A/N: Fwee! I've been waiting to do this chapter for a while... I obsess
over the musical. Ignore me.
****** Chapter Five-- And You Thought Hermione Was Going to Go Berserk!
And so, Harry, Hermione, Fred, George, Professor Sprout, Rubi, Tiger, Cinnamon, Zach, and Jordan appeared in front of a London theater. Their clothes were now "Muggle-fied," which left Harry, Fred, George, Zach, and Jordan with blue jeans and sweaters of various colors (Harry's was maroon, much to his dismay), and Hermione, Rubi, Tiger, and Cinnamon wearing different shades of plaid skirt, and white shirts under black vests. Professor Sprout was the only one who didn't change clothes. Many people in the street paused to stare at her for a while.
Harry, Fred, and George stared at the theatre marquee, which had two large cat eyes on it and 'Cats' written between them.
Hermione looked around at the street and drooled a bit on her vest.
Fred mopped it up. "Did we HAVE to bring her??"
Hermione thwacked him unintentionally as she started hopping up and down to the beat of 'When the Saints Come Marching In'.
George stepped off of the curb, mesmerized. "Harry... look at THAT!" He pointed at what seemed to be a giant white light hovering above the theatre. Everyone stared.
The light moved closer....
closer...
closer...
closer...
Until finally the narrator got sick of repeating herself and the light pinched Rubi on the nose.
"Ow!" she said. "That hurt, you moron!!"
"You gotta go back to your computer, dude," said the light. "Something major's happenin' 'cause you're not at the keyboard thinkin' stuff!"
At that precise moment, Cinnamon turned into a pile of sand. "Well, this sucks," she said as Hermione, not quite knowing what she was doing, got it into her head that now was the best time to build a sand castle. So, she did. Cinnamon would have glared, had she any eyes.
Rubi socked the light near where its stomach would be (had it been a human). "No WAY I'm going back! I came here to see a musical and I WILL see it, by Jim!!"
"Ahh... I'm thinkin' no." The light then proceeded to pick Rubi up by the waist and carry her away as Fawkes swooped down from the sky and ate Jordan. Meanwhile, Hermione stared blankly at the screaming Rubi and drooled all over Cinnamon the Sandbox. Fred tried mopping that up, but instead got sand all over his mop. Cinnamon yelped.
"Dangit; that was my best mop!" Said Fred. Everyone wept for the loss of Moppy, who was to be sent on its way via sewer. Hermione gave the last sendoff (for she had just recently acquired speech).
"Pleh ghooot gemtegh Pfffffffttt!" She said, drooling on Moppy one last time. She then reverted back into her previous vegetable-like state, and tried crossing the busy intersection to put Moppy in the storm drain.
"NO!" Everybody shouted and tried to stop Hermione, but it was too late. She was already halfway across and continuing on to the other side, her tongue hanging out.
"Wait, Hermione!!" Harry shouted. "You'll hurt your noggin, and noggin is a fun--"
"SHUT UP for the fourth time!"
And while all this was going on, Hermione stepped safely onto the opposite curb, without a scratch but leaving behind her a path of destruction, crashed cars, and rolling hubcaps. She carefully placed Moppy on the sidewalk, turned around, and waved happily to the others. "Flumduu!!"
Everyone let out a collective sigh of relief, gathered Cinnamon into a plastic bucket, and crossed the street to the theater.
The ticket taker looked at them curiously. "Do... you have tickets?"
Professor Sprout pushed herself to the front of the line. "Yes, we do!" She pushed the handful of tickets (sans Rubi, Cinnamon and Jordon's) into the woman's hand and dragged everybody into the theater before they could attract many more stares. Hermione paused for a second to pick up Moppy before heading inside.
Once inside, the group of seven (not counting Cinnamon, as she was in a bucket on Hermione's lap) found their seats in the front row and sat down. Zach looked up. "Look, Christmas lights!"
