Well, here I am back at school. Classes started today and it wasn't too bad…It's just so damn cold out! . A friend of mine from HS transferred here and lives down the hall, so that's exciting. ^^v
Last night was kinda scary...Around 5:00 this morning, some one was knocking on doors! I woke up when I heard some one jiggling our knob. It scared me like all get-out...I could hear who ever it was going up and down the hall, doing it continuously…I asked RAKeri about it, but she knew nothing O.o;;
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It was a gorgeous morning, despite the cold. The sun gleamed brightly off the new-fallen snow, creating a beautiful, tempting white wonderland in the springs. They were enticing conditions, perfect for any child to go out and play in, the powder fresh and unspoiled.
Yet it was so damn cold.
Kietsu had given up asking if she could go out by twelve o'clock, the realization that she wasn't going to play in the snow finally having dawned on her. So she contented herself to play in the sunlight streaming through the large windows in the dinning room while her mother kept an eye on her.
It was like this that Harusame found them; Kietsu dancing through the sunbeams; Gesshoku sitting cross-legged on the floor, one hand rested lightly over her still-flat stomach, a cheerful smile painted across her face.
She watched the little girl as she twirled around in the light, doing some sort of strange dance to which only an innocent child knew the steps. Her kimono whirled around her, her hair whipped around her face. She was smiling; her expression surreal; her movements lilting and spectral.
Gessho had a similar expression on her face as she watched her small child fondly. She loved Kietsu and any one could see that. Harusame's gaze flickered to the side slightly when she saw a movement out of the corner of her eye. There was Kamatari, crossing the room to his wife. He offered her a cup of tea, then settled himself beside her on the floor. She rested her head on his shoulder and, together, they regarded their daughter's performance.
Harusame turned away from the doorway, having seen enough of this loving display to get her mind going. They made such a perfect family; doting father, kind mother, beautiful child and one more on the way. The young woman had always wanted a family like that for herself.
In short, she was jealous.
But I can have that…Sojiro and I, we could be a family like that too. Neither of us have any one else. But we have each other…
I think I'm ready now.
Having made this conclusion, she smiled to herself. Maybe he won't be so nervous, knowing I've made up my mind. Maybe we'll both get over the shyness a little. Maybe…She started off down the hall in search of Sojiro.
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The young man in question was pacing the study, his hakama rustling around his ankles as he walked the length of the room, turned and headed back the other way, completing the loop. He was thinking and thinking hard.
Harusame loves me. I love her. I want to spend all of eternity with her. But how the hell do I tell her that? An uncharacteristic frown crossed his face. He was so terrible at expressing his feelings for others. But sooner or later…
As he did another lap around the room, his thoughts drifted back to a conversation he'd had an hour or so prior with Kamatari.
"Sou, seven years ago, if some one had said you would be where you are now in life, what would you have done?"
He'd looked up, turning his deep blue eyes to the pretty face of his comrade and friend. Kamatari had been strangely content over the past six years; as if Shishio-sama's death had done him well. He hadn't seen him looking the way he did ever. The older man had always put on a cheerful front, but Sojiro knew all too well how much pain was carefully hidden away in his heart.
Kamatari had suffered so much when Shishio was alive. A great burden had been lifted from his heart when Shishio was finally gone. Sojiro knew, for he had watched the unique man who felt himself to be a woman suffer through the heartbreak and humiliation of Shishio's rejection.
But now…He truly was as happy as he had looked all those times.
"I wouldn't have believed them, Kamatari." The young man answered truthfully, "I would have believed that Shishio-sama would be in charge of Japan by now and we would be working for him still. I never took into account that he would die. Or that I would learn to love like this." He paused for a moment, contemplating the way he had been back then; cold, cruel, ruthlessly killing, all the while disarming people with that innocent smile…"Did you ever think about it?"
"Of course I did. I knew that they day I had to marry Gessho would come eventually and I didn't know what I would do. I loved Shishio-sama then; my heart was his and his alone. But there was always this nagging voice…telling me 'you've got to go back…you promised her…' and I didn't want to listen to it." He was reclined casually in the leather chair at the desk, one leg drawn up beneath him, the silk of his haori falling around him like a cascading waterfall. "I never would have thought I would have a child, let alone be married."
"And another child on the way." Sojiro reminded him, smiling.
The older man blushed lightly, fiddling with the edge of his sleeves. He was proud of his family, glad that he had them, wouldn't trade them for the world. But he wasn't fond of discussing such things with other people. It was a private thing between himself and Gesshoku. Their love life still made him feel awkward and embarrassed, despite how much he enjoyed it. "Yes; and another on the way." He said softly.
There was another silence before Sojiro spoke. "How did you know?"
"How did I know what?"
"That you really wanted to be with Gesshoku-san. How did you know she was the only person you wanted to be with? I mean, Shishio-sama was still on your mind, ne? How did you…?" The question died on his lips and he turned red.
