A/N: And so, after a long while, school has started again, and I have a
cold. I can't be sure as to what the inspiration for this chapter was, but
I was reading over the last few pages I'd written and came up with some
ideas I hadn't used and thought would be funny as heck. Maybe they're not,
'cause after you have to take Nyquil in the daytime EVERYTHING seems funny
as heck. But I sure hope they are! As always, please read-and-review!
Oh, and since I have neglected to put up a disclaimer so far: *Ahem* I do not own Harry Potter. I do not own Kleenex. I do not own Ny-quil. I do not own any Rubik's cubes that I know of. I also do not sponsor any of them, but you don't really care, do you? I do not own Cinnamon, Jordan, Tiger, Zach, or the pink gerbil that stole my teddy bear. I DO own this story. No plagiarizing, or I will be forced to sic Baby Bop and her Evil Blankie of DOOOOOOM© on you.
******
Chapter Six-- of Step-Dancing, Harry Potter's Trip Through the Field of Motivational Speaking, and Sibyll's Lifelong Dream
There would really be no use in writing about the events of the rest of the musical, because nothing else really happened. Hermione stayed in her seat, drooling into a strategically-placed empty popcorn bucket. Fred and George were reduced to tears by the final scene, and Professor Sprout had to conjure up boxes of Kleenex for both of them. Tiger and Zach were just sitting there, saying nothing, as they were prone to doing. Cinnamon... well, no one really knew what Cinnamon was thinking at the moment, for she was a pile of sand, incase you've forgotten. Moppy was... inanimate.
But this, sadly, was not to be, as it wouldn't make for a very interesting chapter. Just when the various cats onstage began to take their bows, the doors at the back of the theater burst open with a BANG!, to reveal Harry standing in the doorway with numerous cuts and bruises. He stared at everyone in the theater. They stared back.
This continued for a while until finally one of the actresses shrieked and ran offstage. This, of course, was Victoria. Many of the other cats followed her.
Professor Sprout led the rest of the Hogwarts group out of their seats and over to Harry, who smiled and waved obliviously at them. She looked positively furious. "HARRY JOSEPHINIANNE POTTER!!"
Harry flinched.
George looked confused. "I thought the 'J' stood for 'James?'"
Professor Sprout rolled her eyes at him. "That's what they WANT you to think. Trust me, it's Josephinianne." Turning back to Harry she said, "I drop-kicked you as far away as Glasgow! What is with you, child!?"
Harry looked somewhat sheepish for a second, staring at the floor. "Umm... Well, you see, Professor, I just wanted... to...to step-dance!" Harry cried, gesturing overemotionally to the now-empty stage.
A cricket chirped somewhere.
"... Come again?" said Fred.
"Step-dance!" said Harry, leaping onto the armrests of one chair dramatically, arms stretched out toward the stage. "I want to step-dance! Don't you see?" He added to the Hogwarts group, most of whom were now pretending not to know him. "We've been confined at Hogwarts, not allowed to step-dance for fear we might... um... do something! But now, my friends, now, we are in NEW YORK, NEW YORK!! The city of rude people in a hurry, and outrageous traffic and obscene gestures ...and... oh yeah-- and DREAMS!!"
Several New Yorkers in the audience glared at Harry, and one threw a bucket of popcorn at him. A few, however, applauded.
Harry chose to ignore this. "And there-- there is the stage! OUR stage... Perfect for step-dancing, and I say we take this opportunity and STEP-DANCE, by Jim!!" He turned and put a fist in the air. "People of Hogwarts-- People of the WORLD, ARE YOU WITH ME???"
No one moved.
"...Let's try this again- ARE YOU WITH ME!?!?"
Silence. Finally, Professor Sprout grabbed the boy by the collar and dragged him outside.
"NO!" Harry roared. "NO! HAVE YOU NOT LISTENED TO MY WELL-THOUGHT-OUT AND EMOTIONALLY STIRRING MOTIVATIONAL SPEECH?? HAVE YOU NOT HEARD A WORD I'VE SAID!? LET ME ONTO THAT STAGE; LET ME STEP-DANCE!!" He continued kicking, screaming, and making a general commotion until George did everyone a favor and gave him a piece of Hagrid's 'famous' toffee, which took a leaf out of superglue's book and cemented Harry's mouth shut.
"Thank you, George," said Professor Sprout gratefully as the rest of the students gathered outside. "Well, now that we know Hermione's cured, albeit at some expense to her mind, what shall we do?"
Hermione giggled and hugged Harry, who pushed her off and wiped the drool off his shoulder.
Tiger shrugged and said nothing, as she was sadly born without a personality.
