SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1Disclaimer: I own nothing, I wish I did. Please buy it for me! *_* I'll pay you back!!! I promise!
A/n: this is a long one folks, hope you like Seifers mind because we're taking a little trip inside, I'm not going to go over their state of minds a lot but every once in a while a chapter will go inside their heads so deal, and things get a little complicated for our poor Quistis. Thanks for the reviews Quistis 88 and just so you know I review without sighing on, I never sign on that's why you can't tell I reviewed your stories. I remember you asked about that once. Or I was hallucinating again...oh well, crabboy is it? Good name. You like crabs do ya? Will thanks for the advice. On with the fic. P.s I decided that Seifer was going to do the narrative, he got really mean about it. I had to.
Ch. Wind visits.
I watched you look at me when we were stuck together. Your eyes cloudy and deep full of the husk that I've never known you for. Now you're always there, even in the nightmares, and I won't want you to leave me. Being ever haunted, you're the last string of my sanity, I seemed transfixed as I thought this. As I rolled to the side, it must've of been late...or early.
The futon was comfortable and it molded to my frame. I rose from hell to be mauled by the demons' gates' dogs. Them and all their barks of cruelty settle in my head and invade. This house is beautiful, I'm grateful to you for that. If you had left then I would have never gotten this house. Quistis, what do you think of me? That I'm too low for you? That I'm a waste, or just convenient. I have to stop this, I thought.
The light in the hall caught my attention and I stopped thinking of her, she was bothering my thoughts more and more now. The bedrooms were empty so I slept out front on the futon. I grew custom to the work and the chores. It wasn't easy at first and its been hard work. I don't think I'm concerned about money but about myself.
I feel different, empty, lost, but what did I lose?. I want to end it but I can't, I don't think that the way I want to finish this pain is the way it will go away. I think about her all the time. Hyne, why? I don't need this extra weight on my already dead soul. I'm so like squall now, its not very appealing. Damn it! This isn't right! I don't resemble squall, mind-wise or any-other wise!
I was lost in thought that night, with the moon out bright, and the stars, they shined above my windowsill. She never cared, I thought. I thought a lot that night, I could see the shadows play a game with the waves. I saw the birds perched on the trees outside. The windows, they let me see the world, they're so big. I don't understand, I'm no good? I thought I was better than nothing was. I suppose I could have been wrong. Maybe I was, and she left because of this. I have to stop thinking so much, I told myself.
The night was clear, the clouds were nowhere in sight, the stars shined brighter than any sunlight I'd ever seen. Still laid out on the futon I ran my fingers over my stomach as I thought, they found their way to the scars. I figured it was because the scars were more interesting to feel than just regular skin, but it's the thoughts that arise when the fingers pass over the scars, everything comes back to me.
It all passes through me like a train, the memories, they present themselves unkindly, trying to make me repent till it'll be the death of me. I don't want to spend my life going over ever single thing I ever did just to repent. I'd go crazy. Its not that she's a distraction, but she becomes a part of everything I do. She's in the back of my mind as I sleep and wake. Everything I think seems to turn towards her, damn hyne-forsaken woman!
After hell, I found heaven and it greeted me with Hyne's love, now my hell was back and I miss her. I'm hungry for her, like a drug I need to get away from this hell, if I ever saw her again and the situation presented itself, I'd take her where she stood.
Fuck the world! Give me my heaven and I can die happy. I was thinking so weirdly, I don't know where these thoughts started, I didn't like them, I never welcomed them. But I did when I welcomed her, didn't I?
"Hahaahahahahahhah...when did I become so . . .?"
"Shit.." I whispered. I didn't know what I was thinking, why I thought the way I did.
I'm so, changed, Quistis did this? How did she do this? . . . . . . damn fucking emotions, I wish they would go away! Fuck! Ripping the sheets from my body I sat up, felt the sweat beads slide down. My hands covered my face, I didn't cry but I had to rub my face from these thoughts. My pants were damp from the sweat on my legs, my elbows on my knees as I hunched down and tried not to think about what was plaguing me more than the past for the first time. I've had a lot of firsts since Quistis came into me and then disappeared like a dream. Sighing I stood, removed the leather pants and set them down on the chair by the futon. Here I was sweating like mad and it was a breezy night, that's what I didn't get, I was sweating not from heat but from pain, emotions, I needed to get the emotions out, it had to be ridded somehow. So the sweat poured, is this how people felt when they cried?
