back, very afraid, and watched.
"What did he mean, anyway?" Jenna poked her brother in his side with her elbow. He flushed and looked down at the floor.
"My weekly massage."
Jenna's eyebrow shot up. "So it wasn't... *that* I was hearing all the time, right?"
"That?" Felix blinked innocently.
She sighed. "You virgin."
"I never said I wasn't a virgin!"
"So are you saying you *aren't* a virgin?"
"I don't mean that!"
Jenna cackled at Felix's embarassed bright red blush. "You are, or you aren't?"
"I'm going to tell you!"
"Oh, not even your adorable, lovely little sister who happens to be a pyromaniac?"
Felix gulped before dashing for the door.
-|-
Feizhi was not *naturally* a suspicious woman, but now, she began to think differently.
"Isaac, who is that person running around on fire?"
He seemed to start a moment, then, as he looked around, seeing someone running around, in flames, and screaming bloody murder, he sighed and settled back down.
"Don't worry. Jenna and Felix."
"...Pardon?"
"Jenna sets Felix on fire. No worries; it happens often." Isaac said brightly. Feizhi gaped at him.
"You mean, that woman is allowed to set fire to her own brother?!"
"None of us really like it -- I mean, Felix is a nice guy, really -- but have you ever tried to *persuade* Jenna to *not* set her brother on fire? It's... it's scary. It's almost comparable with Kraden..." Isaac shuddered. "And normally, it's because Felix did something stupid again..."
"For example...?"
"Stealing cookies under her nose, when she told him not to eat any."
Feizhi blinked, biting her lower lip. "Stealing is bad, but cookies?"
"You don't want to ask Jenna for a cookie when she says no. When she means it." Isaac was staring at her seriously. Feizhi looked down, perplexed beyond words. "If you're confused... just don't ask. Trust me."
The Xian woman shook her head and sighed. "I do not want to know..." Isaac chuckled nervously.
-|-
"I think you *want* to be hurt." Jenna muttered, standing before her patched-up brother, hands on her hips. "Silly virgin."
"I'm not a virgin..." Felix croaked, sighing.
"Of course he isn't." Picard said cheerfully, despite the bandage around his head. "I've made sure of that -- "
"Shut up, and I don't know you." Felix cut in, grumbling other things under his breath.
Picard frowned, and reached over to pull at Felix's hair, when a scream from the kitchen startled all of them.
"MIA!" Jenna yelled, dashing off to the Mercury adept's aid.
"...Your darling Jenna is here to save you." Felix muttered in response to Jenna's warcry echoing around the house.
Mia raced back in, crying, and stumbling over her own two feet. "The dress is GONE!" She wailed.
Felix and Picard were stunned.
Felix, of course, was stunned in the: "THANK-YOU-IRIS!" sort of way.
Picard was stunned in the: "What, no Felix in a dress?!" kind of way.
While Mia collapsed onto a couch, and continued to sob, Picard went over to her and comforted her while Jenna screamed things and ran around the house, looking for all the world like a mother hen that had misplaced her only egg. ...Was that a good analogy?
All Felix did, however, was lay back and revel in his luck. But of course, Felix wasn't known for his luck, no. No, not at all.
"Ah hah!" Came Jenna's triumphant cry. Mia looked up.
"YOU FOUND IT?" She cried happily.
"Look!" Jenna brandished the dress before her like a medal she had won for her manic pyromaniacy. Or something along those lines... It now glittered with gems that, all of them were sure, that were not there previously. "Someone must've took it and made it even prettier!"
Felix curled up into a ball and started crying. (How very manly of him.) Picard sighed and went over to him.
"The world hasn't ended, Felix..." He said. "...yet..."
"I'm going to kill them!" Felix shrieked, sounding much like Jenna on a coffee-high. "And then use Revive on them and -- and -- chop them up again!"
Mia blinked. Jenna stared.
"...Felix, what they did is a *good* thing." Mia said tentatively.
"A *GOOD* THING?!" He jumped up, ignoring Picard's protests. "FOR YOU! Because YOU'RE not the one CROSSDRESSING!"
Jenna frowned. Picard immediately dove for a hiding place, and Mia snatched the dress and scurried away to safety. Felix, for some strange reason, did not back down from his sister.
"Felix." Jenna said evenly. "You can do this the easy way, or the hard way. Apologize to Mia, or I'll torch you to cinders."
"Torch me." Felix dared. "Then I won't have to go THROUGH with this hellish idea of yours -- "
And BOOM went the Felix.
-|-
End
-|-
AIIIYEEE! Don't hurt me don't hurt me don't hurt me don't hurt me! o_O;; I've seriously been too busy to write that much... ::Hits self:: And I'm writing OTHER things in what little "spare time" I have. ::Continues whacking self::
So, stories I'm currently juggling all at once:
- Your Everyday Life
- Structure (Unposted, FFTA yaoi) [I don't intend on posting this one either. XD It's just a little spoof of a whim I had...]
- Color (Angst, drama, blood and stuff) [Adrogynous pairing, yay. o_O I need to look it over again... It's a double suicide. x_x;; For Shadow's (Formerly Shadow the Hanyou) birthday.]
- Carmine Sky (On FP.Net)
- The Elements
- The Last Element
- Molten
Eeeeggg... e_e;;
BOOM WENT THE FELIX!
-- Azu