Zach was about to set Cinnamon on the ground, but Fawkes dove down from the sky and ate her, bucket and all.
Everyone winced.
Hermione looked around and waved her right arm in the air spasmodically while humming the first line of 'Yankee Doodle'. She then twitched a little, and took off running through the streets.
"CRAP!" Professor Sprout shouted as Harry, Fred, George, and Zach took off after Hermione because they were presumably the fastest runners. Professor Sprout and Tiger looked at each other, shrugged, and sat down in the middle of the sidewalk to play a game of cards.
Half an hour later, they were still playing cards.
"Go fish."
Tiger stretched her hand out for the deck, but caught no fish, for just then the boys returned with Hermione in tow. They were also accompanied by what appeared to be a large glittering insect. The insect loomed over Professor Sprout, arms outstretched ominously.
Just then, Professor Sprout looked about her and screamed bloody murder. "AUUUUGGHHHH!! SOMEONE SQUASH IT!!" She then jumped up, pulled a copy of the fifth Harry Potter book (what a coincidence) from inside her robes, and proceeded to thwack the living daylights out of the insect with it.
Tiger stood up, and, to everyone's surprise, spoke. "Stop it! That's no insect; that's Professor Trelawney!!" She paused and looked at the book in Sprout's hand. "What're you hitting her with?"
Fred and George leaned in. "Looks like a book," said Fred.
George squinted at the binding "Let me see... it says 'H...Har...'-- HEY!!"
"Oh... er... it's nothing," said Professor Sprout as she smacked the twins away and hid the book in her pocket again.
Professor Trelawney stood up and glared at all of them. She was a great deal taller than Professor Sprout, and was draped with the usual number of shawls and beads (which was in fact 27.3). She looked down on Professor Sprout in an almost haughty way.
"Sibyll!" Sprout shouted. "What're you doing in New York City!?"
At this moment, the toffee in Harry's mouth melted, and he was free to talk again. "Hee hee-- Sprout shouts," said Harry with a giggle.
Everyone chose to ignore this, lest it become another bad running gag.
"I could-- and should-- ask YOU the same question." Professor Trelawney sniffed and straightened her oddly-magnifying glasses. "I came to audition for a Broadway musical. It's always been my dream to be on stage!" She clasped her hands and looked longingly at the theater marquee above them, much in the same way that Harry had stared at the stage a while ago.
"You should step-dance," Harry said very seriously.
"Shut up," said Professor Sprout, rubbing her noggin thoughtfully.
Harry giggled. "Hehe... Noggin's a fun word."
Surprisingly, no one addressed this.
"STOP IGNORING ME!!" Harry shouted.
They ignored him.
"What musical are you auditioning for, Professor?" asked Fred, who was busy tying Hermione's wrists and ankles together so she couldn't run away again.
"Chicago!" Professor Trelawney yelled happily, her eyes tearing up. "Either that, or Hairspray, or Cats." She gave a small sniff and wiped a tear off her face. "Actually, all three."
"What roles are you auditioning for?"
"Oh, well, in Chicago I want to be Velma. And Cats, I think, I'd be Bombalurina."
The others' faces twisted in horror at the mental pictures this statement shoved into their heads. Zach flat-out screamed and ran away as fast as possible. A slight fwoosh was heard as Fawkes reappeared and ate him, too.
"Are... are you SURE those are the roles you'd like to have?" asked Professor Sprout fearfully.
"Of course!" trilled Professor Trelawney. "Why, Velma has that song at the beginning-- AND ALL... THAT... JAAAAAZZZZ!!" she sang out, breaking the windows of many a car. Ignoring the moans of pain from those around her, she continued: "And--and in Cats, Bombalurina is so sexy, and people like her." She finished by nodding sagely. "And I think it's what my destiny has been all along!" She grabbed Professor Sprout by the shoulders. "Don't you see it,... er... don't you see it, Alberta!?"
"That's not my name."
"I don't care." Sibyll Trelawney looked around and picked up a random suitcase that was on the ground next to her. Everyone presumed it was hers. "Well... now I go to my future!" She started walking into the theater when Hermione took matters into her own hands and brained her with a Rubik's cube, instantaneously knocking her unconscious.
"Good show, Hermione!" said Fred, who had supplied the Rubik's cube but wasn't about to say anything.
"Well... now what do we do with her?" said Professor Sprout, gently taking the Rubik's cube from Hermione before she could do any more damage.
"I don't know... but we should tango," said Harry, holding up a boom box that appeared out of nowhere.
So they did, to the tango music that came blasting out of the boom box.
After that was over, Hermione took the rose out from between her teeth and ate it, as if to say, "Now that that's done, what should we do about the semi-lifeless body of Professor Trelawney we have here?"