My bare feet slapped softly against the wooden floors as I walked to the kitchen. From the almost empty frig, I grabbed a beer and went to sit by the fireplace; I rested my head on the coffee table as I looked at the black pit of the fireplace. Quistis, you messed with my mind. This isn't normal I told myself, as I drank from the beer. The cold breeze covered my body; my chest felt the caresses, my legs held in place by the sweet warm breeze of the summer as I drank my beer. The season was comforting me I realized, its winds held me close and though exposed I felt as though in a blanket of warmth.
The cold night lit the room with the gray blue of the skies above the roof. The skies sent hands of sea breathes towards me, it covered my back, supported my chest, and let me feel some peace, let me rest. I didn't sleep but I felt calm, the sea sang to me, the morning breeze slowly replaced the night one and coated my body. My fingertips felt the sweeping zephyrs get tangled in my palm and slip through like wine from a glass.
The waves crashed and the birds rose now and I stood from my spot on the floor. Bare and chilled, I walked to the window and looked out, the hair was removed from my face by a gust of wind, I looked at the sea, its green blue depths reminded me of her. The night of pain has ended but now a day waits.
I always found peace with the wind; Fuijin after all controlled it very well. I haven't thought of her and Raijin in a long time. Fuijin. She loved me, I couldn't give her what she wanted, she knew the truth. Fuijin, she manipulated the wind, it used to hold me also. It was beautiful but noting like the trip to heaven.
I backed away and shook my head, I need to get over this, all I think about are the good parts. She left you there, you almost committed suicide, don't call it a heaven call it hell, she left you and a hell far worse than the one of past has settled upon you, I recited, I didn't believe a word but it wasn't false either. The words were just statements that made sense but were not good enough as consolation for my pain.
Getting dressed I wondered about her, and where she was now. She was probably happy and not thinking anything about me. I don't need this crap, I don't need to feel this, this is it. I won't think of you, with that thought I left to the docks. The little hut by the docks was my office, it was nice and quiet, and boats came and went with shipments for the towns around here.
Walking past the first set of rental boats, I thought on how life was better this way. I couldn't pretend that I was okay yet, but soon I would be and Quistis would be just another name.
No real emotions would stir from it, no thoughts resurface when its said, soon I thought
"Soon. ... ."
Quistis sighed as she sat down; the gang looked at her sympathetically. She had just finished briefing Cid and Squall on the entire mission, all four months of the boring and dull details that would put her to sleep like a baby. She saw them too, squall's head would nod off and cid would've to nudge him. They would rotate because both would fall asleep. She would even have to cough when they both nodded off at the same time.
Now here she was, tray in front of her and her head in her arms as she used it for a pillow. The briefing had been at five in the morning, she'd not been happy. Zell looked at her and the food, eyes wide and shifting rapidly. Quistis paid no attention. Rinoa and Selphie patted her and looked on to see squall enter the cafeteria, skip the food and go straight to the table.
"Quistis, your report was tedious." he said sitting next to his princess. Lifting her head she passed Zell the tray before he fainted from a hotdog heart attack as she told him.
"No one told you to ask me for it."
"Hey Quistis how was the mission." Rinoa asked after draping herself on squalls shoulders, Quistis looked at her weird.
"Don't start it Rin," he warned.
"Terrible, and it was pointless because Mother Nature screwed me over." in more ways than one,
she added mentally to herself. Selphie picked a fry and munched as she sat on Irvine, he held her with a arm around her waist as he talked to Zell.
"Zell, stop talking your-......" suddenly Zell started to jump and wail his arms frantically as he stood up. Irvine in the background, laughing, and Squall sighed.
"Choke" Quistis finished as Amy came delivering a hard backslap and the hotdog bit came flying onto the table. Irvine was doubled over and Selphie was stuck inside of his coat somewhere whining about space, Rinoa covered her mouth while she giggled, squall looked......like if this had happened too many times.
"Ewww!"
"That's gross Zell!"
"Tha...thanks Amy, baby, you saved my life!" he told her loudly, Amy blushed and sat down, they had been going out for a while. More often than not does she have to slap his back to keep him from choking to death.
A week and three days since the bar in Bass bay, she thought absent-mindedly; as she pretended to hear Rinoa tell Selphie about something that she had gotten from the store the other day. Looks like I will be able to put it behind me after all, thank hyne. She tuned in as Rinoa asked her what she thought of the pattern, Selphie told her that it was perfect, so she agreed.