This drew everyone's attention to the ceiling, which was indeed covered in 'junk' and Christmas lights. "I wanna touch the lights!!" screamed Harry as he lost a few dozen more brain cells.
As Professor Sprout fixed a seatbelt to Harry's seat to prevent him from running to jump on the ceiling, George pulled a calculator from his pocket and began keeping track of how many brain cells Harry had. "Let's see... he had so many brain cells seven minutes ago..."
"And he just lost forty-eight," added Fred, who was trying to wrestle Moppy away from Hermione, who upset Cinnamon's bucket trying to hold on to the precious cleaning supply. Luckily, Zach caught her and put the bucket on his lap.
Harry bit George on his hand. "I WANNA TOUCH THE LIGHTIES!!"
George bit Harry on his arm. "NO!! I WANTED TO FIRST!!"
Everyone in the theater turned to stare at him.
But before things could get any worse, the show started. The house lights dimmed, and the Christmas lights began flashing as the overture started playing.
"I wann--mmph mph mmmmhh!!" Screamed Harry before Tiger kindly put a hand over his mouth. Professor Sprout produced a Gryffindor scarf from thin air, which was then tied tightly around Harry's face, allowing eye holes so he could actually see the show and a nose hole so he could breathe.
A person dressed like a cat ran out onstage. Everyone in the Hogwarts group glanced at Hermione worriedly, biting their lips. The girl continued to stare at the stage, tongue lolling out. Harry was now trying to rip off his scarf, to no avail.
And so the first act continued smoothly, until, right in the middle of the most dramatic number so far, Harry finally succeeded in freeing his mouth and screamed, "LIIIGGGGHHHHHTTTTTSSSSS!!!"
The house lights came up, and everyone within a 1-mile radius froze, mortified, staring at Harry, who was now standing on his chair. The rest of the Hogwarts group sank onto the floor, so as not to be associated with him.
One of the actors came to the front of the stage and pointed to Harry. "I can't work like this!! Who is responsible for him?"
Professor Sprout would have remained perfectly silent and let Harry be taken on his own if it weren't for the fact that Hermione raised the professor's hand for her. And so she was forced to stand up by the rest of the group, who, relieved that someone had now taken the blame, sat back down in their chairs.
The theater manager came onstage, looking furious. "YOU!!" He pointed at Sprout and Harry. "GET UP HERE!!" Everyone in the theater (except the Hogwarts group, who were now just as mortified as Professor Sprout) applauded.
Harry and Professor Sprout took their places on stage next to the manager. Harry ducked behind Sprout at the sight of all those people. She tried explaining to the manager-- "You see, the boy spontaneously loses and regains his brain cells, kind of like he's been sniffing a permanent marker all his life, so... He-he's one of our 'Special' students, if you know what I mean... All of those kids are a little-- er-- Why, Harry, here,... Wait. Harry?" She looked around. The boy who lived had disappeared! "Harry!?"
A shriek from one of the actresses answered her question. Harry had sneaked behind to one of the Cats and given her a great big hug. He was currently affixed to a white cat by the name of Victoria. She trudged up to Sprout and deposited the boy center stage, then stomped offstage muttering something like, "Dammit, now I'm gonna need counseling..."
Harry stood up. "I've always kind of wanted to hug a cat." Fred and George gave a loud whoop. The other actors onstage exchanged worried glances and edged away from Potter and the professor.
The manager stared cynically at Professor Sprout, whose feelings of pity for Harry had all vanished. "Will you please remove him from the theater?"
"Gladly." Professor Sprout positioned Harry carefully on the end of the stage, then gave him an amazing kick in the behind that sent him flying up, up, up to the ceiling and out of the theater, leaving a wizard-shaped hole in the roof of the building.
The manager shaded his eyes to get a better look. "Wow, I wish I could fly like that!"
"Wish granted!" And the professor punted him out of the same hole that Harry made. The whole theater applauded as Professor Sprout turned and walked down the steps to her seat, allowing the musical to resume.
******
A/N: So, what'd you think?? After a long hiatus, is this still funny?? *Crosses fingers* PLEASE review and say what ya think!
