Happy New Year, y'all! Had a good night, made 40 bucks and learned that Stevie Wonder's real name is "Stevelandjudkins Moris." Also, there's some kind of bird called a "butwink." Guess you learn something new everyday, huh?

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"Kamatari?"

"What's wrong, Darling? Something has been bothering you all day." Kamatari looked at his wife, searching her eyes for answers to his question. She had been sitting amongst their bedding, staring off into space, a perplexed expression on her face.

Now she was looking at him.

"I'm ready now." She said softly.

"Ready for what?" He tilted his head to the side, wondering what she meant. She confused him sometimes, even though he had a good understanding of the female mind. He knew whatever she was talking about was something they had discussed before, but wasn't sure what exactly.

"To have a baby."

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. His throat had suddenly gone dry. "You…You want to have another baby?" A strange flood of emotions washed over him. He loved Kietsu and got much joy from taking care of her. He loved Gesshoku and would give her the world if he could. But he was still afraid of so many things. He still missed Shishio-sama. He was still shy about making love to his wife. But he only wanted her happy…

"I think so…" She nodded slowly, "I think I want another baby. But I know it will be hard for you. I know you don't feel comfortable when we…I'm so confused. I don't want to force you. But…"

He sat down beside her, putting his arm around her. "If you want a baby, we'll have a baby, Koishii. I'll give you anything you want."

"But do you want a baby, Kamatari?" She snuggled against him, her head on his shoulder.

"I honestly don't know. This is a big decision, Gesshoku. But if it will make you happy…" He hugged her tightly, trying to fight back the fear spreading through him. What would he do with a second child? Love it; there was no doubt of that. But could he take care of two children? Could he love two children as well as one? Shishio-sama, what do I do?

"I don't know if it will make me happy. I don't know anything any more. I just know that sometimes I think I would regret only having Kietsu. Ten years from now, twenty years, will I wish we had more children?" Her eyes filled up with tears and she sniffled, "I don't want to live with regrets…"

He was silent for a while, absorbing what she had just said. I don't want to live with regrets…Was that something he had been doing? He was living, drowning in regret. Almost everything in his life from those ten years he had left Kobe...He regretted it all. No more. He would live in fear of the past no more. He's gone; it's time to move on.

He clung to her desperately, his face buried in her hair. "I'm so sorry, Koishii. I've been making you miserable, chasing ghosts and living stuck in the past. It's been six years and I think it's time to get on with my life. I've got you and the little lady, why do I need any one else?"

"You…You mean it?" She looked up at him, tears running down her face. Could he throw away ten years of his life, all for her? Shishio had a hold on him, even in death. Was he capable of throwing that all away? "You'll leave the past behind?…For me?" She wiped her eyes, her gaze meeting his.

"For you and for the baby, I would do anything. This is my life now and I put all of my love and all of my heart into being there for you. If you're going to suffer because of my past, I'm going to get rid of the past. I love you, Gessh, and I certainly love our daughter. I'm not going to ruin that by living in the past."

She threw her arms around him; showered him with kisses. "I love you. I love you so much. Nothing about the past could stop the love I feel for you. But I'm so happy. I'm so proud of you. If you can do this…I hate to see you so miserable when you remember things. When you get sad, when you're ready to cry, it tears me up inside, because I don't know how to help you."

"I am terribly sorry."

She wiped her eyes, looking up at him wistfully. "It's not your fault, Anata. You can't change the past, but gods, you've been trying. I know you're trying so hard to let go. We've had a good life together for the last five years and I only love you more." She stroked his cheek and he took her hand in his, kissing her palm. She wanted to melt at his touch; fall into him. "We've got nowhere to go but up."

"I'll tell you what we'll do." He leaned back on the bed, still holding her in his arms, "We'll talk more about how the both of us are feeling. We won't have all these pent up feelings and we won't suffer silently."

She settled into his embrace, her head against his chest. "That sounds nice."

"And we'll ask Kietsu what she thinks about having a sister or brother. You take time to think about whether or not you really want another baby, then we'll figure out what to do. One step at a time, Gessh. One step at a time."

"All right." A smile crossed her face. She was sure Kietsu would be happy with the idea of a sibling. She would just have to decide what she wanted. "I'll think it over." She kissed him softly.

He smiled, returning the kiss. "Love you, Koishii."

@}--,--'---

Sojiro stared at the wall. Behind him, Harusame was changing her clothes. She had decided he didn't need to leave the room, but threatened him with torture and eventual death if he looked. He could hear her rustling around as she pulled of her clothes and slid into her sleepwear, which caused him to blush deeply.

Behind him, she was half naked.

Think wholesome thoughts; think wholesome thoughts; think wholesome thoughts; think wholesome thoughts…I can't believe she's changing her clothes while I'm right here! I could turn around and - Eep! Think unsexy thoughts! Shishio-sama un-bandaged…Yumi-san's green lipstick. Kamatari wearing…

Okay, not that unsexy.

Sweat trickled down his face, causing his hair to curl around his ears. His face was on fire; he was dying -dying- and she was taking her sweet time. How could it take her so long to change her clothes?!

He closed his eyes.

Then immediately snapped them open again. Upon closing them, he had gotten a mental image of Harusame scantily clad and that was something he did not want to have floating about in his head when she was behind him like that.