Her room lighted with a peach-like lightness and she felt at home, she tugged off her boots, stripped off her vest, and walked into her bathroom. The water encompassed her being as she stood there washing her tense muscles away, the water slid and curved out her body, falling it traced her body, her sweat it was washed away. The outline drawn out with the water as it reached the drain was of her. The soapsuds slid down with the water leaving only clean pale skin, the freckles on her back, the scars of battle and time, all clearer than before.
The whip was a hard weapon to wield expertly as she did, the scars, they are never going to completely disappear. She knew this, she didn't care. She loved her save the queen and wouldn't trade her whip for any other weapon in the world. A slender hand twisted the water off, while the other got a towel. The small bathroom all fogged, the white towel wrapped around her slim but still equip figure. She dressed and walked to the cafeteria and fell into the quietness of the halls with ease.
The cafeteria was empty except for the lunch women in the kitchen, quietly she went to the stand and got some tea, and snatched a peach from a basket and left to her room. The lunch women saw her and they smiled to themselves, Quistis was always one of the few residents that snuck in on occasion and grabbed some food. As she walked carefully back to her room, she saw faculty, sliding into a shadow she waited till the past and casually continued walking back to her dorm as if it were two in the afternoon and not nine thirty.
Squall sat down with his coffee in his office, he had been called up at midnight to be briefed on a situation that Cid had told him was of importance, Edea had called him, she was very upset and was very unsettled. Sighing he drank the hot liquid and let its contents reach his stomach.
"Squall, you can come in now." cid informed him as his head popped out of his office. Squall got up and walked in. Edea stood to the left of Cids' desk and briskly walked up to squall when he entered. Squall returned the hug and sat down as she backed away to cid again.
"What's going on?" he asked them with his eyes as he watched them. Edea spoke up understanding his stare.
"I feel that a dark presence is nearing", squall wanted to give her the look one would give a child for bothering the adults, Edea smiled and continued.
"This is serious, we are talking about alterations."
"Alterations?" he asked unsure, for the first time that night speaking. His voice dry still and he had to clear it from the lack of use that night.
"Yes, human alterations, things that can't be changed, something's have already been compromised with; I can see it in the stars. It's been rosed on, hidden from site, I can't track any changes. In fact it was luck I tripped upon the falling star that revealed the message of danger to come." Edea revealed, and squall thought she was being too mystic for his tastes. Sighing he shook his head.
"We'll be cautious but there's not much we can do." he told them, Edea got the feeling that this wasn't being taken seriously enough.
"Squall this could change lives, as in who is alive and who exists and who doesn't." Edea added worriedly. Frowning he hunched down to think.
"But we don't know what it is or who will attack us. What am I supposed to do?" he told them.
"Be open and pay attention to things, I feel this is still far from now but when it does happen I need you to be ready, that's why a record this conversation is being made because we'll need it later."
"Wait this isn't going to happen now? Then why tell me now?" he asked confused, recordings? He thought inwardly.
"Because this has a hidden agenda, and we might forget what happens. This is all very vague and the way that the message was displayed was as if signaling a start of events."
"Like a trigger? Starting things off....." he thought aloud. Might forget? He asked himself.
"We can forget? What? Like it will erase our memories?" he asked right after his initial statement.
"Exactly, I fear all we can do is wait. I'm afraid that it will be forgotten about. In fact, I want everyone recording what he or she has done this week and for the past month today. I want it on the record, it could be useful later. Every single seed that went on a mission in the past few months interviewed and asked to give a brief and give a detailed summary of what happened on the mission. Have it done today. It's connected, something is connected. It's going to affect us all, only I don't know on what level." She finished. The silence cut as Cid got up and walked around to his window.
"This is garden, this is just too big to interview. I can't ask everyone to give in a interview."
"Not everyone, just everyone connected to us."
"Us?" squall asked.
"Basically, the first seeds of garden, the first and earliest still resident students that joined garden,
I need the earliest dates only. Only the first year, I just need the first year students, second year as many as we can fit. And make sure to interview Zell, Selphie, Quistis, Irvine, Rinoa and yourselves as well." she told them, her voice strict like a mothers giving out chores. After the meeting, Cid let squall go take a few hours to sleep and to report at ten. Squall shrugged and walked out. His thoughts disappeared as he landed on his bed; he awkwardly threw the covers on him and was out in seconds.
"Any chance you're mistaken?" asked squall before she boarded the Ragnorok that afternoon.
"There's more chances of this been false than it being real, that's what scares me. I saw it and I wasn't meant to, and it's full of misleading information for everyone. However, it was a miracle to see and to think that someone would go to the trouble to hide something no one could track anyway would be a waste. It was connected with so many different signs and planets that I thought it could apply to just about the entire world."
