The Poll. Chapter Five
Disclaimer: I don't own anything! I am poor! I don't even own a pizza pocket anymore!!!! But I don't care, I'll be happy once I get Orli… Amalie, he is supposed to be here by now!!!!!! Eh, what's the use… (jumps into the fires of mount doom but gets caught by Frodo who is dangling off a rock shelf, Sam pulls us both up and we are all saved by Gandalf and the eagles [and that means Ben Cousins too!!! *drools*]… wake up with Leggy/ Orli/ Will Turner/ Paris [in Troy]/ Joe/ OMG droolfest to the max!!!! at my bed side who says, "my love, you have awoken at last! Long have I searched for you, long have I yearned to look upon your beautiful face…" he begins to drool, hence I begin to drool, hence we realized each others randomness, hence he dumps Kate Bosworth, hence we get married, hence we both live happily ever after…did I just type that/scream that at the top of my lungs? I am on a laptop on the bus you know so that could be a problem…hmmmmmmm) oh yeah, my idea, other peoples characters and songs.
Characters:
Steph (me [the most high random])
Amalie (my friend [the amazing icing])
Anita (my cousin [weed-rat- rotisserie style])
Legolas (manly-fine elf droolfest)
Aragorn (rugged king dude)
Gimli (small dwarf person dude?)
Frodo (why is he in here I don't even like him… he won't say anything, he'll just sit there… HA! How do you like that ring bearer! There I said it… flame me if you will all you Frodo lovers… bring it ON!!!!)
Sam Gamgee (POTATOES!! He is the real hero! Go the fat hobbitses!!!)
Merry (enough said)
Pippin (get your finger out of Orli's belly button!!!!!!!)
Gandalf (you probably won't say anything either, I just felt I couldn't leave you out.)
Alanna (crazy wranga [how do you spell that word?!?!] who is cool)
George (the rouge)
Jon (king person who is sometimes retarded. Ugh, like in WWRLAM!! I hate him in that book!!! ARGHH!!!!)
Daine (magelet who deals in wild magic)
Numair (very tall person who has A LOT of magic)
Kel (body like stone, mind like meat loaf, oh I meant stone lady knight)
Neal (random meathead who heals)
Aly (a laurin spy)
Nawat (grub-eating-arrow-fletching-crow-man)
Briar (mini tree man)
Sandry (weaving woman)
Daja (metal hand chick)
Tris (channel seven weather girl)
Leif (crazy king belt person)
Jasmine (crazy wild hippie person)
Barda (crazy guard butch warrior person)
Holly Short (random Wranga [I still don't know about that] fairy)
Artemis (due to hit puberty soon)
Butler (butch biatch)
Foaly (random centaur)
Commander Julius Root (beetroot?)
You know there are just so many; I find it hard to keep track of them all! Ahaha!
Lets All Go Eat Some Hog-Plums, Monkey Pots and Pompelmooses! Hurray for the Random Fruit!
Briar: ok what's with the chimp eating the bug?
Anita: What chimp, what bug?!? They plot to kill us! DIED EDIE (ßspell check for DIE x 3)!!!!!(Charges at briar but gets restrained by Steph.)
Steph: I think what Briar meant to say was, "What's with the tittle." Am I right? (briar nods) well in that case never shall you mind. All you need to do is eat them, they are being passed around right now. Everyone take one of each. While that is happening I want Legolas and Ron to come up here.
(Leggy and Ron make their way to the podium; Anita pulls Faramir out of her pocket)
F, L, and R: it feels like somethin's heatin' up, can I leave wit chu?
A, A and S: I don't know what I'm thinkin' 'bout, really leavin with you.
Steph: okies, Ron you go with Amalie, Farry goes with Anita and Leggy, you're comin' with me!
R/F/L: right
Steph: the rest of you stay here, we shouldn't be too long.
(S, A, A, R, L, and F all walk through side door and out of room nine.)
Some time later in the room of randomness
(All are sitting either daydreaming or doing nothing… bored shitless!)
