Disclaimer: I don't own the Matrix! If I would, I wouldn't spend my time writing this…
In fact, I would be in bed and let me get massaged from One while Two would feed me grapes, hehehe….;-)
**
„There you are, you're late! Where have you been?" Trinity scolded as the Twins finally returned to the mansion in the late morning.
Two opened his mouth for a sharp reply.
"Nah, I don't really want to know! Get over there to the other men and get dressed! The wedding starts in about three hours, so hurry up!" she said and pushed them both towards one of the many rooms. One looked confused at his twin. Everywhere people ran around like mad chickens, carrying flowers or other useless stuff and spreading hectic.
Two reached out and managed to grab Trinity's sleeve before she could vanish in the crowd.
"Where's Felice?"
Trinity huffed.
"She's upstairs and tries to calm Sandra down. The poor girl is hysteric and that's totally your fault!"
"Our fault?? That's not true!" One protested.
Trinity glared at him.
"Oh yes it is! She thinks now….never mind, you wouldn't understand anyway! And now….GET DRESSED!!!" she stormed away.
One looked at Two and shrugged. Women!
Then someone behind them cleared his throat. The Twins turned around and looked at one of the many chamber maids. This one seemed about forty years and was very sturdy. She carried a large paper box.
"You are the brothers Jumeaux? Here are your clothes." She handed them the box.
"Clothes?" One asked puzzled. There outfit surely was predestined for a wedding, after all they had worn it at their own wedding!
"We don't need any other clothes, thank you very much!" Two said and shoved the box back into her chubby hands.
The maid's expression grew stern.
"Excuse me sirs, but I've been ordered to take care that you get these clothes!" she punched the box into One's stomach, causing him to bend over and gasp for air.
Two and the maid now engaged into a staring contest while One tried to regain his dignity.
Two took a deep breath.
"We…don't….need…any…clothes…thank…you!" he hissed, grabbed the box out of his twin's hands and shoved it into the maid's arms.
Now the maid's bonnet started to tremble violently.
"But…I…was…ordered…to…give…it…to…you!" she hissed back and shoved the box now into Two's stomach, causing him to double over in lack of oxygen. Gods, that woman had strength in her arms!
"We…don't…want…them!"
"That…doesn't…matter! The…mistress…ordered…me!"
The box was thrown back and forth.
A small crowd gathered around them.
"NO!"
"YES!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
Finally Two sighed and threw his arms up in the air.
"WHY???"
The maid grinned triumphantly.
"Because it is a folkloric wedding!!" with that she threw the box to the Twin's feet and left.
One looked at a very disturbed Two.
"Oh shit!"
**
"I'm feeling special!" Trinity beamed as she put on one of the bridesmaid's dresses.
"Oh stop it, will you?" Felice said in a bad mood.
Out of sympathy for her soon to be cousin-in-law Sandra had decided to fire her original bridesmaids Julia, Maria and Anita and to replace them with Felice, Trinity and Niobe.
The bride herself had locked herself in her bathroom and refused to leave it since the early morning.
"I'm looking like a balloon!" Niobe complained as she forced her body into the dirndl that was tailored for Anita's size.
Felice sighed and eyed her reflection in the mirror.
The dirndls they were wearing were made out of red linen. They had a white apron around the waist, a white petticoat and a low neckline with a bodice to lace. But the most terrible thing of all, Felice thought, were the short bulging sleeves. A short telepathic knock told her that the Twins had returned. She shut the connection down again. She had already enough problems to solve at the moment, first off all to get the bride out of the bathroom, then to examine with her husbands now.
While Trinity spinned in front of the mirror and Niobe grumbled something about anorectic chicks, Felice kneeled down in front of the bathroom door and knocked lightly.
"Go away!" Sandra sniffed.
"You know Sweetie; you have to come out of there sometime!" The bathroom had no window.
"I don't want to!"
Felice peeked through the keyhole. Sandra sat on the edge of the bathing tub and wept into a Kleenex.
"Please open the door, it's only us!" Trinity said and joined Felice on the carpet.
"I don't want to marry if all husbands are like this!" it came out of the bathroom.
"Get out of the way!" Niobe suddenly murmured and pushed them away from the door. She held a picklock in her hand.
Felice and Trinity got up and Niobe managed to open the door within seconds.
"Where did you learn that??" Trinity wanted to know.
Niobe grinned smugly.
"Morpheus sometimes tries to do the same…" she said cryptically and went back to put her stockings on.
Trinity and Felice then dragged a yelping and protesting Sandra out of her self made prison and seated her in front of the dresser.
"How much time is left?" Trinity asked worried.
Sandra's face was all red and puffy.
"Only one hour!" Niobe informed them. Felice grabbed her cosmetic kit and started applying make up on Sandra's face.
They spend a few minutes in silence, Sandra sniffing occasionally and Niobe cursing about the dress and the fact that she couldn't see her feet anymore.
"How can you stand it?" Sandra suddenly asked and looked at Felice.
"Huh?"
"I mean, how can you live with them, day by day, if they treat you like this?"
"They aren't always like this!" Trinity interrupted as she saw Felices face darken dangerously.
"Ha!" it came out of Niobes direction. Trinity shot her a warning look.
"I mean, isn't that what marriage is about? To spend the rest of your life with someone who adores you and fulfils your every wish? To know that your mate wouldn't never ever do something that would hurt you? Perfect harmony- "Sandra said but was interrupted.
"Ahem, I think we all got your point!" Trinity said hastily and shot her best friend a worried look.
Felice looked as if she was about to start snivelling too.