"I have no clue," replied Fred.
"Fred," said Professor Sprout suddenly, unexpectedly, and out-of-the- blue, "I'm appointing you official temporary caretaker of Hermione. Your duties, of course, are to clean up after her, answer questions for her as soon as she figures out how to talk again, etcetera..." She handed him a shiny gold badge, which he happily pinned to his shirt. "Wherever she goes, you go-- with the exception of the ladies' room, of course. And," she added, glancing at Harry, "if we ever decide to spontaneously break into song-and-dance again, you'll be her partner."
Fred's face went from proud to terrified.
"Oh, no need to thank me," said Professor Sprout, grinning.
There was a long pause before Harry said, "We ought to dance to zydeko music." And, just like magic, zydeko music began playing from the magical mystical boom box.
So they stopped in the middle of the busy sidewalk, dropped everything, and danced. Again.
After that musical interlude, they all stopped and thought things for a while, until Professor Trelawney woke up, glanced at them, and decided to play solitaire. So she did. Just then, the new manager of the theater they were next to came out and addressed them. "HEY YOU BUMS!!" he yelled. The Hogwarts group jumped and stared at him.
"Yes?" Said Professor Sprout.
"I saw you guys tangoing a while ago, and was wondering... well, since half our cast of Cats is now emotionally scarred for life, maybe you should dance onstage to replace the show."
Harry looked as if all his dreams had come true that instant. "REALLY!?" he shouted.
"Yes, really," said the manager, ushering them inside. He stopped Professor Trelawney at the door. "Whoa-whoa-whoa. I didn't see YOU tangoing, ma'am. You'll have to leave."
"But--But-but--" She stuttered, finally falling to her knees in front of the theater melodramatically. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-*gasp*- OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
"Oh jeez, fine." And he let her in.
"Can we step-dance?" asked Harry. "And tango, and... and zydeko?" He motioned to the boom box.
"Eh, sure, why not?"
It was everyone else's turn. The entire Hogwarts group (save Harry) fell over melodramatically, arms stretched heavenward. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-*gasp*-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" They yelled, for they had better breath control than Professor Trelawney and could hold the scream for one 'O' longer, so there.
The manager facepalmed. "This is going to be a long week... I can smell it."
"Wasn't me."
******
A/N: And you, in your lovely intelligent heads, can decide who said that. Oh, by the way, I'm still taking suggestions and characters, so feel free to send some in if you want to. No more than three, as I already have ideas of my own. ^_^
Oh, and since I have neglected to put up a disclaimer so far: *Ahem* I do not own Harry Potter. I do not own Kleenex. I do not own Ny-quil. I do not own any Rubik's cubes that I know of. I also do not sponsor any of them, but you don't really care, do you? I do not own Cinnamon, Jordan, Tiger, Zach, or the pink gerbil that stole my teddy bear. I DO own this story. No plagiarizing, or I will be forced to sic Baby Bop and her Evil Blankie of DOOOOOOM© on you.
******
Chapter Six-- of Step-Dancing, Harry Potter's Trip Through the Field of Motivational Speaking, and Sibyll's Lifelong Dream
There would really be no use in writing about the events of the rest of the musical, because nothing else really happened. Hermione stayed in her seat, drooling into a strategically-placed empty popcorn bucket. Fred and George were reduced to tears by the final scene, and Professor Sprout had to conjure up boxes of Kleenex for both of them. Tiger and Zach were just sitting there, saying nothing, as they were prone to doing. Cinnamon... well, no one really knew what Cinnamon was thinking at the moment, for she was a pile of sand, incase you've forgotten. Moppy was... inanimate.
But this, sadly, was not to be, as it wouldn't make for a very interesting chapter. Just when the various cats onstage began to take their bows, the doors at the back of the theater burst open with a BANG!, to reveal Harry standing in the doorway with numerous cuts and bruises. He stared at everyone in the theater. They stared back.
This continued for a while until finally one of the actresses shrieked and ran offstage. This, of course, was Victoria. Many of the other cats followed her.
Professor Sprout led the rest of the Hogwarts group out of their seats and over to Harry, who smiled and waved obliviously at them. She looked positively furious. "HARRY JOSEPHINIANNE POTTER!!"
Harry flinched.
George looked confused. "I thought the 'J' stood for 'James?'"
Professor Sprout rolled her eyes at him. "That's what they WANT you to think. Trust me, it's Josephinianne." Turning back to Harry she said, "I drop-kicked you as far away as Glasgow! What is with you, child!?"