Alanna: well, isn't this the most fun I've ever had in my life!
(Doors burst open; enter Orlando Bloom)
Orli: Where is my beloved Steph???
Dory (who is a random fish who is only here to say this line that is similar to one she says in finding nemo.): she went through that door not too long ago.
Orli: thanks. (Runs to door and steps into the unknown)
Some room near room nine
Steph: oh Leggy!
Legolas: oh Steph!
Orli: oh my God! Long have I searched for you, and now to have finally found you with this, this impostor!
Steph: it's not what you think!
Orli: oh yeah, that's what they always say!
Steph: no, really, it isn't.
Orli: huh?
Steph: it's Legolas! So… I'm not really with an impostor if you get me…
Orli: hmmmmm…
Leggy: I can go if you want, and you can take over. I don't really mind, it's not like it would have worked, I mean I'm immortal and she isn't. You know? You on the other hand are mortal so…
Orli: sold.
(Leggy climbs out of the bed and Orli hops in)
Steph: huzza!
Orli: Habib!
Back in the room of randomness
Leif: SANDWICH!!!!
Daja: say wha?
Leif: impulse.
Daja: oh.
(Enter Leggy through side door.)
Kel: where is the love?
Leggy: not in here.
Foaly: meh…
(More boredom until…)
Ron: hello, hello, hello, what's all this?
(Enter Ron looking tousled [shirt half tucked, tie backwards, messy hair, a bit dazed] and Amalie looking happy and smug)
Hermy (running towards them): Ron! How could you?!?!
Ron: Oblif was very, very, very persuasive.
Hermy: does five years mean NOTHING to you????
Ron: sorry?
Hermy: all I want is a little respect! R E S P E C T! find out what it means to me!
Ron: right, but Oblif's my reason for reason. She's got the kinda lovin that could be so smooth (turning to Amalie) give me your heart, make it real then Hermy can forget about it!
Hermy: ugh!
Amalie: meh!
Some time after that.
(Enter Steph, Orli, Anita and Farry.)
Steph: ok, shall we begin?
Jasmine: please!
Steph: all right, don't get you knickers in a knot, or if you don't wear knickers your loincloth or whatever. Anyway, first things first, we all need to be hyperactive so that this can be random so lets all eat our random fruit which I've decided isn't going to be fruit anymore but we will each eat 1 billion sugar cubes! Muhuhaha!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, then we will begin rockin the suburbs…right, anyhow. LETS ALL HEAD BANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(All head bang for about 10 min then eat their sugar cubes and run around with kettles on their heads singing.)
All (singing): DANCE!
Nothing left for me to do but,
DANCE!
All these bad times I'm going through just,
DANCE!
Got Canned Heat in my heels tonight baby!
You know I've got Canned Heat in my heels!
You know this boogie is for real…
Commander Julius Root: you know for some illogical reason I feel like a beetroot. Not to eat but I actually feel like I'm turning into one.
Then they all realized that he was in fact a beetroot!
~cue canned laughter~
Pippin/Merry: why don't we all watch a feel good movie then slash our wrists!
Amalie: or while we're on the topic lets read a slash fanfic!
Aragorn: nah lets have a diving contest like that sum 41 video clip (singing)
^the faster we're falling, we're stopping and stalling, we're running in circles again…maybe we're just trying too hard, when really it's closer than it is too far, coz I'm in too deep and I'm drawn to keep I don't know the rest of the words lalala!^
You know the one!
Jon (turning to Alanna): yay it'll be just like when we were pages except we won't be naked and even you might swim!
Alanna: In that case lets not.
Anita: I think Leggy and Captain Short have decided what they want to do.
(Everybody turns to the immortal pair who are making out on the floor)
Gimli: why don't we go slay some filthy orcs?
Amalie: no then heaven would be missing some angels, wait, no, they already are missing one angel child, coz you're here with me right now (then turning to Ron) your love is heavenly babe, heavenly to me babe, your kiss, mwa, filled with tenderness, I want all I can get, of your sexiness.
