Chapter 6: Revelations
„You…you were an alcoholic?" Haruka stammered, disbelief in her voice and eyes. Michiru nodded, her face calm, but still showing that she wasn't proud about what she had been. "But…why?" Haruka asked, still sounding quite astonished. "Why are you drinking?" Michiru asked in return, although she already knew what the answer would be. It was almost always the same. "Because I want to forget." Haruka replied softly, this time not looking down though. Her eyes kept looking into those of the social worker, and this was something that surprised Michiru. Most of the alcoholics she knew couldn't look into the eyes of other people when they confessed why they were drinking. "Want to forget what?" the aqua haired woman now asked, hoping that it wasn't too early. Haruka looked away, and Michiru knew that she had been too early. She was grateful when the blonde's eyes returned to hers again; it showed that Haruka hadn't completely pulled back and shut herself in. "I'd rather not talk about it." The blonde now softly spoke, and Michiru nodded. "That's okay, Haruka…will you tell me when you are ready to?" For a few moments, Haruka didn't react, then she nodded – slowly, reluctantly, but it was a nod. "Yes. Maybe I will some day…but I can't tell you when." Michiru agreed on that too, knowing that she had to treat Haruka like a breakable glass figure in this early stadium of changing her drinking habits. If she pushed her too hard, her will just would break – and slip back into the world of alcoholics, where hangovers were a necessary evil that had to be accepted in exchange for the bless of forgetting. "I can tell you why I was drinking if you want to know." The aqua haired woman offered – also being aware of the fact that telling Haruka something that personal would make the blonde trust her faster. The racer nodded, leaning forward in her seat again. Michiru took in a deep breath – it still was hard to talk about it, although it had happened five years ago – and softly spoke: "I was raped. By someone I trusted." Haruka stayed silent for a few moments, then asked: "Your…your father?" Michiru shook her head, slightly wondering why Haruka would think that it had been her father who had done this horrid thing to her. Then, something in her brain clicked, and she knew why, although her face stayed as calm as it had been just a minute before. She thinks that it was my father because it was hers who did those things to her that make her drink. Things that she wants to forget. It doesn't mean that he raped her, but there are other crimes that can be done to a young child. Or a teenager. "No", she slowly spoke while her brain was working with high speed. "No, not my father. The man who was my boyfriend at that time. We had been dating for about a month when he wanted to…you know. I didn't want to, and so he just forced me to." She looked into Harukas eyes again, showing her that she meant every word that followed. "It wouldn't have been bad enough to send me into alcoholism. The thing that made me want to forget everything that had happened that day was the fact that he called his friends after he was done and invited them over. There were three of them, and he allowed them to do the same thing to me he did too." "Oh my God." Haruka whispered, her eyes wide with shock and disbelief. Michiru knew that the disbelief didn't mean that Haruka didn't believe her what she was telling; it meant that she couldn't believe that there were actually human beings who could be as cruel as the man Michiru had been dating six years ago. "You mean…he called them, they came to his place and he let all of them rape you?" Michiru nodded, her face still calm – except for her eyes. Her eyes showed a small part of the fear, the pain and the humiliation she had been going through when this cruelty had been done to her, and Haruka noticed it. "After they were done with me, they let me get dressed and sent me away. As soon as I was home, I got drunk. And I was drunk for the next year, almost all of the time…until I realized that something had to change, and that alcohol wouldn't solve my problem. I started going to the AA meetings, and ever since then I've been sober. For four long, hard years…and more hard years are coming towards me. Years with nightmares, the desire to drink again…but I think that I'm strong enough to stay sober." After that, the two women both sat in silence for a while, before Haruka spoke up again, her voice small and shaking – like it was so often these days. "I don't know if I am." She softly admitted, her eyes once more leaving the face of Michiru and studying her feet. "I don't know if I'm strong enough to go through years of nightmares and remembering what…what happened when I was younger." "This is what we are here for." Michiru gently replied, once more trying to take Harukas hand into hers – and this time the blonde let it happen without pulling back. "We are here to help you, and to make you strong enough. Especially me. From the moment on Takeshi called me and told me about you, I was responsible for you, Haruka, and if you start to drink again, it's not just your own fault, it's mine too. Because it will show that I didn't do my job well enough, and that I wasn't there for you all the times you needed me to." She gently squeezed Harukas hand, making her look at her again. "I want you to remember one thing, Haruka…as soon as I'm out of your apartment, you can call me anytime you need someone to talk to. No matter how early or how late or whatever it is, no matter if it's during the week or on the weekend. You can call me anytime you need me, okay?" Haruka nodded, a slight smile raising the corners of her mouth – the first smile the blonde gave her ever since she had come here, Michiru realized slightly surprised. "Okay…thanks." The racer spoke before she rose from the chair she had been sitting on. "Talking about needs…I need another coke now. Want one too this time?" Michiru smiled back and replied: "It indeed would be nice after all that talking. I hope it's cold." Haruka nodded before hurrying off into the kitchen, opening the fridge and taking two cans of coke out. She tore them both open before returning into the living room and handing Michiru hers. "Here. It's not diet coke, I hope you like it anyway." "I hate diet coke." Michiru promptly replied, earning another smile from the blonde before she took a sip from her coke. After another half an hour of talking – this time innocent small talk and no dramatic or tragic revelations – the aqua haired woman let out a small sigh and told Haruka that she really had to leave now, otherwise she would be too late for the meeting her boss intended to hold with her. "It's no problem." Haruka replied, standing up to let the social worker out. "I will see you on Friday then…" she trailed off, and Michiru knew that something else would follow soon. She had been right; after a short pause, Haruka continued. "And I'll probably call you until then." "Okay. Talk to you later then." Michiru smiled at the blonde before saying her goodbye and leaving the apartment. Haruka closed the door behind her and locked it, leaning against the wood of the door and closing her eyes for a few seconds before she let out a heavy sigh and walked back into the living room, trying to ban the aqua haired woman from her thoughts. She didn't quite succeed though.