Harry looked somewhat sheepish for a second, staring at the floor. "Umm... Well, you see, Professor, I just wanted... to...to step-dance!" Harry cried, gesturing overemotionally to the now-empty stage.
A cricket chirped somewhere.
"... Come again?" said Fred.
"Step-dance!" said Harry, leaping onto the armrests of one chair dramatically, arms stretched out toward the stage. "I want to step-dance! Don't you see?" He added to the Hogwarts group, most of whom were now pretending not to know him. "We've been confined at Hogwarts, not allowed to step-dance for fear we might... um... do something! But now, my friends, now, we are in NEW YORK, NEW YORK!! The city of rude people in a hurry, and outrageous traffic and obscene gestures ...and... oh yeah-- and DREAMS!!"
Several New Yorkers in the audience glared at Harry, and one threw a bucket of popcorn at him. A few, however, applauded.
Harry chose to ignore this. "And there-- there is the stage! OUR stage... Perfect for step-dancing, and I say we take this opportunity and STEP-DANCE, by Jim!!" He turned and put a fist in the air. "People of Hogwarts-- People of the WORLD, ARE YOU WITH ME???"
No one moved.
"...Let's try this again- ARE YOU WITH ME!?!?"
Silence. Finally, Professor Sprout grabbed the boy by the collar and dragged him outside.
"NO!" Harry roared. "NO! HAVE YOU NOT LISTENED TO MY WELL-THOUGHT-OUT AND EMOTIONALLY STIRRING MOTIVATIONAL SPEECH?? HAVE YOU NOT HEARD A WORD I'VE SAID!? LET ME ONTO THAT STAGE; LET ME STEP-DANCE!!" He continued kicking, screaming, and making a general commotion until George did everyone a favor and gave him a piece of Hagrid's 'famous' toffee, which took a leaf out of superglue's book and cemented Harry's mouth shut.
"Thank you, George," said Professor Sprout gratefully as the rest of the students gathered outside. "Well, now that we know Hermione's cured, albeit at some expense to her mind, what shall we do?"
Hermione giggled and hugged Harry, who pushed her off and wiped the drool off his shoulder.
Tiger shrugged and said nothing, as she was sadly born without a personality.
Zach was about to set Cinnamon on the ground, but Fawkes dove down from the sky and ate her, bucket and all.
Everyone winced.
Hermione looked around and waved her right arm in the air spasmodically while humming the first line of 'Yankee Doodle'. She then twitched a little, and took off running through the streets.
"CRAP!" Professor Sprout shouted as Harry, Fred, George, and Zach took off after Hermione because they were presumably the fastest runners. Professor Sprout and Tiger looked at each other, shrugged, and sat down in the middle of the sidewalk to play a game of cards.
Half an hour later, they were still playing cards.
"Go fish."
Tiger stretched her hand out for the deck, but caught no fish, for just then the boys returned with Hermione in tow. They were also accompanied by what appeared to be a large glittering insect. The insect loomed over Professor Sprout, arms outstretched ominously.
Just then, Professor Sprout looked about her and screamed bloody murder. "AUUUUGGHHHH!! SOMEONE SQUASH IT!!" She then jumped up, pulled a copy of the fifth Harry Potter book (what a coincidence) from inside her robes, and proceeded to thwack the living daylights out of the insect with it.
Tiger stood up, and, to everyone's surprise, spoke. "Stop it! That's no insect; that's Professor Trelawney!!" She paused and looked at the book in Sprout's hand. "What're you hitting her with?"
Fred and George leaned in. "Looks like a book," said Fred.
George squinted at the binding "Let me see... it says 'H...Har...'-- HEY!!"
"Oh... er... it's nothing," said Professor Sprout as she smacked the twins away and hid the book in her pocket again.
Professor Trelawney stood up and glared at all of them. She was a great deal taller than Professor Sprout, and was draped with the usual number of shawls and beads (which was in fact 27.3). She looked down on Professor Sprout in an almost haughty way.
"Sibyll!" Sprout shouted. "What're you doing in New York City!?"
At this moment, the toffee in Harry's mouth melted, and he was free to talk again. "Hee hee-- Sprout shouts," said Harry with a giggle.
Everyone chose to ignore this, lest it become another bad running gag.
"I could-- and should-- ask YOU the same question." Professor Trelawney sniffed and straightened her oddly-magnifying glasses. "I came to audition for a Broadway musical. It's always been my dream to be on stage!" She clasped her hands and looked longingly at the theater marquee above them, much in the same way that Harry had stared at the stage a while ago.
"You should step-dance," Harry said very seriously.
"Shut up," said Professor Sprout, rubbing her noggin thoughtfully.
Harry giggled. "Hehe... Noggin's a fun word."