(Ron and Amalie passionately embrace and then start making out on the floor next to Leggy and Holly.)
Frodo: Or... we coul—
(Gets tackled by Steph who then gets up and starts to kick him viciously.)
Steph: I HATE YOU!!!!!!! SHUT UP!!!!!!!!! DAMN BITCH! THE RING IS MINE? WHAT IS THAT? ARE YOU MENTALLY STUFFED OR WHAT?!?!?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?! ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I HATE YOU!! SHUT UP! SAY MI NAME YOU GAY HEAD!!! BLOODY DICK-SMACK GOLLUM LOVER WANKER!!! THEN TAKING ALL THE CREDIT FOR GOOD LOVABLE SAM'S WORK!!! I HATE YOU DON'T EVER SAY ANYTHING EVER AGAIN!!!! YOU HEAR ME??????? ARGH!!!!!!!! POOR SAM! YOU DO NOTHING FOR HIM AND HE WOULD GIVE HIS MC-FUCK-A-DUCKING LIFE FOR YOU, YOU ASS NOSE SHIT HAIR SHIRELING BITC—
Sam: NO! Mr. Frodo! You leave Mr. Frodo alone! You monster!
Steph I'm not the monster! He is! What has he ever done for you? Hey?
Sam: well—
Steph: exactly nothing!!! I said at the start that he would never speak and did he heed me? NO!!! He is the ring bearer! He heeds no warnings!!! Little shit now he's gone and got himself almost killed! Serves him right I say! Heeds no warnings humph…
Frodo: mtdhassssssejhfewqhj;gkad;iufwEterpoutelkrjg,sdkjhglkres
Steph: why you—
Sam: he's not talking!
Steph: hmmm. I'm sorry Sam, I'm not mad at you. I think you're the best guy! I just hate Frodo soooooo much mmm rrr *snort* I need to go wash something. What the hell am I talking about? (Grabs pillow and screams into it) ok I'm ok. Right. Where were we?
Anita: we were deciding what to do. I personally wanna heal I wanna feel what I thought was never real, I wanna let go of the pain I felt so long…
Daine: erase all the pain till it's gone.
Anita: I wanna heal I wanna feel like I'm close to something real, I wanna find something I wanted all along, somewhere I belong.
Sandry: really?
Anita: no, not really, I can't back that up. But I do actually think that the sugar has worn off a bit so we should have some more.
Artemis: what a great idea! Now why didn't I think of that?
Steph: I don't think we'll ever find out…
Barda: why not?
Steph: listen up big guy I got three reasons why you should believe me:
One; I can spell croissant.
Two; look what I can do. (Does a hand stand with one arm and then does a press up sorta thing.)
Barda: what has that got to do with the price of rump steak?
Numair: wait a minute; she's got a point there.
Anita: anyway let's get some more sugar!!!
All except for Frodo who can't talk and the people who are too busy making out: right!
Will they ever get more sugar? Was I listening to my mix cd thing and is that where all these random songs came from? Does Frodo (I HATE HIM!!!!) need to be hospitalised? Will they actually do something after they get their sugar? Who knows? I don't at the moment so don't ask! Ahaha! Well I actually do but I won't tell you anyway! Muhuhaha! Will Harry get a letter saying that he needs to go urgently back to Hogwarts to see Dumbledore and then walk into his office which will be dimly lit with lilting tunes playing? NO!!! Because I'm not writing about that story! Ha! If you are sick enough to want to read that go hassle Amalie! Hoo-ha! Will Frodo get mercilessly decapitated by aggravated, mutated sea bass with frickin laser beams attached to their heads? YES! Because I hate him! Will I ever write the next instalment?
Find out in the next instalment of The Poll!
By the by: Frodo did not need first aid or to be hospitalised, he just had a few bruises. Which I am now going to go poke so as to inflict more pain on him! Muhuhaha!