****** Chapter Five-- And You Thought Hermione Was Going to Go Berserk!
And so, Harry, Hermione, Fred, George, Professor Sprout, Rubi, Tiger, Cinnamon, Zach, and Jordan appeared in front of a London theater. Their clothes were now "Muggle-fied," which left Harry, Fred, George, Zach, and Jordan with blue jeans and sweaters of various colors (Harry's was maroon, much to his dismay), and Hermione, Rubi, Tiger, and Cinnamon wearing different shades of plaid skirt, and white shirts under black vests. Professor Sprout was the only one who didn't change clothes. Many people in the street paused to stare at her for a while.
Harry, Fred, and George stared at the theatre marquee, which had two large cat eyes on it and 'Cats' written between them.
Hermione looked around at the street and drooled a bit on her vest.
Fred mopped it up. "Did we HAVE to bring her??"
Hermione thwacked him unintentionally as she started hopping up and down to the beat of 'When the Saints Come Marching In'.
George stepped off of the curb, mesmerized. "Harry... look at THAT!" He pointed at what seemed to be a giant white light hovering above the theatre. Everyone stared.
The light moved closer....
closer...
closer...
closer...
Until finally the narrator got sick of repeating herself and the light pinched Rubi on the nose.
"Ow!" she said. "That hurt, you moron!!"
"You gotta go back to your computer, dude," said the light. "Something major's happenin' 'cause you're not at the keyboard thinkin' stuff!"
At that precise moment, Cinnamon turned into a pile of sand. "Well, this sucks," she said as Hermione, not quite knowing what she was doing, got it into her head that now was the best time to build a sand castle. So, she did. Cinnamon would have glared, had she any eyes.
Rubi socked the light near where its stomach would be (had it been a human). "No WAY I'm going back! I came here to see a musical and I WILL see it, by Jim!!"
"Ahh... I'm thinkin' no." The light then proceeded to pick Rubi up by the waist and carry her away as Fawkes swooped down from the sky and ate Jordan. Meanwhile, Hermione stared blankly at the screaming Rubi and drooled all over Cinnamon the Sandbox. Fred tried mopping that up, but instead got sand all over his mop. Cinnamon yelped.
"Dangit; that was my best mop!" Said Fred. Everyone wept for the loss of Moppy, who was to be sent on its way via sewer. Hermione gave the last sendoff (for she had just recently acquired speech).
"Pleh ghooot gemtegh Pfffffffttt!" She said, drooling on Moppy one last time. She then reverted back into her previous vegetable-like state, and tried crossing the busy intersection to put Moppy in the storm drain.
"NO!" Everybody shouted and tried to stop Hermione, but it was too late. She was already halfway across and continuing on to the other side, her tongue hanging out.
"Wait, Hermione!!" Harry shouted. "You'll hurt your noggin, and noggin is a fun--"
"SHUT UP for the fourth time!"
And while all this was going on, Hermione stepped safely onto the opposite curb, without a scratch but leaving behind her a path of destruction, crashed cars, and rolling hubcaps. She carefully placed Moppy on the sidewalk, turned around, and waved happily to the others. "Flumduu!!"
Everyone let out a collective sigh of relief, gathered Cinnamon into a plastic bucket, and crossed the street to the theater.
The ticket taker looked at them curiously. "Do... you have tickets?"
Professor Sprout pushed herself to the front of the line. "Yes, we do!" She pushed the handful of tickets (sans Rubi, Cinnamon and Jordon's) into the woman's hand and dragged everybody into the theater before they could attract many more stares. Hermione paused for a second to pick up Moppy before heading inside.
Once inside, the group of seven (not counting Cinnamon, as she was in a bucket on Hermione's lap) found their seats in the front row and sat down. Zach looked up. "Look, Christmas lights!"
This drew everyone's attention to the ceiling, which was indeed covered in 'junk' and Christmas lights. "I wanna touch the lights!!" screamed Harry as he lost a few dozen more brain cells.