He studied the wall intently. If you're strong, you live. If you're weak, you die. If you give in to temptation and look, you're dead, Sojiro. He told himself, She'll kill you if you peek at her. And you don't want to die before you get a chance with her.

"You can look now." Harusame said shyly. She was surprised Sojiro had been so obedient. He'd hardly moved a muscle as disrobed.

His shoulders slumped and he sighed in relief, turning back around on the bed. She was wearing a pair of gray pants and one of her long-sleeved white shirts. All that for nearly the exact same outfit she already had on? Inwardly, he groaned.

"I'm glad you didn't peep." She told him matter-of-factly, "I didn't really want to kill you."

"I would never look, Harusame." He smiled cheerfully, "You told me not to and I do as I'm told."

"That's true. You are a very good listener." She patted his cheek softly, "I like that in you, Sou."

He blushed. "There are lots of things I like about you too, Harusame." He said slowly, "But most of all, I like to see you smile."

She turned pink, twisting the end of her sleeve around and around in her hands, smiling bashfully. She liked him so much and it flustered her that she was so awkward about it. Why couldn't she just grow up and admit all her feelings to him? She felt like a little kid with a school-girl crush. She was nineteen. Why couldn't she act more like her age?? "Um, well, thanks, Sojiro." She stammered.

"Harusame?"

"Hmm?" She blinked. He had sounded terrified when he said her name and she wondered what was up.

"You…You know I like you a lot, right?"

"Of course." Her face flushed several shades of scarlet.

"And, well, I'm not getting any younger, you know? I'm twenty-three. I want to start thinking about the future." He took one of her hands in his, stared down at it, "Do you understand?"

Silence.

She was beet red. Her hand was cold in his. She trembled slightly, not having any clue how to respond to this. What do I say? What do I say!? I want to be with him. I…I do love him. But…But…But…What do I say??

"We've been living in the same house for six years. And you've known for five years that I really like you. But I feel like we're getting nowhere. Do you want to be together or not, Harusame?" He looked up at her, his blue eyes wide and frightened.

She stared at him stupidly, her mouth hanging open. Her heart was pounding wildly within her chest. "I…I love you a lot, Sou, and I want to be with you. But I'm not sure I'm ready for…I don't know…I'm sorry." She bowed her head, not able to look at him.

His hand flickered towards her, then, frowning lightly, he drew it back. She was crying silently; he could see tears trickling off her face and into her lap. Her shoulders shook, her hands trembled, her chest heaved with every sob.

It broke Sojiro's heart.

"It's okay, Harusame." He drew her into his arms, "You have nothing to be sorry about. If you're not ready yet…" He smiled faintly, hugging her tightly, "I heard the most important thing from you and that's what matters. I know you love me. And I love you."

Sniffling, she buried her face in his chest. He held her close, his face in her hair. "I could wait for you forever." He told her softly, "But you really need to think about what you want. Five years is a long time. I know you're young and you don't know yet. But you need to think about it."

"I will." She whispered, "I'll think about it."

He brushed back her bangs, kissing her forehead. "Let's go to bed, Harusame."

"Okay."

@}--,--'---

Kietsu tossed and turned in her bed. She was having a bad dream about monsters and dark places and neither her mama nor her papa were there to save her. She jolted awake, her little body twisted among the sheets. She felt cold and wet.

"Mama…" She whispered, "Papa. Hafta find Mama and Papa."

Disentangling herself from her blankets, she crawled out of bed and rose to her feet. Padding through the darkness, she slid open the shoji leading into the hall and wandered off in search of her parents.

She knew well enough which room was theirs and stopped outside the door. Suppose they were…gone? What would she do if the monster had got them? "Mama? Mama, you there?"

Inside the room, Kamatari lifted his head slightly, peering through the shadows. He had been asleep, arms around Gesshoku, his head on her chest, but awoke when he thought he heard Kietsu. He shifted as much as he could; his wife had her fingers wrapped around a clump of his hair.

"Papa??"

Yes, the little girl certainly was looking for them. He wondered if she'd had a nightmare. Occasionally, she woke up from bad dreams and came in search of them.

He managed to free his hair from Gessho's iron grasp, then made his way through the moonlight to the bedroom door. Sliding open the shoji, he did indeed find Kietsu standing there.

She looked up at him, her face unusually grave in the pale moonlight. "Papa, I…I…" Her face crumpled, her voice wavered, and she burst into tears. "I peed…"

"Well, let's get you cleaned up then, Sweetness." Sighing, he lifted her into his arms. She was indeed rather wet and that familiar urine scent hung heavy on the air. This was by far his least favorite part about being a father.

About an hour later, he settled back into bed, his arms once more around his slumbering wife. He had to clean the little girl, change her clothes, find her new bedding. Then she'd insisted he stay with her until she fell back to sleep, asking the whole time for drinks and stories and songs. By the time she drifted off, he was exhausted.

He stared off into the darkness waiting for sleep to claim him. Gessho had immediately latched onto his arm and she sighed in her sleep. Half a smile crossed his face. Eh, I suppose I wouldn't want it any other way. But for such a little kid, she's tremendous amounts of work. She keeps me up at night, makes a mess of the place, terrorizes us endlessly. Gessh and I are too alike and Kietsu is so much like us. She's not a kid, she's a little monster…

Then he frowned.

…And Gesshoku wants another one?

@}--,--'---

Hee hee…Kietsu wet the bed! I try to pattern her after me as a small child. I was in my terrible twos for ten years!