Surprisingly, no one addressed this.
"STOP IGNORING ME!!" Harry shouted.
They ignored him.
"What musical are you auditioning for, Professor?" asked Fred, who was busy tying Hermione's wrists and ankles together so she couldn't run away again.
"Chicago!" Professor Trelawney yelled happily, her eyes tearing up. "Either that, or Hairspray, or Cats." She gave a small sniff and wiped a tear off her face. "Actually, all three."
"What roles are you auditioning for?"
"Oh, well, in Chicago I want to be Velma. And Cats, I think, I'd be Bombalurina."
The others' faces twisted in horror at the mental pictures this statement shoved into their heads. Zach flat-out screamed and ran away as fast as possible. A slight fwoosh was heard as Fawkes reappeared and ate him, too.
"Are... are you SURE those are the roles you'd like to have?" asked Professor Sprout fearfully.
"Of course!" trilled Professor Trelawney. "Why, Velma has that song at the beginning-- AND ALL... THAT... JAAAAAZZZZ!!" she sang out, breaking the windows of many a car. Ignoring the moans of pain from those around her, she continued: "And--and in Cats, Bombalurina is so sexy, and people like her." She finished by nodding sagely. "And I think it's what my destiny has been all along!" She grabbed Professor Sprout by the shoulders. "Don't you see it,... er... don't you see it, Alberta!?"
"That's not my name."
"I don't care." Sibyll Trelawney looked around and picked up a random suitcase that was on the ground next to her. Everyone presumed it was hers. "Well... now I go to my future!" She started walking into the theater when Hermione took matters into her own hands and brained her with a Rubik's cube, instantaneously knocking her unconscious.
"Good show, Hermione!" said Fred, who had supplied the Rubik's cube but wasn't about to say anything.
"Well... now what do we do with her?" said Professor Sprout, gently taking the Rubik's cube from Hermione before she could do any more damage.
"I don't know... but we should tango," said Harry, holding up a boom box that appeared out of nowhere.
So they did, to the tango music that came blasting out of the boom box.
After that was over, Hermione took the rose out from between her teeth and ate it, as if to say, "Now that that's done, what should we do about the semi-lifeless body of Professor Trelawney we have here?"
"I have no clue," replied Fred.
"Fred," said Professor Sprout suddenly, unexpectedly, and out-of-the- blue, "I'm appointing you official temporary caretaker of Hermione. Your duties, of course, are to clean up after her, answer questions for her as soon as she figures out how to talk again, etcetera..." She handed him a shiny gold badge, which he happily pinned to his shirt. "Wherever she goes, you go-- with the exception of the ladies' room, of course. And," she added, glancing at Harry, "if we ever decide to spontaneously break into song-and-dance again, you'll be her partner."
Fred's face went from proud to terrified.
"Oh, no need to thank me," said Professor Sprout, grinning.
There was a long pause before Harry said, "We ought to dance to zydeko music." And, just like magic, zydeko music began playing from the magical mystical boom box.
So they stopped in the middle of the busy sidewalk, dropped everything, and danced. Again.
After that musical interlude, they all stopped and thought things for a while, until Professor Trelawney woke up, glanced at them, and decided to play solitaire. So she did. Just then, the new manager of the theater they were next to came out and addressed them. "HEY YOU BUMS!!" he yelled. The Hogwarts group jumped and stared at him.
"Yes?" Said Professor Sprout.
"I saw you guys tangoing a while ago, and was wondering... well, since half our cast of Cats is now emotionally scarred for life, maybe you should dance onstage to replace the show."
Harry looked as if all his dreams had come true that instant. "REALLY!?" he shouted.
"Yes, really," said the manager, ushering them inside. He stopped Professor Trelawney at the door. "Whoa-whoa-whoa. I didn't see YOU tangoing, ma'am. You'll have to leave."
"But--But-but--" She stuttered, finally falling to her knees in front of the theater melodramatically. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-*gasp*- OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
"Oh jeez, fine." And he let her in.
"Can we step-dance?" asked Harry. "And tango, and... and zydeko?" He motioned to the boom box.
"Eh, sure, why not?"
It was everyone else's turn. The entire Hogwarts group (save Harry) fell over melodramatically, arms stretched heavenward. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-*gasp*-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" They yelled, for they had better breath control than Professor Trelawney and could hold the scream for one 'O' longer, so there.
The manager facepalmed. "This is going to be a long week... I can smell it."
"Wasn't me."
******
A/N: And you, in your lovely intelligent heads, can decide who said that. Oh, by the way, I'm still taking suggestions and characters, so feel free to send some in if you want to. No more than three, as I already have ideas of my own. ^_^