As Professor Sprout fixed a seatbelt to Harry's seat to prevent him from running to jump on the ceiling, George pulled a calculator from his pocket and began keeping track of how many brain cells Harry had. "Let's see... he had so many brain cells seven minutes ago..."
"And he just lost forty-eight," added Fred, who was trying to wrestle Moppy away from Hermione, who upset Cinnamon's bucket trying to hold on to the precious cleaning supply. Luckily, Zach caught her and put the bucket on his lap.
Harry bit George on his hand. "I WANNA TOUCH THE LIGHTIES!!"
George bit Harry on his arm. "NO!! I WANTED TO FIRST!!"
Everyone in the theater turned to stare at him.
But before things could get any worse, the show started. The house lights dimmed, and the Christmas lights began flashing as the overture started playing.
"I wann--mmph mph mmmmhh!!" Screamed Harry before Tiger kindly put a hand over his mouth. Professor Sprout produced a Gryffindor scarf from thin air, which was then tied tightly around Harry's face, allowing eye holes so he could actually see the show and a nose hole so he could breathe.
A person dressed like a cat ran out onstage. Everyone in the Hogwarts group glanced at Hermione worriedly, biting their lips. The girl continued to stare at the stage, tongue lolling out. Harry was now trying to rip off his scarf, to no avail.
And so the first act continued smoothly, until, right in the middle of the most dramatic number so far, Harry finally succeeded in freeing his mouth and screamed, "LIIIGGGGHHHHHTTTTTSSSSS!!!"
The house lights came up, and everyone within a 1-mile radius froze, mortified, staring at Harry, who was now standing on his chair. The rest of the Hogwarts group sank onto the floor, so as not to be associated with him.
One of the actors came to the front of the stage and pointed to Harry. "I can't work like this!! Who is responsible for him?"
Professor Sprout would have remained perfectly silent and let Harry be taken on his own if it weren't for the fact that Hermione raised the professor's hand for her. And so she was forced to stand up by the rest of the group, who, relieved that someone had now taken the blame, sat back down in their chairs.
The theater manager came onstage, looking furious. "YOU!!" He pointed at Sprout and Harry. "GET UP HERE!!" Everyone in the theater (except the Hogwarts group, who were now just as mortified as Professor Sprout) applauded.
Harry and Professor Sprout took their places on stage next to the manager. Harry ducked behind Sprout at the sight of all those people. She tried explaining to the manager-- "You see, the boy spontaneously loses and regains his brain cells, kind of like he's been sniffing a permanent marker all his life, so... He-he's one of our 'Special' students, if you know what I mean... All of those kids are a little-- er-- Why, Harry, here,... Wait. Harry?" She looked around. The boy who lived had disappeared! "Harry!?"
A shriek from one of the actresses answered her question. Harry had sneaked behind to one of the Cats and given her a great big hug. He was currently affixed to a white cat by the name of Victoria. She trudged up to Sprout and deposited the boy center stage, then stomped offstage muttering something like, "Dammit, now I'm gonna need counseling..."
Harry stood up. "I've always kind of wanted to hug a cat." Fred and George gave a loud whoop. The other actors onstage exchanged worried glances and edged away from Potter and the professor.
The manager stared cynically at Professor Sprout, whose feelings of pity for Harry had all vanished. "Will you please remove him from the theater?"
"Gladly." Professor Sprout positioned Harry carefully on the end of the stage, then gave him an amazing kick in the behind that sent him flying up, up, up to the ceiling and out of the theater, leaving a wizard-shaped hole in the roof of the building.
The manager shaded his eyes to get a better look. "Wow, I wish I could fly like that!"
"Wish granted!" And the professor punted him out of the same hole that Harry made. The whole theater applauded as Professor Sprout turned and walked down the steps to her seat, allowing the musical to resume.
******
A/N: So, what'd you think?? After a long hiatus, is this still funny?? *Crosses fingers* PLEASE review and say what ya think!