"Then why us? Why would you start with us? You're powerful."
"The astronomy behind it squalls. It leads me to you."
"Me? Or garden in general?"
"In a way it led to both, but promise to be careful, if anything happened to my children I wouldn't know what to do. I've already lost one." squall was then hugged by a very over emotionally matron that could give bears a money for their run.
"Please relay the message to everyone else I have to go visit someone." she told him. She boarded the plane and stared out the window. The first is dead, but then why would the star go straight to him......Seifer was the first to go, ironically it was the first sign that happened to be crossed by the star, what now? She thought.
The month seemed as though they would last forever. Squall slid over to Rinoa after the seventh hundredth interview. Her eyes were drooping and she was leaning on him tiredly, he sighed into her hair and released her.
"Lets take a break, you have to be tired." he told her, she smiled and left the room. Squall looked around for someone who wouldn't have to lie.
"Raise your hand if you can tell us exactly what you did all this half year that's important without having to lie." squall sighed and tried again.
"Who can tell me what they have done this past half year without lyig or changing your story." a few stepped forward and a few more.
"Okay get the camera ready, we need only those who can tell the complete truth because this has to go fast." they nodded; the room crowded and cramped with people everywhere.
The second floor deck was even flooded. Since everyone decided, it would be best to hold the tapings in the second floor for space and convenient use of equipment in the classroom, the second and first floors had students waiting for the interview call. It had taken them a week to organize and find the proper records and where now just getting through the list of students... Quistis had spent her first weeks back at garden organizing things with Xu, now it was Zell, Selphie and Irvine's turn to video record and separate the tapes accordingly, it was painstakingly hard to do with all the students and conditions but they were finally managing.
Quistis hummed as she read the book in her hand, she was so tired of all that paperwork that if she saw anymore student number ids she would rip them off and throw them away. Rinoa grabbed water and some snacks and sat down beside her, Quistis looked up at her and then at the large sums of sugary filled junk food in front of her friend, she lifted a eyebrow in question.
"I haven't eaten all day and they have me wasting energy...sugar is energy." was all she gave
Before she dug in, the chips being the first thing she started to eat. Rinoa usually ate normal amounts of that junk but when she working with magic she liked to feast, Quistis thought distractedly for a bit.
"So how's that going?" Quistis asked, referring to the sorceress' power.
"You wouldn't believe how many people lie about everything!." she said tiredly. Quistis chuckled at that, but it died down when she remembered what she had done at Bass bay.
She suddenly thought of something.
"Rinoa, do we have to do this too?" she asked, in side she was beginning to be given a break but no in the end, she was doomed.
"Of course." Rinoa looked oddly at her friend, seeing her dejected look..
"Why?" Quistis' head snapped up and she thought of a quick lie.
"If I have to explain that death-to-hyne boring mission one more time I might just die." she told the raven haired girl next to her, receiving a laugh she relaxed and settled comfortably back into reading as Rinoa ate. In the back of her mind, Quistis was frightened at the thought of reveling what had accidentally occurred. A month or so and now this happens, she thought as she gripped the book.
"I'm going to go to my room Rinoa, good luck," she told her friend getting up, Rinoa smiled and waved as she left. Quistis she never has anything to hide, at least I don't have to worry about my friends, she thought as she remembered some of the things that people left off their reports.
Quistis closed her door and leaned against it, what am I supposed to do? She thought of every possible reaction and none were positive except for maybe Irvine's. Wait! We will probably be done last. In addition, there are one too many students to handle right now; I have time I just can't panic.
She supposed she could say that she had already briefed them on the mission, and that it would be a waste of tape, and to let her tell them everything she's been up to, before, and after, the mission. Shaking her head, she wondered why this had to happen to her? Again why she didn't fell dishonored that she did this and lied; It was the strangest thing, the refusal to rebuke herself for her actions. Her behavior was not that of a soldier and she didn't consider her mission and she failed the mission but still, she felt she got the better half of the deal. This concerned her, this was scaring her, to think she didn't care about something so important, instead thought sleeping around with someone she couldn't put a face to, that was important? Since when? She thought distressed, since when was this okay? Since when is Quistis Trepe the type to such things, thing is she isn't. She doesn't sleep around she never slept around so when was is right?. Everything in her mind told her it wasn't, everything else told her it was.
next chapter: . . .. . .. .
Quistis is found out and some one tells her that she should.......
What? Leave!!!!?
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