The Poll. Chapter Six
Disclaimer: good news everybody! I actually own something! [Thanks to Amalie! ;) ] I own our tutor group notice board! Huzza! And I also own this idea! So take that you dumb fat stupid coke lawyers! Ha! You know, why do we have to have this, I mean, you would think that people would know that it's not someone like JK writing as she does good at it, whersa me is not nice? Isa tht write, anyway, I'm over that retarded phase…hem hem…ok…
Characters:
Steph (why won't people just leave me in peace to write this dumb think??? Everyone just keeps barging in and rattling around! Ugh! And then, just, ugh! I am stone…)
Amalie (curse you second-floor scum!!!! Don't you hate those damn biatch stairs?)
Anita (come over soon!!!!!!!!!!! I think you might have my silver ring…)
Legolas (droooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool…)
Aragorn (some random 80 year old who looks about 30 ish)
Gimli (42 in the battle of helms deep!)
Frodo (DIEDIEDIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Sam Gamgee (you don't need that gay 'Mr. Frodo'!)
Merry (random fruit)
Pippin (another random fruit)
Gandalf (meh)
Alanna (age and treachery!)
George (he's never getting his hands on my ear!)
Jon (I don't like him that much…)
Daine (daughter of Weiryn, some random who runs around in his undies and has antlers.)
Numair (how old do you reckon he is?)
Kel (youth and skill!)
Neal (a daffodil)
Aly (chick)
Nawat (grub-eating-arrow-fletching-crow-man)
Briar (his hobbies include growing moss and doing stuff…)
Sandry (do you reckon she'll end up with Briar? I do!)
Daja (have you ever noticed how she always ends up naked?)
Tris (she controls the weather!)
Leif (random)
Jasmine (random)
Barda (random)
Holly Short (LEP officer.)
Artemis (boy named like a chick… interesting…)
Butler (tank)
Foaly (lets all wear foil hats! Huzza!)
Commander Julius Root (beetroot!!!!!)
Meh.
SUGAR HUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, Not Really, Lets Say They Already Have Their Sugar.
Harry: hey, I wonder what's happening at the Dark Lords conference. Obviously they wouldn't be running around screaming about worms and mushrooms like we are.
Tris: yeah, what would they be doing?
The Dark Lords conference.
All are sitting in a circle doing nothing. Not a sound. Tumble-weed. Sitting in between Sauron and Voldemort is James the gay head camp leader who is wearing his insanely tight harness that even Ms Jones laughed at! Ha! He's all fidgety and scared… serves him right for being a loser! That's about it... boy, I really hope he doesn't read this… meh!
The Room of Randomness.
(Amalie + Ron and Leggy + Holly had stooped making out.)
Amalie: suck ass you gay head James!
Steph: I reckon!
Amalie: HA!
Steph: HA!
Holly: moving along…
Anita: did we ever decide on what to do?
Nawat: nup!
Steph: I'm going to have a shower then go to bed because in any second now my mum is going to come in and tell me the time and tap her wrist and all that jazz so then I'll razzle-dazzle her and slip into the shower and then shave my legs and then cleanse and tone and shtuff. Then I will inconspicuously make my way back to my room and then pretend to sleep but actually read my book because it's LotR and obviously unputdownable. And then I shall wake up and then go to school and come back tomorrow night or something. Bye.
(Collapses onto floor as the character is inactive and the author really is going to bed. Everybody else collapses as well as they also are inactive.)
The next day at quarter past eight.
(Everybody wakes up and resumes what they were doing before)
Steph: sorry false alarm… CSI Miami is gonna be on so and I have to have a shower before that so…
(Everybody collapses again and I go have a shower.)
That Sunday at about 4-ish
(Everybody wakes up and resumes what they were doing before)
Steph: right, sorry everyone, school started this week so I've actually had to do stuff.
Everyone else other that Frodo: we understand.
Orli to Steph: Would you like a nectarine my love?
Steph: Yes, thankyou baby.
Amalie: you know you two are truly going to make it. You know you look at a couple and you can just tell. Like Donald and Ivana, and Woody and Mia, and Bert and Lany.
Steph: Thankyou.
Amalie: that's all right because its ladies night and the feelings right oh yes its ladies night! Oh what a night!
Leif: That ain't no sock in my crotch!
Everybody laughs merrily.
Hermione: do you people want to hear my song? I just wrote it then.
Anita: sure
Harry: whatever.
Gimli son of Gloin: let's hear it!
Hermione: guitarios electricos! Ok, here goes.
You don't know how much I need you,
When you're near me I don't feel blue,
And when we kiss I know you need me too.
I can't believe I've found a love that's so pure and true.
BUT IT ALL WAS BULLSHIT!
IT WAS A GOD DAMN JOKE!
AND WHEN I THINK OF YOU RONALD I HOPE YOU FUCKING CHOKE!!
I hope you're glad with what you've done to me,
I lay in bed, all day long, feeling melancholy,
Tears running constantly.
WONT SOMEBODY KILL ME PLEASE!
SOMEBODY KILL ME PLEASE!
I'M ON MY KNEES,
PRETTY, PRETTY PLEASE,
KILL ME!
I WANT TO DIE!
PUT A BULLET IN MY HEAD!
(Starts to cry)
Foaly: scary.
Jon: she's losing her mind!
Anita: mhmm.
Steph: hey, I know what we can do!
Everyone: What?
Steph: we can go raid the Dark Lords Conference and kill them all!
Amalie: I bags James!
Harry: I have dibs on Voldemort!
Alanna: DUKE ROGER IS MINE!!!!!!!!!!!
Anita: let's roll!
The Dark Lords Conference
James: so…
~In storm the randoms from the heroes' conference in a jealous rage, and they kept on screaming, "you been screwing the milk man!" and then um hem hem~
Amalie: DIE JAMES DIE!!!!!!
Alanna: CHAAAAAAAAAAARGE!!!!!!!!!!
Lots of bloodshed and shtuff and no dark lords survive. The randoms go back to their room of randomness.
Kel: that was satisfying.
Amalie: vicious yet strangely addictive.
(OMG Amalie! Martin said that on the Simpsons!! I cacked myself!!!)
Steph: Upload time!
Will there be any new dark lords to defeat? Will Hermione get over Ron? Will Frodo ever talk again? Will I be buggered after ballet tomorrow? Will I ever think of something random to put into the next chappie? Will it ever take Amalie less than 5 minutes to realise what "chappie is short for?
Find out in the next instalment of The Poll