"Oh girl, get your head out of the clouds!" Niobe snapped.
"It's not all sunshine and happiness! There are bad times too. Times, when you just want to kick your beloved right to the moon and back! But that's only natural. And Felice has married very….rushed. They didn't know each other very well then. But I know that they love her dearly. There's really no reason to upset Felice just because you have last-minute panic!"
Felice and Trinity just gaped at Niobe. Sandra blushed deep red under her make-up and took Felices hand.
"I'm sorry!" she whispered.
Felice nodded and squeezed her hand.
"There's only one thing I want to know…" Sandra said as she put on her wedding dress.
Felice, Trinity and Niobe rolled her eyes.
"What?"
"Why did you marry both of them?"
"Ehhhhhmmmmm…." Felice started and looked help seeking at Trinity.
"That's tradition in their home land!" Trinity improvised.
"Tradition?" Sandra asked unbelievingly.
"Yeah…..if you fall in love with a man…..you…have to marry his twin too!" Niobe lied.
Felice leaned her head against the door frame and sighed.
Sandra stared in space for a good while.
"And where do they come from?" she finally asked.
Felice groaned.
"Oh, from far, far away. Really far away!"
**
Two looked at his really pissed off twin as he opened the box of Pandora in one of the men's rooms.
He scanned its contents and sighed. Then he grabbed the bundle on top and flung it at his brother who caught it with ease.
"We have to be traditional, wear this! (*)" he said to him and grabbed the second bundle.
With a suffering sigh both Twins entered their toilet cabins and started changing into their "wedding guest's clothes".
And once again they stood in front of a mirror and cursed quietly.
"I knew it was a bad idea to visit her family!" Two grumbled.
"Will she ever forgive us?" One asked sadly.
Just before Two could answer to that, they heard strange noises coming out of the rest room next door.
The Twins opened the door a hand's breadth and peeked through the opening.
And immediately wished they hadn't.
Right in the middle of the rest room Neo and Morpheus, already in their "wedding outfit" danced and sang some strange German sounding melody.
Neo:
"Hoch auf dem gelben Wagen, sitz ich beim Schwager vorn
Vorwärts die Rosse traben, lustig schmettert das Horn!
Morpheus:
„Felder und Wiesen und Auen,
Leuchtendes Ährengold."
Both:
„Ich möchte ja so gerne noch schauen,
aber der Wagen, der Waaaaaagen, der rollt!! Jodeldudeldijöööö!!"
Midst singing they had started clapping their hands on their tights and soles, jumping and spinning.
The Twins jaws dropped.
Literally.
Two finally opened the door and stepped in, followed from One, who preferred to stay behind his twin, just out of security measures, of course.
"What the hell are you doing there??" Two demanded to know.
Neo and Morpheus stopped dancing and yodelling and looked at the Twins.
And started laughing.
"Didn't I tell you? I knew there would come a day when we see them looking completely idiotic!!" Neo smirked.
"Albinos in lederhosen! Muahahahha!"
One chuckled evilly and smoothed his suspenders.
"You're not looking any better! And what did you do there?"
"That? Oh that was just a dance and a song that one of Felices cousins taught us yesterday, as you decided to screw up your marriage!" Neo snickered.
Two sighed.
"I really liked him better as he still believed to be a pen pusher!"
One nodded.
"Oh yes, at least then we would now have a better life insurance then before!"
"With that special "assassin-bonus" he mentioned!"
"Aaargghhh!" Neo suddenly screamed and cowered down on the ground, making small whining noises and shielding his head with his arms.
The Twins gaped.
"You said it!" Morpheus accused Two with a glare that almost matched Niobes "trade-mark death stare".
Two sulked.
"What did I do now?" he asked.
"You said the evil word!"
"The evil word? What? Did you mean "pen pusher"?"
"Aaaarrrrgggg!!!"
"Don't say it, don't say it!" Morpheus scolded and knelt down beside his friend who started shaking and twitching.
And drooling.
Two snickered evilly.
"Did you see this, dear brother? It seems the Chosen One does not like the word "pen pusher"!!"
"Arrggghjlpkölllll"
"Really? He does not like the word "pen pusher"? What happens if I say…..PENPUSHER?" One grinned and shouted the "evil word".
"Nniaaaaargkkkkk"
Two laid a hand on his brother's arm.
"Please dear brother, do not mention that "evil word"! It does torment the high and almighty Chosen One if you say that evil word!" Two said gently.
"What word?" One asked innocently.
"PENPUSHER" Two shouted happily.
"THAT´S ENOUGH NOW!" Morpheus shouted.
"Get your sorry little asses out of here and leave us alone!!"
One looked playfully at Two.
"Should we, dear brother?"
Two removed some imaginary dust grains from his linen shirt.
"Only if he promises to help us with something!"
"I won't let me get blackmailed!" Morpheus protested.
Two raised his eyebrows.
"Are you sure? Just imagine, something happens in the church…say during the wedding ceremony?" he asked kindly.
"You wouldn't dare…." Morpheus grumbled.
"PENPUSHER" One shouted merciless.
"Aaarghh!" whined Neo and started giggling madly.
"Alright, alright….what do you want?" Morpheus asked defeated.
"You are going to give us a crash course in how to be a proper husband. We fear we are going to need that, after we…screwed up last evening!"
**
Ohoh, Morpheus teaching the Twins?
Can anything good come out of that?
(*) Thanks to Dylan for that inspiration ;-)
The song is a traditional German song and that boring and meaningless that you don't want me to translate it, do you?