"Sou, you love Harusame. Just ask her to marry you already. I married Gessho because I love her. It's as simple as that. Any one else I would have gone running. But I adore Gessh. I've always loved her…So I had to do it. It would have broken her heart. You don't want to break Harusame's heart." Kamatari rose from the chair, the silk of his clothing rustling as he left Sojiro in the study with his thoughts.
He pushed his dark hair out of his face, causing his bangs to curl out in a strange fashion. "What do I say?" He mused out loud to himself, "How do I ask? 'Harusame, will you marry me…?' Too generic…'Harusame, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife…?' That's a little better…" He continued to pace as he spoke to himself.
Little did he know, the object of his affections was currently outside the door.
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Kietsu fell asleep on the floor in a dwindling patch of sunlight around two o'clock that afternoon. Kamatari gathered her up into his arms with the intent of putting her in her own bed for a nap. Gessho trailed behind him, following him like a lost puppy. She was in a snuggly mood and if the little one was asleep, she would get to spend time with him alone.
She watched, twining a strand of her brown hair around her finger, as he tucked Kietsu in under several blankets, placing her kitsune plush beside her on the bed. He's a wonderful father…She smiled, her free hand rising again to her waist. She couldn't have been happier about this baby if she tried.
He straightened up and turned to leave, stopping when he found her in the doorway. She was looking earnestly up at him, her eyes sparkled behind the lenses of her glasses and her cheeks were flushed. He brushed back her hair, his hand lingering on her cheek, then took her by the arm as led her gently out of the room.
"You're cold, Darling. I don't think you're dressed warm enough." He chided her. Her hand was like ice in his. That worried him. The last thing they needed was for her to get sick when she was pregnant and five days before Kietsu's big day.
"I am a little chilly." She admitted, snuggling closer to him, "Can we go down to the springs? I want to be alone with you…Mama's never in her bath at this time of day."
"Of course." He smiled, bending to capture her mouth with his.
She returned the kiss fervently, her fingers in his hair, pulling his face closer. It had never bothered her that kissing him was like kissing another woman; his features so delicate and feminine, she loved him so deeply that, were he truly a woman, she probably would have loved him anyway.
They went down to the spring, hand in hand. He stripped down immediately, settling himself into the hot water, watching as she undressed. He had quickly learned to appreciate the effort she put into keeping him happy; she was so zealous in her efforts. She pleased him immensely, like he never would have thought she could.
She shed her final article of clothing, revealing slightly tanned skin and her soft belly. Four months their new baby had been growing and now there was something to see for it. She looked at him shyly and their eyes met. He smiled, offering her a hand. "Come here, Darling."
She stepped into the water, sinking down into its warmth, climbing across him so that they were chest to chest. She nuzzled her head under his chin, her arms around him, her lips brushing across his skin. "I love you, Kamatari." She whispered.
He caressed her cheek, brushing back her hair a second time. She was the world to him, the sun and moon and all the stars. He held her close to his chest, hugging her, his heart suddenly heavy and full of sadness. Tears slid down his cheeks, into her hair. "Sumimasen, Koishii. I'm so terribly sorry for everything I've ever done to make you hurt. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve to put up with all this shit. And I don't deserve some one like you."
She looked up, her finger tracing the path of his tears as they ran down his cheeks. She felt safe and comfortable there in his arms, the warm water lapping around them, washing away all of her tension. "Don't cry, Kamatari. I love you, so I forgive you for everything. I forgave you for killing people, forgave you for leaving me to face our wedding alone, forgave you for every little moment you've pined after Shishio."
He sniffled, nuzzling against her, holding her gently, tears still rolling off his cheeks. "I love you too."
"I never want to hear you say you don't deserve me. Every one deserves happiness and if I make you happy, that makes you deserving of my love. I would do anything for you, anything at all. You're my soul mate, after all."
He smiled at her, touching her damp hair, his fingers running across her wet skin. She felt warm and velvety; her small tummy was soft beneath his fingers. "You're wonderful to me. I'm not used to it, even now after being with you for six years. I'm used to being belittled and rejected and I love you so much for being so good to me."
She said nothing to this; there was nothing to say. She had said it all before and saw no need to say it again. After all, he already knew her heart and soul. So she simply wrapped her arms back around him, holding him tight, her head on his chest once more. "You don't love me because of that." She stated matter-of-factly, "You love me just because."
He ran one finger over her cheek, the last of his tears dripping into the spring, mixing with the silvery water. She knew him so well; knew his every thought. She loved him as a woman; she loved him as a man. She just plain loved him.
That thought made him extremely happy.
He kissed her softly, fighting back the urge to cry again. He still didn't understand a thing about her -Gesshoku was so complicated- and yet he understood it all. There were so many things in his mind; so many emotions and feelings and the only one he was absolutely certain of, after year upon year of doubt, was thus:
To say you loved some one meant nothing. But to actually love them…That was heaven on earth.
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Bleh…So I really don't like that ending, but I really didn't know how else to end this. . There are 5 more days left till Valentine's Day and Kietsu's birthday, which means at least five more chapters. I'll do my best to get them up in a timely fashion; it seems that my horrendous writer's block has gone away finally *cheers*
Until next time…
See ya, Space Cowboy.